


Fragility

by LexisRage



Category: Bleach
Genre: Blood, D/s, Dominant Hollow Ichigo, Emotional Instability, Eventual Suicide Attempts, Extreme Pain, Graphic Description, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mostly torture, No Actual Character Death, No one believes the truth, Painful Sex, Paranoia, People are blind, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Horror, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, S/M, Schizophrenia like symptoms, Some BDSM, Uke Uryuu, Violence, Yaoi, prompted fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-21 20:36:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 40
Words: 107,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1563215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexisRage/pseuds/LexisRage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even sane people can become crazy, given the right circumstances. Uryuu is about to learn this fact quickly; what happens when no one believes his pain and trauma is real, leaving Uryuu to deal with the aftermath of a struggle he was never destined to win? Hollow Ichigo finally gains enough control over Ichigo's body to project himself to the front. The only side effect is Ichigo himself doesn't remember anything his Hollow Side does, and wakes up none the wiser when it's all over, leaving Hollow Ichigo free to torment and torture helpless Uryuu as long as he doesn't break the boy beyond repair. Uryuu is told to keep his peace in the beginning, but after so much, how can he go on? He attempts to warn people of what's happening, but with no way to prove what he says is true, his friends begin to wonder if the loss of his Quincy powers has driven him insane. Uryuu is forced to seek refuge in some very unlikely places, and from those whom he would have never turned to before. Pain drives a person to what they wouldn't otherwise think of. Uryuu is about to learn this firsthand, but will he be able to deal with living afterward?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Night It All Began

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Night At The Library](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/48137) by BeMused. 



> A/N: This fic goes out to BeMused, who wrote a Bleach fic, ‘Night at the Library’ on Fanfiction.net. It was a great read, and it gave me the idea for this series. The idea belongs to BeMused, but I wanted to expand on it. For any copyright reasons, I have changed the first chapter, making it my own, with the same underlying idea, but to anyone who wants to know where this fic came from, I suggest you go and read Night at the Library first!

Time never slows, and time never halts. The world will continue, even when one or a million of us die. We may try to make a difference, but in the end, we are nothing. Time will continue, where we will not. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Everything was quiet; the birds, the small mammals, even the insects refused to interrupt the stillness of the night under the full moon. Uryuu, dressed in his usual tee-shirt and slacks made sure to keep his steps as quiet as the air around him, trying to prolong the peace that surrounded him. Lost in his own world of thoughts, he tried not to wince too heavily as he moved, the pain in his body from his training placing strain on his muscles. He hurt everywhere, and still he didn’t know whether he was closer to regaining his Quincy powers or not.  
Switching the grocery bag from his right hand to his left, he glanced down at his cut and bruised hand. It hadn’t been that long since they returned from the Soul Society, but the burning shame of not having his Quincy powers weighed on Uryuu heavily. He was useless.

Swish.

Uryu paused mid-step, wondering if his ears had deceived him. After a few seconds, Uryuu’s steps resumed, the sound brushed off as the night finally coming to life around him. He rounded a corner, a playground to his right, and to his left across the street, a slight matting of trees that couldn’t quite be called woods, but was dense enough to possibly get lost in. The street lamp above him flickered for a moment before shorting out with a loud burst, startling Uryuu into almost dropping the shopping bag. His gaze shot upward to what used to be the light that illuminated this road before shivering slightly as a cool breeze picked up and stroked his hair back from his face. Like fingers.

Uryuu whipped around at the sudden sensation only to find darkness behind him, and another ‘swish’ sound coming from above him. He barely had time to react as a large form impacted his body, slamming him to the ground, the shopping back tearing from his grasp and spilling its contents out onto the abandoned road. Uryuu’s head snapped back, hitting painfully against the pavement and causing his glasses to fly upwards, off his nose as a crushing weight fixed itself on top of him. He felt his wrists being encircled by large, heated hands, seconds before they were yanked painfully above his head, causing his back to arch into the body that lay atop him. His chest constricted and he attempted to choke out some kind of response, even as his blurry gaze finally focused enough to catch colors.

He couldn’t see very well without his glasses, but that shock of orange hair was all the same. No one Uryuu knew had orange hair but Ichigo, and the thought caused Uryuu’s panic to be forgotten, replaced by rage at being caught unaware by the substitute soul reaper. Forcing his lips upward into a snarl, he barked breathlessly at his supposed comrade,

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Get Off me, Ichigo!” 

Uryuu began struggling, trying to somehow overpower the boy from a useless position when he first heard it: that quiet, otherworldly chuckle that he’d heard before; the one that belonged to Ichigo’s Hollow form. Uryuu’s mind spiraled, trying to give some logical reason for this happening, but could find nothing but panic and fear muddling his thoughts as he stared up at the blur of orange. The voice, as chilling as it had always been, began.

“Scream. Struggle. Hide, if you must. But my fun has just begun, because no one can save you now.”

Uryuu felt a shiver wrack through his already sore body even as he felt his wrists released; he wasted no time in slamming his palms into the pavement to try to pull him out from under the Hollow Ichigo, only to find hands at his trousers pulling them down effortlessly as Uryuu unintentionally pulled himself away from his lower half’s coverage. He stifled a gasp as the cold night air gusted through parts usually covered, but knew he couldn’t waste too much time to shock. Reaching up to adjust his glasses so he could see to run, it startled him to find the Hollow so close to him again; there was no mask on his face this time, just the shock of orange hair that he and Ichigo shared, and the creepiest mix of black and yellow eyes Uryuu had ever seen.

Uryuu’s heartbeat slammed into his throat as he flipped himself over and scrambled to his knees, only to have the wind knocked out of him as he was pounced on again from behind, a sickening hardness grinding into his bare ass cheeks as the Hollow chuckled again. Hands were clawing none too gently at Uryuu’s shirt, scraping against bare skin and creating red streaks in their wake. Uryuu muffled a whimper as he tried to flip again, to gain some leverage over his attacker, to no avail. If only his Quincy powers would activate, he thought desperately, wondering if he was going to die tonight.

But the Hollow seemed to have more plans for him, and as soon as Uryuu was lifted from the ground, his shirt pulling off with a painful crack of Uryuu’s shoulder, he found himself picked up by the Hollow by his shoulder and thigh, the grip excruciating enough to make him believe they would start bruising soon, and he was thrown toward the tree line. Unable to stop his fall, Uryuu could only try to flip in the air, giving his back to the tree branches that snapped under and raked at his naked flesh, cursing and groaning in pain as he landed on a mat of dried pine needles. Despite his body’s want to seize up and get used to the new pain before continuing, he forced himself to roll over, slicing open his back, his sides, and his palms and knees as he tried to scramble upwards, to his feet.

He cursed again as he felt a pine needle digging in between his toes, piercing the flesh and trying to embed itself within his body, but he couldn’t reach down and take it out without wasting precious time; he ran. The woods were dark, with barely any light filtering through, and no matter which way Uryuu turned, there were branches everywhere, reaching out malevolently to tear up his face, tangle in his hair, and scratch and poke and pierce the flesh of his entire naked body. Tears were stinging his eyes by the time he heard it again:

Swish.

Uryuu yelped when the Hollow appeared before him, along with the cracking of several branches. He tried to stop his full out run, but ended up slamming into the Hollow himself, crying out as a hand found his throat and shoved him backwards, into the trunk of a tree. Uryuu’s hands immediately came up, clutching and clawing at the immovable force threatening to cut off his air supply, choked and gargled sounds reluctantly bubbling up from his lips even as that same, bone chilling chuckle resounded around him again. Lips were pressed dangerously close to Uryuu’s ear as he heard the Hollow whisper,

“Playtime’s over.”

Within a few seconds, Uryuu found himself hoisted by his throat, and thrown away from the tree to land on his front this time, thankfully away from most of the pine needles, though a few still made their way into his skin from the impact. He scrambled, trying to lift himself to his knees while coughing up whatever had closed his throat in fear, but the Hollow beat him to it. Something hard, rough, and impossibly large struck him in the side, causing him to fly off, rolling in the dirt and grass and pine needles, his sore and wounded skin stinging with every bit of dirt that seeped into it. His side hurt horribly, and for a second he entertained the thought he might have a cracked rib or two before the shock of the situation caught up to him again.

Whatever had hit him had just come down over his hands, arms and chest, pinning his elbows in a bent position, his hands next to his head while his arms were held tight to his body. Uryuu fearfully glanced down at the object that felt like it was crushing his chest and snapping his arms, to find that a tree had been placed on him. An uprooted tree; Uryuu’s panic flew higher as he struggled harder, tears spilling from his eyes as he tried and failed to move the huge weight off him, only succeeding in scraping his arms and torso further against the bark. There was silence around him, and hopelessly, Uryuu prayed that Ichigo had regained control, that he had reigned in the monster who was about to kill him, but was met finally with soft footsteps and that quiet, heart stopping chuckle.

“You know. Pale skin and blood really mix well; turns me on quite a lot. I might have to save you for seconds or thirds.”

The taunt caused Uryuu’s body to shake violently; he couldn’t mean what that implied… could he? The moment he felt hands on his ankles, he reacted suddenly, savagely swinging his legs out in frantic arcs, trying to get something to connect against his attacker, but the sudden grip that shoved his legs against the tree and raised his hips was almost as painful as the tree sitting on his chest. Uryuu yelped, trying to fight despite the pain as he looked up, trying to see what was happening now that he was completely vulnerable. The only thing he could see above the tree was that shock of orange hair.

Ichigo.

Something large and obtrusive suddenly slammed into his backside without warning, without preparation, and Uryuu could no longer hold back the careening wail that filled the woods, birds being startled from their resting places in the trees and taking flight, to do what Uryuu couldn’t, and escape.

No, not Ichigo. Hollow.

The Hollow began an excruciating rhythm, making Uryuu gasp for air in between each one, fighting to stop himself from passing out at the pain that sparked through his entire form. He was on fire from the inside out, no parts of his body untouched by the menacing taint of the Hollow’s playtime. Uryuu was scared, panicked, and distraught in ways he never imagined he would experience, but with every thrust Ichi- the Hollow made, with every struggle that only proved to hurt him more, he wondered why Ichigo wasn’t resisting the Hollow.

Uryuu felt another quick succession of brutal thrusts, and a soft hum begin from the Hollow, momentarily throwing off his thoughts before they began again from the start. Why wasn’t Ichigo helping him? Why didn’t Ichigo resist? Uryuu looked up again, his glasses having all but fallen off his face again in the harsh encounter, and all he could see was that shock of orange hair. Ichigo’s hair.

The hum of noise from his attacker floated upwards in pitch, becoming a heavily breathed moan. Uryuu threw his head back against the ground, with nothing to see but Ichigo’s hair, trying to shut his eyes as hard as possible until he could see stars exploding in his vision. Everything in his body hurt and there was nothing he could do about it. The sob worked its way past his lips unconsciously as the quick, violent thrusts burned themselves into his body.

"Ichii-gooo…!”

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Uryuu’s eyes slowly opened, blinking multiple times against the harsh light of the streetlamp overhead. His vision was blurred, his glasses just barely touching the pads of his fingers. He was laying on the sidewalk, his hand outstretched toward the shopping bag that had spilled from his hand when he fell. When did he fall? Uryuu’s head pounded, and fighting back a headache he struggled to get to his knees, wincing at the pain that blossomed all around him. Almost like a flash what happened came surging back to him, bringing a frantic cry from his lips. Despite the pain, his hands flew to his chest and sides, patting for the injuries he’d sustained, only to find not only were his clothes back on, but he didn’t seem to have any of the scrapes or bruises he was sure he would have from the fight.

Panicked, Uryuu attempted to reason that it was an awkward nightmare he must have had; that he had tripped and knocked himself unconscious for half an hour at most. Regardless of the pain in his muscles and the too-real vivid images floating through his mind, he managed to calm himself with that thought. Only a dream. It was only a terrible, terrible dream. A sigh of relief and exhaustion slipped past his lips as he gathered the items on the ground up, attempting to make due with what was left of the torn bag before he stood. The moment he stood, however, an excruciating pain throbbed its way through his left foot. With a yelp, Uryuu hopped to the side, setting down the bag and taking off his shoe and sock, horrified to realize his big toe and the one next to it were swelled up and almost purple, and in between the two toes lay a pine needle, imbedded in his swelling flesh.

Tears spilled over his eyes as he yanked the pine needle out, barely biting back a howl of pain from the motion. So it actually had happened then… Ichigo had raped him. Uryuu shook his head almost as soon as the thought made itself known to his brain; it wasn’t Ichigo, it couldn’t have been. It was all that Hollow who managed to look just like Ichigo, leaving nothing but an orange shock of hair burned into Uryuu’s mind along with the pain and shame of what he’d experienced.

Sobbing quietly to himself, Uryuu tried to make his way back home without incident, sticking to the more well lit areas. It was only when he arrived home that he realized whatever had been done to him had either been healed or reversed; either way, there was little to no trace of what had been done to him that night.

Nothing but the horrific pain in his muscles, the piercing of the pine needle between his toes, and the burned images in his mind. 

Uryuu didn’t sleep that night.


	2. No Place is Safe Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming home is supposed to be your comfort time; relaxation, a chance to get your troubles off your mind. No more.

Pain. Pain was everywhere, licking at his flesh like flames bent on devouring him body and soul. Uryuu screamed, struggling to escape the blinding agony that only deepened with every movement. Was he going to die? His heart pounded erratically against his chest as he cried out for someone, anyone to help him, right before the pain exploded around him, and he was no more.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Uryuu shot up in bed, his breath hitched and a cold sweat dripping from his hair and forehead, glistening on his neck and shoulders. His room was cool, almost chilly with the night air that ruffled his curtains through the open window, but his flesh was overheated and his sheets soaked through with his sweat. He felt dizzy, lightheaded from the nightmare that had plagued him over the weekend. Every night, it was the same damn dream. Hurriedly, he flung off the covers and glanced at his bare foot, wrapped in gauze around his toes where the pine needle had gone into his skin. He shuddered carefully, trying to wipe the vestiges of the dream from his mind as his hands came to hold his head, resting them lightly in his palms for a moment. Just a moment, and then he would try to get back to sleep-

Uryuu’s spine went ridged as his muscles reacted automatically, flinching himself away from his nightstand where his alarm clock had begun blaring its wakeup call. He had one hour before he had to leave for school; Uryuu forced himself to laugh at his situation. How stupid did you have to be to want to attack an alarm clock? With a shuddering sigh, Uryuu gave his face another, more forceful rub before leaning over to turn off the alarm. He kicked off what was left of his sheet and stepped into the bathroom, wincing with the weight put on his left foot. He wouldn’t let it get to him, he decided with resolve, his lips twisting into a grimace. It was a one-time thing, and no one has to know about his momentary weakness, to a soul reaper no less.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Uryuu’s day went fairly quickly, and he managed to keep the painful images and thoughts out of his head by concentrating on the day’s studies. It was almost a refreshing turn of events by around the end of the day. He would go home, take a shower, and pour himself into his studies; that was the remedy for this disaster. But the day wouldn’t let Uryuu go that easily, it seemed. Just as the school day ended, Uryuu stood lightly, packing his books into his bag and getting ready to head toward the door when he heard a footstep behind him. It was quiet, but not in a sneaky way, so when Uryuu turned to face whomever was behind him, he didn’t expect the shock of orange hair to fill his entire vision, darkening the entire room and reminding him of branches crashing against his skin, of being held down by the weight of an uprooted tree while he…

Uryuu swung with his backpack, lucky the force of the swing kept his books inside instead of flinging them out toward unsuspecting students even as Ichigo ducked, barely missing having his head collided with. Ichigo’s eyes were wide, and for a single second, all Uryuu felt was fear, waiting for the orange hair to spring at him and force him into the ground again. He managed to reign in the emotion however, somehow translating the fear to anger instead; better anger than anything weak, after all.

“What the hell?! Don’t sneak up on me like that, Ichigo!”

Ichigo stood, his hand coming toward the cheek that would have been smacked if he hadn’t ducked, as if he felt phantom pain, though his gaze was only confused as he watched Uryuu.

“I wasn’t sneaking.” Came his simple reply, which only seemed to infuriate Uryuu.

“Then… Don’t just walk up behind me without any warning, dipshit!”

“Hey!” 

Ichigo’s outraged look fueled Uryuu’s own anger, and for a moment they stood glaring at each other before Ichigo finally sighed, then laughed a little, causing confusion to color Uryuu’s face.

“Look, I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang with me and Chad today. We planned to head down toward the river and practice for a while. Wanna come?”

There was the winning, Ichigo smile; like everything in the world was perfect, like nothing could ever hurt him, like he could never do any wrong, like that night had never-

Uryuu caught himself, sharply turning away without even zipping up his bag; he held onto his anger like it was a lifeline, clutching it tightly as he dismissively said over his shoulder,

“I’m busy.”

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

With every step away from the school, Uryuu had to devote half his attention to not walking with a limp; his foot had begun to hurt again after his run in with Ichigo, and there was no explanation for it. He wished sorely for it to go away, but it didn’t seem to want to listen to his commands. The other half of his focus was on his encounter with the orange haired male. He had seemed… normal. Or at least as normal as standards went with Ichigo. The problem was, he didn’t even act like last night had happened; like he had no idea anything was even done to him. Uryuu shook his head, trying to calm his swirling thoughts. Of course he wouldn’t have any idea. It was Hollow Ichigo, not Ichigo himself. It had to be.

A flash of last night sparked itself through his brain, of the light above him flickering into nothingness and the quiet and menacing ‘swish’ sounds that preceded his attacker’s presence. Uryuu felt a shiver jolt down his spine as he quickly looked upward; it was still light enough that the street lamps weren’t even on, the early evening sun shining on him as a beacon, a light that could never go out. While the thought made Uryuu feel slightly safer, he still felt the rhythm of his feet speed up, as he walked quickly home. 

Before the sun set fully, Uryuu called out to his father, relaying his usual message of, “I’m home!” which was met with the equally usual response of silence. Uryuu had long gotten used to the pattern of uncaring from his father, especially once his powers had been lost. He was nothing. Nobody of concern at all. A grimace worked its way onto Uryuu’s lips as he walked into his room, closing the door and setting his book bag down on the floor beside the night stand, only to realize its zipper was still open from earlier today. Giving a small sigh, Uryuu reached down and zipped it up if only for completion’s sake before leaning his head against the door and sighing, closing his eyes.

It was hard to wipe the images from that night from his mind, but all he needed was a nice, warm shower to relax the thoughts away. Uryuu sat like that for a moment until a soft breeze tickled the back of his neck, the quiet shifting of his curtains bringing him out of his state. That’s right, he’d forgotten to close the window before he’d gone to school today. Standing up and turning around, Uryuu forced himself to go and close the window before stopping dead in his tracks.

Dread pooled in the pit of his stomach, and he backed up what few steps he’d taken, his back pressing sharply against the door.

There, in the windowsill, sat Hollow Ichigo, that smug smirk playing over his pale lips as he watched Uryuu unblinkingly. Uryuu’s hand shot out toward his book bag, grabbing for the strap as if he were going to use it like he had tried with Ichigo and brain the Hollow over the head with it, but the Hollow’s voice stopped him from so much as moving an inch.  
“Now, now. Try not to make such a commotion; you wouldn’t want daddy dearest to learn his ‘Quincy’ son was being overpowered by a Soul Reaper, would he?”

Soul Reaper? But Ichigo was the Soul Reaper, and this was just his Hollow, not Ichigo. Not Ichigo, not… Uryuu squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the whirling of his brain when he felt a touch on his face; startled, he gasped and his eyes flew upward to find his vision filled with orange hair even as a powerful hand snaked its way over his mouth, breaking off any protest Uryuu might have thought to utter. His entire body seized up, remembering the horrible pain from before as his breath came quicker. For a moment, Uryuu thought he might become lightheaded from hyperventilating, but he knew he had to get a grip on himself. He was a Quincy dammit, powers or not!

Uryuu leaned into the hand, his jaw snapping open and shut in a single second, giving him a satisfied feeling as he heard the Hollow’s sharp intake of breath. Uryuu felt the hand being tugged away from his mouth, but he made sure to hold on tightly, even bringing his hands up to the arm and gripping them as securely as he could, increasing the pressure of his jaw, trying to rip open skin. The Hollow cursed viciously, and Uryuu found himself lifted off the ground, only for pain to explode through his right temple, his jaw involuntarily letting up on the hand as he yelped in pain. His body slammed onto the ground next to his bed post, which had cracked and splintered from the force he’d hit it with.

Uryuu struggled to get up against the swimming sensation that bogged down his mind; his vision blurred for a few moments, and that was all the Hollow needed to return to him, lifting him off the floor and giving him several hard shakes, creating pain that blossomed in Uryuu’s neck as it was whipped lifelessly back and forth.

“You don’t bite the hand that can kill you. Daddy dearest ever teach ya that?” the orange hair spoke to him menacingly, but Uryuu was only half listening.

He needed to find a weapon. Some kind of … his eyes fell to the bedpost that had splintered, all but laying on its side, held together by a single sliver of wood. Without thinking, Uryuu reached out his hand in the midst of another bout of shaking and gripped the post, sending it with all his strength into the face of the Hollow, sharp side first. He was dropped unceremoniously on the ground as the Hollow hissed and sputtered curses, his hands flying to his face.

Uryuu could waste no time; he had to get out of the room. Find somewhere safe. Only problem was, his body didn’t want to move; biting back a whimper at the pain of new and recent injuries, Uryuu forced himself into a crawl toward he door, leaving the sounds of the Hollow far behind him, where it sounded like he was never really there at all.

Uryuu was at the door now, his hand stretched outward for the knob; he had made it, he was free.

The wind was knocked out of him with a solid kick to his side, and as he crashed into his night stand, he felt his alarm clock jump off the table and spring down to hit him in the head, seconds before his vision went dark.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Uryuu slowly came out of his groggy state, trying to stretch off the nightmare to find his body twisted in a horribly painful position, his limbs unable to obey his commands. His eyes snapped open, his breath hitching fearfully as he pulled at his bonds; he was tied with his shirt around his left wrist and ankle and his pants around his right wrist and ankle, each to the corresponding posts of his bed, or what was left of one, anyway. It left his naked body open to the peering, looming eyes of the Hollow, making Uryuu whimper and try to shrink away as his head hit the base board. He couldn’t move his head back, and was forced to either look at the Hollow, or down at himself, exposed and vulnerable.

He saw the Hollow open his own pants, freeing his hardened member from their confines as Uryuu shuddered, closing his eyes tightly, willing the nightmare to go away when he heard loud thumping at his door, startling him. His eyes flew back to the Hollow, who’s lips had turned upward into a smirk as one hand’s finger lifted to his lips, the Hollow’s head shaking gently. It was the other hand’s finger, however, that shoved itself roughly into Uryuu’s hole without warning that made his entire body seize up, twitching and trying to scramble away even as he heard his father’s voice, irritated and booming,

“Uryuu? What’s going on, I heard loud noises.”

Trying to concentrate, Uryuu’s eyes pricked with tears as he forced himself to look at the door; it wasn’t even locked. All his father had to do was turn the knob and he would see him in such a shameful state. He wouldn’t even be worthless to his father anymore, he would be worse than that; worse than scum. Worse than dead. Uryuu was about to answer his father when a second finger entered him more roughly than the first, causing him to hiss in pain before he tried again, attempting to take all the strain out of his voice, 

“N-Nothing. I dropped my glasses a-” his body went into a spasm for a second from the pain, but he caught himself a few seconds later, grounding out, “and hit my dresser t-trying to get them.”

A third finger was added, and Uryuu accidentally let a squeak of horror filled agony slip past his lips before he bit down, hard, trying to stifle any noise. For a moment, his father said nothing, and as shameful as it would have been, he hoped with all his heart his father wouldn’t believe him; would barge in and save him from this… this monster about to rape him all over again. Tears spilled over his eyes however, when his father’s agitated voice floated through his mind.

“Whatever. Just stop making such a racket; unlike you, I have things to concentrate on.”

That was that. Just like that, Uryuu’s father was gone, leaving him at the complete mercy of the Hollow whose fingers were curled painfully against his prostate, three large fingers stretching the hole that had never been used until a few nights ago. The Hollow chuckled quietly, leaning forward to brush Uryuu’s ear with his lips, whispering,

“Good boy. At least you have sense enough not to involve anyone in this. After all, no one’s going to come to your rescue. Think of how they’d feel if you told them you were getting fucked on a daily basis by a Soul Reaper?”

He said it again; Soul Reaper. But he wasn’t a Soul Reaper, Ichigo was. The only thing they had in common was their orange hair. That was the only thing. The only thing. Uryuu repeated it to himself, closing his eyes to try and shut out the words the Hollow whispered to him, but a few jabbing thrusts of the fingers in his ass brought him painfully back to attention, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.

“They’d think you lost it, Quincy boy. No, you don’t want anyone to find out about how you can’t even defend yourself from lil’ ol’ me.”

Uryuu hated to admit it, and almost refused to admit it, but the Hollow was right. He couldn’t tell anyone. Not if he wanted to stave off those horrid looks of pity and disgust. He yelped again, biting his lip harder and managing to draw a bit of blood this time as the fingers began pumping into him with a rhythm that was hard to get used to, especially without any kind of lubrication, though with the pain that tore through his body with each movement, hopefully it would be easier to bare soon. Uryuu was almost to his breaking point, about to let out a sob despite his fear of his father finding out, when he heard the Hollow chuckle again, and the chilling words whispered, 

“Especially since you get hard from this kind of shit.”

Uryuu’s eyes shot open, glancing down at himself in horrified fear, only to realize that once again, the Hollow was right. Somehow while he had been grappling with his thoughts, his own member had hardened despite the painful probing of the Hollow’s fingers. This time, the sob wracked through Uryuu’s entire body and he tried to twist his head away, only to be met with the same resistance from the base board as before. Very close to hyperventilating again, Uryuu slammed his eyes shut, trying to block out the images, but was met with an extremely painful burning as the Hollow hooked his fingernails into Uryuu’s rectum and pulled out, tearing along the lining of his inner walls.

Uryuu’s scream would have been louder if a pair of boxers hadn’t been shoved into his mouth the moment his jaw opened. Muffled as it was, his entire body tried to jerk away, its movement heavily limited by the nature of his bonds. Helpless; he was perfectly helpless to this damn monster. Orange blurred in his vision as he once more heard the voice hiss to him, a pure demand that bespoke of consequences worse than what he’d just experienced,

“Watch.”

Uryuu’s eyes snapped fully open, afraid to even blink at the Hollow, his vision shaking severely as the Hollow’s hands ran almost tenderly over his stomach, down toward his member, quickly deflating from the sudden agony he’d been put in. But then those fingers trailed down to his hole again, and the Hollow glanced up to make sure Uryuu was watching before four fingers were shoved in all at once. Another spasm of Uryuu’s body and he was screaming, muffled in the boxers as he scrambled to get away from the Hollow, trying to stop the stinging, burning, ripping pain. But those fingers kept thrusting into him as he felt the under curve of his ass slapped, a new and just as horrible sensation leaping to the front of his overloaded nerves.

“I said Watch.” Came the hiss again, startling Uryuu into returning his gaze down to where his body was once more growing.

It can’t be right, he thought frantically. It’s just a trick. This is all a trick…! He’d masturbated before, and he knew the feelings of arousal, and this certainly was not it! There was no reason for him to be getting hard, and yet the faster the Hollow moved his fingers… Uryuu was startled when he felt it; the first signs that he was getting close to an orgasm. His breathing became quicker and shallower, his eyes wider as he watched his dick swell without ever having anything touch it. He kept repeating to himself, ‘It’s a trick, It’s a trick, It’s a trick’, but that didn’t stop it.

The Hollow seemed to catch onto Uryuu’s distress, finally pulling out the four fingers coated in blood, and gripping his own shaft, using Uryuu’s own blood to slicken himself. Uryuu whimpered, from the pain, from the torment, from the loss- NO. His eyes closed again, his head shaking as he tried to snap the thoughts from his mind only to be met with a sickening slap to his face, twisting his neck at a painful angle before it snapped back into the only spot it could go. Uryuu’s eyes opened again, focusing down his body, waiting with dread as the Hollow wasted no time in thrusting his hardened member straight into Uryuu’s bloody ass.

Uryuu screamed again, his head trying to slam itself backward, away from the excruciating, intrusive feelings, only to have his ass smacked hard enough to leave a bruise again. Uryuu couldn’t escape from the feelings as shameful and degrading as they were, for with every passing second he could feel himself coming closer and closer to that moment of orgasm. How could he even think of orgasming when this monster was the cause of it? Uryuu couldn’t escape, and he couldn’t do the thing much harm, but he wouldn’t let it have the satisfaction of making him cum, he thought grimly, trying to focus on the pain rather than the pleasure of the large object repeatedly striking obsessively at his prostate.

It was hard to do while watching the Hollow’s cock disappear inside him every second, he could hear the feral groans coming from the male above him, signaling that he too, was getting close. The rhythm became harder, more insistent, and Uryuu had to clench his hands tight enough that his fingernails bit through his skin and drew blood to keep his body from turning on him. Somehow though, somehow, he managed his goal. He felt the body above him shudder heavily, pushing deeply into him one last time and resting his head upon Uryuu’s shoulder for a few seconds before he lifted himself up, glancing between the two.

When Hollow’s eyes met his, Uryuu knew he had angered it. He was supposed to cum, and he hadn’t. With the Hollow’s dick still sheathed inside him, Uryuu gasped and screamed again when his member was taken roughly by one of the Hollow’s hands; he started pumping at a hard, too quick pace that hurt as much as it brought Uryuu back to the edge. His limbs tensed as they struggled, his head pounding itself back into the base board of the bed, uncaring of the headache he was giving himself as he tried to focus on something, anything but what was coming. He didn’t want it, didn’t need it, didn’t want it, didn’t need it…

Seconds before Uryuu erupted, he felt a crushing blow against his dick that was the Hollow slapping him, hard enough to bring further pained tears to his eyes. He lay there, panting, so damn close to the edge it was sinful to not slip over now, but it was too late. Hollow withdrew from him, standing above him as he righted Ichigo’s clothing and gave Uryuu a scathing look, hissing vehemently, 

“I should leave you exactly like this; let your father or your friends find you used like a good whore.”

The words made Uryuu flinch as his eyes shut firmly, trying to block out the intense hatred in Hollow’s eyes before he jumped from the gentle touch of fingers to his cheek, startling him out of his thoughts as that same shock of orange hair filled his vision. It was only then that the voice began to sound even more like Ichigo than normal; spine chillingly so.

“But that would ruin the little deal we’ve got going. So hold still, and I’ll get you right out of there, okay?”

Uryuu didn’t bother to struggle this time; exhaustion had settled into his bones, barely numbing the everlasting pain that crept up his bones and filled his muscles with a heated ache that would take several days to get rid of. He sniffed as his arms came undone, and curled onto the floor as his legs came loose, his spine cracking and popping from being out of place for so long. His arms tiredly wrapped around themselves as he shivered from the feeling of wet, sticky liquid oozing out of his body, down his thighs and onto the floor, and also from the heavy chill in the air from the open window, the curtains billowing inward from the force of the breeze. Uryuu didn’t get up to close the window, and he didn’t realize when exactly Hollow left. 

Uryuu didn’t sleep that night, either.


	3. The Library Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Studying has become Uryuu's way of dealing with the monster that constantly lurks in the shadows. But even that escape is going to be taken from him, now.

Uryuu shifted uncomfortably in the icy cold shower. His entire body was overheated and hurt terribly, and no matter how hard he scrubbed at his skin, he couldn’t get the slimy feel of the Hollow’s hands and semen off his flesh. He was shameful, disgusting, and he had to get all traces of last night off of him before he could even think of going to school. Grimacing, Uryuu soaped up his thighs for the seventh time, only to let out a strangled moan as his hardness returned with a vengeance. Even under the spray of cold water, it refused to go down, his stomach tightening into a knot of need even as his soapy hand slowly trailed its way towards his member.

It couldn’t hurt, could it? Men do it all the time; it’s not like it matters. Tears pricked again at Uryuu’s eyes as he forced himself to grip his dick, starting in slow strokes, whimpering at the small amount of pain even that gave him. Pain that came from the Hollow’s strokes last night.

Suddenly Uryuu was back against the bed, bound and gagged as Hollow’s hand groped him way too hard and stroked him way too fast, bringing him painfully close to his orgasm as he chanted in his head, I don’t want it, I don’t need it, I don’t want it –

Uryuu gasped and tried to throw himself backward, but managed to slip in the thin soapy water standing in the tub with him, falling and hitting his back against the hard tub, a groan of frustration and pain, lingering and new, slipping loudly from his lips. His body shook with the pure force of his need, but he couldn’t bring himself to even look at the swollen head of his member. He couldn’t do it; he just couldn’t. It was too much like giving into the Hollow, and that was something he could never bring himself to do. It was his way of defying the monster.  
Uryuu lay there for a while, letting the cold water wash over his skin and create goose bumps on his already pruning flesh before he heard a strangled noise from outside the bathroom. It vaguely sounded like his alarm going off, and yet it was garbled and strained, as if falling onto his head had broken it mostly. Uryuu grimaced, turning off the shower and stepping out onto the towel, turning to face himself in the mirror, only to frown at his reflection. This no sleeping thing was starting to give him bags under his eyes.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Four days and one new alarm clock later, Uryuu was starting to feel better about his situation. His bruises were fading, and most of the pain was gone by this point, with only a small scar on his left foot between the toes and the morbid avoidance of masturbation to remind him that the things he remembered had been reality and not just some horrible nightmare. It wasn’t the best he could hope for, but it was something. 

Uryuu had subconsciously changed his routine to fit the disasters that had befallen him, such as taking only well-lit roads home when it became dark outside, or closing and locking his window, never to be opened again. He had started staying late at the library to study, and when he got home, he would study even harder until his eyes could barely keep themselves open, so that when he fell asleep, it would be quick and dreamless until he woke up for school the next day. The only flaw to this strategy was, now it was Friday, and a weekend of no school to eat up ten hours of his day yawned dauntingly before him.

Uryuu packed his bags slower than normal, having only five minutes until the library closed for the weekend. He didn’t want to go. He had the inexplicable feeling as soon as he left this building he would be vulnerable, despite Hollow having left him alone for the entire week. It just felt like he was there… watching. Waiting. The idea sent a cold chill up Uryuu’s spine, and he sat rooted to his corner chair, back framed by a wall of books on one side and a windowless brick wall on the other, and buried his head in a book. Maybe if he pretended to be lost in his studies, the librarian would allow him a few minutes longer to stay.

She must not have noticed him. As Uryuu tried to focus on the book, he was startled when all of the lights flipped out one by one, leaving him in the dim evening light that preceded the darkness he had tried to outrun. Another shiver went down his spine as he attempted to reason with himself; it’s fine. The doors are locked, and there’s no way anything’s getting in, now. … or out, he thought with a sudden grimace, glancing down at his backpack, which he had thankfully remembered to pack a few snacks and two water bottles in. At least he had something to make last, instead of nothing… Uryuu sighed and dropped his head onto the desk. He should have thought this through a little more.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Hours passed in relative silence as Uryuu poured himself over his studies, trying as hard as he could to get his mind off the quiet howling of the wind outside. The side table lamp was the only light on in the building, and it was getting somewhat hard to see, especially as his eyes were starting to burn with lack of sleep. One more page, he chanted to himself, despite knowing he would probably finish the chapter before even thinking about turning in for bed. The darkness was weighing on him, causing him to see movement in the shadows where there was none, and several times he had to stop reading, take a deep breath, and force himself to say he was safe here.

No matter what he did, though, the images wouldn’t leave him. Twice… twice already he’d been forced to submit to Ich- the Hollow. How in the hell was he supposed to protect himself? 

Unaware of the scowl he was giving the suddenly abandoned reading material, Uryuu slammed his hands down onto the desk, standing up quickly enough to knock his chair backward and onto the floor with a loud ‘bang’. Somehow, the presence of noise made things a little easier to deal with, which made Uryuu wonder if the silence wasn’t getting to him.

‘Well, just two and a half more days of this and that won’t be a problem…’ his sarcastic thinking countered.

Closing his eyes and sighing, Uryuu dropped his head just as his stomach growled; if he had been home tonight, he would have already eaten a nice little supper before retiring to his room –  
The same room the Hollow had taken him in.

Flashes of the Hollow pounding into him, of stroking his member and trying to make Uryuu cum settled themselves in Uryuu’s mind, despite the vehemence with which Uryuu tried to cast them out. Uryuu uttered a cry of frustration, bringing his hands to his head, gripping onto his hair and pulling, trying to create physical feeling to wipe away the phantom pain that began to settle in his bottom, like there were fingers still inside him, moving, twisting…

Uryuu turned sharply, banging his toe against the wooden leg of the desk and cursing loudly, hopping forward to try and catch his balance before sighing heavily. DAMN that hurt… but… it did the trick. At least the images and feelings were gone, for now. Shaking his head forcefully, Uryuu began moving toward the bathroom. He needed some air, but the windows were all sealed and the doors were shut tight; so the next best thing would have to be splashing some water on his face to cool him down. Like every other light in the building, the bathroom lights were off, so he fumbled around for the light switch before being blinded by the sudden brightness of the overhead lights.

Uryuu squinted, making his way toward the sinks and turning the faucet, the sound of running water more soothing to his ears than the constant quiet that loomed around him like the shadows. Closing his eyes for a moment, he placed his glasses on top of his head and took a deep breath, leaning against the sink.

‘Everything’s okay. You’re safe here.’ He thought, finally reaching down to cup some water into his hands and splashing it onto his face. The water was cool, and ran in tiny droplets down his cheeks toward his chin before plunking back into the basin. He repeated this motion for a few times before he was finally satisfied, and turned the faucet off, rubbing his face to get rid of most of the water. With a contented sigh, his eyes opened as he stared at his blurry reflection in the mirror without the aid of his glasses. He was a mess; even without help he could still see the slight form of bags under his eyes from going to bed at two in the morning, only to get up again at six. His hardened schedule was starting to wear on him, but he couldn’t stop himself. He had to do it…

Uryuu’s breath hitched for a moment; it seemed like something moved in the stall behind him. Was there someone else trapped in here with him? He couldn’t quite see much but a very faint outline, and a vivid… color… of orange. As soon as the color registered to his brain, Uryuu flipped around, his hands flying up toward his glasses to lower them sharply even as his back pressed against the sink top, but there was nothing to meet his gaze. The stalls were empty, and what shadows were left from the overhead light were too small to house anybody; even that of a Hollow.  
His heart still racing, Uryuu cursed his brain. First it was causing him to feel phantom pain, and now it was giving him images of things that weren’t there. Uryuu shivered once, and decidedly strode over to the light switch and flipped it off, determined to make it back to his seat and continue reading for a while. 

‘I’ll be damned if I let that Hollow get the best of me.’

He never made it back.

About halfway to his seat, close enough Uryuu could see the sanctuary of his light yet far enough even breaking into a run couldn’t save him, he felt something heavy fall onto his back and knock the wind out of him. Gasping for air, Uryuu’s hands jumped out toward the ground, trying to break his fall but only serving to twist his right wrist as he landed on it wrong. Howling in pain, Uryuu tried to roll to dislodge whatever had fallen on him, only to be met by hands gripping his hair and yanking his head roughly upward. It felt like someone had dropped a bucket of ice down his back, so chilled was he by the words spoken next.

“Found us a private place to play, did ya?”

No. Nononononononononono… Uryuu flailed in that moment, panic overriding every other thought process he had. Not again, not again, not again…

“H-hey, hold still!” came the disgruntled reply of the Hollow as Uryuu almost succeeded in knocking him off his back, and he reached forward to try to capture Uryuu’s wrists. His grip found Uryuu’s twisted right wrist, and in response to the pain that followed, Uryuu used all the might he could muster to slam his elbow into the ribs of the Hollow, a glow of satisfaction briefly running through his veins as he felt and heard his blow connect, possibly fracturing or (hopefully) breaking a rib. The Hollow’s grip faltered for a moment, and Uryuu took that as his sign to burst upward, slipping out from underneath his attacker and breaking into a dead run.

Where?

Shit.

Where was he supposed to flee to? The doors were locked, the windows were glued shut, and the only way out was breaking glass, which would get him in trouble for sure. Hearing the Hollow recovering behind him, Uryuu whimpered softly and dashed toward his right, toward the hallways of books, hoping to lose the Hollow in a maze like structure of literature. His heart was pounding heavily in his ears as he found a dead end facing a window, and hid behind the shelf of books, hoping to use the window as a mirror surface to see if anyone was coming up behind him. His knees were shaking and his elbow and wrist were in as much pain as his chest, which burned heavily.

Fighting back a whimper, Uryuu swallowed, trying to breathe calmly and deeply, not certain whether or not the Hollow had given chase. He waited… five minutes. Ten minutes… fifteen minutes. Not a soul ghosted through those halls, and slowly, Uryuu’s muscles began to un-tense. Maybe he had discouraged the Hollow? Made a wound that needed to be treated right away? He hoped to whatever god was out there that was the case as he looked out the window itself, rather than looking through it. It offered a nice view out onto the grounds of the library, well-kept but not very well lit in the dark. The window itself was a floor-to-ceiling one, about four times Uryuu’s own width, meant for allowing sunlight to stream in on beautiful sunny days.

How he longed for the sunlight; it seemed to be his only friend in this ordeal. Sighing silently, Uryuu finally stepped away from the shelf, peering around the corner to see if anyone was there, even though he hadn’t seen anyone come up, nor heard them. The moment he did so, however, he felt an arm hook around his left arm, and shove him directly into the window while twisting his arm painfully behind his back. The Hollow leaned forcefully against Uryuu’s back, putting pressure on him and pressing him fully against the glass, Uryuu’s glasses bending frighteningly far even as his shoulder popped from the strain being placed on it.

“That wasn’t very nice. I guess I didn’t teach ya enough last time. Ah well; school’s in.”

Uryuu forced back a protest as his left arm was twisted upward even more, his shoulder being slowly pulled from its socket until he let loose his cry of pain, and then the Hollow just held his arm there, whispering menacingly,

“Take your pants off. Right now, no protests.”

A shiver went through Uryuu, only making him yelp as the motion tugged on his shoulder; he wouldn’t give in, he couldn’t give in… Another tug on his arm almost had Uryuu in tears from the excruciating nature of his agony, and so just to make it stop, he found himself fumbling with his right hand, the one with the twisted wrist, to undo the buckle, then the button, then the zipper holding his pants up. Every motion he made sent a spiral of unbridled agony through his form, burning itself into his bones no matter which way he moved, and by the time Uryuu’s pants were slipping down his thighs, tears had finally begun to spill over his cheeks, as weak as the notion was. His arm wasn’t released after his pants were gone, and Uryuu was about to bite out a remark to the Hollow when he felt his arm twisted slightly, another flash of pure pain causing him to cry out spiraling through his body.

His vision went white for a moment, and he didn’t realize the Hollow had let go of him until his boxers were around his ankles and his shirt was being pulled over his head to tie his arms at the wrists. His breath hitched and he tried to struggle, but a sharp kick to his left thigh kept him from doing anything more than that as his hands were bound in the confines of his shirt. He leaned his head against the window, his breath fogging up the glass for a moment as he waited frightfully to be pushed down onto the ground and torn into again, but that didn’t seem to happen. Instead, he felt a hand on his lower back, pushing him further into the glass as the Hollow behind him chuckled.

“I’ll be honest with ya, Quincy. Didn’t peg you for the exhibitionist type.”

The words sunk slowly into Uryuu’s panicked mind, and were even slower to register, but when he did, his whispered,

“No…” was overridden by the Hollow’s continued statements.

“But I’m happy to oblige.”

“No…!”

“’Course, think of what your so called friends might think, walking by this window and seeing ya debased like a good whore should be.”

“No!”

“Yes.”

Uryuu cried out sharply, trying to twist away from the male’s grasp even as he felt two fingers shoving themselves past his barriers again, pushing him further and further against the glass. Barely healed scabs pulled painfully and tore at the intrusion, making Uryuu whimper and struggle harder, but with the hand on his back pushing him in that awkward position against the window, he wasn’t able to get anywhere. Breathing heavily, Uryuu’s eyes darted around the grounds, hoping there was no one around, and thankfully, there wasn’t. The only good thing about this situation, the thought bitterly, even as he bit his lip to keep himself from giving the Hollow the satisfaction of another cry as a third finger entered him, and they all curled perfectly against his prostate.

Uryuu’s eyes slammed shut, trying to block out everything even as the thrusting in his backside kept pulling his hips backward and pushing them forward, his betraying member slowly hardening under the Hollow’s ministrations despite being constantly thrust into the chilly glass. He almost bit through his lip when a fourth finger was added, tasting the coppery liquid of blood pool into his mouth. Uryuu shuddered, glancing down at himself in horror, finding himself already straining against the window. It was just the human body, he tried to reason with himself, fighting back tears of frustration, of embarrassment; of defilement. It was because he hadn’t masturbated in a week. It was because he’d refused to touch himself. It was because it was a human body.

But the Hollow seemed to know just how to make the human body respond, for when the four fingers jerked out of Uryuu’s bottom, and a hard cock replaced it, burning through Uryuu’s blood soaked walls with agonizing ease, a slicked hand came around and rested itself around Uryuu’s own member. Biting back another cry, Uryuu let out a strangled protest that didn’t really form a word, just a breathless, jumbled sound of agony and distress, which only seemed to make the Hollow all too happy to continue.

The thrusts came harder, pushing Uryuu against the glass more forcefully each time as the hand around his member tugged none-too-gently, creating an intense mix of pleasure and pain that was still serving to pound through Uryuu’s defensive mantra of ‘I don’t want it, I don’t need it.’ Still, the feeling kept growing and growing, almost reaching its peak even as he felt the Hollow pause for a moment, leaning more fully over Uryuu’s body to pant out a satisfied, 

“Hey, your first visitors!”

Uryuu’s eyes flew wide in shock even as the Hollow slammed into him more painfully than before, a loud yelp leaving his lips before he had a chance to control it. He begged whatever was watching for what the Hollow said to not be true, but there was someone out there. Outside the window, quite a few yards away, strolled a couple, looking like they were talking and lost in each other. They seemed to have no interest in the library, or the tortured soul that was pressed up against the window, naked and vulnerable to any eyes that dared to fall upon him, but the idea that someone would see his weakness outraged him.

Uryuu’s strangled cries of protest became more forceful, and he began bucking against the Hollow, trying to dislodge him, but somehow only managed to press the cock inside him even further into his intestines, the pressure on his prostate building and the entire situation making his brain grind to a halt. There was pain, but there was pleasure. Suddenly, there was no mantra. There was no Quincy. There was no window, no couple, no Hollow; just an orgasm.

Uryuu screamed.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

He had been vaguely aware through the white haze that had settled over his eyes that his semen had splashed all over the window. He had been vaguely aware that Ichigo had gotten off inside him, again, too. He had been vaguely aware of floating downward, and of bouncing on the ground. He had been vaguely aware of his stomach growling, and the lonely, empty feeling that made his nude body shiver. He hadn’t been aware of when he passed out, however; only that he did.


	4. The Library Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second night of Uryuu's torment, and also a glimpse into his 'coming home' life. Psychological trauma evident near the end of the chapter that will continue on further and deeper into the series.

Uryuu slowly awoke to the sound of quiet crunching that didn’t quite register too heavily in his brain. Darkness was swimming around him, and it felt like he was floating in mid-air, twisting and turning aimlessly, drifting in a void that had stripped him of everything he was. Where was he? What was happening? Images began to piece themselves together in his head, fragments at first, but whole pictures after a while. Images of that first night in the forest, of the night in his bedroom, and finally, the library incident; yet, it all seemed so far away. Like somehow, with his eyes closed and floating in this dark void, the Hollow couldn’t reach him.

The crunching continued, slowly breaking the grasp the darkness had on Uryuu, and desperately, Uryuu tried to cling onto the vestiges of sleep, shutting his eyes tighter and trying to roll onto his side. That’s when his eyes snapped open; his arms wouldn’t move, and were pinned beneath him. He pulled, struggling at whatever kept his arms together, feeling the rope slide against his skin. Hesitating, he tried to move his fingers to find the knot, only to find his fingers were bound expertly together, so even the individual digits weren’t movable.

*Crunch. Crunch.*

Uryuu’s eyes flew toward the insistent sound, only for his heart to drop into his stomach like someone had punched him as he saw the Hollow sitting atop the desk he had been studying at when the library closed. In his hand, he held one of the three apples Uryuu had packed into his book bag, and it was already half gone. Sitting next to him were nothing but the cores of two more apples. Uryuu shook his head, trying to focus a bit more on the picture; the Hollow had his clothes righted again, but there was sunlight out the windows behind him; not much, so was it morning already…? No… that direction was west. Sunset…? Had he been out cold for almost a day…?

Almost on cue, Uryuu’s stomach growled loud enough for the both of them to hear, and Uryuu’s face flushed the dark red of embarrassment. He shook his head even as the sound of the Hollow chuckling found its way to his ears, and he tried to focus despite the ever present aches and pains that wracked through his body. His nude form shivered, trying desperately to push out all the tormenting thoughts that plagued his brain, but knowing the Hollow was sitting in front of him, eating the only meal he had for three days… Uryuu felt something in his chest shatter, like glass. As much as he tried to keep the feeling out of his eyes when he sat up and glanced up at the Hollow, he knew he failed when the owner of the orange hair smirked.

The smirk was victorious.

If the initial shattering of Uryuu’s pride was just a small webbing in the glass, the cracks seemed to get bigger just looking at the Hollow, who raised the half eaten apple and waved it around in the air, taunting Uryuu.

“Hungry?” was the question that hung in the air between them, but Uryuu bit down on his lip hard enough to draw blood as his stomach betrayed him again, growling loudly.

He couldn’t find it in himself to answer the Hollow, because he knew if he opened his mouth, he was going to beg for the food his body so desperately needed. He was going to beg for mercy, for relief, for anything at all except what continuously happened to him whenever the Hollow was here. He could already feel the tell-tale burning in his eyes that preceded tears, which only made him clamp down on his lip further. He refused to speak, and only stared at the Hollow, whose grin slowly fell, as did the hand holding the apple. Finally, the Hollow leaned forward, almost standing up from where he sat on the table side, and when he spoke, even though his voice was quite it seemed to cut through the air, slicing at the newly formed cracks in Uryuu’s resolve.

“Don’t make this any harder on yourself. I’ve already decided what I’m gonna do with you, and nothing’s gonna stop me from it. So you might as well just accept your fate.” Leaning back, the Hollow took yet another bite of Uryuu’s one and only apple, more than half gone already before he continued. “So if you’re hungry, say so. I want to hear you tell me you’re hungry.”

Uryuu bit down harder on his lip, closing his eyes. He could feel the metallic taste of blood on his tongue, but it did nothing to quell his appetite. His body shook with cold and controlled rage at himself for being helpless and unable to put an end to the situation, but, he admitted, also with fear. Fear at what more the Hollow would do to him if he refused. His stomach growled in unison with another crunch from Uryuu’s apple, and Uryuu hung his head so that his hair covered his face, shielding it from the Hollow’s gaze.

The first piece of his resolve fell.

“… I’m… hungry.”

The words were barely there, halfway a whisper and halfway mouthed words, but he knew the Hollow caught it. He knew the Hollow understood what he had said, and yet the response that met him was,

“I’m sorry, what? Couldn’t hear ya; speak up.” 

*Crunch.*

Tears prickled at the sides of his eyes, and his head hung further. The muscles in his arms tensed, and if he’d had use of his fingers at all, they would have been digging into his palms, possibly drawing more blood from his body. The second piece of his resolve fell away from the shattered remains of where it once stood.

“I’m hungry.”

This time, the words were ground out, but definitely loud enough to hear, even as Uryuu’s breath caught and held, waiting on the food that was promised him. When nothing came, Uryuu felt a tiny tear sneak out his left eye, and he cursed the binds on his arms that prevented him from being able to wipe it away.

*Crunch.*

Uryuu’s head flew up, forgetting about the tear and his shame to see the Hollow still eating away at the apple, Uryuu tried to launch himself out of his sitting position, toward the table, only to find his arms had been tied with extra rope left over, and that rope had somehow been threaded under one of the heavy bookcases; too heavy for him to lift, keeping him stuck in that general area. Uryuu’s yell of frustration only seemed to cock an eyebrow of the Hollow’s upward and elicit a short snicker from him.

“Ooooh, you thought I’d give you the apple if you said you were hungry? Oh, that’s so cute.”

Suddenly, the Hollow was standing, and Uryuu shrunk back toward the bookcase without even thinking about it, his anger at being deprived of food taking a backseat to the fear of his captor. The Hollow stalked forward slowly, predatory eyes glittering with sadistic glee as he knelt down just out of Uryuu’s reach, and held the apple up again; already three-fourths gone.

“If you want some, you gotta beg me for it. Go on. Beg.”

Uryuu just stared at the Hollow for a moment, unable to believe his ears. It was exactly what he wanted, and loathed the thought of doing. His stomach twisted in knots even as it growled its protest at the lack of sustenance, willing Uryuu to just surrender. Instead, Uryuu dropped to his knees, hanging his head again, but he stayed silent. His only act of defiance for the moment, for however long it would last… he couldn’t let the Hollow win. 

He knew they were just empty thoughts, however; there was no winning this battle.

The pause hung in the air between them for what felt like forever before finally…

*Crunch.*

“Please!” Uryuu’s head shot up again, unable to help it as another rogue tear was able to sneak its way past the front line defenses of his eyelashes.

His heart hurt deep in his chest, tightening and curling in on itself, knowing how low he was reducing himself. Begging a Hollow for food after being raped by the same creature multiple times…? Uryuu was sure he was the worst of the worst now, worse than worthless, worse than nothing, didn’t deserve to call himself a Quincy, didn’t deserve the name Ishida, didn’t…

The Hollow was still staring at him, watching him expectantly; waiting, Uryuu realized with a start. Before he could control himself, the words came tumbling from his bloody lip.

The third piece fell, taking at least five other pieces with it.

“Please, I’m so hungry. Let me have the rest of the apple, please, I beg of you!”

The Hollow’s smirk was once more victorious, but even the knife twisting in his gut couldn’t stop the rolling growl of his stomach. So when he watched the Hollow take another bite of the apple, he almost broke completely. His head dipped back down toward his chest and he felt a few more tears slip down his cheeks before a firm hand caught his chin and brought his face back up to look at the Hollow.

Startlingly, the Hollow was mere inches away from his face, but before Uryuu could react, their lips had locked, and a bite of the apple was being pushed from the Hollow’s mouth into his own. 

All horror and disgust at the act of kissing the Hollow was overridden by the flavorful juices that flowed over his tongue, igniting his hunger to new levels as he quickly pulled away from the kiss to chew momentarily before swallowing the entire bite mostly whole. Uryuu was gasping for air by the time he finished his depraved actions, his eyes flying back toward the Hollow as he heard him take yet another bite.

Uryuu didn’t resist, but instead opened his mouth readily.

The last piece of resistance fell.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Dimly, Uryuu was aware he should be fighting the Hollow off. That somehow, his body should be moving to resist or stop him somehow. A hand slid lovingly down his stomach and his entire body trembled with the fear of what those hands had done to him before. The headband across Uryuu’s eyes that served as a blindfold was already soaked through with tears, despite his conviction that first day not to cry in the Hollow’s presence. Or at all. His lungs were burning and every nerve ending in his body was on fire, responding traitorously to the Hollow’s tender touches.

Today was Saturday; that much was made clear to him by the Hollow. He had been told if he waited here in the library until they opened, he would be here for another day and a half, during which the Hollow would visit at least twice, if not three times. Or… he had been given the option to offer himself up in exchange for freedom tonight. Uryuu was almost sure he would have been able to stand another brutal taking of his person for freedom, but this… this was like what a partner would –

Uryuu gasped loudly as he felt a mouth come down over the head of his member, a tongue swirling under the ridge to dip into that one sensitive, hard-to-reach spot. His legs stiffened as he tried not to flail out to remove the unwanted attentions even as his cock strained, responding favorably to the slick heat of the mouth upon it. Uryuu choked out a muffled whimper, biting his lip again and reopening the wound that had just barely started to scab even as the Hollow chuckled, the vibrations of his voice washing over Uryuu’s dick and making it twitch, his head throwing itself from side to side.

How long had they been at it already? Uryuu had lost track of time, even though he tried to cling to the idea it had been long enough that the Hollow had to be getting bored already. He hadn’t even entered Uryuu yet, and had somehow managed to bring Uryuu to the edge almost six times now without letting him spill over. His chest heaved; he couldn’t take much more of this, or he was going to go mad. He gasped again when the Hollow took him into his mouth completely, his eyes rolling back into his head.

Insanely, deliciously mad.

Uryuu was almost there again; this would be the seventh time he’d gotten so close to his orgasm he could all but taste it in the back of his throat when the Hollow’s head lifted, leaving Uryuu exposed to the cold air that cut him harshly, and a loud whimper/moan managed to slip its way past his throat. His hips bucked upward, toward his tormentor, but he was only rewarded with a chuckle.

How did he let himself fall to this? How could he let himself act so shamelessly, so wantonly, for a Hollow…? Hands caressed over his stomach again, making his skin jump and his muscles twitch, his body twisting upward to meet the warm, gentle hands. Hands that stopped near his hips to raise his legs, and Uryuu felt his ankles hooked over shoulders, his chest rising sharply in the knowing of what was about to happen. But even that sharp prickle of anticipation that shamefully flooded through his body, nothing came.

Uryuu tried to look up at his captor, but with the blindfold covering his eyes, the only sight that met him was darkness, and he laid his head back down on the ground, his body shifting in uncomfortable frustration. After what seemed like an eternity, the Hollow finally spoke.

“Moan my name.”

Uryuu’s confusion penetrated his pleasure induced self-loathing haze, and he tried to look upward again before questioning,

“… Hol —”

A resounding crack hit Uryuu’s ears a second after an open palm caught Uryuu’s cheek, forcefully turning his head and planting his nose painfully into the floor. He yelped in pain, his body trying to struggle away, even as he was frozen in place by the cold words,

“Don’t you want to go home tonight?”

The Hollow waited until Uryuu had stopped moving completely, fear slowly bringing down the stiffness in his member before a hand caught it with a feather light touch and began to stroke it sensually, causing Uryuu to whimper in pain and pleasure at the mixed sensations, trying to stop his body from responding but unable to do anything to his body, denied of an orgasm for so long now. Once Uryuu was squirming under his touch, gasps and moans barely being controlled, the Hollow spoke again.

“Call me Ichigo. Moan my name for me.”

Tears were falling rapidly now, and Uryuu had to fight the urge to shake his head. He didn’t want to, but the fear of more pain, of having to go through this again and again continuously for the next two days… it got to him. It broke him.

“Ichig—”

The moan turned into a shrill scream when the Hollow slammed into him without any preparation. The hand that had been on his dick had disappeared to drift down to his hips, lifting him up and pushing him down onto every thrust that was tearing him open from the inside. His entire body was bouncing from the sheer force the Hollow was pounding into him with, but with every single thrust he managed to angle himself perfectly against Uryuu’s prostate, causing him pleasurable anguish. Pure screams became screams with moans at the end as the blindfold was continuously soaked through with tears. Every thrust brought him closer to the edge, but he didn’t want to cum; not like this. Fighting was out of the question, so the broken Uryuu did the only thing left for him; he begged.

“Ichigo stop! God, please, Ichigo, no! No more, Please!” 

Every word was a struggle to get out, and it felt like he was hiccupping each word after the shock to his body of being impaled. His words didn’t seem to matter, however, if nothing else, they managed to make the Hollow move faster, quiet grunts and small moans from above him only heightening the feeling in Uryuu’s body, bringing him to the edge again. His cock twitched, yearning for physical stimulation as his prostate was bombarded with a rapid succession of quick thrusts, making Uryuu twist and yell, so close to his orgasm it was driving him insane. Then the Hollow did the unthinkable.

Just as Uryuu heard the deep moan above him, he felt him pull out, only for Uryuu’s stomach, chest, and part of his face to be splattered with a warm liquid substance. Shamefully, that was all the sensation his body needed to release its own semen as well, and with a pitiful, close-mouthed whimper, Uryuu felt himself coated in cum.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

For possibly the twentieth time, Uryuu wiped at his eyes, making sure there were no traces of tears left to be seen. He stood outside the door to his house, backpack slung over his shoulder with the full moon baring down on his back, accusing him of betraying the Quincy name. His breath hitched and once more, tears threatened to spill over his cheeks, only causing him to roll his sleeves past his fingers and press the fabric to his eyes, drying them before they became wet. He smelled like sex and failure, and he knew his father was going to disown him. He knew it without a doubt. That’s why his hands shook as he finally brought up the nerve to reach out and open the door.

When he walked in, everything was dark.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken’s POV)

He heard the front door open from the study, and his interest piqued. He called out none-too-quietly,

“Uryuu! Where have you been?”

There was a long pause before his son ever answered, and for a moment, Ryuuken toyed with the idea of going and finding out personally what his son had been up to in the day and a half he hadn’t been home. However, the response that floated to him put a hold on those actions.

“O-out with a friend, father. Going up to study now!”

Fast footsteps on the stairs to the bedroom let Ryuuken know that Uryuu had run from him. His answer had been extremely vague and evasive, too. A grimace pulled itself over his lips, and for a moment, he sat there tapping the pen in his hand against his desk, momentarily distracted from his work. Was something wrong, or was he over thinking it? 

After a few moments, he sighed, deciding he was too tired to worry about this. He would talk to his son in the morning, but until then, he needed sleep. Turning off the small lamp on his work table, Ryuuken headed to bed without another thought to the boy upstairs, silently crying, sinking into his own personal hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so we've gotten a very slight look into his 'coming home', and Ryuuken's reactions to his son's evasiveness. Next will be a bit of reaction from his friends and then school life, so besides in nightmares, the sex scenes may slow down a little for story reasons. Just a heads up! Please, review!


	5. Conversations and Convolutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uryuu and Ryuuken finally have a talk about where Uryuu had been for the past few days, and then Uryuu gets a surprise call from someone! No rape scenes in this chapter.

The Hollow didn’t come that night, but the nightmares did. Being chased into a corner by Ichigo and forced to give everything he was to the monster, only for curtains to lift and expose him to everyone that mattered, friend or foe. He was vulnerable, on display, but no one was more disgusted with him than Uryuu himself was. Uryuu cried out, reaching out a hand to someone, anyone, begging them to save him like Ichigo had taught him, but one by one they all left him. He was too vile of a creature to save; too sickening.

The ground broke beneath Uryuu, finally wresting him from Ichigo’s tender but forceful touch that caused his body to betray him, and then he was falling. He flailed, looking for something to grab onto, anything to save him, but even the darkness didn’t want him. Pressure filled him from every side, and for a short moment, Uryuu was sure he was going to explode into the nothing he should be.

And then he did.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Uryuu awoke with a start as he hit the floor, a yelp slipping easily past his numb lips as he tried to untangle himself from the sweat-soaked covers he was wrapped in. After struggling for a few moments, Uryuu was almost certain he heard his window rattle, and could almost picture Ichigo standing outside, watching him and waiting for the opportunity to pounce again. The image sent a cold wave of fear through his entire body, stilling it for a long while as he tried to calm his erratic heartbeat. He kept repeating to himself the image wasn’t real, but long after he had screwed his eyes shut and began rocking on the floor, still wrapped in blankets, the ingrained picture wouldn’t leave, and followed him into the realm of sleep again.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken’s POV)

“… What are you doing?”

The sound of his voice must have been more than enough to wake Uryuu from his fitful slumber, turning a startled gaze on him before sheepishly glancing down at exactly what position he was in. Even with as few times as Ryuuken had woken Uryuu up, never before had he found him asleep on the floor, half curled under the bed in a fetal position with blankets cocooned around him like a shield. Uryuu struggled, obviously trying to fix the covers so he could move, but it took a few moments, in which Ryuuken was more than willing to watch, his mind fresher now this morning than it had been last night.

Uryuu’s movements were usually more fluid, but every motion he made now was jerky, like he was shaking, whether his body showed it visibly or not. There were dark circles under his eyes already, indications of not sleeping well enough, but strangely enough, there was fear in his eyes when he had first woken up and looked at him. Fear; something Uryuu had never shown him, due to Quincy Pride or whatever he wanted to call it. Pride, at the very least. What remained to be seen was what had caused it; Ryuuken’s eyes narrowed slightly as Uryuu finally got the covers to part for him and stood up quickly, patting himself down. When Ryuuken was sure Uryuu was finished fidgeting with himself, he spoke.

“You called me ‘father’ last night.”

Uryuu visibly flinched, which only piqued his interest again. Something was wrong here, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Uryuu’s mouth opened, but shut just as quickly, as if he were frantically looking for the words to say. So Ryuuken settled on guiding the topic to a question he really did wonder about.

“Where were you these past few days?”

Again, Uryuu flinched, but when he finally raised his gaze to meet Ryuuken’s, his eyes were defiant once more. 

‘Ah, now there’s the look he’s always got.’

“I was out with friends. Why do you care?”

“Out with friends?” Ryuuken snorted quietly, leaning against the door frame and folding his arms over his chest, all the while staring at Uryuu with a hard gaze, trying to catch the details of body language. “Unless it was some girlfriend I’ve yet to meet, I’m going to call bullshit.”

Uryuu’s entire face went red, and one of Ryuuken’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. Well, he didn’t think he’d been right, but he must have hit the mark. Odd, Uryuu had never been much of one for girls…

“S-so what if I was?”

Uryuu’s answer was a stuttered, flustered mess, and Ryuuken had to wonder exactly what kind of girl it took to get Uryuu wrapped around their little finger. Regardless, it didn’t really matter right now.

“If you were, then why are you back now?” Ryuuken’s raised eyebrow caught Uryuu’s sudden glance back at him, and for a long moment, they both shared a silent look, Ryuuken’s cool and assessing gaze slipping over Uryuu’s panicked, flustered one. “If you stayed one night, why are you back today? Did she kick you out? Are you impotent?”

“SHUT UP!”

Both of Ryuuken’s eyebrows raised at Uryuu’s outburst; his comment had been a little jabbing, yes, but it was in jest. To have that hit the mark as well…?

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu’s POV)

“I don’t want to talk about it! Just leave me alone!” Uryuu shouted, clenching his fists at his sides to hold back the trembling onset that was lurking over the horizon.

He couldn’t deal with this; it was one thing to make Ryuuken think he was out with friends, another to make him think he was out with a girlfriend, but it was going way too far, way too fast, and he couldn’t stop the sudden flow of anger and rage and –

“I said GET OUT!”

Ryuuken ducked neatly out of the way of a flying book, his shoulders shrugging in that frustratingly calm demeanor he always held, and it was everything Uryuu could do to hold back his tears. He wanted to tell him what had happened; he wanted so desperately to hear someone tell him things were going to be alright, but instead he picked up another book, poised to throw it at the man when sharp words cut over his form, leaving him standing there, cold.

“Worthless. Come see me if you can ever hold a conversation like a man, but I won’t hold my breath.”

The door slammed, and seconds later the book Uryuu had been holding in his hand dropped loudly to the floor. Every part of Uryuu seemed to shatter in that one instant, and before he could stop it he felt the cold tracks of tears on his cheeks, an unshakable force gripping his heart and squeezing it until there was nothing but dust left. His chest constricted and he dropped to his knees, wrapping his arms around himself. 

… He was worthless. He was an abomination, something that didn’t deserve to exist. He was a disgrace to every single Quincy who had ever lived, and he was a horrible person. He had let everything happen, hadn’t done anything to stop Ichigo… hell, his body had enjoyed it; gotten off on it…

Uryuu’s head hit the ground as he bunched over, trying and failing to quell the shudders that wracked painfully through his entire body. 

Worthless.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Uryuu’s body hurt everywhere, his skin rubbed raw from the constant scrubbing he’d given himself last night and this morning. When he’d arrived home, he’d gone straight into the shower but the smell of sex had plagued him all through the night; his verbal battle with Ryuuken didn’t help him any, either. After Ryuuken had left him, he’d gone back to the shower to repeat the scrub down he’d given himself, trying to wash away the shame and regain at least some dignity back. Unfortunately, it hadn’t worked.

Uryuu was still in the process of drying his hair off when his cell phone rang, vibrating on the night stand and making him jump horribly, his heart spiking and racing even as his eyes glanced automatically toward the window. Thankfully, it was still locked and unmoved from its closed position. He gave a large sigh, trying to calm himself while berating himself at the same time, cursing quietly to the air at how stupid he was being. Once he had caught his breath back, he picked the phone up, closing his eyes and answering normally,

“Ishida. What do you need?”

There was a half a second pause before the phone dropped from his fingers, clattering to the floor.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo’s POV)

What the hell? All he could hear was a loud thump and clambering for a moment or two before Uryuu finally came back on the line. All he had said was ‘what’s up,’ surely he didn’t surprise Uryuu that much, did he? When Uryuu finally responded, however, Ichigo’s face fell into a frown of worry. It was hard to pick up, but Uryuu didn’t really sound like himself.

“H-hey Ichigo. Sorry about that, I… didn’t expect you to call.”

‘Of course you didn’t, if you had to drop the phone before you could answer.’ Ichigo was really tempted to just speak his thoughts, but a niggling worry in the back of his head told him to bite his tongue. What was wrong with Uryuu? Why did he sound so…. demure? 

“That’s okay. I was wondering if you wanted to hang today; Orihime, Rukia and I were thinking about hitting the new ice cream shop that opened. You wanna come with us?”

There was another pause on the end of the line, but no loud noises, so the phone wasn’t dropped again. Thank god, because that last one had already hurt his ear upon impact. Still, the hesitation was completely unlike Uryuu.

“I… don’t think so. I’ve got studying to do today.”

That was when all worry went out the window for Ichigo, and he sighed in frustration.

“Oh, come on, Uryuu. All you do is study; you lock yourself in your room every day you’re not in school, and you’d probably lock yourself away in the library every day you are in school if you could. Get out a little, live life, have fun! Besides, just because you can’t fight with us doesn’t mean you’re not still one of us. Give yourself a break; come hang out!”

It wasn’t until Ichigo had finished his rant that he heard the ragged breathing from the other end of the line, and suddenly the worry for Uryuu was back. What the hell was going on with him today? It took Uryuu another few moments to answer, and Ichigo was about to ask Uryuu what was wrong when he finally heard from the other end of the line,

“… alright. I’ll go. What time do you want me there?”

Ichigo breathed out a small sigh. Whatever was wrong, he’d figure it out in person. They set a time, and there was no hesitation when Uryuu hung up the phone on him. For a long while, Ichigo just sat on his bed, staring at the phone in his palm, wondering what had gotten into Uryuu before finally placing his thoughts aside and getting up to get a shower. He’d been sleeping way too much lately, so it was a good thing he was going out for a bit of fun.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu’s POV)

He stared at the phone, barely holding it in his hand like it was a viper poised to strike at any moment. Ichigo – Hollow – Ichigo wanted –demanded – wanted him to come – cum – come out with friends – to get him alone. The phone dropped from his hand and both hands flew to his head, fingers wrapping around his hair, digging into his scalp and trying to slow the distorted thoughts bouncing around frantically. His breathing was heavy, and he was almost sure he was about to hyperventilate, something he had never done before. Dizzily, Uryuu put his head between his legs and tried to concentrate. 

It was just a day. Just one day. It was just Ichigo. Not Hollow. No more sex. Clothes would stay on. No more pain. No more pleasure. Just one day.

Uryuu continued to repeat broken sentences to himself, trying to make things seem better and calmer in his mind, but it only went so far. When he finally stood up, he was still slightly dizzy, but he was able to walk without holding onto the walls. He opted for a rather large change of clothes after glancing at himself in the mirror, grimacing at the welts and bruises left on his arms from the rope. He had just raised his wrist to rub it gently with his other hand when a shadow passed through the reflection on the mirror behind him.

With a gasp, Uryuu took up the first thing to his right, which just so happened to be the toilet bowl brush, flinging it behind him at what he was convinced was Ichigo, back to torment him some more. The only thing he did was end up feeling foolish and embarrassed, standing in the middle of his bathroom wielding a brush for the toilet. Tears prickled at the sides of his eyes, but Uryuu refused to let them fall; he refused to give in again. 

Instead, he carefully replaced his makeshift sword and jogged back into his bedroom, taking apart his bed without a care for where the covers fell, taking the under sheet and jogging back to the bathroom to tuck the sheet over the mirror completely. When he was done, Uryuu took a small step back, admiring his work. He couldn’t see his reflection at all anymore, which meant he couldn’t see any rogue shadows that wanted to cause him harm through it either. Good.

With that, Uryuu moved back into his bedroom for a change of clothes; a long sleeve zip up shirt with a high collar, long pants, and sneakers. After a moment, Uryuu glanced at his hands only to grimace again, seeing the same burns and welts from the ropes left on his digits as well. 

‘Fine,’ he thought, grabbing his gloves out of his dresser and putting them on before heading toward his backpack. ‘I can deal with a little bit of heat. It’s not even the middle of summer yet, anyway. I’ll be fine.’

Into his backpack went an overstock supply of food from the kitchen because Ryuuken didn’t seem to be in the house anymore. He had probably left for the hospital sometime during Uryuu’s internal break down. That was fine with him. At least five water bottles, three bologna sandwiches, one turkey sandwich, two beef burritos, and seven granola bars joined three apples in his backpack. For a moment, Uryuu glanced at the apples, wondering why he even bothered to bring them, before his stomach growled.

After that, there was no thought process; he zipped up his backpack, grabbed another apple off the table, and after taking a bite, he walked out the door to meet up with Ichigo. The man who knew nothing of how he hurt Uryuu every day.

He was strong enough to handle one day.

He was wrong.


	6. A Carnival of Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dreaded outing with Ichigo has arrived, and Uryuu wonders if he'll be able to handle an entire day with his tormentor. While the first part of the day is off to a fairly good start, the day slowly slips into a waking nightmare.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo’s POV)

Something was really wrong here. Ichigo knew Uryuu preferred to spend his time alone, but normally when he was around the group he fought with, he was at least less cold than he normally was at school. While Uryuu was still joining in on the conversation, smiling and laughing with Rukia and Orihime over the ice cream sundaes they’d gotten, Ichigo would catch somber glances sent his direction every now and again out of the corner of his eyes. Still, there wasn't really a chance for Ichigo to say anything, since Uryuu either kept his comments to himself, or lead the conversation in any direction as long as it wasn't toward Ichigo.

He sat across from Uryuu, with Rukia at his left and Orihime on Uryuu's right, his hands folded under his nose as he contemplated the jumpy man while under the guise of deciding on ordering another sundae. Under any normal circumstances, either Rukia or Orihime would have accused Ichigo of being too quiet, and Uryuu of being too talkative, but for some reason, today felt... unnaturally normal. 

So Ichigo took it upon himself after watching Uryuu's interactions with the girls to figure out what was wrong. He was about to speak up when an opportunity presented itself. Both women rose from their seats, claiming they were going to head out to their next destination: the amusement park that was set up in town for a few weeks. 

"Go on ahead," Ichigo started, catching Uryuu's hitched breath at his words. "We'll catch up here in a bit. I've got a few things to ask Uryuu."

Orihime seemed satisfied with Ichigo's vague explination, but he noticed the pause in Rukia's eyes. He would have some more explaining to do later in the day, but after a few seconds, both were on their way out the door, leaving Ichigo and Uryuu sitting alone at the booth.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

This couldn't be happening. Uryuu felt his palms begining to sweat, and he had to try as hard as possible to keep himself from visibly shaking. Watching Rukia and Orihime leave, his tongue trying and sticking to the roof of his mouth, stopping him from begging them to stay was killing him inside. He didn't want to be alone with Ichigo, not now, not after...

"Uryuu."

He jumped, startled out of his panic attack, his eyes flying back to Ichigo and for a second, the only color that filled his vision was the orange of his hair before he closed his eyes to get rid of the image. His brain was quickly turning everything onto its head, especially with flashbacks of what he'd already been put through cropping up for him to experience all over again.

"Uryuu!"

Flinching, Uryuu returned his gaze to Ichigo's questioning glance, coughing to get rid of any shakiness in his voice before he spoke,

"... yeah?"

He watched Ichigo frown in thought, like after Uryuu had hit him with the splintered bedpost... right before he had raped Uryuu in his own bedroom. The thought gave him cold chills as he tried to shut out the images of being helpless to move, forced to watch his body's reaction as he was brutally raped and made to...

"Is something wrong?"

Again, Uryuu's mind snapped back to the conversation happening between him and Ichigo, trying to still his churning head. He was okay; if nothing else, it was a public place, with people around to witness anything that happened, and a table between them. Nothing was going to happen, nothing -

Uryuu started violently when Ichigo's hands came down roughly on the table, the orange hair standing to look down on Uryuu cowering in the booth across from him.

"Dammit, Uryuu, talk to me! What the hell is going on?"

"I-it's just... a lot going on. At home. A-at school. I guess..." Uryuu answered instantly, glued to his seat even as he tried to shrink into its depths.

All he could see in front of him was Ichigo's eyes burrowing into his skull, burning themselves into his brain as he reached across the table, grabbing his arms and throwing him across the table before spreading Uryuu's legs after ripping his trousers off his lower form and exposing him to everyone before taking him roughly in full view of -

Uryuu blinked, fearing for a moment he had a premonition of what was to come, seeing Ichigo standing with his hands upon the table, staring at him strangely, only to have his fears create a thick sheen of sweat across his forehead when Ichigo reached forward for his hand. Uryuu was torn between wanting to tear away and run for his life, and just humor Ichigo so there would be less pain involved, when he heard a gentler voice penetrating through his fearful haze.

"Look, I don't know what's going on, Uryuu. I guess if you want to tell me, you will. Until then, enjoy your day out with friends, okay? Let's catch up to Rukia and Orihime."

The light grip Ichigo had on Uryuu's wrist was at odds with the memories tearing through Uryuu's mask of braveness, but he let his orange haired tormentor lead the way out of the ice cream shoppe and toward the amusement park grounds.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Slowly, as the day went on, Uryuu felt himself becoming somewhat calmer. Ichigo seemed to genuinely care whether or not Uryuu was having fun, and was going out of his way to include him in the group activities. For a while, Uryuu could almost convince himself that the past was behind him now, and that Ichigo was Ichigo again. As the day turned into night, Uryuu almost had a smile on his face at the antics Orhime pulled at the ring toss, stretching all the way over the fence and still missing every single bottle and managing to almost hit the person working the stand in the face.

Then Rukia suggested they take a trip through the Maze O' Mirrors, and Ichigo and Orihime jumped on board. It took a litte encouraging, but Uryuu finally agreed, following them into the maze. Confusing and disorienting to say the least, after everything he had gone through mentally and emotionally the past few weeks, he was easily disoriented and lost, as lost as his friends were. So badly so, that he didn't even notice it until Rukia and Orihime took a wrong turn, and all of a sudden, Uryuu was faced with the image of himself standing next to the man who had raped him several times over.

Despite the cold shiver that went down his spine, Uryuu took a moment to pause, taking a closer look at his own reflection. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his face was pale and almost shrunken in from how little he'd been eating lately. Uryuu grimaced, deciding he needed to try sleeping a little more when he was startled by Ichigo's hand on his shoulders. Transfixed, Uryuu stood rooted in place, watching Ichigo lean into him, breathing into his ear,

"Take your pants off. Right now, no protests."

Uryuu froze, biting back a whimper at the words that brought back the memory of the nights at the library. This couldn't be happening, this wasn't happening, didn't want it, didn't need it -

The hand on his shoulder tightened painfully so, finally bringing the horrified whimper past his lips. He couldn't do this...! His breathing hitched as the fingers at his shoulders dug into his flesh, tighter and tigher every second until he finally, brokenly, let loose a louder sob, yanking away from the hand at his shoulder and heading toward his right, where Rukia and Orihime had turned. If he could managed to make it to a crowd, to witnesses, to someone, maybe...

Uryuu grunted as he crashed head first into a mirror, his eyes widening in surprise and terror as he quickly moved along the mirror, trying desperately to find a way out. After a few long seconds, his stomach began to twist into a knot as his mind betrayed the thought he had gone around in a complete circle with no exit. Slowly, the frightened Uryuu turned around to face Ichigo, only to find him standing where he had been before, in the middle of all the mirrors, with his back to Uryuu, as if there was nothing wrong.

But Uryuu could still see Ichigo's eyes watching him through the mirrors with a bemused glint and a sickening smirk painted on his lips. He knew Uryuu was trapped. Somehow, he'd done it, and all this was a game of cat and mouse. Uryuu could feel his knees trembling, threatening to give way at any second, but he couldn't force himself to move anymore, like he was frozen to the spot.

All he could see was the evil glint in his captors eyes and the shock of orange hair that mocked him every time it raped him. All he could feel was a pure terror flooding his veins with adrenaline, the fear of more pain and humiliation and suffering and debasement and torture and -

"GO AWAY!"

The scream ripped itself from Uryuu's throat before he could stop it, just like the tears welled up in his eyes to slip past his cheeks before he could summon up the willpower to control himself. However, once he had already yelled at the Hollow, he could feel himself breaking piece by piece again until he had his head in his hands, struggling to raise his voice over the tightening in his throat and the choked sobs vying for the spotlight.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

His mind barely registered Ichigo calling his name mockingly as he frantically turned back to the mirrors, banging his fists against them as hard as he could. If he couldn't find a way out, he had to make a way out, or Ichigo would hurt him again. He'd rape him and make his body betray him and - 

"Uryuu."

The word floated into Uryuu's ears in Ichigo's sing-song voice. Cat and mouse game; he was toying with him, trying to break him further, but Uryuu couldn't let him do it. Couldn't, wouldn't, didn't want it, didn't need it, have to make a way out, get out/go away/stay away/don't rape me/please I beg of you/oh god it's not working/break already/break/break/BREAK!

Uryuu slammed his fists into the mirror as hard as he could, and felt a satisfying sting in his hands as the mirror shattered into shards of glass that bit into his flesh and scattered around his feet. He was about to take off running when hard hands on his shoulders made a painful cold chill shoot down his spine. In a panic, he dropped to his knees, shards of glass embedding themselves through his trousers into his knees and legs, but Uryuu barely felt any of it. What was a little pain like this, after all, compared to what Ichigo had put him through, and would put him through if he couldn't get away?

Uryuu struggled, trying to shake Ichigo's grip, but Ichigo had a good hold of Uryuu's shirt, and yanked Uryuu back onto his feet, only to spin him around to face the punishment of trying to escape.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo’s POV)

Ichigo's eyes were about a wide and wild as Uryuu's own, but for an entirely different reason. One moment, he'd been perfectly fine, the next, he'd started freaking out, yelling at someone or something and then started hitting the mirrors. It hadn't mattered how many times Ichigo shouted Uryuu's name or tried to catch the man's attention, he'd just kept hitting one of the mirrors until it broke. All over him. 

In shock, Ichigo rushed over, trying to calm Uryuu down only to be met with flying fists before Uryuu tried to impale himself on what shards were laying on the ground. With as much force as Ichigo could muster, he'd lifted his friend off the ground and forced him around so they were face to face, but Uryuu wasn't looking at him; he was looking through him, like there was something only he could see, and it was terrorizing him.

With an inward wince, Ichigo did the only thing he could think of.

He slapped Uryuu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a lot going on in my life right now, and between work, college, and my video games, I'm finding less and less time to write. With less and less reviews, it makes the want to write diminish as well, so I have a huge favor to ask of all you fans. Please; tell me how you like the story. Let me know if I'm taking this fic in a direction you'd like to see it go. Encourage me, and it'll make me want to play my games less and write my stories more. I hope it's not too much to ask; just a few lines of what you like or don't like in the story. But at least tell me how I'm doing.


	7. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Uryuu's hit rock bottom. Normally people would tell you it can only go up from here, but for Uryuu, there's a new level completely. He can't go up, he can't go down, all he can do is fall apart, hidden away from everyone. How long until the Hollow makes another appearance?

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV) 

That night, Uryuu sat on the side of his tub, trying not to tremble as he picked the tinier shards out of his legs and fists. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, all he could feel was pain and shame while he tried to dig out a rather small but irritatingly painful shard of mirror from his left knee. Had it tried to embed itself in his bone or something? Uryuu grimaced and growled softly to himself. After all, there was no one else to blame but himself.

He'd hit the mirrors. He'd broken the mirrors. He'd done this to himself. For a moment, Uryuu stopped and put the tweezers down on the bathroom sink, and ran his hands through his hair, pulling the strands away from his glazed over eyes. But what was he supposed to do? He heard Ichigo correctly, felt the painful touch on his shoulders demanding that Uryuu follow orders. Yet, when he'd tried to escape, instead of punishment, it was Ichigo's befuddled face and worried questions that bombarded him. 

He'd been unable to process the information then, so like a coward he'd turned around with his tail between his legs and took off, leaving Ichigo, his friends, and the carnival in the dust. Stupid. It wasn't like being alone helped him to process the information any better, though he did have to admit he was a little calmer now that Ichigo wasn't constantly lurking around every corner. Or had he ever really been?

Uryuu's grip on his hair tightened, and he had the insane, frustrated thought to just take a chunk and rip it out of his skull. Even that pain would still probably be less than the pain he'd suffered at Ichigo's hands. With a shaking breath that he was trying so hard not to let turn into a sob, Uryuu picked the tweezers back up, determined to finish his work and go straight to bed. He had just brought the head of the tweesers below his cut skin, grasping for the sliver of mirror, when a quiet 'Thump' from outside the bathroom door startled him. He managed to catch the sliver, but yanked it from his skin while throwing the tweesers at the door, his startled gasp turning into a stifled cry of pain.

For a second, the noise was forgotten as he pressed on the wound and tried to mentally tell himself it didn't hurt, but his paranoia was what finally made the pain go away. There were now more noises, sounding like footsteps and heading angrily his way. Uryuu's body stiffened painfully, and in that moment, he was frozen to the edge of the tub. Panicked eyes flew to the door handle, only partially relieved to find it was locked, especially when the handle began trying to turn. 

"Uryuu..."

Ichigo's warning voice growled out, and Uryuu's breath caught in his throat. He'd gotten in again, and was here to punish him for his disobedience earlier, which meant more pain and more rape. Terrified, Uryuu launched himself off the side of the tub as Ichigo began banging on the door, trying to break it down. His fingers shakily opened the medicine cabinet, hoping he would find something he could use as a weapon.

BANG. BANG.

Uryuu flinched heavily with every loud noise coming from behind him, only to feel like someone had knocked the wind from his chest when he heard Ichigo call out,

"Stop fucking around and get out here!"

It was all Uryuu could do to stop himself from falling to his knees, his knuckles white from gripping the sink. He stared into the sheet he'd placed over his bathroom mirror, trying desparately to bring air back into his lungs as blood pounded deafeningly in his ears. But it wasn't loud enough to drown out the softer, but still shouted,

"That's it. Don't say I never gave you a chance."

"NO!" the scream tore its way past Uryuu's throat in the same fashion the hiccup almost destroyed the last sylible of his terrified response.

His hands let go of the sink and he fell onto his ass, breathing erratically, only to scoot backward toward the tub, his eyes frozen on the door as he screamed again,

"NO! GO AWAY!"

His answer was a pause in noise outside his door, and for a split second, Uryuu allowed him the hope that he'd convinced Ichigo to leave him alone. Those same hopes that were shattered like the mirror when a final, louder noise burst open the lock on the door and it swung out to slam into the wall behind it. Uryuu's eyes squeezed shut, his hands coming up to protect his head as his legs curled up toward his torso. He knew it wouldn't help much, but the trembling in his body was making it difficult to move any other way, and the angry footsteps were already coming toward him.

Uryuu was getting dizzy from hyperventilation, and he could feel tears pricking at the edges of his eyes as his muscles tightened painfully so. He knew Ichigo was going to hurt him. The way he sounded, what he'd already said... was he going to kill him? Would Ichigo just forget about whatever he wanted with him and slit his throat? Or was the death going to be as slow and torturous as the rapes were, if not worse?

The footsteps stopped in front of him, and Uryuu's mind went wild with terror. He could just see Ichigo leaning down, grabbing him by the neck and slamming him into the bathroom wall before taking him again and again and again, each time cutting off Uryuu's breath unless Uryuu made Ichigo cum. Uryuu could already feel himself starting to sway from the dizzy sensation and the prickly feeling warring with the bone deep pain in his limbs, his entire body trembling horribly.

Seconds passed.

A minute went by.

Slowly, Uryuu managed to gather up the courage to crack his eyes open and look up.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV) 

He had expected something more to be thrown at him, with the way Uryuu had acted last time. He had expected a heated argument, perhaps even a few thrown punches from the boy. He had expected a lot of different outcomes; just... not this one.

He kicked the door in only to find Uryuu curled in the fetal position against the side of the tub, his hands flying to his head to protect himself. His body was visibly shaking to an extreme degree, and his breathing was fast, heavy, and laboured. Not only that, but his trousers were pulled half way up his thighs, revealing several bruises, red and irritated skin, and puncture marks that looked freshly bloody. His hands were the same: his sleeves were rolled up about to his elbows and showed even worse signs of abuse and wounds.

Ryuuken was almost about to question what was going on when his eyes caught sight of the medicine cabinet, thrown open with a few pill bottles tipped over, and a sheet over the mirror on the other side. He let his expression completely fall to a stony position, and started forward. Uryuu continued trembling, and when Ryuuken stopped in front of him, he saw the boy finch, but he refused to look up.

With an inward snarl, Ryuuken forced himself to remain quiet, crouching down so that he would be eye level with Uryuu when he finally decided to open his eyes.

Seconds passed.

A minute went by.

Then slowly, ever so timidly, Uryuu's head lifted slightly out of the cradle of his arms and knees, and his eyes cracked open like he expected a demon to confront him. This thought only made Ryuuken narrow his eyes, and before Uryuu could register who it was before him, Ryuuken had lost all patience. His hand shot forward to grip Uryuu's chin tightly, lifting his face up to where the light would hit it better.

Uryuu's eyes widened, and as he finally recognized who had hold of him, there was a lot of fist-flailing that made Ryuuken finally let go, standing up to his full height to tower over the boy curled up by the tub.

"You have five seconds to explain yourself."

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV) 

Uryuu couldn't think; his entire mind was a series of panicked and wild thoughts that made no sense. Ichigo was pounding on his doors and now Ryuuken was standing over him, looking pissed off. What happened... and what was happening to him? Uryuu tried to take a calming breath, but his body wouldn't stop trembling. He stuttered and squeaked as he tried to answer Ryuuken, only to wince when his mouth wouldn't form the words he didn't know how to say.

How do you even explain such a situation? ... I was raped by our enemy, my body liked it, he's tortured me, and now I'm seeing him everywhere? Uryuu didn't have much time to dwell on the thoughts, however, because Ryuuken began speaking again, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Your time is up, Uryuu. It's eleven thirty at night; if you're not going to explain to me how and where you got the drugs, then I want you out of the house by seven in the morning tomorrow."

Ryuuken started to turn around, to walk out of the bathroom when Uryuu's mind finally caught up to the words he'd heard. With another, more nervous squeak of his voice, he called out,

"W-wait! D-drugs...?"

Ryuuken paused, but he really didn't turn back to face Uryuu, nor did he turn to fully face the door. He stood there looking at the open medicine cabinet, to which Uryuu followed his gaze.

"I'm not sure which one you're taking, but I know you're taking one. Psychotic episodes, dilated pupils, hallucinations, self-harm." Uryuu caught Ryuuken's intense, stern gaze in the mirror, reminding him of the stare Ichigo gave him when he'd done wrong, and it caused him to shiver and look away. "You did do that to yourself, didn't you, Uryuu."

It wasn't so much of a question, as it was a statement, and Uryuu remembered the wounds on his hands and legs, wincing with the memory. It was true, he really had done it to himself... So with a defeated tone, he mumbled out,

".. yes."

"So tell me where you got it." Ryuuken turned back to face Uryuu all the way, staring him down with a molten gaze that kept Uryuu looking everywhere but his father's eyes.

"I..." He started, only to realize he had nothing to tell him. 

He wouldn't believe the truth even if Uryuu showed him the evidence. If he ever did believe the truth... heaven help him. So it was better to lie. Better to be 'impotent' and 'on drugs' than sexually abused. Without looking up, Uryuu answered softly,

"A few of my friends at school were showing the pills around. I took a few and took them the past few days. I'm out of pills now, and I really don't want anymore."

Uryuu waited for what felt like an hour before Ryuuken finally responded after turning back toward the door and heading out,

"Make sure you don't. Next time I catch you like this, you're living on the streets. I will not have a shameful wretch under my roof."

After a few seconds, the door to the bathroom slammed shut, only to swing open just slightly afterward. The lock had been completely busted off the door, and would need to be repaired. With a broken sob, Uryuu tried to lift himself off the tiles as quickly as possible. It had to be fixed. It didn't matter that he felt like he was breaking into nothing; it didn't matter that he couldn't tell his own blood that he was scared out of his mind, and it definitely didn't matter that he had just lied, keeping Ichigo out of the way of suspicion. Like they really were lovers and not enemies.

Tears mapped their way down Uryuu's cheeks as he moved shakily into his bedroom, looking for his wallet. It didn't matter that things were falling apart so quickly, it didn't matter that he couldn't sleep well anymore, it didn't matter that he couldn't eat well anymore. It didn't matter.

It didn't matter.

...

...

It couldn't matter.

Because no one cared enough to make it matter.


	8. The Visitor: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Uryuu feels like he's at his limit, something worse keeps happening to him, and today is no different. After a startling phone call, Uryuu learns his tormentor has found a way into his home unannounced, and Uryuu has to go searching for him. After tearing himself apart from wanting to run and yet face his demons (inner and exterior), Uryuu is faced with an unexpected twist.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV) 

Four forty five in the morning, Sunday: the bathroom door was finally fixed. Uryuu took a deep breath, stepping back to admire his handiwork before moving over to the tub and turning on the water. He wasn't planning on sleeping, so he might as well keep himself busy, and the first thing he could think of was cleaning up the bathroom. From there... well, he'd give his room a nice scrub down, and try to erase the memories embedded in the wood floors.

At around six thirty, while he was finishing up his room, he heard the front door open and close, and knew Ryuuken had gone to work at the hospital. Uryuu let out a sigh, finally feeling alone and able to really take a look into his thoughts, except... every thought he needed to go over he didn't want to think about. He needed to find a way to beat Ichigo. He needed to find some way to stand up and stop letting this happen to himself. He needed to be stronger and braver and -

Uryuu jumped with a yelp as the phone on his nightstand rung, only to throw down the broom he had in his hands, making an even louder noise on the wooden floor as he scowled, storming over to the phone. Unable to control his sudden burst of anger, he snatched the phone of the stand, answering with a forced,

"Ishida?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line before a familiar female voice spoke quietly into his ear.

"... You okay, Uryuu? I mean, Ichigo warned me that you were probably sick, but you sound..."

She trailed off, leaving Uryuu to cringe at the use of Ichigo's name, but before he could either continue with his anger or slide back into that depressive, panicked state, he heard her continue.

"Anyway. He said something about wanting to check on you, so I was hoping he was with you right now?"

Uryuu's heart felt like it skipped a beat, suddenly. His eyes flew to his bedroom window, which was still sealed and locked ever since that first incident. His bedroom door, likewise, was sealed and locked for the time being. Swallowing, he picked the broom up off the floor and held the phone a little closer to his ear, lowering his voice as he spoke,

"Rukia... why would Ichigo be over here?"

Trying to calm his breathing, Uryuu listened carefully as Rukia went into detail of how Ichigo had been sleeping so much recently, so when she'd gone back to his place to wake him up for an early breakfast, she'd found his room completely empty; not even Kon knew where Ichigo had gone, or when he'd left. At the end of her explanation, Uryuu's grip on the broom was hurting his knuckles, painted white from the pressure. His careful breathing he was sure was still coming across loud and clear on the phone, only adding to the pauses Rukia was taking now that she'd finished her words.

"I ... I see." Uryuu forced himself to utter. "If you'll give me a few minutes... I'll go downstairs and check. Um...!" Trying not to panic, Uryuu added quickly, "S-stay on the phone with me. If it's not any trouble. I'll only be a few minutes."

"Sure, Uryuu." 

He could hear the confusion in her voice, and he couldn't help but kick himself for how weak he was sounding, but he couldn't get past the fear that Ichigo was in his house again, and this time, he was all alone, with no one to stop Ichigo since he couldn't. The thought of having Rukia on the phone with him, to be able to tell her the results of whether Ichigo was or wasn't in the home with him... it made him feel safer. More secure, even.

With that thought, he pinned the phone between his shoulder and his ear, and unlocked the door while still gripping the broom tightly in his right hand. The door creaked slowly open, and Uryuu peered down the dark hallway silently, like a rabbit checking if the coast was clear. Deciding that it was, he inched the door open further and slid out silently, trying to avoid all the creaking areas on the floor that would give his position away. 

Nothing in the other bedroom, closet, study, bathroom, or anywhere on the second floor. He was safe here. With a sigh of relief, Uryuu allowed himself the comfort of speaking softly, saying to Rukia,

"He's not on the second floor."

"What about the first floor?" came Rukia's confused reply.

Shit. Of course, he would be expected to inspect the first floor as well. Swallowing heavily, Uryuu gripped the broom tighter with his shaking hand, and turned toward the stairs.

"... right. Of course." he uttered, though whether it was to Rukia or himself, he wasn't sure.

Each step felt like he was decending into the depths of hell, waiting to embrace him with torture and pain until the day he died. His heart was racing, and every second he felt like he wanted to vomit with the way his stomach churned. At the middle of the stairs, when Uryuu stepped down, the floor creaked, and every muscle in his body froze: including his breathing. His body felt rigid and unwilling to move as he listened for any kinds of noises in the house, so it almost brought tears to his eyes when he heard what sounded like metal scraping noises from the kitchen.

He could picture Ichigo sitting on the counter top, sharpening a knife with another knife, waiting for Uryuu to come down. Even the thought made goosebumps break out over Uryuu's skin, and it was hard enough for him not to bolt for the door. Carefully and as quietly as he could, he whispered to Rukia,

"... he's here. He's in my house."

He tried to convey the desperation he felt, but the words came out numb; distant. So it was no surprise, but an internal horror when he heard Rukia respond,

"Ah, that's good. I was just making sure. Tell him to bring back some of those sweets he got yesterday back, too. They're really good. Have fun!"

Click.

Uryuu lowered the phone into his view, staring at the shaking screen seconds before it dimmed. His last hope; his last lifeline: gone. The only reason he didn't throw the phone at the wall was because Ichigo would hear him. Swallowing again, Uryuu forced himself to close the phone and put it in his back pocket before gripping the broom handle with both hands, his knuckles turning white seconds later. He was all alone. 

He was afraid.

And there was nothing he could do but face it head on. Even if he managed to sneak back to his room, how long until Ichigo got tired of waiting and came up to find him? He could try to run, but there was no way he was getting out of the front door without Ichigo knowing. Would he attack him in pubic? He'd gotten to him in the library, but that was after they were closed and no one was around... then again, he'd seemed happy to find people outside the window, even if they hadn't noticed.

Uryuu shuddered with his indecision, trying to steel himself for a showdown but unable to muster the nerve to do so. So he stood there.

For what felt like an hour.

Then, almost suddenly, Uryuu's nose caught the scent of something cooking. Rather, something burning. His legs were moving before his mind could catch up with him, though the thought of Ichigo setting the house on fire did make him want to tear out of the house like a bat out of hell. Instead, he found himself running toward the kitchen, broom in hand, just as the smoke detector began blaring its shrill alarm. Uryuu skidded to a stop at the open kitchen door, raising the broom high as if it would help him to fend off his attacker, only to stop cold.

Ichigo turned and gave him a surprised look, before turning the stove off and waving off the smoke coming from the skillet. With a hurried look about him, he rushed onto the counter, reaching at a dangerous angle to hit the button on the smoke detector to turn it off, leaving the kitchen in silence if it wasn't for the quiet, dying sizzling noises left. Ichigo turned back to Uryuu after sliding off the counter, scratching at his head and giving a breathy laugh, but other than that, the two stared at each other for a while.

It was only after Ichigo lowered his hand and stopped laughing, and gave him an odd look that Uryuu realized he felt like he was hyperventilating, and was still holding the broom above his head, weilded by a pair of white-knuckled and shaking hands. He didn't know what to do; his mind and his body felt in shock, and wouldn't move on his command. Ichigo's voice made every single muscle in his body jump, but it still wouldn't move.

"What are you doing?"

When Uryuu didn't answer, Ichigo made a face, then shrugged and turned back toward the skillet before looking through the drawers, coming up with a fork and putting it in the skillet, and moving toward the dining room table. He sat the skillet down in front of one chair, then moved around to pull out the chair opposite it, and sat down. It was only then he glanced back at Uryuu, not having moved still, and said again,

"Come on. I made you breakfast. It's a little burnt, but I'm not a cook, so this'll have to do."

For a moment, Ichigo waited, and when Uryuu continued to hesitate, he waved his hand toward the chair in front of the skillet. Slowly - ever so slowly - Uryuu lowered the broom to his side, and took a few tentative steps into the kitchen, expecting Ichigo to hop from his seat to attack at any moment. He kept pausing on his way to the table, but Ichigo just kept watching with that slightly confused, slightly expectant gaze. Like there was something on his mind.

Unable to fathom what it might be, Uryuu gingerly slid into the seat, but he still hadn't let go of his tight grip on the broom. But it was with a sigh that Ichigo leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms behind his head and looking up at the ceiling. He took a few moments that way, and as nervous as Uryuu was, the smell of food was making his mouth water. When was the last time he'd actually eaten...? Last his memory knew, it had been a little bit of ice cream with Rukia and the others. So... over a day now.

As if on cue, his stomach growled quietly, and Uryuu let the broom slip from his fingertips, clattering to the floor. Unable to help himself, he picked up the fork and began shoveling food into his mouth, savoring the way actual food tasted on his tongue; the few seconds it was there. Bite by bite, Uryuu devoured the entire skillet of eggs, hardly tasting the burnt crust, and hardly minding. When he had finished a few minutes later, he set the fork down gently on the side of the skillet, linking his hands together in his lap.

He had managed to forget Ichigo was sitting directly across from him until his ears heard him shift in his seat. Then it was all he could do to avoid eye contact, afraid of what he would find if he looked up. But it wasn't the words that caught his attention, or made him look at Ichigo. It was the voice of his tormentor, the voice that haunted his nightmares and his living hell.

"Look at me."

Shaking, Uryuu glanced up at Ichigo to find the man had both his elbows on the table, and his hands linked together in front of his nose. He was staring at Uryuu, like he was waiting on an answer, and expected one. Uryuu's heart skipped a beat, and was torn between begging forgiveness for eating and running out of the room when Ichigo spoke again.

"What happened yesterday."

It wasn't a question, and the voice was serious; too serious. Uryuu's head was swimming, and his hands were clammy and beginning to tingle. It might have been Ichigo asking what happened, but it was Ichigo daring him to say anything. Daring him to admit it so he could punish Uryuu for it. The look said it all; the dangerous glint in those eyes told Uryuu that if he uttered a word to anybody, he'd wish he was dead, and Uryuu believed him.

His mouth was dry, and even when he swallowed to wet his mouth to speak a lie, no saliva came, and neither did any words. His ears were ringing loudly, and the tingling feeling had spread through his entire body, especially to his face. What was he supposed to say? What did Ichigo want him to say? What was acceptable?

"Uryuu!"

He heard Ichigo's voice as if from a distance, but it was obvious he was sitting in front of him; it was only when his image became blurry that Uryuu realized his breathing was far too shallow and fast to be good.

By then, it was too late to correct. Uryuu's vision was already turning black when he watched Ichigo move out of the chair in slow motion, and watched the chair tip over backward.

He never heard it hit the ground.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Rukia's POV) 

She hit the end button on her phone, but stared at it for a moment or two longer, going over the conversation in her head. Something was off lately about Uryuu, and she didn't buy into him being sick. Ichigo had promised to tell her what he knew last night, but he'd been exhausted and went straight to bed before she could probe him for answers. No, there was more to this than what it seemed, and Rukia wanted to figure out what.

Putting the phone down on Ichigo's nightstand, she turned on her heel, and headed toward the door. If both of them were at Uryuu's place, then they shouldn't mind if she paid them a little visit.


	9. The Visitor: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much the same few hours told from two separate view points, both Ichigo and Uryuu.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV) 

It was all he could do to make it to Uryuu in time to catch him, and save him from falling sideways onto the floor. Once Uryuu was safely in his arms, he sighed out of frustration, looking down at the unconscious male, only to shake his head. One of these days, somehow, he'd get Uryuu to tell him what's going on. 

At least, that was his thought as he laid Uryuu gently on the couch in the living room, pulling up a chair and just sitting there, as lost in his own thoughts as he could be. How long had Uryuu been acting strange? ... a few weeks now, hadn't it been? It had started out he was jumpy... maybe a bit angry... then it seemed like he'd started avoiding everyone. Going home as soon as classes were over, barely arriving to school on time...

The more Ichigo thought about it, the less it all made sense. Something had to have happened to cause this; it just wasn't like Uryuu to be acting... paranoid. Then a grim thought crossed Ichigo's mind; if Uryuu was becoming paranoid, what was the cause of it? Was it because he'd lost his Quincy powers in the fight? Could that be the reason there were heavy dark circles under his eyes, and small little bruises on his arms from time to time? Was he training every second he wasn't at school, trying to get his powers back? Was it because he felt uncomfortable without them, or because he'd never had to live without them before?

Ichigo's face fell into a grimace as he watched Uryuu's expression twitch, though his body remained still where Ichigo had set him. 

'Is that the reason for all this, Uryuu...? I just want to know what's wrong.' he implored through his thoughts, before sighing quietly.

How long until Uryuu woke back up? Ichigo wasn't sure, so he supposed he might as well try to busy himself. After all, there was those dishes he'd dirtied that-

Ichigo himself started at the sudden knocking on the front door, glancing quickly at Uryuu and feeling a little guilty that he was the one who had to open it, not the owner of the house. The knocks sounded out again, and Ichigo started toward the door, grasping the handle and turning it slightly, only opening the door a crack before throwing it as wide as his eyes.

"Rukia?"

Ichigo was quiet as Rukia poked her head in, glancing around. She seemed curious, and even more so when she said,

"Hey, Ichigo, where's Uryuu?"

Blinking rapidly to clear his thoughts, he opened the door wide enough for Rukia to enter through, and pointed toward the living room.

"He's... unconscious." At Rukia's sudden stare, Ichigo hurriedly continued, "I didn't do it. I wanted to ask him about what happened last night, and he just started hyperventilating. Made himself pass out, so I carried him to the couch so he wouldn't be draped over the chair and the floor."

Rukia's gaze slowly went toward the living room door before she sighed, and started toward it. Ichigo followed her steps, and they came into the large living room, found a few chairs to move next to the couch, and sat down. Ichigo watched as Rukia pondered the male lying on the couch, and saw her bring her chin into her hands for a few moments. When she finally spoke, her eyes never strayed from Uryuu, but her voice was quiet, so as not to disturb him.

"Why did you come over here so early, Ichigo?"

This time, Ichigo gave the sigh, and sat back in the chair, linking his hands behind his head and staring up at the ceiling.

"I just wanted to figure out what's been going on. Uryuu's... been acting odd recently. Especially the episode with the mirrors, I thought something was wrong. That maybe I could help. But... I've been thinking, Rukia."

He glanced over at her, only to see he had captured her attention, and she was gazing expectantly at him, waiting on an answer. So he continued.

"What if losing his powers has made some kind of fear of... I don't know. Of being powerless?"

Rukia's gaze slid somberly back to Uryuu, and she seemed to think over a reply. Ichigo desperately wanted to hear her take on the situation, but it was at that moment that Uryuu stirred, making Ichigo sit up straight. Rukia on the other hand, seemed to stay in her thinking position, letting Uryuu wake up without her staring at him.

Uryuu's eyes opened dazedly, and took a moment to focus before he glanced around.

Laid eyes on Ichigo.

Ichigo was out of his seat the moment Uryuu screamed. It only lasted for a few seconds, but it was enough of a scare to send the chair back into the ground and keep Ichigo on his feet, chest heaving. Rukia, while she had jumped, had glanced between Uryuu and Ichigo, before watching Uryuu take in more of his surroundings; Rukia included; and settled for nestling back against the arm and back of the couch, putting his hand over his heart, and breathing a heavy sigh.

Then he laughed.

"Damn it, Ichigo, that's just creepy. Do you like people staring at you when you sleep?"

Ichigo didn't understand it. He glanced at Rukia, trying to convey to her he didn't know what the hell was going on, but Rukia had her head tilted, and spoke softly, turning Uryuu's attention toward her,

"When did you go to sleep, Uryuu?"

Uryuu thought for a moment before folding his arms over his chest and saying a bit quietly,

"Well... I didn't actually go to sleep. I kind of passed out since I didn't get any sleep at all last night. It's been a bit of a rough patch at home recently."

"I see." came Rukia's reply, "And are you okay?"

To which, Uryuu smiled, saying easily, "As much as I can be right now. Why do you ask?"

"... no reason. Ichigo?" She lifted her gaze to meet his eyes before motioning toward the hallway, "A word?"

Awestruck at the sudden change in demeanor of the both of them, Ichigo turned without a word and walked into the hallway to wait for Rukia, who was a few seconds behind him. When he caught her assessing gaze, he opened his hands and gestured for her to hear him out.

"Look, I don't know what's going on, okay? All I did was cook him breakfast and ask him a question, I didn't know-"

"Ichigo, I know." Rukia stopped him mid-sentence, and paused to make sure he was listening, before continuing. "Something's bothering Uryuu right now, though. I'm not sure, but it almost seems like he doesn't want to speak about it in front of you. So what I suggest is we both leave for now, and I'll come back after school tomorrow and see if I can figure out what's going on, okay?"

Ichigo sighed with relief, giving Rukia a smile. 

"Alright, as long as it helps."

"Oh, it will."

Rukia went back to the living room to tell Uryuu goodbye, but came out seconds later and fixed Ichigo with an odd look.

"You ready to go?"

The words came bursting through his ears like a foreign language before his brain managed to process it. Still, he found himself muttering,

"Huh...?" before he could catch himself.

Shaking his head, he glance around quickly, before his brain actually began functioning normally again. ... Wasn't he standing next to the stairs before Rukia went back in to talk to Uryuu? That can't be; he must have always been standing next to the door. With another shake of his head, he brushed it off, guessing he must have just spaced out.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Let's go."

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV) 

Everything was getting way out of hand. Uryuu's breath caught as motion swirled around him, too fast to process; just a blur of color and sound before his vision bloomed with orange, making him panic. He tried to force his body backward, but his legs wouldn't move. A glance downward served to find a tree pinning his legs into the ground at an awkward angle, keeping him from moving. In horror, Uryuu opened his mouth to scream, but no there was no sound. Suddenly, the orange was closer, and with it, the flash and glint of sharpened steel. 

Tears bled through his eyes as he felt the first slash run straight down his chest, and an immense pain wracked his entire body in trembling shivers. Time and time again, Uryuu was cut and battered by his tormentor, until he was nothing but a bloody mess crying silently out for help when no one could hear him. He wanted this to end, all of the pain, all of the suffering... he just wanted it to end. He wanted to die.

But he woke up, instead.

Colors swirled before his eyes, and it took a few attempts to get them to focus on the ceiling above him. He could still feel the terror of the dream making his heart pound, but waking up, Uryuu knew he was safe again; for now. The time of horror had passed and all he had to do was make it through another day. Trying to get his barrings, Uryuu glanced to his side, seeing the back of a couch, only to wonder when he had laid down on the couch. Putting the question aside, he figured he could answer it when he was less drowsy. He glanced to his other side, and suddenly orange filled his vision.

Uryuu never even though about the scream that ripped past his throat before he heard himself, and instantly closed his mouth as he sat up straight. It took that split second for memories to come flying back; of Ichigo daring him not to say a word about what was going on. Trying to calm the shaking in his limbs, he watched Ichigo jump out of his chair, the chair slamming into the ground, and found that Rukia had been sitting next to him. Was this all a test? It made his blood run cold to think Ichigo would test him like this, but he couldn't fathom the pain Ichigo would inflict if Uryuu gave away the secret. 

He didn't want to hurt anymore. So with his mind flying at several miles per second, he racked his brain for ways to play off what had just happened, and with a shaken soul, he curled against the back of the couch, trying to put as much distance between himself and Ichigo, and acted. His hand flew to his heart, which pounded in betrayal beneath his fingertips, and he forced a laugh.

"Damn it, Ichigo, that's just creepy." He hoped to hell they didn't hear his voice shaking. "Do you like people staring at you when you sleep?"

Then he waited. With every millisecond that passed, his heart sank, feeling as though he didn't play his part correctly, and if he would be punished for it. Could Rukia even save him, or would she just get caught up in the terror too...? He was spiraling down into that place again, but it took Rukia's voice to snap his attention back to the situation at hand.

"When did you go to sleep, Uryuu?"

Uryuu's breath caught, and for a moment, hope and dread filled him equally. Hope that he was doing good at deceiving, and dread that he was losing his chance for help. Still, his body seemed to urge him toward the decieving, having had more than enough pain for a lifetime, and defensively he crossed his arms, trying not to show his erratic heart beat as he pretended to think before saying softly, hesitant to say the words,

"Well... I didn't actually go to sleep. I kind of passed out since I didn't get any sleep at all last night. It's been a bit of a rough patch at home recently."

'Screw this, you need to get me away from this monster!' 

Uryuu fought to restrain himself even as he fought to explain himself to what might be his only savior in the worst possible situation.

"I see." Uryuu was hanging on her every word, hoping she was somehow able to catch onto his plight. "And are you okay?"

To which, Uryuu smiled, smiling while he felt he was dying inside.

"As much as I can be right now. Why do you ask?"

'Please, please, don't listen to me, Rukia...'

"... No reason." 

Uryuu wanted to cry; to scream, to yell, or even to die. The later was always an option, since it ended everything, including this insufferable position he found himself in.

"Ichigo, a word?" Rukia continued, but Uryuu only barely heard her.

He'd done it. For better or worse, he'd led Rukia to believe nothing was wrong, and he had to work harder than he'd ever had to before to keep the tears from his eyes. He barely heard it when the two left the room, being so caught up in his internal fight. Now what was he going to do? He'd just obliterated any chance he'd had of getting help, and he was pretty much giving Ichigo free reign with his body.

The thought made him shiver intensely, and his breathing constantly pushed his chest against his arms in an irregular rhythm, but he couldn't let himself pass out again. He had to do better, had to ...

"Uryuu?"

He jumped as he heard Rukia call his name from the doorway, and as his gaze shot up, she was walking toward him. She didn't bother to sit down, but she got really close to him, making him shrink back into the couch without even thinking. Her voice lowered, and it took a few seconds for her words to register to Uryuu's mind. 

"If you ever need to talk, Uryuu, I'm only a phone call away."

He wanted to say something; scream, cry, shout, tell her everything that was going on, but everything caught in the middle of his throat, pilling up until he felt like he couldn't breathe, but Rukia filled the silence for him, giving him a very small smile.

"I'm not sure what's going on, but you can always talk to me. I'm going to take Ichigo home now, but if you ever want me to come over by myself, I'd be glad to. Okay?"

Uryuu couldn't keep up with his mind. Everything was spinning around him, worry for Rukia's safety, worry for his own safety, hope that the ordeal was almost over, dread that it was just beginning, all of it swirled around him, leaving him speechless and unable to give Rukia an answer. But she just patiently waited, watching him so kindly, Uryuu finally managed to move his head in a nod. It was then that Rukia's smile brightened considerably, and for the first time in a while, Uryuu felt his heart lift.

"Alright. I'll wait on you to call. See you later, Uryuu."

Uryuu sat on the couch in the same position as before, fighting off the breath of relief until after he heard the door shut behind the two of them. Then it was like every muscle in his body went limp with relief, the tenseness draining from his body as he slumped into the couch. He'd somehow managed to put up a front with Ichigo so he wouldn't get punished, and still shown Rukia he needed help. Not much longer now, and everything would be done and over with and he wouldn't ever have to think about it.

There was almost a smile pulling at his lips when Uryuu finally pulled himself off the couch, starting sleepily toward the stairs. Now that the conversation was over, his sleepless night really was weighing on him, and while he was feeling better, he wanted to try for a dreamless sleep. 

He almost missed it.

And once he saw it, he wished he did.

There, on the side of the stairs, was a crumpled up piece of paper. Normally Uryuu would have just walked right past, or just placed it in the trash without a second thought.

He didn't know why he opened the paper, only that he regretted it.

There, written on the paper, was:

'Don't Make Me Kill Rukia.'

The paper slipped from his lifeless fingers even as his knees gave way, sending him crashing painfully into the stairs, but he barely felt it. What good feelings his body had before were long gone, replaced by an ice cold wash of dread all over again.

He was never going to escape.


	10. Shatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uryuu's finally lost it, and the events at the end of the chapter show us just how broken our little former archer is. Will he be able to come back from this, or is this the end?

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu’s POV)

Once Uryuu made it to his room, he didn't leave. He laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling, vaguely aware of how the sun moved across the room well into the afternoon, to the evening time, then disappeared as night fell. His stomach started to growl around evening, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. 

So Uryuu laid there, and watched as the shadows grew in the room. They started small, but out of the corners of his eyes, he watched the shadows sway and swell, each of them taking on Ichigo's form. He watched numbly as they came toward him, but even as he felt his heart pounding in his chest, he knew there was no point in moving away. No point in running, fighting, or hiding. Ichigo would find him no matter where he went; he would find him, rape him, and torture him, and leave him barely alive to repeat the process again and again and again....

Uryuu felt the tears leak out his eyes, even as he felt fingers ghosting over his flesh, beneath his clothes. He wanted to scream, but his mouth never opened. He wanted to run, but his body never moved. His mind forced him to relive every moment while he stayed mute and still on the bed, crying silently to himself.

He was trapped, with no escape. Only death could free him, but even Ichigo wouldn't let that happen.

Unless.

Uryuu's eyes snapped open, shining with tears and hysteria. He could still feel the hands groping at his flesh, feel the tearing of flesh inside him as fingers penetrated his defenses, see the shadows moving around him. It made his stomach turn and heave, but he managed to find the strength to push himself out of bed. His legs wobbled and almost buckled as they hit the floor, but it took that first step toward the bathroom for his legs to actually give way and send him crashing into the floor.

He whimpered quietly on impact, his cheek and shoulder taking the brunt of the damage, and for a moment, the shadows pulled back from him, leaving Uryuu to lay on the floor and catch his breath. Then they started again, twining around his shaking form and slipping into his most intimate parts, piercing into his very core and bringing a fresh set of tears to his eyes. Barely able to hold up his body, he raised himself onto his arms, and crawled toward the bathroom.

Each inch was agonizing, and after so long, the tormenting shadows had wrapped themselves around his legs, not only making them useless, but slipping underneath his skin and trying to rip him apart from the inside. They knew what he was trying to do, and they were trying to stop him, just like Ichigo would. With a mute yell of pain and anger, Uryuu opened his mouth, breathing heavily as he forced his arms to obey his will instead of the shadows that threatened his existence.

Pain was everywhere, especially in his limbs, as he made it to the bathroom door. Tears still spilling over his face, he knew he had to get up to actually open the door, but his legs wouldn't move. Looking back, he could see the shadows encasing his lower half, and felt it acutely when several fingers tore through his opening, making his body stiffen up and another scream to die halfway up his throat. With nothing else to do, Uryuu's fist came down on his knee, dead on one of the shadows holding him down.

This time, he did yelp in pain, but the pain was much lighter and somehow chased away some of the shadows clinging onto his despair. With a manic light in Uryuu's eyes, he made the connection.

And began beating his legs with his fists.

Blow after blow, he drove the shadow hands back until they were cowering at the edges of his vision, leaving him free to move. Breathing heavily, Uryuu barely noticed as he tried to stand the pain that snaked up his spine, or the way his freshly bruised legs wobbled and still threatened to buckle under his weight.

He only relished the fact he could stand.

He opened the door with trembling hands, and hobbled into the bathroom, barely catching himself on the sink as his legs started to give way. Managing to pull himself back up with a strength he didn't know was there, he reached quickly for the shaving razor as the shadows closed in from the doorway, waiting for their moment to strike. Letting himself fall away from the sink, he landed hard on his ass, sending another flair of pain up his spine, but it only seemed to hold the shadows at bay.

His forehead was slicked with sweat and his hair was sticking and matted around his eyes, but he couldn't bother to waste the effort to push them off his brow. Instead, he waved the razor at the shadows, giving a breathy laugh.

"I've got you now...! I know your weakness!" he found himself shouting, but it didn't matter.

Driving the shadows away was all that he needed to focus on right now. But shock filled him as the shadows drove onward, surprising him from the tub behind, and curling around his left arm. With a terrified gasp, Uryuu never thought about what came next.

Only slashed at his upper arm with the razor, pleased to watch the shadows retreat.

Oblivious to the red staining his shirt, as the shadows attacked from everywhere, he fought back in the only way he knew how.

Pain.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ 

School was hell. Having to sit still for hours, listening to someone babble on about mathematical nonsense when there were bigger terrors in the world to be reckoned with was not Uryuu's idea of a good day. He could barely focus on the book in front of him, much less the words that floated in one ear and out the other. All day, he kept his left hand in his pocket, fingering the razor he'd brought with him, just in case the shadows decided to attack during the day. So far, they'd kept to the edges of his vision, but he wanted to be safe.

He'd noticed Rukia giving him side-long glances every now and again, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Better to keep her un-involved in this. And he didn't even dare look Ichigo's way, in case he could make the shadows attack on whim. No, that was something Uryuu couldn't deal with right now. So he managed to make it through the day without paying attention to a single word anyone said, and rushing out the door before anyone could stop him.

Those were his school days. Thankfully uneventful, numb and antisocial.

Once he got home, he would eat a small meal then head straight to the bathroom and reopen every slash mark on his body to hold the shadows at bay during the night before laying down and shutting his eyes tight. The door and window were always locked, and the light was always on to give the shadows trouble forming. Sometimes he would fall asleep, sometimes he wouldn't. Sometimes his phone would go off, but he wouldn't answer it; and sometimes, he laid there until his alarm blared at him, and he would start the routine all over again.

Those were his school nights. Blissfully regular. Normal.

Uryuu was finally in control.

Until the nightmares returned with a vengeance.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ 

Uryuu's eyes shot open, panicking when only darkness met his eyes. His body stiffened immediately, and he could feel the shadows creeping forward to squeeze the life out of him, his arms reaching out to push the darkness away, only to find them weighted down by some unknown force. His heart shot into his throat and he felt like he was choking down bile as he struggled, his breath coming quicker and quicker until there was no air to breathe. He could feel his body sweating profusely and the dread of dying painfully swirled around his head.

He could feel the shadows on him now, slimy, sickening hands sliding over his abused flesh, trying to slip under his skin to kill him from the inside out, and Uryuu opened his mouth to scream. Instead, he gagged and almost threw up when he felt a rough, cotton feeling enter his already dry mouth. He spat as he struggled, trying to dislodge the uncomfortable fuzzy mess from his mouth, and finally succeeded...

At pulling the covers off his body. Light hit his sensitive eyes and he flinched, covering his eyes with his arm even as he felt the shadows slowly dripping off his skin, as if the light had melted them. His chest still heaving, Uryuu shakily brushed the cold sweat off his brow before kicking the blankets into a bundled heap at the edge of the bed.

Screw covers. He didn't need them.

Uryuu sat up a little too quickly, and hunched over on the bed when the dizziness hit him. He didn't even realize how close he'd come to hitting his head on the desk by doing so until a few minutes after the spell had passed, and he brought his gaze up. Two things caught his attention, one being his alarm clock, blazing the numbers 5:29 am. The other thing being the phone lying unused for almost a full week, with several voice mail messages from Rukia and Ichigo waiting in vain to be listened to.

For a full thirty minutes, Uryuu sat there, arguing with himself about picking up the phone and talking to Rukia, if she was even awake. Should he wake her? She'd told him he could talk to her anytime. But what if Ichigo found out? Ichigo had threatened to kill her. He should just stay silent. But he was going crazy. What if it continued to get worse? What if it got worse anyway? Could she even do anything, or would talking about it just make things harder?

Nearly moved back to tears, Uryuu shakily took the phone from the night stand, glaring again at the clock that stated 6:02 am. He couldn't do it.

He flipped open the phone.

He couldn't do it.

He dialed the number.

He couldn't do it.

On the first ring, Uryuu hung up, snapping the phone closed. His heart was racing, and the blood was pounding in his ears. Gripping the phone tightly, he gnashed his teeth together, berating himself for his childish actions. He forced himself to take a deep breath, and opened the phone again. The screen started to shake at him, and it took him a few seconds to realize it was because his hand was shaking. What was he supposed to say?

In the end, he settled on a simple text message consisting only of,

'Rukia? You awake?'

And then he waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, 6:07 am, Uryuu received a reply.

'You okay?'

Uryuu let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. This... was much easier.

'No. I keep seeing things. I can't sleep anymore.'

This time, the reply took a few minutes, but Uryuu was alright with it. He was thinking about how to try and come out with everything that had happened, where the beginning was, how to start at the beginning, everything was muddling in his mind, so when his text alert went off, it only felt like seconds after he had sent his reply.

'Do you want me to come over and we can talk about it?'

This time, Uryuu froze, all thoughts leaving his mind for a few seconds, before they bombarded him again. Could he talk in person? Would they be safe from Ichigo? Maybe if Ichigo never found out...

Shakily, Uryuu looked up at the clock, knowing in about twenty minutes, Ryuuken would leave for his shift at the hospital, and probably spend more than twelve hours there. It would be just him and Rukia. No Ichigo. They could lock the doors and windows. Returning his gaze to the screen, he knew Rukia was waiting on a reply, and he nervously typed out,

'Don't bring Ichigo.'

This time, the response was less than thirty seconds after his reply was sent:

'I'm on my way.'

Uryuu breathed a sigh of relief, and closed the phone. Things were going to be okay. Finally.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo’s POV)

His head wasn't in the game today at all. His thoughts were all over the place, wondering about Uryuu and thinking of things to help him. His thoughts were not on the Hollow that was kicking his ass. It was only after he'd gotten his sword arm injured by not dodging a simple attack that Rukia had yelled at him to just go home, that he was only in the way.

So it was with a defeated heart that Ichigo slinked back home, around four in the morning, Saturday. His father and sisters were asleep, as was Kon, so he tiptoed to his bed and flopped down, grimacing silently to himself at the pain in his shoulder. He'd need to put something on it, but he didn't feel like moving. In all honesty, he felt depressed. One of his friends seemed like they were going through a really hard time, and wanted nothing to do with him. Of course, it probably didn't help that the one friend it was happening to was one of the closest friends he'd ever made. 

Yeah, it seems stupid, but you can't banter back and forth to the point of arguing with someone for days on end and then fight back to back against an enemy if there wasn't something there holding the two together. It wasn't that he loved him, Ichigo suddenly felt the need to reason with himself. It was because he didn't hate him. He couldn't love a guy without being gay, and he wasn't gay. Yeah, okay, maybe cooking breakfast for the guy was going a bit far, but...

Still, Ichigo wondered as he turned over onto his good shoulder, and closed his eyes. There was something about Uryuu and his situation that made Ichigo's heart hurt in ways he'd never experienced. Like a piece of him was dying each time he saw Uryuu hurting like this.

So Ichigo laid in bed for what felt like hours, pondering over the situation, only to be startled when a loud ring tone blared into his ears, only to stop short second later. Mindless of his shoulder, Ichigo shot out of bed and instantly regretted it, groaning in pain. Sighing harshly, Ichigo tugged off the covers of the bed and tried to remember where he'd heard the noise. It had come from... under him, he thought. Strange. He lowered himself to his hands and knees and poked his head under the bed, only to be startled when the phone vibrated suddenly, the screen lighting up and proudly displaying 'Uryuu'.

Ichigo's eyes widened as he pulled out the phone with the bunny chain on it. This was... Rukia's phone. How did it get under his bed? Feeling suddenly guilty, Ichigo looked around to make sure Rukia hadn't somehow come home without him hearing, and clicked on the un-read text message.

'Rukia? You awake?'

Ichigo stared at the phone for a few seconds, wondering if he should. He probably shouldn't, but this seemed like the perfect chance to actually figure out what was happening. Knowing there was a special place in hell for him acting like someone else, he brought up the texting option and began to reply.

'You okay?'

There. As Ichigo hit the send button, he felt somewhat proud of himself. It was very vague, to the point, and sounded like something Rukia would say all at once. The answer came quicker than Ichigo had expected, however, and his gaze lingered on the first word before trying to analyze the rest of it.

'No. I keep seeing things. I can't sleep anymore.'

Seeing things? Why can't he sleep? Anymore? Ichigo's head was full of questions, before suddenly... it was blank. There were no questions. There was no phone. That's all he remembered.

So why... why did he have a crying, naked Uryuu latched onto his arms, skin smeared with blood and jagged cuts all over his body...?

Ichigo's eyes widened, and all he could do was sit there, shocked into paralysis as he heard the barely whimpered words,

"Please don't hurt me..." from Uryuu.


	11. The Final Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Vague attempted suicide / broken bones / heavy rape / emotional trauma
> 
> Waiting on Rukia, Uryuu's paranoia once more tries to get the upper hand on him, but with Rukia just a text away, he manages to assure himself everything will be alright. So when Ichigo once more makes an appearance, Uryuu finds himself spiraling into a world of agony; and into his own

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

Uryuu had to busy himself to keep himself from watching out the window. Rukia would get here when she got here, and he just had to be patient. To do so, he found himself tiding up the bedroom again. He folded up all the blankets previously on his bed and shoved them under the mattress, yanking his hand out of the shadows that tried to grasp his arm before he was done. Still feeling their slimy texture against his skin, Uryuu gave a panicked glance to the bathroom door. He needed to get rid of it, but... what would Rukia say if she walked in on him like that?

He'd just have to hide it, Uryuu determined, as he felt the shadows trying to grasp at his feet, too. Swallowing back the bile that rose to his throat, Uryuu took off for the bathroom, throwing the covered cabinet wide and grasping for the razor, heedless of how it cut into his fingers. He sat down on the floor and automatically brought the razor to the flesh on the back of his hand, opening a clean, straight line. More controlled than the lines before, deep enough to scare off the shadows, shallow enough that it wouldn't bleed through too many wrappings. But it was enough.

With a sigh of relief, Uryuu felt the feeling recede, and he proceeded to do the same to the backs of his feet, to make himself presentable again. It was while he was finishing his last foot that he heard Ryuuken leave for work. Hope filled his heart, knowing Rukia could only be a few minutes away. Quickly, Uryuu rose to his feet, flinching at the new pain, but quickly recovering. He went back to the cabinet and placed the razor on the shelf when he heard the door open and close again.

Had Rukia let herself in?

That was strange. For a moment, Uryuu stood in front of the covered mirror, frowning at a reflection he couldn't and didn't want to see, and listened for noises in the house. When none came, he tried to shrug it off as if it had only been his imagination. Rukia wasn't here yet. With a quiet sigh, Uryuu fished out some bandages and set to wrapping his hand and feet, so Rukia wouldn't think much of the marks beneath. He wanted her to hear him out, not stare and make more of something that wasn't anything to begin with.

As he finished his wrappings and put away the bandages, Uryuu's ears thought they heard shuffling downstairs, but as soon as he held his breath, listening intently for the same sound, it was gone. Letting out his breath and dragging in another quick, short one, Uryuu tried to reason with himself. There was no one in the house. He was waiting on Rukia to come over. He was all alone. He could wait. He would be fine.

The hairs rising on the back of his neck begged him to consider otherwise.

He could feel the hysteria coming back, making his entire body tremble and his forehead become slick with sweat. Ichigo was here. Ichigo had found out, killed Rukia, and was here to rape and possibly kill him for disobeying orders. Uryuu's knees gave out for a second, pitching Uryuu forward toward the door of the bathroom, and he grasped for the handle, hanging on the door as it swung open. His eyes widened, his vision shaking as he expected to see everything painted orange, but nothing was out of the ordinary.

His room was empty, and his bedroom door was still closed. The window was still locked. Everything was as it should be.

Straightening his legs, Uryuu forced himself to take a deep breath. This fear was crippling, giving him panic when he shouldn't be panicking. Uryuu tried to remind himself Rukia would help, but it only went so far to calm his erratic heartbeat. He desperately needed to regain his grip on reality, but every time he thought he had it, it would slip right through his fingertips again. Uryuu's lips pulled into a hard grimace as he forced himself to stand and let go of the bathroom door handle.

There had to be some way to get control of the situation. Some way.... Uryuu's eyes lit when he thought about the phone still sitting on his dresser. That was perfect; he could text Rukia and see where she was. That would still the worries creeping up on him. With a frantic but desperately controlled step, Uryuu moved to the phone and instantly texted,

'Rukia?'

He sat down on the bed gently, lifting his feet off the floor so the shadows couldn't get to him, and waited.

A few seconds later, he heard a buzzing from the floor below him, and instantly the hairs on the back of his neck rose again. There was someone in his house. A fresh wave of panic doused him like a bucket of ice water, leaving him shaking in his own skin all the same. His grip on the phone became even tighter, his knuckles turning white from the strain as Uryuu's eyes shot to his door. It was locked, thankfully, but would that stop Ichigo? Would it be enough?

Startled out of his panicked thoughts, Uryuu jumped and threw his phone at the floor when it vibrated in his hands. He watched as the phone snapped open, its back popping off and the battery flying out and skidding across the floor to hit the wall. Panting, Uryuu rubbed his face harshly with his hands, only to grimace when his hands came away slick with sweat. Trying to control the convulsing shudders penetrating his body, he wiped his hands on his pants and lowered himself off the bed and onto his knees, crawling as quietly as he could over to his phone.

Rukia had texted back. Uryuu tried to laugh at himself, but it was too pathetic. He was sitting in a locked room, driving himself crazy and Rukia was already there to help him. She probably had texted him, asking him to come downstairs and meet her so they could talk. Of course she wouldn't just let herself into his room. Of course. It was Rukia. Of course.

With shaking hands, Uryuu picked up the phone and its back, and crawled across the floor to retrieve the battery. Once in his hands, he spent a few seconds longer than usual to try and fit the battery in before snapping the back on and turning his phone back on. With a muffled cry at the loud ringer that signaled his phone turning on, he held it roughly to his chest, curled in on his knees in the corner of his room, waiting for what felt like minutes until the loud noise had stopped at last.

Then he sat there for a few minutes more, listening. When he didn't hear anything, Uryuu slowly brought his phone screen into view, and pulled up his text messages. The last reply was from Rukia, making Uryuu sigh with relief.

Of course. Rukia.

'I'm here. Where are you?'

She was looking for him. She was here, and everything was safe now. He was safe. With another breath of relief, Uryuu shakily stood on legs that didn't want to support him. He felt drained, exhausted, and tired, but Rukia was here. He shuffled over to his night stand, depositing his phone where it belonged; there was no need to send another text back, all he had to do was go downstairs and meet her.

He felt dizzy as he turned from the night stand, and the hairs on the back of his neck were still standing at attention, and Uryuu scratched at them with a slight hint of irritation. This was just paranoia. He would get over it soon. The ordeal was done and over with, and had been for a while. He had to pick himself back up and move the hell on already. So with another, steadying breath, Uryuu straightened his shirt, checked the bandages on his hand and feet, and shuffled toward the door, unlocking it, and tossing it open.

The hallway was empty, and Uryuu thought nothing of it. Without bothering to close his door, he started toward the stairs, taking them two at a time, trying to control his eagerness to see Rukia face to face. 

He never saw the arm that clothes-lined him at the bottom stair; he only saw orange.

Uryuu heard the air expelled from his lungs forcefully, and something closed over in his throat, making it difficult for him to get his breath back. His mind skidded to a halt even as he dropped unceremoniously onto the hardwood floor, coughing and curling into himself, holding his stomach.

"It's about time."

Uryuu's eyes widened at the voice that struck his ears, chilling every bone in his body. It couldn't be.

"I was gettin' tired of waitin'."

This couldn't be happening. It was done; over... he wasn't supposed to be here!

Uryuu gave a startled yelp when he found himself booted in the side, kicked off the ground and slammed into the wall behind him, before that same foot came down on his chest, pinning Uryuu to the wall and making it more difficult to breathe than it already was. Widened eyes were having trouble focusing on anything but the orange hair that seemed to take up his entire vision, but the yellowed eyes and other-worldly voice weren't helping matters, either.

This couldn't be real...!

"Now..." Ichigo started, sending repetitive shivers down Uryuu's spine with each word spoken, "What did you want to talk to Rukia about, again?"

Uryuu felt like his heart had stopped. Just... given up the uphill battle he'd been fighting and packed it in. He was as good as dead. This was it.

"Well?" Ichigo prompted, raising an eyebrow at Uryuu, but Uryuu couldn't speak.

He could barely breathe past the lump in his throat and the foot on his chest, let alone form words with a tongue that had turned to ice. So he watched with horror when Ichigo's face fell, but he wasn't able to move out of the way in time when the foot lifted off his chest, only to sweep back and kick him into the stairs, where he landed face first on his cheek. He gave another yelp of pain, having bit his tongue on impact, barely missing having the corner of the step jammed into his eye. But then he felt Ichigo leaning over him, sprawled out on the stairs, and warm breath tickled at his ear as he felt tears prickling the sides of his eyes,

"I'm going to break you now. When I'm done, there won't be anything left to tell anyone. So be a good pet and sit still for me."

His body moved without him thinking about it; his legs wobbled as they tried to lift him up the stairs, but Ichigo's hands were already on his trousers, dragging them effortlessly down his legs and tearing them off his feet, his knees impacting on the stairs harshly. Still, his legs moved, trying to get him up the stairs. Despite the pain, he was moving in fear of his life, and managed to sprint up the stairs without further incident, though he knew Ichigo was right behind him. He just had to make it to his room. He could close and lock the door, and Ichigo wouldn't be able to get to him. He just had to make it...

He had just sprinted through the doorway and stopped to turn around when the sight of orange in front of his face made him fall back, landing on his ass even as he tried to kick the door closed. But Ichigo's foot had already stopped the door from swinging closed, and he stepped slowly into the room, like a predator. Once inside the room, he paused, reaching out behind him, and slowly closed the door himself.

Then locked it.

Without ever taking his eyes off of Uryuu.

He could feel the tears threatening to spill over as he crawled backward across the floor, knowing if he tore his eyes away from Ichigo it would mean his end. So he was forced to watch as Ichigo came closer and closer, until he was in Uryuu's face. Uryuu held his breath, hoping that this was just another one of his panic attacks; that he was still waiting for Rukia and was just thinking about what could possibly happen. But Ichigo wouldn't let him entertain the thought.

Uryuu was picked up by a harsh grip on his neck that choked what little air in his lungs out of him, and he found his feet lifted a few inches off the floor. Straining, Uryuu's hands came to Ichigo's, trying to loosen it or dislodge it when he was thrown without care toward the bed, landing roughly on his side. Scrambling, he tried to pick himself up, but Ichigo was there before he had even touched his feet to the ground.

His entire world spun as his body was forcefully twisted onto his stomach, his wrists gripped tight enough to cut off circulation and his shoulders pulled back to where it felt like they were going to be pulled out of socket. Uryuu's heart slammed against his chest trying to find its way out even as Ichigo found his way in, with no preparation. Just a single thrust and he was completely imbedded.

Uryuu screamed.

With Ichigo leaning on his back, his arms pinned, and his feet dangling off the bed, he had no where to go. No way to stop the burning, shattering pain that speared through his entire body, only able to struggle and make the pain worse. Tears soaked the sheets beneath him, and Uryuu buried his head in the bed to drown out the ear splitting sounds of his own voice. He was finding it hard to breathe, but the sudden light headed and dizzy feeling that swept through his body drowned out some of the pain, so he pushed his head further into the bed, breathing in his own heated breath until he felt the entire world wobbling beneath him.

He felt like he was going to slip back into that blessed darkness where the pain couldn't reach him before he felt a sharp pain in his head, his hair being pulled back to raise his face off the bed. Uryuu gasped, unwillingly gulping in a large breath of air that seemed to chase the darkness away. Panicking, he tried desperately to return his head to the mattress so he could reclaim that loss of feeling, only to feel his hair pulled more, several strands being yanked out of his skull. He felt his tears cascading over his cheeks, his mind trying as hard as it could not to focus on the splitting pain ripping him open or the pounding thrusting that was just getting faster and faster...

His breath hitched when he heard a breathy moan from the one above him, only to hear him say coyly,

"Can't have you missing out on all the fun, can I, Quincy-boy? This is gonna be an all day event!"

His last words were emphasized by several harsher thrusts that seemed to shake Uryuu's very core, making him wish for nothing more than to stop the pain. For Ichigo to just disappear from his life and never return, never to be missed, but it seemed even that was too much of a dream for him to have. His thrusting became rapid, less of precise movements and more frantic jerks of his hips that seemed to tear open wounds that Uryuu had thought were already torn; or maybe he was just making them worse. Uryuu was beyond caring, unable to stop the weak whimpers and quiet sobs of anguish that were ripped from his throat like the flesh inside him.

When Ichigo finally stilled above him, Uryuu choked back a sob of relief, hoping that the ordeal was over finally and Ichigo would leave him with a warning. A threat, even; to never speak of this again. He wouldn't: he swore to himself up and down that it was their secret, to never be revealed. So when Ichigo pulled out and away, Uryuu's eyes closed and he waited for the words that never came.

They stayed in silence before a quiet chuckle finally slipped from Ichigo, and Uryuu's body froze. The trembling that had never truly stopped returned with a vengeance, leaving him feeling like he was moving the bed as Ichigo's chuckle turned into a full blown, bone chilling laugh. If it had been any other person, Uryuu would have turned to look at what he was laughing at, but he feared in his soul that he knew the answer already. He was proven right when he felt his shirt ripped from his body and Ichigo's nails come down harshly on the back of his neck, dragging down to the small of his back, cutting open his skin as they went.

Uryuu cried out sharply with the pain that assaulted him, and he scrambled further onto the bed, trying to get away, only to have his ankle caught and his body yanked back toward Ichigo. Frantically he kicked out, trying to dislodge Ichigo's hand, his breath hitching and his mind instantly flashing back to every other time he'd gotten caught by his orange haired tormentor, but he found no purchase. He only heard Ichigo's laughter washing over him as he was yanked further back toward the man, twisted to where he was now on his back on the bed and facing up, toward him. Uryuu hissed in pain as the sheets irritated the fresh wounds on his back, but his eyes widened in a primal fear as orange colored his vision again.

Before he could think, Uryuu felt his legs hiked over his head and pinned with one hand awkwardly to the bed, lifting his lower half completely off the bed and pushing his bleeding back further into the harsh sheets. Uryuu whimpered at the discomfort, but the pain was nothing compared to four fingers entering him roughly, without notice. He screamed again, only raising the pitch of his scream when he felt himself being torn open by nails from the inside again. His body was trembling badly enough that even when he finally managed to grip the hand pinning his legs, there was no strength left in his arms to budge the unrelenting hold Ichigo had on him.

Choking back sobs and screams of agony, Uryuu could hear nothing but the sound of his own voice and his blood thrumming rapidly in his ears. He was starting to get dizzy and lightheaded from the pain and breathlessness, and prayed that this time, Ichigo would accidentally let him slip into that blissful nothingness, but his hope was destroyed when a sudden, harsh slap landed perfectly on his balls.

When he opened his mouth to scream, no sound came out, and for a long moment, he felt nauseated to the point of throwing up. His entire body tried to curl in on itself to protect the now raw and red sensitive flesh, but in the awkward position he was held in, he could do nothing more than look like he was offering himself up for another slap. Which Ichigo gladly gave him.

This time, Uryuu did vomit, barely managing to turn his head in time. The sickening taste of acid and the metallic taste of blood mingled on his tongue as his vision spun and he felt the soft ground give way first to air, then to an unforgiving hardness that cracked his back and hip as he landed on the floor. His dazed mind guessed that Ichigo must have thrown him off the bed, but with the flashes of color around him, it was hard to tell where he was. His ears picked up a crunching sound, like glass breaking, before he heard Ichigo all too clearly,

"Oops. Did you need those, Quincy-boy?"

His glasses. That was why the world had no edges to it; his glasses must have flown off his nose and... Ichigo broke them. Water filled his vision as he lay there, seconds spanning lifetimes before he felt a burning pain in his side, and the world spun again. He heard the crack before he felt it, and when the excruciating pain registered to his mind, Uryuu was screaming even before he hit the wall. His ribs felt like they were on fire, and every breath he took only seemed to make it worse. He couldn't take this... he was going to die here, at Ichigo's feet. He could already feel his grip on reality slipping, what little vision he had left fading when another sharp pain found his scalp, and suddenly, there was no more floor on his ribs.

There was, however, something large and blunt that filled his mouth, slamming into his tonsils and making him gag, wanting to throw up all over again, though his stomach had no more contents to expel. His breath was getting short, coming in short, forced gasps around the offending object filling his airway. His body twitched and jerked without his consent, and his arms flailed with nothing to hit and no strength to hit it with as he was manipulated by his hair, back and forth and back and forth and...

Darkness finally filled his vision completely, but the pain never really went away. It moved to the back of his mind and became less sharp; less aggravating and difficult to deal with, but it was still there. He guessed he was never going to be able to escape it. What had he done to deserve this...? There had to be something...

Was it because he lost his Quincy powers? Was it really because he wasn't strong enough to protect those he cared about...? What had he done...?

Uryuu was lost, a floating mess of pain and trauma and horror and insanity, and the only question he could ask was the only question he couldn't answer. Why?

Why?

Why him? Why now? Why like this?

Why?

He still couldn't answer.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Hollow Ichigo (Shiro)'s POV)

It wasn't until after he had covered Ishida's face with his cum, watching with sadistic glee the way it stuck to his hair and ran down his cheek to drip off his chin that Shiro noticed the faraway look in his toy's eyes.

'What's this?'

Shiro's face lowered into a scowl as he yanked the boy up higher by the hair, making sure to do so roughly, but even that only brought a flinch from the abused body. Not even so much as a whimper. His scowl became deeper as he jerked the limp thing in his hands around, watching as it flopped lifelessly to the tune of his fingers. What the hell happened? One moment he was enjoying watching the boy fumble around aimlessly trying to stop him, making the most arousing noises of pain and fear, and the next... well. It's like he died. That thought stopped Shiro for a moment, and his brows furrowed as he stared hard at Ishida's chest, waiting for the tell tale sign of breathing.

After a few seconds, he found it; barely there, but it was still alive. For now. Instantly his grimace faded into a grin, and he threw the boy at the ground, watching as he rag-dolled on the floor like a cheap toy. Still, he was quiet, and as much fun as Shiro could have with an unmoving target, watching them struggle was most of the fun anyway. 

No one took his fun away from him.

Walking leisurely over to the still body, Shiro watched for any sign that Ishida was still mentally with him. It wasn't until he was standing over the body that his irritation with the thing began to spiral. No movement, no sound, no fear, nothing. It was pitiful.

But he was sure he could change that.

Lifting his foot, Shiro brought his foot down with more power than he should have put behind it, crushing three of Ishida's fingers beneath his heel. Whoops. He'd only meant to smash one. Regardless, he felt his grin spreading over his face again when the toy spasmed erratically, even though only a quiet whimper greeted his need for vocalization of agony. It would have to do; it was more to work off of than a lifeless doll, and it was better knowing that the boy could still feel pain.

Because he had a lot more coming to him.


	12. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Hollow Ichigo is done with Uryuu, and ready to kill him and throw him away. What happens when more than just fate intervenes, and what will happen to both Ichigo and Uryuu as a repercussion of past events?

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Rukia's POV)

She was almost too tired to think as she climbed into Ichigo's bedroom through the window, flopping down onto the soft bed without a thought to what Ichigo would think. Her body ached in ways it hadn't for a long time, and she wanted nothing more than to just sink into the covers and give herself up to a well needed nap. Instead, she slowly lifted herself up with her arms, managing to crawl off the bed tiredly and make her way over to the closet, wondering where her phone was.

In hindsight, she probably shouldn't have gotten angry at Uryuu's continued silence toward her, seeing as how she got the feeling it was something life changing that was bothering him. Of course, rational thought had been beyond her in that moment, and she'd flung her phone somewhere in the dead of night. She thought it had stayed in the closet, but as her hand came out to grasp the sliding door, she paused. Had the door been open that night? Maybe it skidded across the floor and ended up somewhere else...?

Sighing frustratedly, she tried to promise herself to be more patient with Uryuu, though she didn't know how long that promise would last. One unanswered phone call? Three; six? How many times was she even going to call?

Rukia's face set into a grim line even as she turned away from the closet, lowering herself to her hands and knees, looking around the messy floor where Ichigo discarded his clothes and trash when he was done with them. 

She would call until she got through to him.

After a long while of searching, coming up empty handed, she leaned back on her knees, her eye lids drooping downward against her will as she tried to stave off exhaustion induced sleepiness. A blur of red light caught her eye, and there on the desk next to the bed, lay Ichigo's nearly unused alarm clock, proudly displaying 9:49 am. It was Saturday, after all. Uryuu was probably asleep; or at least, she hoped he was. Either way, she could wait until after her nap to find her phone and call Uryuu.

Without a second thought, Rukia yawned heavily, walking over to the closet door and sliding it open, laying down on her makeshift bed. The world could wait a few more hours.

So sleep she did, but her dreams were interrupted by an odd noise, fighting its way through her resting ears and slowly causing her eyes to slip open. The sight that met her instantly snapped her awake.

Something was very wrong, and she still couldn't hear Ichigo's snores. Rukia's eyes snapped open, only to widen seeing Kon bound into a small bundle of synthetic fluff with duct tape, all but the eyes and ears on his head wrapped securely. He was trying as hard as he could to get her attention, and that could only mean one thing...

Oh god.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Hollow Ichigo (Shiro)'s POV)

Well. This was boring.

Shiro sat spent upon Uryuu's bed, watching the slightly quivering, silent doll at his feet. He had kicked him, raped him, crushed his soul, crushed his bones, tore his skin to shreds, pulled some of his hair out, crushed his glasses, raped him some more, (And some more after that...) threatened to throw him out the window, choked him until near death, and still he refused to beg for his life.

That really took the fun out of the game, didn't it?

Shiro sat there, contemplating exactly what he was to do, how he could get that one last satisfaction from his plaything before he broke it beyond recognition, but somehow it was looking like it was a little too late. Sad. He had really liked the time they'd spent together. Of course, the Quincy had lasted longer than most of his earlier playthings. He'd survived their first game and had lasted quite a few weeks. What was it, a month; a month and a half since they'd started playing? Somewhere around in there, Shiro guessed.

So now it was time to end it. Time to kill the lifeless doll and get on with his life; find another toy to play with. Shiro was grinning quietly when he reached down toward the Quincy, hooking his fingers easily around the pale neck and hoisting him up onto his knees, to get a better look at the faraway and numb look in his watery eyes, overflowing with tears.

Thoroughly broken, if he did say so himself.

His hand had just started to squeeze, turning the boy's face from pale white to a pale blue when he felt the first pang of a struggle inside his head. Growling, Shiro let go of Ishida and let him thump into his lap, not worried by how his hands caught around his shirt, keeping him in a kneeling position in front of Shiro. However, he was unable to admire the submissive position, as his head was thrumming with pain. His hands came up to his head, trying to stave off the pounding, annoying persona trying to work his way through to the front, but he knew it was a fruitless effort.

Damn. Despite his nature, he'd been so careful not to get caught before, and this would be the first time all attention would be on him. It drove a deep scowl onto his face amid the pained look he already had. What to do, what to do...

A door gently opened and closed on the floor beneath him, and Shiro mentally threw his arms up. Fuck it. Let the King take the fall for him. It would be amusing, after all, to see how he reacted to his little buddy being broken and all. Then once he got the chance again, he would end the Quincy.

It was with that thought that Shiro closed his eyes, finally giving in to the insistent force in his head.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

He blinked after staring at the phone, still trying to rationalize the questions in his head about Uryuu's response, only to find himself sitting on Uryuu's bed, with Uryuu kneeling at his feet, latched onto his arms, tears filling and spilling over his eyes silently. Uryuu was naked, battered, bruised, cut, bloody, sweaty, and covered with a drying, sticky goo in places.

As much as the sight shocked him, his body reacted, turning violently as he gagged, heaving from the sight. But the body latched onto him flinched, and the smallest, most quiet whimper he'd ever heard Uryuu make left him.

"Please don't hurt me..." is what he thought was said.

It was hard to tell, and some of the syllables were slurred, as though he were trying to force them past a swollen tongue. The thought brought the bile back to his throat, and it was all Ichigo could do to slowly disentangle himself from Uryuu, flinching as the other body flinched when he saw the fingers on his left hand sticking out in awkward angles; obviously broken.

His body felt frozen but his mind was in over drive, taking in frightening details, like how the bruises on his ribs seemed to span out toward his stomach and back, or like how his breathing was shallow and labored and rattled. His glasses were nowhere to be seen, and for a moment, Ichigo managed to bring his frightened gaze up, taking in the room. There were blood splatters everywhere. On the bed, the floor, the wall, the door... 

His ears picked up the sound of footsteps on the stairs, but his brain didn't register it until the door flew open, the first thing meeting his gaze being a pair of pants. Forcing his eyes to move away from the pants, he barely recognized the man holding them, looking at Ichigo and Uryuu with what seemed to be mixed emotions barely hidden under an expressionless mask. The white haired visitor, however, seemed to finally kick start Ichigo into movement as he carefully but quickly picked Uryuu up off the floor, holding him gingerly to his chest.

"We need to get to a hospital."

When neither one of them moved, Ichigo flinched as he raised his own voice at the man.

"Now!"

That seemed to get him into motion. The eyes that were watching him suspiciously finally tore themselves away even as he dropped the pants on the floor (Ichigo's stomach churned when he realized those were the pants Uryuu had worn to school a few days ago) and moved over to the bed, yanking off the only thing left on it; the blood covered sheet. It wasn't much, but he draped it over Uryuu in Ichigo's arms before turning back around silently and heading toward the door.

Ichigo followed down the stairs, and out to the man's car, thanked him quietly when he opened the backseat door, and carefully manipulated his body into the car in such a way that would keep Uryuu as still as possible. In a matter of seconds, they were pealing out of the driveway and headed toward the hospital.

When Ichigo looked up every now and again, he saw the white haired man watching him with a loathing glare from the rear-view mirror, but neither bothered to say anything. Ichigo was more worried about Uryuu, and trying to keep him a little upright, to make breathing easier. His own heart was pounding and he felt slightly dizzy from the adrenaline rush, but he couldn't allow himself to falter. It looked like Uryuu's life was on the line, and no matter what had happened to cause it, Ichigo had to make sure he was okay.

Biting his lip, Ichigo noticed the extremely pale look on Uryuu's face, and how his lips were turning a very slight shade of blue. Almost to afraid to know the answer, Ichigo leaned slightly down, listening his hardest for any breathing. The problem was, the rattle that had so clearly defined his breathing before was almost nonexistent now. Ichigo almost felt his own heart stop at the lack of sound, and had to force past a numb tongue,

"Hurry!"

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ 

Ichigo sat outside the surgery room, his head in his hands as the time ticked slowly by. The white haired man, whom he could only guess was Uryuu's dad, had long since disappeared into the room, giving orders as to who did what like he was in charge. Of course, Ichigo knew his own dad would do the same if it were him in that room instead of Uryuu, so it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for him. Even so, as hours flew by, he found himself sinking increasingly further into self doubt as scenario after scenario played out behind his eyes.

What exactly happened? What had he done? He didn't remember doing anything. After checking the time multiple times after arriving, he had come to the conclusion he had a seven hour gap in his memory that no matter what he did, he just couldn't recall. The horrible thing was, something had happened to Uryuu in that time, and Ichigo had been at the scene of the crime when he finally came to.

Staring at his hands, he knew his train of thought wasn't going anywhere pretty, but... how else could he explain how he'd been right there, at Uryuu's broken side, and...

Ichigo's phone vibrated in his pocket, interrupting his dark chain of thoughts. Closing his eyes and hands, he took a breath to steady himself before reaching into his pocket, and fishing out the phone.

By the little bunny chain. For a moment, he stared at the vibrating phone like it was an alien device before suddenly fumbling to answer the phone before whomever was calling hung up. The caller ID flashed 'Ichigo', leaving him to wonder what in the world was happening.

When he answered the phone, the voice that answered back almost made him drop the phone.


	13. Beginings of Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo has trouble recalling what led to Uryuu's broken state, as Ryuuken's team of surgeons play beat the clock to help Uryuu recover.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!"

Rukia's voice screamed at him over the phone, and Ichigo had the mental image of her standing in Uryuu's room, with the same paralyzed, horrified expression he had worn when he'd come to. Whatever defense he'd had on his lips died there as Rukia continued hurriedly,

"Where is Uryuu?! What have you done?! Ichigo, there's blood EVERYWHERE!"

Ichigo winced, biting his inner cheek, and checking the surgery sign again; it was still lit, so Uryuu was still being worked on. Hoping to whatever god would listen, he prayed for Uryuu's quick and painless recovery, even though he knew that wouldn't be so.

"Ruki-"

"DON'T 'RUKIA' ME, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!"

"I don't know, okay?!" 

Flinching at the loud sound of his own voice in the echoing halls, Ichigo lowered his voice considerably, at least thankful he could get a word in now.

"I don't know what happened. Last I remember, I was at home, lying in bed. Uryuu texted you, I saw it, and then nothing. I have no memory of the past seven hours. All I remember after that was Uryuu clinging to me, bruised, bloody, and broken to all hell. His dad showed up and we took him to the hospital. He's in surgery now."

Rukia was silent for a moment, though he thought he heard a whispered,

"Oh my god..." come over the phone.

Dropping his head into his hand, Ichigo braced himself on his knees and closed his eyes tightly. As much as he was trying to hold it together, hearing Rukia piece things together over the phone made it somehow harder. It was like he could hear everything he was accusing himself of clearly in her voice, making him wonder if it really was true. His thoughts were interrupted, not when Rukia responded, but when she hung up on him.

His eyes opened, and surprised, he looked at the phone which was giving him nothing but a dial tone. He knew already Rukia was on her way to the hospital to see Uryuu, and with another glance at the still lit sign, he gravely wondered if there would be anyone to see when she got there. 

He just hoped he was wrong, and that Uryuu would be fine.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

Uryuu wasn't going to make it. Despite his contempt for the creature birthed from his loins... the idea irked him. In fact, the idea pissed him off. He watched as the heart monitor slowly began to skyrocket, the surgeons frantically scrambling around, and he could almost feel something in him snap. Almost.

What did snap were the surgical gloves, going on over his hands. With a few yelled orders to those around him, he managed to bring order into the room, and continued on the surgery where they left off. He, unlike most doctors of any kind, didn't find a handicap when working on blood relatives. He was the calm, steady hand that none of the others could be. Most likely because they were afraid to mess up and lose their job, but that still gained them no favor with Ryuuken. In fact, that made them less desirable to keep around.

As he worked, keeping an eye on the monitor that had managed to level out before hitting critical levels, he wondered why he'd turned a blind eye to the earlier signs. They had all been there, yes, but he'd been too caught up in his own life to really even care. Still he'd threatened Uryuu, pushed and poked at him, and now the only thing he could do for the boy was to bring him back from the brink of death.

Well. Maybe that wasn't all he could do for his son.

For Uryuu, he corrected himself. 

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

Three hours, and a very stern Rukia later, Ichigo was still waiting on Uryuu's surgery to finish. for once in his life, he'd begun biting at his fingernails, the stress physically slumping his shoulders as he feared for his friend's life. He'd known Uryuu had looked horrible, but for surgery to take this long... what might have happened if Ichigo hadn't come to? Especially when he did...

Clasping his hands together, he once more rested his head on his knuckles, not bothering to care how they dug painfully into his brow bone. Uryuu had suffered through worse. It was the only thought in his mind save for the gruesome images of how he'd found the male. The same images he couldn't cast out of his mind.

Rukia sat just as quietly beside him now, all of her fight having gone out of her after he'd explained the situation. They'd traded back phones, and not a single word was spoken between them afterward, only making the weighted silence more crushing on Ichigo's soul. She wouldn't say it, but he was sure Rukia blamed him for what happened to Uryuu. Hell, he blamed himself. How could he not, with the evidence stacked against him like this...?

Ichigo's eyes squeezed shut, trying to block the first signs of tears when he heard the doors swing open. Ichigo was the first to jump out of the chair, only to have that same white haired man suddenly in his face, his moves surprisingly sharp as a hand came around Ichigo's throat and pinned him to the back wall, positioned awkwardly over the chair he'd leaped from. Gasping for air and barely registering Uryuu on a stretcher, being rolled out of the room and down the hallway, his entire attention was focused toward the man holding him as he spoke.

"I want to know what you did to Uryuu."

Even as Ichigo reached for the arm to let pressure off his neck, the ice in the man's stare stopped him cold in his tracks, his breath hitching slightly like someone had hit him in the gut. If looks could kill, Ichigo would have been dead a thousand times over. Thankfully they couldn't, but it didn't make the awkward situation or position any easier to bare. Ichigo had just opened his mouth to try and give the man an answer when Rukia spoke up.

"There's no need for-"

"You weren't there." the man spat back, without even taking his eyes off Ichigo, but the lethal tone kept her from saying anything more.

Taking a shaky breath to steady himself, Ichigo did the only thing he could think of; he told the man everything.

He explained he'd been out that evening, how he'd gone back to his house and heard Rukia's phone go off with Uryuu on the other line. How he found the phone and started texting Uryuu back, and about the seven hour gap in his memory before he came to and found Uryuu like he did. He also went on to add that Uryuu had been acting extremely strange for several weeks before this, but was cut off mid sentence, and every word made him cringe inside.

"A total of twenty one broken bones, of which include his fingers, arm, and ribs. Several fractured bones, of which include his legs and ribs. Ripped and torn muscles in his legs, arms, jaw, and anus. Internal and external bruising on a grand scale, so much so that it alone will take weeks to heal. Heavy internal bleeding. A severe concussion he may live past. Blatant signs of asphyxiation. Bodily abuse and trauma, as well as mental trauma, and a high possibility of all these factors sending him into the coma that will see the end his life if nothing else will. THAT is what your seven hour gap of memory did to Uryuu. You're going to continue to tell me you don't know what happened?"

Ichigo had never actually wanted to lay down and die before; but he guessed there was a first for everything. This man... had voiced everything Ichigo feared and more, but what got to him the most was he was right. Something happened, and it was because of him. Ichigo found he couldn't respond to the man, and after a few seconds, he was dropped back into his hair, forced to look up at the white haired man whose gaze told him if murder was legal, Ichigo would have been dead before anything was said.

"You can write out the check to the Ishida house hold for the 120,000 yen prescription glasses that were broken in your seven hour gap."

If that statement hadn't startled Ichigo, when the man turned away, what he said over his shoulder did manage to steal his breath.

"Also, I'm giving you five minutes to leave MY hospital, which is more than I should give you. If you don't leave, you will be escorted out, forcefully, by my hand picked security team. Maybe they'll have a seven hour gap in their memory before you leave, too."

For a moment, Ichigo couldn't move, only watched as the man disappeared around a corner. It took Rukia's gentle nudging to finally get him to numbly walk out of the hospital, oblivious to the several members of security who watched him leave.

It took Ichigo a few hours of Rukia's help to realize he wasn't going to be there for Uryuu when he woke up, whether that was for the better, or for worse. 

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

Memories were blurs. Thoughts, a fickle breeze; here and gone. Pain surrounded him, but on a muted level. Bearable. Life went on. But... what kind of a life was this? Could this even be called life...? He was a floating mass of nothing, but even that wasn't true. What was true? He wasn't sure anymore. What he was sure of was the pain that had been held at bay for so long... was starting to creep back up on him. He wanted to whimper, but heard no sound. Ichigo still wasn't done with him.

He was going to die but Ichigo was going to make sure he suffered first. Hadn't he suffered enough yet? He was sorry... so, so sorry... He promised he would never tell a single soul about what had happened if only it would stop the pain. Stop the rapes, stop the torture... He would live with whatever happened, if only the pain would go away. He'd be good.

He'd be good because he was sorry.

But the pain just kept rising, and he felt something deep stuck in his throat. His chest rising and falling of its own will, without his conscious thought of breathing, and he could feel fingers in his hair. Images blurred before him, of before the pain had numbed, when Ichigo had forced his way into his mouth, and suddenly he was gagging, choking around Ichigo's member again. Vaguely he thought there was beeping and possibly Ichigo's voices around him, but suddenly everything was darker, and he didn't feel his member anymore. 

In fact, for once, the pain was gone. 

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ 

Uryuu flinched when his eyes squinted open without his consent. A bright, white light hit him squarely upside the head, making him extremely dizzy. Colors danced in his vision after a few seconds, like the lights were creating rainbow reflections off of silver plates and moving water. Nothing made sense. His body was floating, even as it was strapped to the bed. He couldn't remember anything except how unnatural things were. Suddenly too tired to think, he turned his head to the side, trying to get away from the un-colorful, colorful lights. The only thing that registered to his sluggish mind was a white coat and white hair sleeping beside the bed.

Processing that information, however, was still leagues away from his time. Within seconds, Uryuu was out again.


	14. The Confession: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo is not allowed to see Uryuu in the hospital, but that's not going to stop him.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

It had been almost three days since Uryuu was admitted to the critical care ward, and Ryuuken found himself working on almost no sleep. He'd managed to catch maybe an hour at most when he'd sat down beside Uryuu's bed, but other than that, his brain was too wired to even think about sleep at that point.

Of course, then and now were two entirely different situations, and even five cups of black coffee hadn't helped the weight of his eyelids. He stood in the break room, over the coffee machine, trying to gather the will to go back and check Uryuu's fluids, when he heard someone walk into the room with him. He thought nothing of it, though; most of his underlings wouldn't dare to approach him, especially now that these events were wearing down his patience and temper.

Ryuuken stood there for a few more moments before pouring himself his sixth cup of coffee, and downing the now luke warm liquid in one go. When he turned around, however, it was one of the more senior doctors who was standing there, staring at him. For some reason, that just pissed him off even more. Ryuuken parted his lips, ready to volley an insult and demand when the man's words cut him off.

"It's getting late again. Even if you don't go home, you should get some rest." 

The man paused for a moment, as if testing his next words on his tongue, but for some reason, Ryuuken let him talk.

"Look. I have a kid too; I understand why you're doing what you're doing, but you're not going to be any help to him if you push yourself to the point where you start making mistakes. Get some rest. Take a shower. Eat something. If not for you, do it for your son. I'll make sure he's taken care of in your absence."

Ryuuken closed his eyes to mask the constant droop of his eyelids. Sleep did sound appealing, despite everything else. Opening his eyes back up and glaring at the doctor before him, he began a barrage of medications, making sure the man knew exactly what Uryuu was on, when the next doses were, and what to do with them before hand. Surprisingly, he just stood there and nodded his head.

"I know. We'll call you if he wakes up."

Ryuuken hardly remembered walking out of the break room, let alone the drive home. When his head hit the pillow, he was out.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ 

Five hours and a cold shower later, Ryuuken was the one to call the hospital, only to be told there was no news to be spoken of. Uryuu's condition hadn't changed; he was being medicated as per Ryuuken's instructions, and had shown no signs of coming to. With a frustrated sigh, Ryuuken thanked them and hung up the phone. Raking a hand through his hair, he paused on his way past Uryuu's door, not quite shut but not open, either. Steadying himself with a deep breath, he pushed the door open slowly, and his nose was assaulted by the smell of blood.

Of course it would still be there; he hadn't been home since taking Uryuu into care. He grimaced at the bedroom, his mind flashing with images of what might have happened. It was still hard to take in, but in the depths of Ryuuken's mind, he felt somewhat responsible for turning a blind eye. So it was with a heavy sigh that he set his mind to cleaning the room before returning to the hospital.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

Two weeks. It had been two weeks and Ichigo was driving himself crazy. According to Rukia, who was still allowed to visit Uryuu, he wasn't doing much better, but he hadn't taken a turn for the worse, either. So it was all Ichigo could do to sit through class, trying and failing to keep his eyes from wandering toward Uryuu's vacant desk. 

Coming home after being booted from the hospital was a strange matter, especially how understanding his dad had been. Ichigo had told him everything; all the way back to the day Uryuu had started acting weird, to the seven hour gap and Ryuuken's threat. Honestly it had felt good to get some of it off his chest, but no matter how many probing questions Isshin threw at him, he still couldn't remember anything. 

So he was reduced to waiting it out. While they didn't have that much money, Isshin went ahead and paid Uryuu's dad the money for the glasses, and the two had supposedly been in correspondence since. Of course, he'd heard nothing from either of them on the subject, so he was left to ponder and worry at what was to happen. Should he try to talk to Uryuu's dad again? Should he just sneak into the hospital?

... Actually. That might not be such a bad idea. He'd have to figure out a viable way of doing so, and he'd have to deal with the fact that Uryuu's room might be guarded. However, Rukia might know a little more on exactly what was going on with Uryuu's room and how to get around those factors. But he'd have to ask her without letting her know why he was asking, or she'd probably try to stop him. 

He glanced over toward where Rukia was sitting, making a mental note to catch her at lunch today, and figure out how he was going to have to do this. Then he'd go see Uryuu finally. What he would say, he wasn't so sure of, even if Uryuu was awake. If he wasn't... well. He needed to make it into the hospital first. He'd figure out where to go from there.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Meanwhile, Uryuu's POV)

Uryuu's legs jerked out from under him, sending him spiraling into the ground. It came up to meet his shoulder, popping it out of place as an intense flash of pain wrapped around him. His mouth opened to scream, but the only thing that came out was blood as he coughed. His eyes widened, and he chanced a glance behind him, but the only thing behind him was the orange hair that was chasing him everywhere.

His heart seized up, knowing what was coming, and he tried to pick himself up off the ground as quickly as possible, only to have his hands sink down into the mud that was suddenly encasing his entire body. Struggling, he shifted his entire weight, trying to find some kind of leverage, but only fell further into it before the air rushed from his lungs and he found himself tumbling head first into nothingness.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

His eyes snapped open without registering what was actually before them, a high pitched, rapid beeping assaulting his ears, and frightened, his hands tried to lift to cover his ears before a sharp pain pulled at the crook of his arm, and he hissed in pain. It took that single sensation to bring all the pain in his body back, and for a moment he stiffened, unable to move for the pain that assaulted his body. This breathing hitched, and as he blinked, colors started to swirl in his vision, mixes of white and other colors flooding in front of him, but what finally calmed him was there was no orange in sight. 

Relaxing slightly, Uryuu found his head falling back on a rather soft pillow, his upper half slightly elevated. His head was still groggy, and every now and then his vision would spin, making him want to just close his eyes and return to the darkness before he remembered what he'd woken up from. Grimacing, still hearing the quickened beeping trying to pound its way into his skull, he heard a door open. Just as his vision spun again, he saw some of the white around him moving, and suddenly there was a hand on his arm, startling him.

Trying to focus through the haze that was coming and going, he saw that familiar white coat, and for a moment, Uryuu was relieved, despite himself, that his father had come for him. He would deal with the yelling and fighting and disappointment when he felt better; for now, he took solace in the fact he was still being cared for, and let the cold feeling in his arm numb his body, listening to the beeping slowly even out as his vision faded once more to black.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

Lunchtime came Ichigo finally managed to catch Rukia's attention, calling her over for lunch together. As far as he knew, the questioning went off without a hitch; he managed to find out that Uryuu's room didn't actually have a guard. He could only speculate that they were looking for his orange hair, and without seeing it, they weren't on guard. So as long as he wore like a hat or something, he could get in to see Uryuu without any problems. Or at least, not so many problems as he'd first thought.

There was also the fact that Uryuu's dad was constantly hovering around Uryuu's room, which was understandable, but entirely frustrating, since he'd decided he knew everything about the situation without actually understanding it. 

Ichigo had to fight off a sigh as he tucked the last stray wisps of his hair away, under the black ball cap, looking at himself in the mirror. Wearing regular jeans, a simple grey hoodie, and a black hat, he should look normal. None of his orange hair was showing, and if he managed to get in without Uryuu's dad noticing him, he should be okay. According to Rukia, Uryuu's dad visited in the mornings, and before he left in the evening, ever day. So as long as he managed to get in after the guy was leaving, he shouldn't have any problems.

At least Rukia had said she thought Uryuu was close to finally waking up. From the times she'd visited, she'd told him he was moving, making small noises in his sleep, so on and so forth. It gave Ichigo hope that Uryuu would come to, soon. And maybe... Uryuu would be able to help him make sense of what happened during that seven hour gap. If he actually had...

No. He wouldn't think about it right now. Right now, he had a mission to complete, and that's exactly what he was going to do. Setting his will, Ichigo took a large breath, and turned away from the mirror. He had to get going if he was going to make it to the hospital on foot before evening.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

When Uryuu awoke the next time, it was from a dreamless sleep. He felt a little more aware of his surroundings, and it didn't take him too long to remember the events that had led him there. When he did finally manage to think about what had happened at length, he found himself almost numb to what his body had endured. His vision was still a little blurry, but he finally recognized it as the fact of he didn't have his glasses.

It took him only a few seconds to remember why he didn't have them. Closing his eyes, he leaned back a little more on the pillow behind him, his mind drifting off to various places. He was aware of the slow beeping of the monitor beside him even as it felt like he was living through some of his past memories. Thankfully none were too traumatizing; he found himself almost laughing at memories of the entire group. Of memories in the Soul Society. Of memories with his grandfather. In fact, without really thinking about it, his mind seemed to be trying to cheer him up, and was somehow managing it, too.

Closing his eyes, Uryuu was happy to let himself lay there and let his mind wander, his body feeling heavy and weary and wanting more sleep. It was just when he felt the vestiges of sleep tugging at his consciousness that his ears picked up the sound of the door opening. 

The door to his room.

For a moment, Uryuu wondered if it was one of the doctors here to change the fluid bag, but the hesitant footsteps and the very quiet closing of the door told Uryuu otherwise. No one he knew that visited him was ever... quiet. Instantly his mind raced, flashes and images of Ichigo having found him, come back to finish killing him struck fear into his heart, and he could hear the monitor's beeping sounds slowly begin to climb. 

This was bad. If he reacted badly, Ichigo would know he was awake and kill him. Maybe if he pretended he was already in a coma... maybe if he acted like he would never wake up... maybe he would be left alone.

Uryuu tried to swallow softly, before taking a very slow breath, trying desperately to calm his heartbeat, only to hear the sounds of the monitor begin to slow. Despite this fact, he heard a chair pulled up beside him, and it was all he could do to struggle to keep his breathing even, especially when his free arm was gently grasped, and pulled off to the side.

It was definitely Ichigo; the hands were rough and calloused, and Uryuu knew their feel like no other. But... the touch was much lighter than usual. Gentle and soft, even. It gave him pause, even when the words drifted to his ears,

"Uryuu... I'm so sorry."

Sorry...?

"I don't know what to do."

You're... sorry?

"I wish I could help."

Ichigo... was sorry...?

"I just don't want to lose you."

If Uryuu's eyes had been open, they would have widened greatly, but in his faked state of sleep, Uryuu found it difficult to react to Ichigo's words, as if the drugs were actually trying to pull him back into his deep slumber.

So he could do nothing but sit there, listening to Ichigo's voice, talking to him comfortingly, saying words he'd never imagined he'd hear from the man. And listen he did, all the way up to the very last words...

"Uryuu... don't leave me. Don't go before I can tell you..."


	15. The Confession: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Ichigo and Ryuuken come to terms with feelings they've buried deep inside until now, and things begin to come to light.
> 
> WARNING: Light Fluff, some angst.

"Uryuu... don't leave me. Don't go before I can tell you..."

Uryuu found himself hanging on those words, waiting to hear what came next from the somehow gentle tormentor. He would have held his breath if he weren't afraid of being found to be awake, and had to fight himself to keep his breathing steady, even as he heard Ichigo's voice hitch, almost as if...

As if he were trying to speak while crying. Somehow, that thought hit him just as hard as the words that came next.

"I... Uryuu, I want... I want you to know. I... lov-..."

Uryuu felt a forehead placed on his hand for a second, heard him swallow, before saying quickly after,

"-ve the fact you're going to recover. I was so worried, everyone was. But it's good that you're okay, because I don't know what I'd do if you... died."

It was only then that Ichigo quieted down finally, leaving Uryuu to combat the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings rushing through him. That hadn't been the first thing Ichigo had meant to say. Yet... he'd changed it. As if he didn't have the heart to say it. 

'He loves... torturing me? Is that it?'

The thought was chilling, but still at odds to the heavily breathing man beside him, holding his hand like Uryuu was a child on his deathbed. He didn't understand it. He couldn't understand it. But somehow... the words were also a promise. Things were going to be alright, as long as this stayed their little secret. That's what Ichigo wanted. Apologizing for putting him in the hospital, and asking him not to say anything. That sounded like Ichigo.

He heard more words coming from the male beside him, but somehow they were now far away sounds and distant murmurs. As the darkness behind his eyes became deeper and he felt his body relaxing further into the bed, he barely felt the hand slip away from his. 

He would be good. His life had been spared, so he would be good.

That's what Ichigo wanted.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo’s POV)

" - don't know what I'd do if you... died."

His words were lame, he knew, but his heart was beating erratically against his chest, and he wasn't able to force the words he'd wanted to say past the lump in his throat. There were tears in his eyes, even as his mind continued to rationalize that Uryuu was indeed in the hospital with severe wounds.

'I had to have done this.'

The steady beeping of Uryuu's heart monitor drowned out everything in the room, except his thoughts.

'It's... my fault that Uryuu is like this.'

Somehow the thought only made his chest tighten considerably, making it even harder to breathe. So when the door to Uryuu's room opened, his breath caught, his eyes flying toward the black haired female, staring like a deer in front of an oncoming car. Rukia only gave him a glance, however, before placing a nice bouquet of lilacs on the table next to Uryuu's bed. It was only after she'd arranged the flowers just so that she finally turned to Ichigo, speaking softly,

"I thought you'd be here."

Dumbfounded, Ichigo opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off with a wave of Rukia's hand.

"I hope you don't think I'm stupid. I knew why you were asking about Uryuu. That's also why I didn't stop you. But I think we need to talk."

Looking back at Uryuu, Ichigo gave a soft sigh before slipping his hand away from the sleeping male and standing up. Together, Ichigo and Rukia walked quietly out of Uryuu's room, taking care to shut the door softly, so as to not wake him up. Thankfully, the walk out of the hospital was an uneventful one, and before long, both of them were sitting on the curb of the parking lot.

Removing his hat, Ichigo used it as a distraction for his hands even as he blurted out,

"Look, Rukia, I know what you must think, but I-"

"I know." came her reply, startling Ichigo.

When he looked up at her, she seemed to be studying him, but her face was gentler than last time; less accusing, and more... seeking, almost. It startled him enough that he could only listen as she spoke.

"You wouldn't hurt a fly unless it tried to destroy one of your friends. That's just how you are. But there's a few things I've been noticing, Ichigo, and you can't deny them. You've been disappearing off and on for the past four weeks, mostly at night. The next morning, you say you've been sleeping the entire time. At first, I put it off as sleep walking, like some people of this world do. But it kept happening.

"At the same time, around when your disappearances started happening, I noticed a change in Uryuu. Surely you did too: he was more jumpy around you. Quieter, more withdrawn... and I remember one time, when he came in wearing that long sleeved shirt, there was a bruise on his wrist. It made me wonder if maybe he was having family problems, but most of the time whenever I'd call him, he'd brush it off as nothing. That I was worrying for no good reason.

"Then there was that day you went missing and I called Uryuu to see where you'd gone, and found out you'd gone over to his house. Ichigo, he was scared when he found out you were there."

He felt the dread pooling in the pit of his stomach as he listened to Rukia, but even when she paused, his mouth was too dry to form an answer. So she just continued.

"He sounded so shaky, so... terrified. So when I got there only to learn he'd passed out in front of you... I'm going to be honest. I thought you really were hurting him. But what reason would you have to do so? None that I could think of, at least. So I tried to talk to him; to give him someone he could talk to. But that last time seemed to spook him so much, that he wouldn't even answer my calls after that. Then... this. It looks really bad, Ichigo."

Even before she'd stopped, Ichigo's head had found its way into his hands. His body was trembling, not because he was cold, but because he himself was terrified of Rukia's words. It was one thing to suspect yourself, but to have one of your best friends accuse you of almost killing another one of your best friends... it was hard to take. So when Rukia spoke up next, he felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach.

"Ichigo... I want you to look at me and tell me... tell me you didn't do this. Tell me you wouldn't hurt Uryuu."

What could he say? It felt like someone had jabbed a knife into his heart and shattered it, leaving behind a pain that would never heal. He tried to discreetly wipe away tears that were threatening to fall before he looked up at Rukia, but her expression only brought them back to the corners of his eyes.

"I... I..." 

The words just wouldn't form.

'I can't tell you that. I'm afraid I really did do this. I'm afraid I'll kill him and never remember it. I'm so afraid.'

Any one of those would have done. Hell, he could have said anything else, and have it make more sense that just blurting out,

"I love him."

But he'd said it. The words out of his mouth, too little, too late. He hadn't been able to say it to Uryuu, or even to himself before today. Groaning, he hid his face in the hat, feeling like he'd just incriminated himself to one of the only people who might have believed him.

So this was it. It was all over. 

So Rukia surprised him when he felt an arm come around his shoulders, and he was pulled into a sideways hug. His eyes widened even as he tried to look up at Rukia, wondering what was going through her head when she spoke.

"At least you finally admit that much, if nothing else."

"What do you... huh?"

It just wasn't registering; Ichigo's brain had finally ceased all motion and thought process, and left him stunned, hanging on Rukia's words.

"Dummy. It would take a blind person to miss how you look at Uryuu, even before all this started up. It's kind of bad that it took this happening for you to realize it, but the future's what you have to worry about. Whether you did this, or someone was setting you up, Uryuu's going to take a long time to recover from this. Are you prepared to wait it out, and help him along the way?"

He felt the first tear finally making its way down his cheek, only to drip onto Rukia's shirt. Was he ready? That was the real question here. Could he take responsibility? Even if he couldn't remember what happened, could he manage to help Uryuu recover?

That was an answer, at least, he didn't have to think about.

"I'll do whatever I can."

He didn't see Rukia's smile, but her hug became tighter for a few seconds.

Like she was telling him everything was going to be okay.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken’s POV) [The next Morning]

He sat in the chair at Uryuu's bedside, sipping quietly on his steaming cup of coffee. He felt more rested than previous days, maybe knowing it was because there was no longer a stench of blood in Uryuu's room; only the smell of bleach lingering. He was leaving running the hospital to a few of his colleges, against his better judgement, but he couldn't help but face the fact it was hard to stay away from Uryuu.

He had looked horrible that day: barely breathing, beaten and bloody... even when he'd woken up the first time after surgery, his eyes had seemed dull and lifeless. He had changed so rapidly in the past month, Ryuuken found it hard not to berate himself for turning a blind eye like he had. In part, he blamed himself for what happened, simply because he wasn't there to stop it. Because he'd chosen not to be there to stop it.

Contemplating that thought, he took another sip of his coffee, letting it scald his tongue and throat on the way down, but even the almost boiling liquid couldn't drown out his thoughts. That first night Uryuu had come home and called him 'father'; that had to have been when it started. If he remembered correctly, Uryuu had been away from the house for a day or so. He should have called Uryuu's bluff then and there. He should have figured out what was really going on instead of letting the boy go off in a rage at his taunting. He should have been...

Ryuuken gnashed his teeth together at the thought that flitted through his mind, but he couldn't deny it any longer.

He should have been a father.

Why it took Uryuu nearly dying for him to remember what it was like to feel love for family, he might never know. Still, he forced himself to sit there beside Uryuu until his coffee was gone, trying to figure out what he would say when the boy woke up. According to his staff, he had the day off today, but Ryuuken had no intention of making it a day of rest.

No, today... he would get some answers from his... son. 

And maybe tomorrow, he would avenge that very son.


	16. Closing the Gap

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV) [That Same Morning]

School was even more dull than usual without Uryuu to act the genius among them, and it was driving Ichigo crazy. He couldn't focus on his work, and more times than he could count, he found himself either staring out the window, his imagination running wild, or staring at a blank piece of paper that he'd told himself he was going to write down things to say to Uryuu when he saw him next. His entire brain was a jumbled mess, but he was no closer to figuring out what to do than he had been yesterday, when he'd made his promise to Rukia.

He'd meant the promise when he'd said it; he just didn't know how to accomplish it. 

'Oh, I might have almost killed you, but I want to make up for it. Let me take care of you?'

Yeah. That would totally cut it. Ugh.

So the day dragged on, with each second filling Ichigo's mind of stupid things to say that just didn't sound... right. It wasn't as if he had nothing to say, he just... wasn't sure how to say it. How do you help someone you almost killed? What do you say when you can't remember the most traumatic event you took part in?

Forcing himself to gently lay his head on his desk (instead of slamming it down repeatedly like he wanted to,) Ichigo closed his eyes. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night, and he was sure he would either be awoken by an angry teacher, or Rukia. Hopefully it was Rukia, so they could talk and figure out where to go from here. At least she would help him.

He could feel his exhaustion nagging at the edges of his mind, and within a few moments, the darkness of sleep overtook him.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ 

There was something warm and rough on his finger, pulling at his skin as he moved. It was hard to see, like everything was covered in a black veil, but Ichigo was startled when a knocking sound echoed around him. He felt something jump against his finger, and instantly he knew there was something wrong. Why couldn't he see?

"Uryuu?"

That voice... he'd heard it somewhere before. But where...?

"What’s going on, I heard loud noises.”

There it was again; that too familiar voice that he couldn't quite place his finger on... pun not intended. But before his mind could race to put in place the name of the voice, he felt his middle finger encased in the same feeling as his index finger.

What the...

"N-Nothing."

Ichigo felt his entire body still in shock; that was Uryuu's voice. It sounded... like he was in pain. His heartbeat became erratic even as he heard Uryuu continue.

"I dropped my glasses a-"

Uryuu was cut off, and Ichigo was acutely aware of the tiny whimper in his voice. He was afraid... afraid and in pain. Why...?

"and hit my dresser t-trying to get them."

This time his ring finger felt the sensation along with his other two fingers, and with a sickening dread building in his stomach, Ichigo watched in complete horror as the black veil around him started to lift to the tune of Uryuu's father's voice.

"Whatever. Just stop making such a racket; unlike you, I have things to concentrate on.”

This couldn't be happening...! In that instant, his vision was perfect, and Ichigo was staring straight into Uryuu's pain filled eyes as he... as he...

"Good boy." crooned a voice that could only belong to...

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ 

"NO!"

Ichigo shot up, nearly losing his balance and causing the chair that was beneath him to topple over onto the floor behind him. His heart was beating erratically, and it took him a few panicked moments to look around and realize everyone in class was staring at him. The entire room had gone silent, all heads turned in his direction, which only served to make things worse. 

He HAD done those things to Uryuu, even if it hadn't been him. He had been the one to hurt Uryuu, because it was his Hollow, his...

Why was everyone still staring at him?!

Ichigo swallowed with a bit of difficulty even as he frantically grabbed for his book bag. There were a few shouts after him as he fled the room, but they didn't matter. How had he been allowed to stay in class after causing Uryuu's near death experience? Didn't they know?

He ran at top speed through the halls of the school building, narrowly missing knocking a few other classmates down on his way out. When he finally reached the courtyard, his legs refused to stop, and his mind was too much of a jumbled mess to tell his body to do anything but operate on auto-pilot. He didn't know where he was headed, and he didn't care, but he knew one thing that needed to be done right away.

The fear and horror at suddenly reliving a memory he had no recollection of was starting to give way to a much more primal anger that was fueling his adrenaline.

No one hurt his friends. Not even part of himself.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Rukia's POV)

Ichigo had been dozing on and off all morning, and she could only attribute it to his lack of sleep last night, going over recent events and trying to find solutions. It was no surprise that the moment his mind tried to process something it didn't find relevant, it would shut down, but she never counted on what happened next.

It was just before lunch time, and even her own mind was wandering. The teacher hadn't said anything yet, but she'd made sure to talk to him, in case something did arise. It wasn't an excuse, but more of an explaination that seemed to help the situation. So when Ichigo burst into a standing position out of a dead sleep, it startled everyone in the classroom; especially her. She couldn't quite make out what he said, but it sounded strangled and panicked, like something was closing over his throat.

Rukia stood as Ichigo's eyes darted around the classroom, shocked to see how quickly they had turned from dazed to fearful, a heavy sheen of sweat trying to make its way off his brow. He was breathing heavily, and when he reached down for his book bag, she thought there might have been something he'd forgotten, but with the way he was acting, she wasn't sure that was the case. Only proved right when he darted toward the door at more of a run than a jog, she made the split second decision to grab her own bag and take off after him. She heard the teacher calling after the both of them as she followed Ichigo, but the voice was soon left behind.

Through the halls and out into the courtyard, Rukia followed him, keeping her distance from him in case something was wrong, but trying not to lose sight of him. It became staggeringly difficult the further into town they came. He was running with almost no direction, somehow faster than Rukia could keep up with him. Despite her best efforts, eventually she lost sight of Ichigo. Since he was already gone, and there was no point in continuing to waste her energy, Rukia collapsed to her knees on the ground, trying to get her breath back. Her heart was beating faster than it ever had, mostly because she'd never seen Ichigo act that way.

There had been times when he'd been volatile, and amped up with a lot of energy, but she'd never seen him... spooked. Like someone had just told him an atomic secret.

Or maybe they had.

Rukia's eyes widened, and even though she hadn't caught her breath entirely, she launched herself from the ground, breaking off into a jog toward the hospital.

How could she have missed it? The seven hour gap in memory; that should have been the dead giveaway. That was why Ichigo was so spooked; either he'd had an encounter with his Hollow, or the Hollow must have let something slip to him. Either way, she didn't know where his first destination would be, but she knew exactly where he would end up eventually.

Uryuu's room.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

This would be his fifth cup of coffee, and still his mind felt a little too sluggish to be dealing with matters of 'heart' or 'family'. Still, he filled the black liquid to the brim of the styrofoam cup and dutifully returned to Uryuu's side. He leaned back in the chair, grimacing at the ache in his shoulder that was starting to build into a nuisance, but before he had a chance to give it much more of a thought, he heard the sheets before him shift slightly.

As he looked up, he watched as Uryuu stirred, slowly blinking his eyes open. With a quiet breath, Ryuuken took a long drink of the now luke warm coffee, giving Uryuu time to fully wake up and adjust to his surroundings. With the lack of suppressants in his system, this should be the first time he would be able to stay awake for more than five minutes, and Ryuuken was ready to take advantage of that.

Making sure to focus on his coffee for the moment, he heard when the heart monitor spiked suddenly before returning to a somewhat normal state. Uryuu had seen him; and that was the cue he was waiting for. Lowering the cup to his lap, he focused his gaze directly on the younger male lying in front of him. The gaze that met him, however...

He didn't actually know what it might feel like to take a butcher knife, plunge it into your heart, and twist it, but if the pain in his chest right now was anything like it, he would never wish that experience on anyone again. The look in Uryuu's eyes was... broken. Hopeless, distant, and yet... pleading. All at the same time, and for once... it shook Ryuuken. There was emotion beyond that gaze that he would never be able to recognize, much less treat.

Suddenly, he had no words to say. Everything he'd gone through in his mind: about what happened to him, about the details, about Ichigo... all of it was gone, replaced only by his body's urge to move. Slowly, he set the half empty coffee cup on the table beside him before he stood, towering over the sullen, pained gaze that just continued to stare at him.

Without a single word, Ryuuken carefully placed his arms around Uryuu and brought him into an embrace, careful of the cords and tubes strung out all over his body. It was only after the gaze was broken, and he was hugging Uryuu that his mind decided to catch up to him. What right did he have to hug the boy he'd never referred to as a 'son' until now? What right did he have to pretend he cared about someone he had all but forsaken?

It took a few moments to realize exactly what right he 'did' have, and that was when he felt his shoulder slowly start to become damp. The heart monitor showed Uryuu's change in breathing, even though Ryuuken could feel it just as clearly as he could hear it. For the first time in what felt like a long time, even he could feel tears starting to wet the edges of his eyes, though he refused to let them fall.

No, he had a long way to go, but his start was to figure out how to help his son.

THAT was his right.


	17. Fear and Anger

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

His legs were burning and so were his lungs, but he couldn't slow down. His body was moving faster than it ever had, but somehow his mind was going even faster. He actually had been the one to hurt Uryuu; maybe not him HIM, but him Hollowfied horrifically, no memory, no recollection, sudden memory, running out in class -

Oh Shit. It wasn't just Uryuu; it had only been Uryuu hurt, but he'd put everyone in danger. Rukia, Chad, Orihime, his dad, his sist- Oh god, his sisters! How could he have lived with himself if he'd done something to his sisters? How could he even live with himself, knowing without remembering all of what he'd done to Uryuu? Images of the broken, bloodied Uryuu he'd come to before taking him to the hospital flashed into his mind, tormenting him further, driving him insane.

He couldn't take it anymore, couldn't think anymore without that memory creeping up on him, seeing Uryuu's face twisted in agony and terror and -

Ichigo involuntarily gasped as he stumbled, one of his legs suddenly buckling under his weight. At high speed, he watched the ground of the alleyway come up to greet his face and felt the stinging, burning pain of impact as his body rag-dolled, skidded and rolled, pain blossoming around his entire body seconds before his left side and shoulder were slammed up against a wooden fence. The wood splintered and gave way beneath his body, part of the fence collapsing underneath him.

As the dust finally settled on and around the orange haired boy heaving and panting on the ground, he closed his eyes tightly, trying to erase the images from his mind. He was almost in tears, but not from the pain that suddenly surrounded his body. No, the burning pain from pushing himself to the limit was bearable. The stinging of cuts and bruises with dirt mixed blood was forgettable. The pounding headache that was making it hard to look at the light around him was easily dismissed. All of his pains and more, he had put Uryuu through; what had him in tears was he wasn't sure what to do now.

How could he show his face to anyone now? He'd managed to almost kill Uryuu without anyone knowing; not even himself. It was dreadful to think what might have happened if he hadn't woken up when he did, but... even still, he was left with the uncertainty that stemmed from not knowing if or when it was going to happen again. It would be better for everyone if he just... disappeared, it seemed.

"Is this a new thing with kids these days - breaking down people's fences?"

The voice startled Ichigo, snapping his eyes open and jerking his head toward the sound, despite the groaning protests of his aching body. When he finally managed to make out the blurry image of green and black before him, he let his head hit the ground again, groaning quietly as he heard Urahara walk over to his prone body. Great; someone else to see his humiliation.

"Come on, Ichigo. Let's get you inside."

He didn't respond when Urahara leaned down to grab his shoulder and help him off the ground, though he did hiss when his joints pulled painfully. What could he say?

'Don't touch me, my hollow might rape you?'

Something piqued his interest, however; Urahara seemed... like he expected Ichigo. Like he'd been waiting on him to show up. That thought alone kept him quiet as Urahara helped him up, dusted him off slightly, and led him into the shop where he stayed. Each step was painful, but Ichigo forced himself onward without a sound of discomfort, knowing that Uryuu had suffered worse. 

He had no room to complain.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Urahara helped Ichigo bandage what cuts and scrapes he'd gotten from his fall without a single word, and had even given him new clothes to change into since his were dusty and filthy. Ichigo, hard pressed to keep his mouth shut, but unsure of what to say, eventually started talking in the silence between them as Urahara put some tea on to boil.

Unsure of exactly where to start, Ichigo just started talking about Uryuu.

"He's there because of me. I mean, not because of me, but still because of me. I just can't believe it... and his dad; his dad hates me now. I don't blame him, but I still want to help Uryuu and now I can't do anything!"

"Calm down; why can't you do anything?" Urahara replied without bothering to turn away from the stove to look at Ichigo, who was bracing his back and head against one of the walls.

"Because... because I don't know 'what' to do."

"And what 'did' you do before?"

"... I..." Ichigo started, but his tongue felt like lead in his mouth.

There was no turning back; he had to tell someone. Even if he was labeled a monster, even if Urahara agreed that he should find a hole to die in... he had to say something.

So with a churning stomach and a burning in his chest, Ichigo began his story. To his surprise, when the tea was finished half way through Ichigo's explination, Urahara served him his cup without hesitation, and sat down in front of him, keeping eye contact like they were talking about the weather. It startled him, but with a silent encouragement from the male, Ichigo kept speaking until facts had given way to opinions and feelings, and he was near tears expressing something he had only admitted to Rukia until now.

When there were finally no more words to say, Ichigo felt like every part of himself had broken into tiny shards. With every gap in memory he had to explain away, his mind came up with things his Hollow probably did to Uryuu that he still couldn't remember, and it only broke him further. The one friend he'd counted on to always have his back despite their quarrels and fights and heated words... he'd utterly destroyed from the inside out and it killed him to think about it.

It startled Ichigo out of his thoughts when one of Urahara's hands came down on his shoulder, the normally aloof and eccentric man looking solemnly and seriously at him.

So this was it. This was the confirmation he was dreading. He would say he was a monster and the world would be better if he were dead. Despite himself, Ichigo could feel a shudder go through his entire body; he didn't want to die. But he didn't want his friends to die, either. So with a held breath and an almost imperceptive trembling lip, Ichigo waited for the confirmation that never came.

"Isshin wasn't kidding when he said you were devastated."

What?

The hand lifted off Ichigo's shoulder, and unable to process much more than that single question, he looked at where the hand had been, and then back at Urahara, who's eyes were hidden under the shadow of his green and white stripped hat.

"But, lucky for you, I've been working on a solution. Depending on its effectiveness, it could work exactly as planned, or leave you in a coma for a few years... But! That's just a side effect. Nothing to really worry about anyway."

As Urahara spoke, he had gotten up and moved away from Ichigo, leaving the younger male to sit and stare without much thought going through his mind. He watched Urahara reach into a box in the corner and pull out a small, silver amulet on a black chain, dangling it from his fingers for a few seconds before standing and returning to Ichigo, presenting it to him like it was the holy grail.

When Ichigo didn't reach out to take the thing, Urahara placed it on the ground between them, and in the silence, he sighed before he finally explained,

"Look, your dad filled me in a while back, okay? See, he came and found me the night you went to him..."

Ichigo found himself listening to Urahara's story with wide eyes, unable to help the numb, shocked feeling that had spread throughout his body.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

He knew he should stop crying. He knew that any moment, the careful embrace he was folded in would be broken, and his father's stern glare would be back, berating him for being weak enough to get taken advantage of. Still, no matter how many times he told himself he was worthless for continuing, he couldn't make the steady stream of tears stop. They just kept rolling down his cheeks and onto Ryuuken's shoulder, soaking through the material of his shirt and possibly ruining it.

Something else for his father to tell him he was worthless for.

Uryuu closed his eyes, but even that wouldn't stop the flood of tears. It was over; it was all over. No matter what lie he managed to tell the man before him, he would still be too weak to be considered worth anything. This was probably a bittersweet goodbye, something that Ryuuken would laugh at later. So when the man finally pulled back from Uryuu, hands still on Uryuu's shoulders, the boy braced himself for the worst.

So when Ryuuken looked him dead-set in the eye and began to speak, Uryuu wasn't prepared for what he heard.

"That boy is going to pay for what he did to you."

At first, the words weren't registering properly to his brain, and it took him a few seconds to actually dissect what Ryuuken had meant. That boy... Ichigo? Would pay... for... what did he do? Did he mean...

Uyruu wasn't able to stop the widening of his eyes, and even though he heard the slow beeping in the background begin to climb in speed, his mind began to race. Someone had found out. Now Ichigo really WAS going to kill him. He was going to come into the room and beat him until pain was all the world revolved around, and then he was going to kill him. He'd just been spared, and already he was looking at another death sentence! Unable to keep the stammer from his voice, he tried - pleaded - for Ryuuken's understanding.

"I-I don't... You don't know what happened. This is just... it's all a misunderstanding!"

His entire body shivered under Ryuuken's intense gaze, and for a moment, he felt himself waver. He could tell just one person... and not get caught, right? But his fear of Ichigo outweighed his fear of Ryuuken in the same moment; he had thought that once before, with Rukia. Ichigo had still found out; so it didn't matter what he did, or who he tried to tell. If he spoke out about their secret, he would be found out, and he would be as good as dead. Not even Ryuuken would be able to change that.

"And exactly what am I misunderstanding? Your torn anus?"

Uryuu flinched at the harsh words, but Ryuuken wouldn't relent.

"Am I misunderstanding all of your broken bones, or the blood in your room? Maybe I'm misunderstanding the fact I CAUGHT him over you before you were rushed here. Do tell me, I'm curious at exactly WHAT I'm misunderstanding here."

For several seconds, Uryuu was unable to even formulate an excuse under Ryuuken's hard gaze, fear warring against every other sense Uryuu had. Why was he pushing this? Why did he care? In fact... why DID he care? 

Suddenly, Uryuu found himself growing just as angry as he was fearful under Ryuuken's steady gaze. He'd never cared before; called him worthless, worse than even that, never even bothered to make sure he was okay before; oh, but it was okay to threaten him, to want to kick him out of the house for being weak!

"Are you going to talk to me?" 

The sound of Ryuuken's agitated voice only fueled Uryuu's own anger, and sent him over the edge, the fear finally taking a back seat as he spat back,

"Get out."

"What?"

Ryuuken's eyebrow raised a fraction, but Uryuu was beyond being able to notice. With his eyes closed, hearing the beeping continue to climb in speed, he raised his voice.

"I said get out! Get out, get the FUCK OUT! I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you, and I don't CARE what you think about that!"

"I saved your life." 

"YOU LEFT ME FOR DEAD MY ENTIRE LIFE! AS FAR AS I CARE, JUST LET IT STAY THAT WAY!"

By the time he was finished shouting, Uryuu's eyes were screwed shut, and his heavy breathing and blood thrumming in his ears almost drowned out the erratic beeping that broke the tense silence in the room. He refused to open his eyes, his anger draining quickly for fear of retribution from Ryuuken, but the only thing that met his cringe was the feel of Ryuuken leaning away from the bed before footsteps fading told him that his father had indeed, gone to leave the room.

He cringed heavily at the loud slam the door made when it was shut after Ryuuken had left, and it was only then that he opened his eyes.

Nothing but an empty room.

Still... somehow, he felt even worse than before.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

"YOU LEFT ME FOR DEAD MY ENTIRE LIFE! AS FAR AS I CARE, JUST LET IT STAY THAT WAY!"

You left me for dead my entire life. Was that really what he thought? ... Was that really what he had done? Ryuuken kept his gaze remarkably steady, despite how he could feel his fingers beginning to tremble slightly, but Uryuu never looked up at him again. He made it painfully obvious that he wasn't needed, or wanted here, and despite himself, Ryuuken had to bite back a scathing retort. Still... he couldn't quite manage to draw his anger into the fray, either. No matter what had happened... he hadn't done anything to help Uryuu. He was right.

He had left him for dead. Or at least, just as well might have. So it was without another word that he leaned away from his son, swallowing to ease the sudden lump in his throat, before he turned on his heel and forced himself to walk to the door. He wasn't wanted, or needed, despite what he had already done for Uryuu. It didn't matter that he had come to realize exactly what Uryuu meant, and it didn't matter that he had fretted over what to say when Uryuu had finally awakened.

He knew he slammed the door harder than he'd meant to, but his own fury was building that he refused to let Uryuu see. It was that same fury that was doused with ice water as he turned from the room, only to come face to face with the dark haired woman whom he'd seen in Uryuu's room before. She was panting, her hair askew, with wide eyes and an almost panicked look about her even as she fought to catch her breath.

Narrowing his eyes slightly, it didn't take much to piece two and two together. Something had happened with the orange haired bastard, and she had come here to stop it. 

Now at least he had someone to take his anger out on.

Placing his hand upon the girl's shoulder, he steered her off to the side, so their voices wouldn't float into Uryuu's room. There, he told her to tell him everything she knew.


	18. Pain and Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Kudo's to whomever laughs at the chapter title because they understand. Gotta love childhood shows.)

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Rukia's POV)

Ryuuken was frightening when he was in one of his moods, and it looked like right now was going to be one of those times. Her breath was quick and ragged as she was led a little ways away from the room before he stopped and spun to meet her gaze.

"You're going to tell me everything."

If this was even part of the glare he'd given to Ichigo that one day, it was no wonder he'd looked so defeated; if looks could kill...

"I know how and why Ichigo can't remember what happened with Uryuu. I don't know why it happened, but I believe Ichigo's inner Hollow was actually the one who hurt Uryuu, and I believe it was the Hollow who was tormenting him before hand, too. Ichigo probably just figured this out himself; we were in class when it happened, and he snapped up from a dead sleep and took off. I tried to follow him, but he was running aimlessly and I lost sight of him. I figured in the long run, he might come here to see Uryuu. I don't know if it'll be Hollow or Ichigo, but I'm pretty sure he's going to end up here."

Rukia forced herself to take a deep breath, since she felt extremely close to panicking. It wasn't just the look Ryuuken was forcing on her, but the worry for Uryuu that was driving her rising wariness. If anything more happened to him, she'd see it just as much her fault since she at least had some means of being able to stop something from happening now. But it was as Ryuuken expelled a held breath, finally turning his gaze away from her, that she had to hold back a yelp as he suddenly hit the wall beside her, as if in frustration.

So she wasn't the only one wound up with all this sudden information.

"I'll kill him." was his only response, but immediately it kicked Rukia into Ichigo's defense, despite her earlier convictions.

"He's just as much of a victim as Uryuu!" This earned her another death gaze from the man, but she tried as hard as she could not to flinch under the gaze. "Whether you like it or not, they ARE friends, and Ichigo tries as hard as he can to look out for Uryuu. After you kicked him out of the hospital, he's been tearing himself up inside because he feels like all of this was his fault. Blaming him for this would be like blaming a blind man for letting his friend get hit with an arrow."

She could see his eyes narrowing, and a part of her wondered if the white haired man was even listening to what she had to say, when she watched him glance behind himself, toward Uryuu's room.

"Something's wrong." was all he said, but she thought she heard it too.

A high pitched whine, that almost sounded like... a flat line.

Instantly, Rukia's thoughts flew to Uryuu, but Ryuuken reacted faster, and was in front of the door several steps before her. Perhaps, that was a good thing, since a second later the door flew open and one of the metal medical carts was launched from the room, hitting Ryuuken squarely in the gut. It knocked him to the side as the cart skidded to a halt in front of him, leaving Uryuu standing, pale as death itself, in the doorway.

The look on his face reminded her of the day at the ice cream shoppe, as well as when he'd passed out on his couch in front of Ichigo. It was that same, sweaty, panic filled look on his face that made her call out to him, but he had already taken off running in the opposite direction. Rukia started after him, but her gaze flickered to where Ryuuken simply righted himself, and began pushing the cart back into the room. In the shock of the moment, she couldn't help the words that flooded from her mouth.

"What kind of a father are you?! Go after him!"

The man paused before turning a death glare on her; one that hardly even mattered in her astonished state.

"What I do is none of your business."

"So you're going to let Uryuu die just because you're too self absorbed to see that he NEEDS you right now?"

Rukia knew she was saying things she wouldn't normally vocalize, but her fury was getting the better of her, and there wasn't any other way to contain it anymore. Balling her fists at her sides, she didn't even give Ryuuken a chance to respond as she shouted,

"No wonder Uryuu never spoke of you; you're a horrible father!"

She spun on the ball of her foot, unwilling to see the death glare of the man she'd insulted as she ran after Uryuu, admittedly several minutes behind him, but he was slowed due to his injuries, so she hoped she would be able to catch up to him quickly.

She searched the hospital up and down, in every crevice she could find, but she never found Uryuu.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

It was no big deal, right? Ryuuken might have found out; might have made his own assumptions, but he didn't tell him, so that made it okay, right? He didn't tell anyone the secret, right?

Regardless of the several minutes of being alone, Uryuu still hadn't calmed down, and the rapid beeping filling the silence in the room was only serving to make his heart pound louder in his chest, making sure Uryuu didn't forget his panic. No matter how he tried to rationalize what was going on, he still couldn't quell the feeling of dread beginning to settle over him. No matter what he did, Ichigo was going to come for him. It was like he knew it with every fibre of his being, and that only made a thin sheen of sweat break out on his forehead.

A noise outside the door brought his heart into his throat, and for several long seconds, he could just SEE Ichigo's outline in the closed shades on the door, blocking him from actually seeing what was going on outside his room, but in his mind he knew exactly what was going on. Ichigo was here for him. This time, he really would die; there wasn't any kind of a chance he would be spared. 

Trying to swallow around the lump in his throat, Uryuu's eyes flew around the room, looking for any kind of hiding place, only for him to remember that he still didn't have his glasses, so everything past a few feet was blurry. Biting back a whimper, the arm that didn't have the IV in it flailed toward the side table, hoping to whatever god that could hear him that somehow his glasses would be in reach. For the first time since Rukia's attempt at helping him, he had to choke back a sob of relief as his hand caught the edge of glasses. He brought them up to his face, clumsily trying to position his glasses on his ears, though it took a few seconds.

Once he was actually able to see again, his vision caught at the IV in his arm. And the clamp on his finger for the heart monitor. And the stickers on his body with several cords hooking him up to machines, and the cords lying over his body and around his bed, effectively acting as restraints. If Ichigo came in here, he was a sitting duck. What didn't help his train of thought was the next things his eyes caught, which were the doctors tools on the counter to his right and left, and pretty much around him.

Needles, scissors, pointed steel instruments that could easily be worse than just being thrown or kicked into a wall. Broken bones from blunt objects or continual pain from sliced flesh and the pain of bleeding out? Neither idea made him any less restless, and his entire body was tensing up, ready to jump from the bed at a moment's notice. The shadow was still outside his door, and Uryuu could almost see the smirk on Ichigo's face as he stood there, knowing that Uryuu was panicking, unable to do anything against him.

He needed to leave. Despite he only had one way out of the room, Ichigo only had one way in, and if he could slam the man out of the way with the door or something movable, he could make a run for it. That did mean, of course, that he would have to rip himself out of everything he was attached to, which would probably make Ryuuken furious. Still, he found it extremely hard to even worry about his father with Ichigo breathing down his neck. He could almost feel his hands over his skin, heavy and bruising and painful and -

Biting back a whimper, he heard the erratic beeping halt to a steady, whining its loud, piercing wail as the clamp was pulled from his finger. His motions growing more unsteady with each second that passed, he all but ripped the IV out of his arm, hissing quietly at the sudden stab of pain in his arm, but noticing the blood was beyond him as he started yanking off the stickers on his body, cords flying everywhere in his haste to untangle himself. To his ears, it sounded like the wail filling the room was getting substantially louder, almost making him cringe, especially when it looked like the shadow outside the door moved again.

He was enjoying this; Ichigo was enjoying having Uryuu panic and fumble around. For a moment, Uryuu actually felt tears lift to his eyes, but he refused to let them go any further than that as he hastily finished removing himself from all the wires around him, swinging his legs off the bed and jumping off. It was instantaneous, the liquid fire that shot through his entire body crippled his legs and sent him face first onto the floor, hitting his shoulder on the floor in the process. The agony shooting through his body was enough to make him cry out, his entire form shaking under the strain of pain that was spamming through him.

His breath hitched, but he clawed at the floor, trying desperately to make his body obey his orders. It took him a few precious moments, but he was finally able to reach out and grab onto the bed, ignoring as much of the pain as he could while trying to raise himself onto his feet. His entire body was trembling something fearsome, and every nerve in his body screamed for him to lay back down, no matter what would happen because of it, but he couldn't allow himself to be tempted. Sweat had begun to mat his hair to his forehead even as he tried to think clearly. He couldn't just rush out of the door with Ichigo standing there, but neither could he wait any longer. If it wasn't Ichigo who came in, it would be the nurses to strap him down until Ichigo did arrive.

Fighting against his body and trying not to vocalize his pain with every agonizing step, he limped over to the metal cart the last nurse had left in the room. Despite the pain that shot through his broken hand as he grasped onto the handle, he forced himself to lean on it and steer it toward the door. His head felt scrambled with the conflicting thoughts running through it, but he couldn't let himself falter. He wasn't safe here, and no one but him realized that. So it was up to him to do something about it.

With a deep, but hardly reassuring breath, Uryuu swung the door open wide and pushed with every bit of strength he had left, feeling satisfied when the metal cart connected with a body, and he heard Ichigo expel a sharp breath. He'd actually done it...! A distant shout of his name reminded him he couldn't rest yet, and as soon as the shock of excitement faded, he took off, running as fast as his trembling legs could carry him, thankful that it was Ryuuken's hospital he'd been taken to. Within three minutes, even at his slower speed, he was out of the hospital and running.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ 

The sun was too hot, beating down on what skin was uncovered by the hospital gown and causing him to sweat out what fluids he had managed to get from his stay at the hospital. By this point, he felt sticky and dirty, and every step he took only made his body want to give up movement all together. Still, he leaned against the wooden fence to his left, tugging the gown closer to his body no matter how much hotter that made him. Panting quietly, he couldn't stop himself from leaning more heavily upon the fence, using it to prop himself up while he waited for his legs to stop shaking.

His mind was racing just as fast as his heart, which was hammering against his chest and trying to work its way out of his barely healing ribs. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the splitting pain everywhere, especially in his head. He felt like the world was rocking at his feet, trying to throw him off balance, even as he leaned more heavily against the fence, his knees buckling finally. He began sliding down the fence, even as what surroundings he could see blurred like his glasses had been knocked off again. He swallowed thickly, coming to rest on his bottom and still having to bite his lip to keep himself silent.

He'd made it away from Ichigo. That was the only reassuring thought in his mind as he crumpled in on himself on the dirt, uncaring for the way his body protested even resting at this point. He'd managed to get away from Ichigo, and after a short rest, he'd keep going. He would never be able to put enough distance between them, but if he could keep moving, then maybe... just maybe... he'd be able to get away.

Maybe one day, he wouldn't have to worry or look over his shoulder.

Maybe one day.

Uryuu's eyes closed, his body overheated and throbbing with the pain of pushing his broken body to the limits. It was there that he slipped into unconsciousness.


	19. Limitations

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Kisuke's POV)

It was hard, to see the complete and utter devastation in Ichigo's eyes, but he managed to keep his smile as he spoke, despite how twisted it felt.

"See, he came and found me the night you went to him, and I'll tell you, Isshin had a look almost like what you've got now. Pale, sweaty, disoriented..." he paused for a sip of his tea, trying to keep his mouth from drying out as he told his side of the story.

"He told me things I wasn't inclined to believe at first. Yes, your hollow is part of you, but for it to become sentient enough to not only take your body over, but to erase all memory of what happened during that time...? It was a little far fetched. But Isshin's never been one to lie, so I gave my word that I'd try to come up with something that could help you overcome your hollow. What resulted from that word... was this."

Setting down his cup of tea, Kisuke reached for the round, silver amulet, dangling the chain around his fingers and glancing from Ichigo to it, even as he wondered if it could really suppress Ichigo's inner hollow. He never gave his doubts away, however.

"This amulet is made to specifically target a hollow's spiritual pressure, and suppress it. Think of wrapping yourself up completely in chains; that's what this does on so many more levels. The only bad side is, you'll have to get used to the weight, since you're still just one body." Chancing a glance up at Ichigo, he saw the look of desperation had changed just slightly into one of hope; it gave him the will to continue his words. "You're probably going to have a few nasty side effects from it, so my suggestion would be to take this home with you. Tell Isshin what's going on, and lay down before you put it on."

"Why lay down?"

It was the first question Ichigo had asked during the entire time Kisuke had been speaking, and it was encouraging.

"Because you might just lose consciousness and collapse on the floor in a coma. At least if you're lying down, you don't have to worry about banging your head on the way down, am I right?"

The joke felt dull and lifeless to Kisuke, especially in Ichigo's situation, but it was his nature to try and keep things lighthearted, especially when there was a small percentage the amulet's suppression would just outright kill him. It was small enough that he didn't explain it, but it still weighed heavily on his mind. Still, it was just as hard to watch the boy's eyes fill with hope as he delicately took the amulet offered, and stood to leave, his own cup of tea untouched.

Kisuke watched the boy leave, standing in his doorway for several moments afterward, noting how the late afternoon had turned so quickly into evening, the moon slowly beginning to make its way toward its peak in the sky. Silently, he wished Ichigo and his friends the best, knowing there wasn't much else he could do for them. Still, he had made good on his promise to Isshin.

He just had to hope that it was enough.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

The first thought he registered was how cold it was. His entire body was trembling for another reason than pain, for once, and the idea startled him. He tried to open his eyes, but his eyelids felt weighted down and stuck together. Lifting his arm, he started to rub at his eyes only to have his hand catch against the rims of his glasses. Why hadn't he taken them off before going to sleep? A frustrated sigh slipped past his lips as he reached up with the other hand, flinching as a wave of pain snaked through his arm as he gripped the glasses and delicately removed them from his face.

Finally able to rub his eyes, he gave a half-yawn, his voice trembling along with his body. Why was he so cold? Shifting upright a little more and trying to ease the horrible, burning pain in his neck, Uryuu wiped at his eyes, trying to ignore the cold sweat on his forehead and the freezing breeze nipping at his hip.

...

A startled yelp escaped its way past Uryuu's lips as his eyes shot open to nothing but darkness. He had stayed here way too long, and had allowed night to fall. Ichigo could be minutes away from him, and here he was, waiting patiently for him! Struggling to get his glasses back on, despite the still somewhat blurred vision from just waking up, Uryuu picked himself up off the ground as hastily as his pain ridden body would let him, forgetting about the hospital gown.

He stiffled a scream when the gown gusted open behind him, the darkness slowly beginning to take shape again into those tormenting shadows. They knew he was vulnerable. Biting down hard on his lip, he frantically tried to wrap the gown tightly around his body even as he felt the first slimy touch of the shadows on his feet. Wincing even at the pain of moving, he took off in a full tilt sprint down the alley way, wincing at every rock and sliver of wood that bit into his bare feet. He hadn't noticed any of the pain on his feet during his first run, but it seemed so tormentingly prominent now, with the shadows chasing him down instead of Ichigo.

Still, running wasn't helping him any; he was too slow, and the shadows were everywhere. In the corners of his vision, ahead of him, behind him, underneath him, on his feet, crawling into his skin, running slimy tendrils up his legs...

His breath was coming in sharp, harsh gasps as his legs faltered, sending him crashing down into the dirt only a few yards away from where he'd started. He landed harshly on his side, unable to stop the yelp of pure pain as his ribs burned against his side on contact. Whimpering, he tried to roll off that side, thankful at least he hadn't heard a crack like before. Still, even that pain was having a hard time driving off the shadows that just kept coming, snaking around his broken body to deliver him to death. They would give him no respite, and it was becoming increasingly hard to fend them off.

Still, in a vain effort, Uryuu clasped his hands around the gown and pulled it tighter and closer to his body, trying to keep most of himself protected even as he picked up the sound of heavy footfalls in the distance. Someone was coming, and his mind was screaming at him to run. After all, hadn't he just been telling himself that it was Ichigo behind him, always behind him, always waiting, always there...?

He gritted his teeth as he tried to roll into a position to get up, ever aware of the quickly approaching footsteps, and had slowly and painfully made it to his knees when he heard a gasp to his right. Even though his trembling body was jolting, his muscles trying to get the rest of his body to cooperate and make a break for it, something in his mind slowed; the gasp had sounded familiar. It was enough of a pause for whomever it was to suddenly bend down beside him, and with the sudden, close proximity, Uryuu's body collapsed in on itself, trying to keep most of his vulnerable parts protected.

He was shaking again, his eyes glued forcefully shut as he waited for pain, or death; or both. Either was expected from Ichigo at this point, and with his body not responding well to his orders, he could do nothing more than wait. It didn't matter that he had made it out of the hospital; Ichigo had still bested him, and won. He thought he heard his name called somewhere amid his thoughts, but his ears weren't working quite as well as before.

He couldn't fight any longer, and didn't have the strength to even if he had the will. His body was already damaged, all he had to do was finish the job. Uryuu was as good as dead.

Then... if that were true, why was he suddenly breathing easier? Had Ichigo really made his death that quick and painless? Did he die of fright? He hadn't quite realized exactly how much pressure had been on his lungs until the weight seemed to lift, and he could take a full breath. Now that his mind was on it, the burning in his ribs had ceased, as well, but it wasn't an instant relief. It was slow, gradual. As if it had started from his lungs and moved outward, for his ribs, then his arms... then his legs. As if his entire body was... repairing itself suddenly.

Not wanting to push his luck, he kept his eyes screwed shut for what felt like an eternity, feeling every ounce of pain slowly sink away from his body until it was no more. Had he really just died...?

A hand on his shoulder startled him from his awe-struck thoughts, and his eyes snapped open to a bright but fading light, before he was left in the darkness again, the shadows waiting on any movement to return. Despite himself, he found his head turning, trying to get a glimpse of who the rather light and gentle touch belonged to, but in the darkness, only one thing registered.

Orange.

His instant thought was to spring away, a strangled scream bubbling from his throat, but his somehow healed body reacted quicker than he expected it to, and he ended up springing into the fence behind them, connecting harshly with his shoulder. He hissed in pain as his trembling knees threatened to send him to the ground again, even as his eyes darted back toward his assailant. There was some kind of female voice calling out to him, but his mind and heart had kicked into overdrive, and his body was already moving.

If he didn't move, he was dead: that was, if he wasn't already.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Orihime's POV)

Gripping her phone in her hands, she ran as quick as her legs would carry her, worry and fear driving her movement more than anything. She felt wired, despite the time and fact she would normally be asleep by this hour. The moon shone proudly in the sky, a beautiful sight that betrayed the events unfolding below it. Her skin was prickled with goosebumps, though not because of the temperature. No, it was actually a wonderfully warm night for a stroll, but her thoughts were much darker than the night itself.

Two hours ago, it must have been; two hours after she'd received Rukia's frantic call that Uryuu had run out of the hospital. Tears prickled at the edges of her eyes as she thought about how out of the loop she'd been lately. She should have realized something was going on after Uryuu stopped showing up to school, but every time she questioned Rukia or Chad about it, both of them denied knowing anything about it. Ichigo had been just plain evasive, either never there to ask, or always with some excuse to leave without saying anything.

She guessed that should have been her first tip that something was wrong with one of her friends; she should have pushed the matter, should have tried to get more information... Pausing on the street corner, she huffed quietly, trying to regain her breath even as her eyes wandered around. She knew Rukia had called her first, asking for help in searching for Uryuu, that for some reason even his spiritual pressure wasn't showing up anywhere. She also knew that Rukia had promised to tell her everything after she called Chad and asked for his help too, but she still hadn't received a call back. Should she call her? Even if it was just to say she hadn't been able to find him yet?

In the quiet of the night, it was hard not to hear Rukia's words echoing in her ears.

"Look, it's not my place to say, okay? Something awful happened to Uryuu, and he's hurt. He's already been through surgery, but he's run out of the hospital, and I can't feel his pressure at all. I'm already searching for him, but I need help. Please, Orihime, I know it's late, but it's Uryuu!"

Staring at her phone, trying to decide what to do, she heard what sounded like a strangled scream from a few streets over, the sheer terror in the voice sending fresh goosebumps crawling over her skin. Then the voice sunk in.

Orihime almost dropped her phone as she took off in a run, heading toward where she'd heard the voice coming from. She almost passed the alleyway when she saw a mess of light blue and white crash to the ground, and heard Uryuu's cry of pain as he landed harshly on his side. 

Something really was wrong. Something was wrong with Uryuu, and he was out here at night in nothing but a hospital gown and -

She was snapped out of her sudden shock as she realized Uryuu was writhing in the dirt, clutching at the gown and whimpering. A noise she'd never heard before from the proud man, and that if nothing else made her blood run cold. She had to physically make her feet move since they seemed rooted in place, and jogged as quickly as she dared on trembling legs toward Uryuu. The closer she came though, the more she came to realize what Rukia was talking about. She hadn't sensed Uryuu at all, but here, now less than a few yards away, there was a very slight, even weakening bit of spiritual pressure that could hardly even be called that.

She only gasped when she realized just how quickly it was still fading. As if he were dying right here, at her feet. She instantly dropped to her knees beside him, startled by the way he curled in on himself, his entire body trembling just as much as she felt she was, but she couldn't let that stop her. Focusing as hard as possible, she splayed her hands above Uryuu's back, calling forth her Sōten Kisshun, not even bothering to look as her friends zoomed to their places and their healing light surrounded Uryuu.

What could have possibly happened to push Uryuu this far...? He was barefoot, with no clothes beyond that of his hospital gown... his hair was a mess, and he looked like he was in so much pain... 

She sat there for several long minutes, knowing her power was healing what damage was done to his body, but from the way he continued to cower from her, it made her wonder what kind of damage was done to his mind that she wouldn't be able to reject...? Why had all of this been kept from her? Why hadn't she just demanded to know what was going on? Again, she could feel tears sneaking up on her, but she couldn't let them fall. Not yet, anyway.

Taking a deep breath to try and strengthen her resolve, she felt the light leave her hands, her friends returning to her hair pins, and hesitantly, she placed a hand on Uryuu's shoulder. In that instant, Uryuu's head snapped up, glazed eyes trying to focus on her through somewhat fogged glasses. It only took a second, but Uryuu snapped back away from her, a loud sound in between a gasp and a scream making Orihime jerk backward as well. She watched him leap backward, his body moving like it used to, if not a bit clumsily and into the fence behind him, but Orihime had no time to rejoice, as Uryuu continued to scramble against the wood, trying to gain his footing.

"Uryuu, wait! I want to -"

Her words were already lost on him, as he had taken off, sprinting at a full out run that she would probably never be able to keep up with. Frantic, she tried to pick herself up, but in the second it took her to lurch to her feet, Uryuu was already out of sight. His spiritual pressure was gone as well, with such a faint signal she probably wouldn't be able to track more than four yards away from him. As much as she hated it, she was left to the only thing she could do.

Fishing her phone out of the dirt where she'd dropped it next to Uryuu when she'd gone to heal him, she turned around, starting to put in the number for Rukia's cell when she bumped into someone.

This late at night?

She glanced up, an apology ready on her lips, but that same apology stayed frozen on her tongue as she looked up into his haunted gaze.


	20. Life and Death

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

He couldn't think. His mind was racing all over the place, and here Orihime was, expecting some kind of an answer but unable to give one, either. He knew, knew he should explain everything, but his eyes kept darting to where Uryuu had disappeared off to, knowing with every second he was slipping further and further away. He had to do something.

Just as Orihime had closed her lips only to open them again, ready to say something, he gave her the most apologetic look he could muster, and placed a hand on her shoulder. Then took off around her, yelling over his shoulder at her,

"Call my cell later, I promise I'll tell you everything then!"

He heard no response from behind him, but he couldn't and wouldn't let that slow him down. It was too late at night, and even though Uryuu's body was healed, he had run from Orihime of all people. That in itself was a warning bell if nothing else was. He needed to catch him before something horrible happened.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

The ground seemed to fly beneath his feet, far quicker and easier than before, even though the cold of the night was chilling him to the bone, and he stumbled every other step. Moving seemed to keep his brain functioning, and somehow, it also seemed to keep the shadows at bay; for now. Still, he half believed that somehow he had died just a little while ago, but other parts of his mind chided him for his stupidity. Obviously he'd run away from someone who had healed him. Someone who could have helped him.

A flash of orange from his memory argued against that fact. Ichigo didn't have any healing powers, nor if he had them, would he use them on him. 

Unless he wanted a round two.

The sudden, frightful thought send a deeper chill trembling down his spine, and for a second, his gait faltered, but he managed to catch himself before he fell. A round two? As in, start this entire ordeal over again?

He did say in the hospital, how he loved to torture him.

Oh god. If the running hadn't already made Uryuu's breathing heavy, he could feel the dizziness coming on from lack of oxygen. He was never going to be rid of this ordeal. Ichigo would always be there in the shadows that haunted him, destroying and healing his body until there was nothing left of him to heal OR destroy. He was going to kill him without killing him. This was to be his life.

Already, he could feel tears flooding to his eyes, and very slowly, his stride lessened along with his speed until he had come to a stand-still on the streets, standing under a street lamp just like that first night. It wasn't the lamp, or the inevitable 'swish' sound that took hold of his mind, however. It wasn't the darkness around him blurring the edges of normal objects and morphing them into ominous, looming threats. It wasn't even the thought of dying that his entire body was rejecting at the moment.

It was the thought of living this way that seemed to tear through his entire body, tightening in on his chest and churning in his gut. He couldn't keep running away like a coward; he'd never allowed himself to do that before, so why had he started...? He had actively avoided Ichigo as much as humanly possible, and where had that gotten him? Bruised, battered, bloody and broken. Well, Ichigo had made the mistake of healing him, and even though he still was no closer to regaining his Quincy powers, he was now back in fighting shape.

But he's stronger than you.

Uryuu shook his head, trying to quiet the nagging voice that kept trying to run cold fingers down his spine. He tried to ignore the way the shadows curled in on themselves in the edges of his vision, or the sinking feeling that Ichigo was coming up on him from behind; tried to forget the sweat dripping from his brow and palms, or the dangerously quickened pace of his heart.

Even if you fight, there's nothing you can do. You've tried before, and it didn't work.

Deep breaths. Inhale, exhale. Uryuu closed his eyes for a moment, trying desperately to slow his climbing heart beat. He was okay. He would make it.

You're going to be his play-thing forever.

Re-opening his eyes, it was all Uryuu could do to grit his teeth together and clench his fists. He forced him to take a measured step forward, at least pleased that his legs weren't trembling as bad as he felt they should. Still, the shadows continued to dance in his vision, and he could feel shadowy fingers winding their way around his ankles, trying to steal what little will he was mustering away from him again.

Scream. Struggle. Hide, if you must.

Uryuu froze mid-step, hearing the words in Ichigo's voice. His throat closed over even as the memory of the first night flooded his veins, the horror of the first time hitting him all over again.

Round Two.

Don't run. Don't make a noise. Uryuu winced as the cold breeze flipped a strand of his hair into his face, but rather than flick it off, he forced himself to take another slow, agonizing step forward. He wouldn't run away. But where was he going? What could he do?

No one can save you now.

This time, when Uryuu shivered, it shook his entire body with its force. The fingers at his ankles were crawling into his skin, cold and slimy and tainted with Ichigo's own evil, sadistic plans, and Uryuu had to bite his lip hard enough to draw blood to stop a whimper from escaping. He needed to do something, and that something had to be now. But what was he to do? Where could he go that Ichigo couldn't reach him, and what would that even accomplish?

And why was he still thinking of running away?

The sudden sound of footsteps behind him reminded Uryuu exactly why he was running, and in a second, his body seized up and his muscles contracted, pushing him into a dead run, but the shadows already had their grip on him. His legs went weak beneath him, and he found himself crumbling head first into the road. Pain bloomed in his cheek, shoulder and knees as he skidded, feeling every jagged edge of the road digging painfully into his flesh. Just as painful were the ever creeping shadows, taking advantage of his vulnerable state and coiling around him, tight and freezing. It was almost enough to make him forget the footsteps.

Almost.

What did start to drown out the footsteps was the thrumming of blood in his ears, building from nothing to a steadily climbing roar that seemed to be louder in the ear pressed to the road than the one pointed skyward. He'd waited too long, and now Ichigo had caught up with him, ready to begin the torture all over again. Part of him wanted to claw his way up from the road and keep running until he couldn't stand another step, no matter where he went or ended up; and part of him just wanted to burst into hysterical tears. He couldn't take this anymore, and it was driving him mad.

He was becoming crazy; even starting to see things, like moving lights that shouldn't be there, fastening on him and growing over his body like the shadows attempted to do. Hearing things, like the sudden, startling blare of a car horn...

His eyes snapped to the side, widening as his body struggled to move, to get up, do anything that would get him out of the way of the oncoming car, but every movement he made only made his muscles spasm weakly, doing nothing to help him up.

So it wasn't Ichigo who would kill him after all. He would meet a messy death under the tread of a renegade automobile, unable to even pick himself up off the road after stumbling into it in the first place. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping at least it would be quick, if not painless, and seconds later he felt the shadows wrap their sticky arms around him, but the sensation that came next was perhaps worse than being run over. His stomach lifted into his throat before dropping heavily, and the car horn that was blaring its death call to him passed by his ears a small distance away.

Uryuu felt himself stiffen even as he chanced a glance upward, only to have orange bleed into his vision. So Ichigo did have control of the shadows, winding their way through his entire body, sinking underneath the skin and blocking him from any kind of movement. His breath hitched for a single second before it cut off; this was it. This would start the torture all over again that would kill him from the inside out.

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Just kill me already..."

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

He rounded the corner, the only way Uryuu could have gone, only to hear the rumbling of a car. It was late at night, but it wasn't uncommon to still have people driving at night. What was uncommon was right in front of him, several yards away, he watched as Uryuu tripped into the road, falling face first and not getting up.

The car never started to slow down.

"Uryuu!" the cry was wrenched from his throat, competing in volume with the car horn as he forced his legs faster, but even still, it didn't look like he would make it in time.

After all this, he was going to lose Uryuu to something as stupid as a car! Grinding his teeth, his body acted upon impulse, his hand shoving into his pocket to grab the Shinigami badge he always wore on his body, slamming it into his chest without a care for the body he left behind. He heard his body slam into the ground behind him, but his mind was already on the necessary effort to Flash Step. Within a second, he was beside Uryuu, gripping his body as tightly as possible to his chest as he Flash Stepped again, out of the way of the car.

As soon as he made it to the sidewalk, he heard the blare of the car horn whiz past, and though a fraction of his mind was busy murdering the driver that COULD have slammed on the breaks but didn't, he found his attention drawn to the suddenly stiff and breathless man in his arms. He tried to hold Uryuu tight to his chest, but as soon as he started to, he heard the tiniest whisper, half begging and half pleading,

"Just kill me already..."

Ichigo was pretty sure his heart broke right there. It was his fault that Uryuu was this way. His fault things had happened to him, and his fault that he hadn't seen it or stopped it sooner. It had been his hollow that had hurt Uryuu, and now, he had to find a way to make it right. Gripping Uryuu tighter, flinching at the way Uryuu whimpered softly, he gathered the energy for his Flash Step again with a destination in mind: Uryuu's house.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ 

The window was locked. Ichigo frowned at Uryuu's bedroom window, wondering why it might be locked, even as a flash of the dream in school came back to him. It had been Uryuu's bedroom he had been in. So now the window was locked: to keep him out. Fighting off rogue tears, Ichigo jumped down from the branch he was balancing on, making sure Uryuu was fastened in his arms as he hit the ground, and tried the door. This one swung in without any resistance, and darkness met his eyes. It didn't seem like anyone was home.

Uryuu still hadn't opened his eyes, and for a moment, Ichigo wondered if he had passed out on him again, but the quiet whimper from the man when Ichigo sat him down on the couch spoke otherwise. Then Ichigo just crouched at the side of the couch, watching Uryuu with a pained expression. What could he say to make up for what he'd done? For what he'd allowed to be done? How could he tell him he was sorry, and how could anything he said be good enough?

When Uryuu finally cracked an eyelid open, he flinched and recoiled into himself on the couch, away from Ichigo, his eyes wide and watching him carefully, and that made his decision for him. Standing up, Ichigo fished in his pocket for the amulet that Urahara had given him. 

'Tell Isshin.' his warning was still fresh in his head, but oh well.

He was ready to be done with his hollow anyway. With a deep breath, he yanked the chain over his head and the amulet swung against his chest cavity with the weight of a bulldozer behind it, knocking his breath from him. He felt his entire body constricting and collapsing, his breathing faltering even as the ground rose quickly to meet his vision.

He never felt the pain of impact, he only felt the weight as he blinked, looking out over the sideways building.

He was within his own mind, and ready to give his hollow a fight to the death if he had to.


	21. Father and Son

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

He had expected something, just not... this. Seeing Ichigo reaching into his pocket, he cringed and tried to sink into the couch he'd been deposited on, but he wasn't ready for the massive confusion when Ichigo put something around his neck and instantly collapsed on the floor. He surely wasn't ready for the intense flash of blue and white that came from behind him, or the sudden shattering of the window behind him.

He yelped, his hands flying to his head even as he felt shards of glass raining down on him, his entire body trembling. Something wasn't adding up, and his mind was either too sluggish to register what was going on, or things were happening too quickly. Maybe both. Was this another trick? Was he hallucinating again, or was he dying? About to die? Why couldn't he just die and be done with it...?

A noise came from in front of him, moments before he heard slow footsteps getting closer to him, but his body wouldn't move. As much as his muscles were tensed and trembling, it seemed like his body had almost given up on him. His palms felt clammy over his ears, and the footsteps on the hard wood floor rang out around him, a countdown to more pain. The thought was dizzying, and the moment a hand came down roughly on his shoulder, whatever paralysis had come over him was broken with a shrill scream and a sudden burst of movement. His arms flew out against his assailant even as he kicked off the couch, trying to move him away from the grasp that caught his arms, pulling them forcefully to his sides.

Through another scream, his breath caught fearfully as he kicked out blindly, refusing to open his eyes to the sea of orange before him, feeling one of his feet connect with something, and hearing a satisfyingly pained grunt from his attacker. That didn't cause him to let up the pressure on his arms, and instead, Uryuu felt himself lifted off the couch despite his kicking, only to be swung around and sat back down sideways, one someone's... lap?

His body twitched, as if still ready to bolt, but receiving mixed messages of how to do so. He felt one of the hands holding him down come away, only to come up to his head and hold it closer to their chest. Like... a hug. Slowly, Uryuu's eyes opened, still terrified it would be Ichigo he would see, and doing so would break whatever spell had come over him, but still... he chanced a glance upward, only to find white.

White was safe. This wasn't Ichigo. Unsure why, but unable to help it, Uryuu's eyes flooded with tears in that instant, his entire body going slack in Ryuuken's arms. He knew better. Ryuuken wouldn't hurt him, but he wouldn't save him, either. This was just going to end badly, and it was better that he left now. But despite his thoughts to the contrary, his body wouldn't obey his commands anymore, nor would his tears, which were already running freely down his cheeks and onto Ryuuken's shirt. Despite knowing what he was doing was a weakness in front of the man he could never call father, he couldn't help it.

Safe. It was something he desperately wanted to feel, and he guessed this was about as close as he was going to get.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

"Go home."

The words echoed in his mind as he turned the key in the lock.

"If you want to find your son, go home."

The same colleague that had first advised him had managed to find out that Uryuu had fled from the hospital, and had managed to corner him during some paperwork that could have been done in the morning. He still wasn't sure if he despised him or thanked him for what advice had been given either time, but he was still sticking his nose where he didn't belong. That alone was enough to bring a scowl to his face, despite the other doctor's words.

"Someone in that state will eventually find their way back to wherever they feel safest. So go home and wait for him."

Safe... had he ever actually made this house a place for Uryuu to be safe in? Had Uryuu ever acted like this place was safe to him? Distracted by his thoughts, Ryuuken shoved his keys in his pocket and kicked the door closed, not even bothering to turn any lights on, despite the darkness around him. It was better for thought, and Uryuu might turn around and run if he saw lights on, anyway. This was not turning out to be a simple endeavor. In fact, the surprising emotional roller coaster ride he had been forced to take over the past few weeks was more than enough emotion for his entire life, and yet... something about this entire situation brought to light thoughts and feelings he would have rather kept in the dark.

Stepping into the living room, he glanced around, noting that nothing was out of place. Uryuu wasn't here; yet. And why should he be? He wasn't safe. He wasn't home. He wasn't even a father. Why would Uryuu come back, after all their past history together? All the threats, the arguments, and most of all, the absences? He had never tried to be there for Uryuu before, and as odd and hard as it was to get around for himself, he was obviously doing a wonderful job right about now.

Actually, he felt extremely stupid standing in a dark living room, waiting for someone he had never been able to call his son to come to a house he had never called a home. Running a frustrated hand through his hair, he sighed loudly, trying to fill the silence with anything but his rogue thoughts. Already he felt stupid and pitiful and disorganized; he didn't need any other emotions along with them. Shaking his head to hopefully rid his mind of its current train of thought, he turned toward the kitchen, reaching for the light switch when his ears picked up the sound of rustling just outside the door. His eyebrows rose despite himself, and his lips parted in silent awe that Uryuu had actually come back to him.

That awe was quickly melted into fuming anger at the spiritual pressure of a Shinigami breaking and entering into his house. The only thing that stilled him from action was the sight of Uryuu being carried bridal style by the orange haired bastard, around to the living room couch. He heard the almost inaudible sound of Uryuu's whimper before he was sat on the couch, and the boy crouched in front of him. From where he stood, he could barely make out Uryuu's face, eyes screwed shut and eyebrows knitted in terror. 

Lapse of memory his arse; the Shinigami knew exactly what he was doing, and was planning on doing it again in his goddamned house. He had the bow materialized and the arrow drawn before his brain caught up with his body. The only thing that held his shot back was the position; if he shot the Shinigami right now, the arrow would pierce through him and hit Uryuu as well. So he had nothing more to do than grit his teeth and subdue his spiritual energy to keep his presence unknown, watching as Uryuu flinched backward into the couch from what was probably something the boy said to him.

It felt like forever until his chance came, and the boy stood. It took a few seconds to gather the rest of his energy in the arrow, since it needed to end the Shinigami's life in one strike. Probably too merciful of a killing, but with Uryuu sitting right there, it was the best he could think of. Just as his energy hit its peak, he watched the boy pull something from his pocket and motion to put it on as his fingers loosed the arrow. No more Shinigami.

He wasn't counting on the boy to fall flat on his face, or for the arrow to pass overhead and through the window, shattering it loudly, shards flying inward and outward from the force of the blast. He heard Uryuu's startled yelp, watched the boy's hands fly onto his head to cover it too little too late, and instantly he regretted his decision. Because he had scared Uryuu was part of it, but the main reason being because the Shinigami wasn't dead yet. Or was he? With soft, cautious steps, he moved into the living room, letting his bow vanish from his hand. The boy wasn't moving. In fact, seeing him closer now, it hardly looked like he was even breathing. Ryuuken gave the boy's side a sharp kick just in case, but when he didn't move, he was placed at the back of his mind for now.

When he glanced up at Uryuu, he still had his head cradled in his hands, his knees brought up to his chest in a fetal position, his entire body shaking and trembling. Safe... he hadn't come back here because he felt safe. He came back because he was forced to come back. Ryuuken's brows knitted together even as he started toward the boy. Maybe home wasn't safe, but there had to be something he could do. Just letting him sit there in terror, or run around broken and bloody in the night...

Wait. There had been angles they couldn't fix. Ways Uryuu had sat or laid to alleviate pain that he wasn't doing now. He seemed... better. Healed, even. Almost startled at the fact, Ryuuken's hand came down on Uryuu's shoulder, and he was about to crouch in front of him when Uryuu's faux calm was broken. Screams assaulted his ears just as painfully as the arms and legs that assaulted his torso. Frustratedly, he grasped for the flailing arms, unable to move out of the way of a rogue foot that caught him in the stomach, pushing the air from his lungs for a second. It hurt, a lot more than it would have if Uryuu hadn't been healed. Someone had a hand in this besides him, but for now, he couldn't find it in himself to complain.

Struggling lightly with Uryuu, he managed to lift him off the couch so he could sit down, and placed the boy sideways on his lap, like his own father used to sit him down when they talked. When there had been something troubling him. Or even when there had been a nightmare. So Ryuuken held Uryuu the same way, almost regretting this was the first time he had ever done so, especially when Uryuu stilled suddenly. It was enough to let Ryuuken move his hand from holding onto Uryuu's arm to holding onto his head, gently pushing him further into his chest.

Despite having never done this before, the position felt almost natural, despite the strangeness of the thought and action. A father comforting a son... something he never thought he would do, or even want to do. Something that felt more than right at this moment. Uryuu's entire body slackened against his, and he only took that as his cue to wrap his arms around him a little tighter.

Through it all, he had prided himself on his level mind and his non-existent weaknesses. On his rationality and his calculated way of thinking. He had never been emotional, never vulnerable, never weak. But somehow, sitting with Uryuu in his lap and feeling the tears starting to soak through his shoulder where the boy's head lay... 

For the first time in years, Ryuuken buried his head in Uryuu's hair, unable to hold back a few of his own tears.


	22. The Inner World: Part 1

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Rukia's POV)

She'd gotten the call just as Chad had come into her line of sight. He looked almost as frantic as she felt, but Orihime's voice on the other end of the line made the two of them seem calm in comparison. She had to admit, it was hard to hear Orihime's usually gentle and quiet voice raise to an almost screaming octave, but she couldn't blame the woman, either. Yes, she had purposefully hidden what happened to Uryuu from her and Chad, but it wasn't her place to tell either Ichigo's or Uryuu's secrets. In her mind, that was something only they could speak about.

Of course, that didn't make what she had done any less wrong, as Orihime was bent on telling her now. She closed her eyes, sighing quietly as she listened to the rant, feeling only exasperation until Orihime let slip that she'd run into Ichigo; and he'd run off after Uryuu.

"What...?" the sound of her voice was weak, but still managed to stop the flood of words over the line for a second before she repeated,

"After I healed Uryuu, he ran off, and Ichigo took off after him, saying he'd tell me all about it later, without actually telling me what was going on! Now I NEED you to tell me what's happening here!"

Rukia lifted frightened eyes to focus on Chad, who had just come within ear shot. She couldn't let them think any less of Uryuu or Ichigo. She wouldn't let it happen. But if they didn't act fast, it could very well happen again, and then there might not BE an Uryuu to think any less of. Knowing Chad could hear her, she spoke quickly but clearly into the phone,

"All I can say is something bad is happening. I need to know where you are; Chad and I are coming. And while you're at it, which way did they go? Did Ichigo say where he was headed?"

She turned around and took off at a sprint, knowing Chad was following behind her and thankful that he wasn't bombarding her with questions yet. He almost seemed to be lost in a distant thought, but right now, that was as good as Rukia could ask for. She listened to Orihime's confused reply, thankful that she didn't appear to be that far away from their location, and within moments they all three jogging in the direction Ichigo and Uryuu had taken off in. Orihime had at least started moving while she kept bombarding her with questions, but through it all, Rukia had no better argument than before. So it was with a frustrated tone that she repeated,

"It's not my place to say, Orihime! Uryuu is in grave danger, that's all I can give you! I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but I-"

"Is that Ichigo?" 

Chad's soft words broke through Rukia's frustration, dragging her attention back to the alley they were passing through, and the orange haired lump lying face down on the ground. A quick scan for Reiatsu told her Ichigo must have taken his Shinigami form, but she didn't get a chance to comment on it. The sound of glass breaking came from a few streets down, and the three watched with wide eyes as a blue and white Reishi arrow sailed across the sky above them. While Orihime seemed confused when Rukia glanced her way, Chad's expression had gone darker than she had ever seen it. It surprised her when Chad took the few steps necessary to bring him close enough to grab onto her shoulders, and gave her a look that told her either he had somehow managed to piece things together...

Or he knew something she didn't.

"Is Ichigo involved."

The statement was so simple and vague, and could have meant anything. Does Ichigo know that Uryuu's hurt? Is Ichigo trying to help Uryuu like us? But something in Chad's gaze made her think that somehow, even though she had heard the story from Ichigo himself, that she only knew half of what was going on; that his question was more along the lines of 'Did Ichigo hurt Uryuu.' So with a shaken heart, she nodded her head, only to notice the hands on her shoulders shake slightly. Chad's eyes closed, so she was spared the sudden grim look from their depths, though both she and Orihime were startled as Chad let go of Rukia and stepped back, his voice raising.

"Both of you need to get to Ishida's house. Now!"

Orihime, poor, unaware Orihime took off that moment, possibly worried about both Ichigo and Uryuu if her frantic stride told Rukia anything. Rukia, however, felt like she couldn't move as she watched Chad hurriedly bend down to the ground to pick Ichigo's body up and sling it over his shoulder. When their gazes caught again, it was the first time she had ever seen such a primal fear in Chad's eyes, overshadowing everything else.

"GO!"

The sheer volume of the statement made her jump, and without looking back, she took off in a dead run behind Orihime. Now, suddenly, the tables were turned, and she herself felt like Orihime had; out of the loop while knowing something dangerous was happening behind the scenes. Chad knew something, and the knowledge petrified her more than anything else these past few months would have ever been able to. The thought of there being more to this entire situation scared her more than just knowing what had previously happened, but for Chad to...

She couldn't think about it right now. Her feet pounded on the road as she ran after Orihime, hearing Chad's footfalls a ways behind her. She was sure everything would come to light soon, but her first priority had to be Uryuu right now.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

He grimaced at the constant weight on his body that slouched his shoulders and made his breathing harder as his eyes scanned the Inner world. There was no sign of his Hollow, or even Zangetsu. What would have otherwise been a serene atmosphere took on a sinister air as Ichigo turned in place, trying to find the cause of this mess.

"Hollow!" he roared, unable to hide the snarl in his voice.

Why his hollow would hide from him, he didn't know, but it was only making Ichigo's temper worse. In the silence that followed, Ichigo swore to himself he would make sure his hollow tasted at least some of the pain that Uryuu had gone through at his hands.

Finally, after what felt like several long minutes, right as he was taking another deep breath to call out for the hollow, he felt a mass of spiritual energy gathering in front of him, and he backed up a few paces. His narrowed eyes took in the mass of white collecting in front of him before the energy dissipated, leaving his white counter-part standing in front of him. The yellowed gaze staring him down never got any less eerie, but the echoing chuckle that came from his hollow only enforced his anger as he reached to his back for his sword.

He hadn't planned on mincing words, or bothering to try to reason with a creature that would hurt Uryuu like he had; no, his plan was to beat the living shit out of the hollow. It sounded like a good plan, until the hollow's words froze his body in place, sword unwrapped and held in front of him.

"Why so upset, your majesty? Angry that I beat ya to the goods?"

That maniacal laughter rang out around him, and Ichigo could literally feel his blood beginning to boil in his veins. His hollow making fun of him? Sure it irritated him, but he could stand it. His hollow making fun of poor Uryuu, though... With a snarl, Ichigo kicked off the ground, breaking into a dead run toward the still cackling hollow, raising his sword high and preparing to strike. No one callously called Uryuu 'goods' to his face.

With a mighty swing, he hefted his Zanpakto through the air toward his hollow, a second too late to catch him, as the hollow shifted backward, out of the way with a jump. Blinded by his own rage, Ichigo gave a roar as he chased the white male down, slashing and hacking at air, always just a step behind the hollow. It broke his focus somewhat when one of his swings was suddenly met with a clash of metal, and his hollow stood in front of him with his own Zanpakto unleashed, their swords battling as hard as their wills.

Ichigo grunted with the force of effort he used to maintain the struggle, despite the distracting echo of his hollow's laughter around him.

"Or are ya just hurt that I'm not afraid of actin' upon our desires, like you are, your majesty?"

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Ichigo spat, pushing more of his weight into the clash of swords, only to find that his hollow mirrored his action, negating any kind of gain he'd gotten from the action.

In fact, the hollow seemed to lean his head closer despite the swords in the way, as if he were about to deliver a secret. A dark, twisted secret.

"Seeing you moanin' and complainin' on about those you want but can't have really grates on my nerves, King. So you should be thankin' me; I'm the reason you're no longer a fucking virgin."

It took him a moment for the words to sink in, but when they did, he felt his entire body grow cold. His strength waned slightly, and it showed because the clash of swords came closer and closer to his face, threatening injury, but he couldn't move. Since he'd gone back to school after the incident in the Soul Society, there had been three people he'd secretly admired, but had never really said anything to. The first two were women that he'd found somewhat attractive; as far as he knew, the first one had moved away, and the second was an unfortunate victim of a kidnapping. The third... was Uryuu.

He felt the swords gently brush his hair even as he struggled with his memory; each person had shown a sudden evasiveness of him before they'd disappeared. Yet strangely enough, it was during those times that his body had felt in peak condition. But it couldn't be; what he was saying couldn't be true.

He felt the first sharp sting of cold steel on his forehead, and instantly his body reacted, pushing his weight into his sword before kicking backward off the ground, flying back a few feet, away from his hollow. His chest heaved, and again, he acutely felt the weight of the amulet that didn't physically appear to be around his neck anymore. His body felt like it was slowly turning to stone as the hollow cackled again, lowering his sword to lean on it like a post. He was fixed with a manic stare as the hollow continued,

"The only one that was any good at all was the Quincy boy, really. The way he screamed and struggled... at least until he broke."

"SHUT UP!" the cry that came from his throat sounded more pleading than it did demanding, and Ichigo cursed the way his hands were shaking.

The outburst only seemed to encourage the hollow, who's grin widened sickeningly.

"I don't think you really want me to, your majesty. You've always wondered what that piece of ass would feel like, haven't ya? Always thought about what it'd feel like to have a forbidden toy..."

"NO!"

"But you kept stopping yourself." The hollow's tone took on a higher pitched, whiny tone, " 'I'll let him come to me. I don't want to scare him off. Maybe he doesn't even like guys!' Hah! I've gotta admit, King, sometimes your stupidity never fails to amaze me."

His knees felt weak. He came here to fight, to get revenge for Uryuu, to make sure his hollow would never hurt anyone again, but the words bombarding him made it hard to think. What he was saying couldn't be true. He hadn't even known he'd had feelings for Uryuu until... until...

His eyes widened when he realized he had been spending more time with Uryuu since they'd gotten back. That he'd gone out of his way to plan things with Uryuu, and had generally been happier after he'd managed to get a smile out of the Quincy. He'd thought he was just being a good friend, but... what if his hollow was right? Was he really the complete cause of this all? Was it just because he had feelings for someone that his hollow wanted to kill them?

His train of thought was interrupted once more, but the words spoken this time were even more chilling than the last.

"And now you've gone and made my job easier on me. The sooner ya succumb to whatever that little trinket was Mr. Hat-and-Clogs gave ya, the sooner I'll be able to take over your body completely, and then I'll be able to have ALL the fun I want with what's left of the little Quincy."

Impossible! Ichigo's eyes snapped up to where his hollow stood in front of him, seemingly unaffected by what was supposed to be a hollow suppressing amulet. Had Urahara given him the wrong thing? No... he was sure he saw a thin sheen of sweat on the hollow's forehead, and the way he was leaning on his Zanpakto seemed to be for support, not show. He was feeling the same effects, but he also seemed sure he would last longer than Ichigo.

Struggling to stand upright, Ichigo swiped at the sweat on his own brow, taking a few large gulps of air to steady himself. No matter what happened right now, he had to stay strong; he had to make sure this didn't EVER happen again, and the only way he could do that was to defeat his hollow right here and now. If he failed... he could very well be placing everyone he knew in danger, if not more than that. If he failed... he couldn't think about it right now. There was no option to fail.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Hollow Ichigo (Shiro) 's POV)

It was taking all his effort just to remain standing, and leaning on his Zanpakto was the difference between saving face and falling on his face. As much as he felt like scowling, he made sure he kept laughing, fixing Ichigo with his unnerving stare and grin. He hadn't planned on revealing his hand so easily, but if he could break Ichigo's mind before his body, then maybe he had a chance. As it was going now, if Ichigo attacked him, it would be extremely difficult if not impossible to move out of the way. Whatever kind of amulet that man gave him, it was a strong power, one that seemed to slowly build over time, crushing everything beneath it, including them.

Hell, it was either making the air difficult to breathe or crushing his lungs; one of the two, or maybe even both. Still, he watched with some amusement as Ichigo forced himself to stand upright, and wiped the sweat from his brow. That Ichigo was even trying to put up a fight right now was irritatingly cute, but it wouldn't stop him or dissuade him from his goals. No, he'd spent too long working up to the freedom he had now; he'd spent too long waiting for a chance like this to present itself. He couldn't risk losing control this time. If he failed, he may never get the chance again.

If he failed... he wouldn't think about that right now.

There was no option to fail.


	23. The Inner World: Part 2

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Hollow Ichigo (Shiro) 's POV)

He cursed inwardly, hating with a passion whatever Hat-and-Clogs had given Ichigo; the pressure on him was becoming steadily worse with each passing second, though it didn't quite give him the satisfaction he'd once felt that Ichigo was suffering its effects as well. He knew his alter self was squaring himself up, preparing to launch another attack despite the crushing weight that was bogging him down, and Shiro shifted himself accordingly, his grip tightening on his Zanpakto. This was it. If he couldn't think of something to delay further, to give Ichigo means to falter and leave himself open...

Shiro's mind flew at an increased speed when Ichigo finally charged, hefting his sword into the suffocating air. Despite himself, his grin wavered, and the action of bringing his own sword up to greet the lowering metal was almost too late. It felt like his strength was being sapped from him as the clang of metal rang out around them once, twice, and several times over. Each time, Shiro felt his movements getting increasingly slower, and each time, despite his careful footwork and timed defenses, he noticed each attack was coming closer and closer to actually causing him damage.

Damn it all! He couldn't let himself be bested, not when he was so fucking close!

'THINK,' he urged himself.

It had never been his strong suit; he was far more used to just acting upon his impulses, but that obviously wasn't an option now. Swinging his body to the side, he just barely missed a crushing blow from one of Ichigo's back swings, and brought his Zanpakto down in a fruitless effort to exploit a semi-opening, only to have Ichigo mirror his dodge. They both jumped back a few feet, their swords somewhat lowered, their breathing heavy and bodies covered in sweat, a perfect mirror image of each other. 

He needed something that would grab Ichigo's attention, and pull his focus away from the battle. Something that could give him the opening he gravely needed... His muscles were growing weak, and he wasn't going to be able to lift his sword next time. The cold sweat on his back sent a shiver up his spine at the knowledge; he was out of time. So as Ichigo slowly lifted his sword and started forward on obviously trembling legs, Shiro panicked.

"You should've seen the look on his face!"

Ichigo paused, his eyes widening slightly, and Shiro forced another manic grin to his lips, desperately hanging on to the line of thought.

"When I showed up instead of that bitch, that is. So my thanks to ya, King. If ya hadn't found that phone, I might've never gotten to have such fun with the little Quincy!"

"You son of a bitch!"

Ichigo's pace quickened, and his swing went just a little too wide in his anger, and Shiro couldn't help the sudden cackle that bubbled its way past his lips. This time, he didn't bother to try and block the swing that sliced into his left arm, ripping his sleeve and scattering blood everywhere as he struggled with the crushing weight of his own Zanpakto, heaving it into as quick of a jab as he could. With a sadistic glee, he watched as his sword cut sunk deep into Ichigo's shoulder, savoring the cry of pain from his counter-part, watching him stagger backward out of his reach again.

Without bothering to nurse his own wound, Shiro balanced himself heavily on his Zanpakto, giddy with the idea his plan had worked, and relishing his chance, he couldn't help but to rub salt in the wounds he'd just given Ichigo.

"Oh yes, what fun we had! I'm sure I must have fucked his pretty white ass about twenty different times, and he cried and begged through it all! 'Ichigo, stop, don't hurt me!' The best part about it all was?"

Grinning, he watched as Ichigo shook his head, his eyes screwed shut as his hand pressed heavily on his wound, trying to stop the blood that was seeping out, into his clothes.

"He kept thinking I'd listen!"

On his final cry, Shiro heard a loud crunching sound from above him, his gaze flying upward to find that a startling crack had appeared in the lining of the sky, as if it were a glass dome that someone had just hit. Shiro's eyes widened slightly at the crack, wondering if it was a sign he'd done damage to Ichigo's psyche, or if it was a cause of the amulet that seemed to be trying to force them both onto their knees. Quickly returning his gaze to Ichigo, he found the man just as startled as he by the strange occurrence, only for the both of them to jump when another crunch echoed out around them as the building shifted underneath their feet, buckling and dipping.

What in the hell was going on here? Was Ichigo's mind collapsing in on itself or something? Biting back a sudden cry of pain when the pressure on his entire body became increasingly worse, Shiro's legs wavered and all of his weight was distributed to his Zanpakto, barely able to keep him from falling to his knees. Ichigo, on the other hand, let out a sharp cry of agony as he jolted forward, the pressure sending him forward toward his knees even as the building cracked further around him, dipping inward and jutting outward, like a sudden earthquake was rupturing everything in sight. The entire ground shook, and on the next crack from the sky, it felt like the entire building managed to split in two, the motion pitching Shiro off his sword and toward the ground.

Hissing as he landed on the shoulder he'd let Ichigo hit, he fumbled with his sword, trying to at least manage to get to his own knees, but found the pressure was weighing him down too much now. Feeling the first pangs of panic himself, his eyes shot back to Ichigo, whose wild eyes were skyward, watching the cracks continue above them. It had to be the amulet that was doing this; there was no other explanation. Shiro pitched himself forward as a loud, metallic groaning sound from beneath them wailed its protest, and most of the building beneath him collapsed in on itself. It was all he could do to hold on to what little surface area he could, especially when the ground beneath his feet started to crumble away, the weight of the amulet trying to drag his lower half into the abyss below.

This was bad; this was worse than bad, Ichigo's mind was really breaking down before them. Scrambling forward as best as he could, trying to get himself fully back on the building, he felt his body starting to slip downward, and his breath hitched as he lost some ground, leaving him only hanging from his arms and his chest, with his torso and legs dangling. Hearing a startled cry from where Ichigo was, Shiro's lips twisted into a scowl as he yelled out,

"Take that fuckin' thing off! It's destroyin' us!"

"No!"

The response caught him off guard, and for a single second, he wondered if the King was really going to kill the both of them just to get back at him. Moving on quickly from that thought, he listened as the Ichigo continued.

"I won't let you hurt my friends again! I can't let you run free knowing-" 

Whatever he was going to say was cut off with a sharp cry of pain in the same instant the sky cracked with its loudest crack ever, the split reaching as far as the eye could see and giving the rest of it a spider web-looking effect. With no idea if it was just startling or if something else had happened, Shiro took his moment to ground out,

"The only reason why I let myself out is because ya wouldn't act upon your fuckin' instincts, king! If you'd at least make some kind of move instead'a layin' on your bed and mopin' around all the time, I wouldn't hafta do nothing!"

He tried to grip onto the building tighter, to counter act the weight that seemed to try its hardest to pull him down into the abyss below, straining his ears for the King's reply. So yeah, he'd lied; if it got him out of this mess, and kept him in the running for his overall goals, then who cares? But the King wouldn't answer, and for another second, he tried as hard as possible not to entertain the thought that he'd gone unconscious, for that would mean it was game over. Just as he heard a rustling of clothes and a quiet but pained grunt from where Ichigo had been, he let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

Then he screamed. With another groan and crack from the building below them, Shiro felt the weight suddenly turn inward on him, the same shoulder that Ichigo had struck before suddenly bending inward and twisting, the bone snapping like a thin branch. His entire arm went slack, and he slipped backward, barely able to catch himself with the one good arm left. Panicked, he shrieked,

"TAKE IT OFF!"

There was no answer.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Chad's POV)

Every step he took toward the Ishida's household was filled with trepidation, and the weight of knowing it had happened again was worse than Ichigo's dead weight over his shoulders. It didn't take much to see there was a fight to be had between Uryuu's father and Ichigo, and he wasn't sure if there was anything he could do to alleviate the situation. In fact, everything right now seemed to have spiraled out of control to quick for any of them to avoid consequences. 

His mouth twisted into a grim line as he came closer to the home, watching Rukia disappear inside the open door. She had already been greatly effected by the situation, trying to defend both parties while still being on the outside of things. In fact, everything she'd been keeping from them made partial sense, now. He still felt if he had known the situation sooner he'd have been able to make a difference, but he didn't blame her for keeping silent. Especially with Orihime; it wasn't even that she needed sheltering from the world around her, but knowing how she took the weight of the world on her shoulders even when it wasn't hers to bare, knowing what had happened under her nose would have destroyed her.

He was close enough to hear Uryuu's father's booming voice through the shattered window, and he inwardly cringed at what would most likely be a bad confrontation. So he turned his thoughts toward how to possibly diffuse the situation, stepping cautiously through the door, only to find Rukia and Orihime standing over Ichigo's Shinigami form, lying prostrate on the floor. He appeared to be unconscious, and from the look on Uryuu's dad's flushed face, he might have had something to do with it.

On the other hand, if he did have something to do with it, Ichigo probably wouldn't be breathing right now. On a second glance, his chest was slowly rising and falling, and there were no burn marks or rips in his clothing that would indicate a Reishi arrow, so there had to be something else at work here. Stepping behind the girls, who were arguing rather loudly with the white haired man about Ichigo having a right to be worried about Uryuu. Unfortunately, the argument didn't seem to be getting through, and Chad had to sigh inwardly. It looked like pretty much all parties involved were going to be stubborn as hell with this one. 

However... looking down at Ichigo's sleeping Shinigami form made him a little less anxious as he gently laid the true body directly to the side of him. At least unconscious he could do little more damage than what had to have already been done. Still, that didn't stop his eyes from wandering around the room, seeking out Uryuu and finding him curled in the corner of the couch, behind his father, watching the scene with widened, panicked eyes. Seeing Uryuu like that curved Chad's lips into a frown, feeling like they should have taken their argument away from Uryuu, but his thoughts were quickly drowned out by what else he noticed.

Uryuu's skin seemed just a little too pale, pulled taut over bones that poked out a little further than healthy. Yes, Orihime may have healed him as she said, but he still looked malnourished, possibly even starving. His eyes, round and frantic, seemed to glisten with a hint of tears behind them, and the redness around his eyes seemed to say he'd been crying before they'd arrived. Not to mention the defensive way he pushed himself into the back of the couch, his entire body curling in on itself to protect him... it told everything Chad had feared. 

Tearing his eyes away from Uryuu, he listened to the argument behind him with only half a heart as he tried to steady his hands, picking up Ichigo's Shinigami form and gently placing him back into his body. Tearing his mind away from old memories, however, just wasn't that easy, it seemed. He shuddered as the thought that Uryuu really was the second victim surged through his mind, and he started to berate himself for not noticing the signs, but managed to stop himself a moment later. Now he was doing what Orihime would have done when there was nothing he could do to change the past. There would be a time and place for the truth of it all; right now, they had to worry about Uryuu's recovery.

So lost in his own thought of how to do so, he was startled by Ichigo's eyes suddenly popping open, almost as frightened as Uryuu's gaze had been. His entire body twitched before Ichigo's gaze flew toward him, almost pleading. Lips parted, but no sound came out, and it only seemed to drive Ichigo further into the throes of panic. Leaning down a little further, Chad focused on Ichigo's lips and mouthed to him,

'Try again.'

It took a few tries with how bad his lips were quivering, but he thought he saw 'Take it off.' What was it? Taking a deep breath, he gave Ichigo's body a glance over, the only thing seeming out of place of his usual outfit being the strange necklace that hung around his neck. Without a second thought to ask if he was right, he lifted the back of Ichigo's head with one hand, and gently slipped the chain over his head. The instant he did, Ichigo's chest heaved and his inhale was more of a loud gasp that quickly turned into a coughing fit.

The voices behind him had stopped, and with a resigned sigh, he chanced a glance behind him. Orihime and Rukia were staring with some amount of relief in their gaze, thankful that Ichigo was okay; Uryuu's father, on the other hand, was openly glaring at them, as if Chad had woken a demon previously laid to rest. He didn't blame him, but it didn't feel too great to be under that gaze. Then... there was Uryuu. Chad tried to at least catch his eyes, but they seemed to have glazed over, staring through him at Ichigo, and he could see the scream building in his throat. Just the sight of Ichigo tormented him beyond belief, and Chad couldn't stand to see him like that.

Ignoring everyone's protests, Ichigo included, Chad wrapped Ichigo's arm around his shoulder and lifted him up onto his feet, trying to shuffle him out the door. Ichigo gave a little struggle, but in his weakened state, Chad easily overpowered him. He wanted to be there for Uryuu, and he wanted to at least say a few things to try and ease his pain, but with his reaction to Ichigo, he had to be the one to take him home. There was nothing for it; he would just have to text Rukia as soon as he got Ichigo home and see how things were.


	24. Madness

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

The moment he heard footsteps he scrambled backward, away from a startled Ryuuken, stumbling and almost falling over something in the middle of the floor behind him. Chancing a glance backward only served to launch him back toward the couch at the sudden orange that flooded his vision. It took his mind long enough to kick in, to remind him that Ichigo had been there before his struggle with Ryuuken, that whomever the footsteps belonged to had charged through the door and into the living room. His eyes widened when once more, orange filled the room, and he felt his breathing hitch.

There was two Ichigos? His sudden panic was struck from him as he realized this orange hair had a rather large chest that a normal male wouldn't have; especially not Ichigo. It was only upon that realization that he calmed slightly, recognizing Orihime finally as he caught his breath. He watched her run to Ichigo's side, leaning down upon him to check his vitals; Uryuu's hand twitched, and he desperately wanted to scream at her to get away from Ichigo, but somehow... Ryuuken beat him to it.

"Step away from that abomination. If he is dead, he is of no consequence to any of us. If he is not... he soon will be."

"How could you say such a thing?!"

Orihime seemed aghast, standing from Ichigo's side and moving in front of him to shield him with her body even as Ryuuken stood as well, at least half a foot taller than her. It was odd, seeing Orihime looking so fierce, and for a single second, he wondered if she would have ever would have tried to defend him from Ichigo if their roles were reversed. His chest stung slightly as he came to the realization that she probably wouldn't have; no one would have. Why would they defend him from anyone? When had they ever done so, anyway?

"How could that boy take advantage of a powerless Quincy, is the question you should ask. How could 'He'."

Uryuu felt another stab in his heart, this one a little more painful than the last. Powerless... Ryuuken didn't speak a lie, but it felt more degrading being said, talking like he wasn't sitting there. He could almost feel the tears prickling at the insides of his eyes again, and though resolving to hold them back was getting harder and harder, he did so anyway. It would do him no good to cry, and would just give his father another reason to insult him further. He heard the second pair of footsteps seconds before Rukia skidded through the doorway, huffing and trying to catch her breath, and drawing not only Uryuu's attention, but the attention of the other two in the room as well.

Another person to see his shame; was there no end to his torment? 

"What have you done?" Rukia's cry came, and Uryuu couldn't help but flinch.

She had been the one to show him the most kindness through it all, but of course she only had eyes for Ichigo. It was Ichigo who looked close to death; not the person who actually was close to death. Or had been. Or is. Uryuu felt his fingers curl into fists even as Ryuuken's words vibrated through his very core.

"I will not repeat this again; I have done nothing. Yet. Though this boy does deserve death for his crimes against my kin."

"Kin?! You can't even call him your son?!" It was more of a shriek than a cry, and it was then that Uryuu stopped listening.

The conversation wouldn't go anywhere he wanted to hear it go from here, he knew that for a fact. He would denounce the broken and vile excuse for a Quincy in front of them, and tell them every reason why he did so. He knew it for a fact. Still, the knowledge made his entire body tremble; he'd worked so hard to keep his father out of any kind of conversation in school and with his allies. He'd tried so hard never to mention the man, think about him... and now that they knew, they would find out just how horribly he had failed his entire life. They would learn what a disgrace he was, and they would wish Ichigo had just out and out killed him. He knew this for a fact.

It took all of his focus to force the heated words floating around him in one ear and out the other, but it was Ryuuken's booming voice that startled him into forgetting and listening, his muscles twitching involuntarily.

"You will not insult me in my own home! My SON," the word was spat out in an almost sarcastic sounding manner, "was raped by this viscous excuse for a Shinigami, and you expect ME to take the fall for it? Are all Shinigami devoid of intelligence these days?"

Uryuu flinched horribly, his cheeks flushing with shame. He dared not look up to see Orihime's reaction, nor Rukia's, though it twisted the pain in his chest to hear Orihime's gasp. There went any social life he might have had a chance at getting back, right through his fingertips. His nails bit into his palms as he clenched his fists tighter, shaking visibly.

'Block it out. Don't listen. I don't want to know.' he silently recited to himself, focusing on the syllables of each word just to maintain focus, but it didn't help.

Their words cut through him like a knife, leaving him bare and exposed and vulnerable, as if he hadn't been already. So when more footfalls found his ears, it was a welcome distraction to turn at who else was invading his home unannounced.

Until he saw the orange.

His entire body shuddered with fear, and he felt the scream rising in his throat along with bile. He moved further into the back of the couch, curling his arms around him as his heart tried to pound its way out of his freshly mended ribs, his eyes wide and focused on the orange draped over Chad's wide shoulders. It took him a few minutes to realize the second Ichigo wasn't moving, but even once he did, it made no difference. There were two Ichigo's, and they were going to kill everybody. Just because they weren't moving now didn't mean they wouldn't be in a few minutes.

He watched as Chad walked behind the girls, standing in front of the first Ichigo, and kneeled by him. He laid the second Ichigo down next to the first and looked around the room; it was seconds after their eyes met, and with a frantic hope that Chad would be different, he begged with his eyes to take them away. To get rid of them, to stop them, to keep them from hurting him... anything.

He wasn't even sure why he had hoped for anything.

Within a few more seconds, Chad had turned away from him, none-the-wiser to any of his internal turmoil or his pleas, leaving the pain in his chest to grow even larger. It felt like there was a hole forming, not unlike a Hollow's hole, but somehow more painful and where his heart should have been. His entire chest was constricting, making breathing even a struggle with every shred of hope or dignity being stripped of him. He was spiraling, he knew it; but even the knowledge couldn't seem to save him. No one cared, just like no one had ever cared for him. The only person who actually did was long since dead, with no way to comfort him in his times of need.

How was he supposed to continue on when no one gave a shit what happened to him? He could feel the tears prickling the sides of his eyes: he could feel madness slowly taking over his once rational side. Before he could let his thoughts run further, he heard the sound of coughing and choking, the voice sending chills up his spine like no other could. Even without speaking, he could recognize that voice anywhere from his waking and sleeping nightmares. God, what had Chad done?

He could just see Ichigo springing up, taking out Chad as the closest threat to him, moving on to killing Rukia or Orihime next. His chest clenched harder around the painful hole at that last thought, but the flood of images wouldn't stop for pain. Ryuuken might have a chance against Ichigo, but why would he try to stop him? Let Ichigo destroy him, it's not like he was worth anything in the first place. He wasn't powerful, he wasn't good at anything, he wasn't a son. He wasn't worth it.

He noticed suddenly he was rocking back and forth, and wild eyes flew around the couch, trying to figure out the source of the movement, only to realize that he was the one rocking himself. As horrible as it was, he couldn't stop himself. His throat seemed to be on the verge of closing up, the pain in his chest growing to the point his hand clenched at his shirt over his heart, trying to somehow contain it. Ichigo had to kill him. Had to put him out of his misery.

But he was never going to, and the knowledge only freaked Uryuu out more. He would live with this pain, this suffering, this madness for his entire life. It would drive him past the brink of crazy and back several times over; it would break his body, his spirit, his mind, and his soul until there was nothing left and then Ichigo would break him even further. There was no escape.

He felt a hand come down on his shoulder and without looking up, he knew in his heart it was Ichigo. His entire body reacted violently, shoving Ichigo backward as he sprang upward, running on the couch to the opposite side of the living room. His legs took him where they wanted to; he had no thought of where he was going, had no mind for those behind him who called his name; had no room for anything but panic and the want to escape. He took the stairs three at a time, pulling a muscle in his leg in doing so. The pain was startling, but not crippling, thanks to everything he had endured before. He reached the top of the stairs in record time, sweating profusely and panting, having a hard time catching his breath, but he didn't stop moving.

He was in his room with the door shut and locked behind him, backing away from it before his legs finally gave out, sending him crashing down on his ass. He stared heavily at the door, waiting for the obvious footfalls that would come in a few seconds, signifying Ichigo having given chase.

Those footsteps never came, and Uryuu was left in his room, alone.


	25. The Sacrifice

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Chad's POV)

The walk back to Ichigo's place was long and tiring, and it took everything he could muster to keep from glancing at Ichigo every five seconds. He hadn't seen the black and yellow eyes, nor had he heard that strange voice that Ichigo's Hollow sported, but that didn't mean he hadn't learned some new level of trickery. He'd kept his peace... that should be enough to protect him, right?

"Chad..." Ichigo's voice made Chad jump slightly, and he hoped the male hanging off him didn't notice. "I've got to... I've got to help Uryuu..."

His words were slurred slightly, his feet dragging more than they were helping him move, and Chad felt a pang of sympathy for him. Yes, his Hollow might be the cause of everything that had happened, but Ichigo was still Ichigo, helping friends when he could, and trying to even when he couldn't. The thought would have brought a smile to Chad's face if the situation and his thoughts weren't so grim.

"I know. Give him time to rest, and then you can, okay?"

It wasn't much of a compromise, but it seemed to satisfy Ichigo, who leaned a little more heavily on Chad's shoulders. Glancing upward, the stars and the moon seemed to light their path back, but what would have been a serene air had turned sinister with his thoughts.

Miyuki... he thought that was her name, but he wasn't sure. She had only been their classmate for all of half a year before she was... 'kidnapped', but Chad knew the truth, as chilling as it was. He had been out for a stroll that night, no rhyme or reason to it; he had just wanted to walk, and his legs had taken him to the bridge. It was a calm and quiet night, with hardly any sounds around him as he walked, managing to spot a faint dot of orange underneath the bridge. Not quite understanding, Chad moved further toward it, until he realized the spiky orange hair belonged to a certain friend of his. With a small smile, he was about to lift his arm and call out when he also noticed black hair fanned against the ground.

It was too long to be Rukia's... had Ichigo finally made his move on that one girl? Just the thought brought a slightly larger grin to Chad's lips; it was about time. He was about to turn around; about to give the two their space when he noticed Ichigo's head turn so suddenly in his direction, he thought it was going to snap. His blood ran cold as yellow and black eyes fixed on him, and Chad's body froze. His Hollow? What about the mask? What about...

In that instant, Ichigo's Hollow was in his face, grinning wildly even as Chad's gaze slipped past him, seeing the body of his classmate lying face down on the ground, naked, bruised, wounded, and dead. Trying to stop his hands from shaking, he slowly returned his gaze to the Hollow, who had never stopped grinning at him. Repulsion was the first feeling he felt when the Hollow lifted its hand and bumped a fist lightly against Chad's shoulder; that sinister, echoing voice engulfed him, sending chills down his spine.

"Chad... buddy! What brings you out here?"

When Chad didn't answer, the Hollows eyes narrowed dangerously at him, and the fist that had bumped his shoulder came up toward his neck; not really applying pressure, but the threat was there.

"Alrighty, look here. This is my fun time, and if you're thinkin' of puttin' a stop ta it, then I'll just hafta putta stop ta you, instead. Got it?" He paused for a few seconds, but Chad was so caught up in the whirling thoughts and emotions inside him, he didn't get a chance to respond before the Hollow's hand left his throat and he continued, "Good. Now run along, an' I never wanna hear from ya again."

Turmoil kept his feet from moving. The girl was obviously dead, and yet... the Hollow was going back to her. If he called the cops, it would be Ichigo that got in trouble for murder, and if he called Rukia, the incident could get back to the Soul Society and they might end up killing him for the sake of the human world. There was no good ending that he could see, unless... he managed to talk with Ichigo first. To let him know what was going on... that was a good plan. Reminding himself there was nothing he could do for the already dead woman to still his shaking hands, he forced himself to turn around and walk away. Tomorrow was a school day; he would approach Ichigo then.

Of course even that plan didn't quite go off well. During lunch, he'd invited Ichigo up to the rooftop, and taken him to a secluded portion of it, making sure no one had followed. He didn't want anyone to overhear Ichigo's problem, but he hadn't realized it would become his problem too, as he turned to face those same, yellow and black eyes that peered at him. Feeling his spine stiffen, he watched the Hollow reach for Chad's lunch bag, pulling out a red apple and taking a bite out of it. When he spoke, he spoke around the apple.

"I guess I wasn't clear enough, huh? It's a secret, and yer gonna take this secret to yer grave. The only choice ya have is whether it's willin' or not, got it? Or do I hafta start pickin' off your buddies first?"

Finding it hard to swallow past the lump in his throat, Chad tried to shake his head. He couldn't even turn to Ichigo on this fact, but he didn't want to inform anyone else. Sure it was Ichigo's Hollow, but it was still Ichigo's body. The entire situation was confusing, especially when the Hollow turned around without another word to him, taking one of his apples with him. When he disappeared from sight, Chad's legs finally gave out on him, and he fell to his knees, his thoughts still running amok. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't just stand back and do nothing...

But maybe that was the better plan, a small part of him reasoned. If you're stuck at an obstacle, can't go over, and can't go around it... go under it. If he can't tell anyone else, and he can't tell Ichigo... then he has to be the one to monitor it, and hopefully stop it from happening again. He could do it.

He had hoped. He had failed.

Chad closed his eyes to the memory, trying to block it out even as he hefted more of Ichigo's weight onto his shoulder, only to hear a soft snoring coming from the body he was dragging. Sighing quietly, Chad wormed Ichigo's sleeping form onto his back to carry him the rest of the way to his house. He had taken responsibility on himself and hadn't thought to look in the inner circle of friends. It was his fault entirely this had happened. He just hoped that one day, Uryuu would be able to forgive him for not stopping the Hollow.

After a few long moments, Chad finally rapped on the Kurosaki door, not surprised when it took a while for a tired and surprised looking Isshin to open the door. It took one look at Ichigo, however, for that entire look to change to alert, narrowed eyes as he opened the door wider, beckoning them in. Mumbling a thank-you, Chad walked in and placed Ichigo gently on the couch before turning to Isshin, and handing him the silver amulet he had pulled off of Ichigo before they'd made their way here.

Isshin seemed surprised at first, but when Chad explained how Ichigo had woken up without moving and without speaking, and had mouthed to him to take it off, Isshin's gaze grew dark, and eventually he took the amulet.

"I see. Thank you, Chad. Do you need somewhere to crash for tonight?"

The question would have seemed out of the blue for anyone who didn't know the Kurosaki's, but that wasn't why Chad refused. Knowing even part of the extent of what happened to Uryuu...

"I'll be fine, Dr. Kurosaki. Thank you."

When Chad finally exited the house, it was with a cold chill running down his spine, like icy fingers had touched him. No, he couldn't stay in that house anymore; not with what he was about to do.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

The moment the large, dark skinned male and the Shinigami boy left, he noticed the Shinigami girl and the large chested girl staring behind him, directly at Uryuu. He forced the snarl from his lips as he turned slightly himself, noticing Uryuu staring at where the two men had once been, rocking himself back and forth on the couch. There was obvious sweat dripping from his brow, and despite the movement his shoulders appeared to be shaking finely.

'He has a fever.' 

The thought was more of a statement than a realization, and he had forgotten how heated Uryuu's skin had been when their 'visitors' had come barging in unannounced. Sending a quick glare toward the two females, he turned around and gave them his back, signaling that their conversation was over as he reached for Uryuu, his hand coming down on the boy's shoulder. Unfortunately, Uryuu seemed to have slipped back into one of his terrors, and reacted violently upon the touch, his hands slamming into Ryuuken's chest and pushing the air from his lungs as Uryuu sprung upward, running on the furniture toward the stairs.

He heard one of the women call for Uryuu, but the boy had dashed up the stairs without so much as glancing back.

Definitely another terror, and this one was most likely caused by the presence of the Shinigami, instead of Uryuu's own mind. He really needed to deal with that boy soon, but for now, there were pressing matters. The raven haired woman moved as if to start up the stairs after Uryuu, but he moved himself in her way, his arms folding over his chest as he stared her down.

"It is time for the two of you to leave, now."

"Why is it so hard for you to care about your son? He needs help! Let him have it!" she all but pleaded with him, and he had to admit; for a Shinigami, she was stubborn.

Perhaps not for the better, but maybe not for the worst, either. She had managed to fry his last nerve in less than ten minutes, yet still come up with semi-intelligible arguments to combat him with. It was obvious that she at least somewhat cared for Uryuu -- perhaps it wasn't obvious why, but still... Maybe it was for that reason alone that he felt some of his walls crumbling...

Or maybe it was because he needed to check on Uryuu before the boy managed to harm himself in his state of panic. That could also be the reason.

"If you wish to see him, go home today and call ahead tomorrow. But give him a days rest," he muttered begrudgingly.

He watched as the raven's eyes widened before her lips parted in a small smile. Somehow the animosity she'd had for him before had mostly faded with that one comment, and it took no further urging from him for the woman to show her friend and herself out the door. Bringing a hand up to his forehead, he massaged his temples, trying to still the increasing headache brought on by the entire day. Having Uryuu flee his ward at the hospital, managing to return home and find the Shinigami tormenting him further, and then the argument with yet another feisty Shinigami. Was there no end?

Heaving a heavy sigh, Ryuuken turned around and began to head up the stairs; his day was not done yet, even though a glance to his watch told him it was already half past one in the morning. Suppressing a yawn, he found his way to Uryuu's door and gently turned the handle, only to find it was locked. His brows furrowed, and he listened quietly for any sounds coming from within the room, and yet, there was nothing to be heard. He jiggled the handle, calling out softly,

"Uryuu?"

Still, no answer. Furrowing his brows, Ryuuken quickly connected the dots; the last time Uryuu had locked a door on him and refused to open it was when he'd believed Uryuu had been taking drugs. When he'd had cuts and bruises all over his arms and legs. The medicine cabinet had been open, which was why he'd assumed along those lines, but... there were other things in that cabinet that worried him; sharper things. With Uryuu's mental state being in disarray, he had to admit he felt a pang of concern in his chest. It was that feeling that caused him to knock louder, his voice raising,

"Uryuu, open this door!"

When no sound came from the room beyond, Ryuuken found himself unwilling to wait for an answer. Using his shoulder, he slammed himself against the door, bursting the lock in the process as the door flew open, slamming against the wall on the other side. A metallic clank of the latch hitting the floor sounded out around him, and his eyes scanned the room without finding Uryuu. The unfamiliar sensation of dread pooled in his gut as his legs instantly brought him to the door of Uryuu's bathroom, which was very slightly cracked and thankfully, not locked. Pushing it wide, he wasn't quite sure what he was hoping or dreading to see, but relief flooded him to find Uryuu backed against the tub, head in his arms.

He knew it shouldn't be a good sight to see Uryuu cowering in fear from him, but it was better than finding him dead on the floor. He started toward Uryuu, ready to reach for him, but he stopped himself at least a yard away, his hand still semi-outstretched. Two things kept him from closing the rest of the distance: his gut still remembered both the kick and the power of his shove winding him, as well as his mind still remembered Uryuu's constant confusion thinking he was the Shinigami. That was most likely what fueled his fear, so if he could get Uryuu to realize before hand...

"Uryuu?" he called as gently as he could, not surprised when the boy didn't look up. "It's Ryuuken."

He thought he saw one of Uryuu's fingers twitch on top of his head, but other than that, the boy remained unresponsive. Sighing quietly, Ryuuken forced himself to sit down on the tile floor of the bathroom, thinking he might be here for a while. He had to find some way to break through the delusion and snap Uryuu back to the present... out of all of his patients at the hospital he'd never had to deal with those suffering from psychosis or anything of the like. It frustrated him, and yet he persistently continued,

"The Shinigami are gone. You and I are the only ones in the house. It's safe to come out now."

He might have flinched at the word 'safe', but his colleague had been the one to remind him that in Uryuu's state, safety was his top priority, so it couldn't hurt to state it. Again, he watched a couple of Uryuu's fingers twitch, his shoulders heaving and shaking slightly during the motion, and he knew he had to be getting through. Running a hand through his white hair, he tried again,

"Come on Uryuu, it's getting late, and there's something I want to ask, but I need you to look at me first. That's it, nice and easy now. It's just me."

Encouraged by the way Uryuu slowly lowered his hands from his head and chanced a glance upward, Ryuuken did his best to smile at the boy, and was rewarded with a shaky,

"... Ryuu...ken?"

Silently nodding, he tried to keep his voice as calm as possible as he spoke,

"Are you capable of talking to me?"

He watched as Uryuu's brows furrowed, but he nodded nonetheless, his knees slowly lowering from their curled position against his body. As good as it was to see him starting to relax, he knew what he had to ask was probably going to set the boy on edge again; it had been the reason he'd run out of the hospital, after all, but he had to know.

"Then tell me how all this happened. What got you so involved with the Shinigami? When did he start abusing his power over you, and how did you let it happen?"

Unable to control some of the frustration in his voice, he let loose the barrage of questions he'd been holding in since seeing Uryuu on the operating table a few weeks ago. It was no surprise that the boy seized up again, and when both his hands returned to his head, Ryuuken continued,

"If it helps, he can't get to you here. I'll make sure the Shinigami won't ever-"

"You can't promise that!"

Uryuu's sudden exclamation stopped his words in his tracks, sending his thought process spiraling. Despite everything, he slowed his words, sounding them out as he spoke them,

"And just why can't I?"

Uryuu's eyes flew to his own, and he noticed a fear so ingrained that it shone through every other emotion; a complete opposite to what he was used to seeing in those cobalt eyes so it caught him off guard. He really needed to pull a few of those mental disorder books off the top shelf of his library, and brush up on how to better deal with this... Still, Uryuu wasn't forthcoming with his answer, and so with a heavy sigh, Ryuuken simply continued.

"Regardless. I need you to tell me how this happened. Why did you not fight back?"

To this, Uryuu flinched again, and refused to meet his gaze as he hesitated. Instantly he felt something was amiss here; Uryuu had always defended the actions he had at least tried to take in the past, whether he had failed or not. In the silence that followed, Ryuuken searched his mind for any hints as to what might have happened. Back in August, he had disappeared for a month, and before even that, he had been extremely absent and evasive. Not that he had truly tried to or even wanted to figure out what Uryuu was doing.

Giving his head a mental shake, he forced himself back onto subject. The only thing he knew Uryuu to do was boast of what powers he did have and train to make them stronger. Perhaps he had been out training? Ryuuken felt his brain grind to a sudden halt as the idea of where the Sanrei Glove had gone. He had known for a while now that his own father had handed it down to Uryuu because of his certain... handicap, but he hadn't actually thought...

Uryuu still refused to meet his gaze, and he knew the silence had stretched on between them for over fifteen minutes while he had been lost in thought. Still, for once, Ryuuken was speechless. How could Uryuu have even thought about using the item that would have stripped him of everything he prided himself on being? It would make sense, and yet...

"Uryuu..." the name slipped from his lips before he could stop it, and it was only then that Uryuu glanced back at him.

The boy's eyes widened slightly, for whatever expression Ryuuken wore on his face, he was sure it was not his usual, stoic one.

"You didn't."

For once, Ryuuken heard his own voice not as a calm statement or a blistering remark, but as a quiet concern; a barely hidden plea. Uryuu seemed to notice the change as well, his entire face changing into one of resignation and pain, and it was all the answer he needed to piece the rest of the puzzle together. For whatever reason, Uryuu had donned the glove and been forced to take it off, relinquishing what little power of the Quincy he had been holding on to. In their absence, the Shinigami had taken advantage of him, and... this resulted.

He almost recoiled at the first thought that ran through his brain, of exactly how to make Uryuu able to protect himself again, since the stakes were so... high. But... perhaps the ultimate sacrifice was worth it. He had never truly enjoyed the name of the Quincy... perhaps now, he could put it to good use; and to good rest. Steeling himself, he chose his words carefully as his lips parted, and he forced the words past numb lips,

"... Uryuu. I can train you... to return your powers."


	26. The Fallen

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

"... Uryuu. I can train you... to return your powers."

His entire mouth went dry, and some part of him cried out that this was just another trick. A trap, a distraction, anything but the hope it sounded like. But he had learned not to hope. Hope... was a trick. A farce. A lead into more anguish. He had enough to deal with having Ichigo breathing down his neck all the time, and everytime he thought he was in the clear, Ichigo would find someway to remind him he wasn't. This... this was just another test.

He wouldn't fail.

"I... I don't think that's a good idea."

"Don't be stupid."

Uryuu flinched at the tone Ryuuken's voice held, and for a split second, he noticed orange tinting the corners of the room. It faded quickly, but it only confirmed his previous thoughts. Ichigo was watching. Testing him. He had to... had to find some way to play it off. He needed to be alone. Needed to think about things. He needed... he needed... space.

"Just... I... I want to sleep. I'm... tired."

He tried to run a hand through his hair, but his hands were shaking and his hair was stringy, dirty, and tangled, and his fingers got caught. As he tried to work them loose, his hair flew out around his face, and he tried to keep the desperation from his expression since he knew he looked weak enough already, but knowing Ryuuken would make more of it than it was made him lower his head, trying to shield his eyes with the hair that had gone askew. There was a long period of silence, and with each second that passed he felt like his insides were coiling in on themselves, tightening until he felt ready to jump at any little noise.

Which he did, when Ryuuken finally sighed, and he had to stop himself from glancing up. That was his frustrated sigh; next would come the yelling, the threats, the slamming of doors; the humiliation, the accusations, degradations... it would be just like... just like...

He jumped again, unable to stop the gasp that slipped past his lips when he felt arms come around his body, and despite his will he glanced up, only to see Ryuuken's white hair filling his vision as he was pulled into a hug. He didn't understand. Why... why wasn't he reacting the same way? He could feel every muscle in his body tightening further, reading for some kind of abuse, but the only thing he heard was Ryuuken's whispered,

"Then get some sleep. We'll talk more in the morning."

Afraid it was a trick, Uryuu couldn't force his body to move even an inch as he was let go of, or as Ryuuken slowly stood. They shared a look, and this time the bewildered look was too hard to even try to disguise as he gazed at his father. He just couldn't understand... why? Why now would he suddenly drop it? Why was he acting like everything was okay?

He watched Ryuuken turn and walk toward the door, shutting it behind him, but he continued staring at where the man was long after the footsteps had faded from the door, and the door to his bedroom was audibly closed as well. He stared for several long minutes, unable to process; unable to fathom what had happened. He felt like he was on a roller coaster, and every few seconds his heart would drop into his stomach or jump into his throat. Tears once more tried to flood past his eyes as his hands returned to his hair, raking through and pulling at several knots that had formed.

What was happening?

He had to think. What exactly was so wrong that he was freaking out? He felt it... felt something off, that something was wrong, but he couldn't figure out what it was. Closing his eyes, he yanked on his hair before slamming his hands into his skull, trying to pound some kind of thought process back into him. He had to think.

Ichigo. Ichigo had... tried to kill him, but saved him. Then... dropped dead. Ryuuken hugged him, then... people invaded his house. Laughed at him. Argued over him. Two Ichigos. He ran. Ichigo came after him, but it was Ryuuken. Again. Then... he just left. Like everything was okay. And now... now he was...

Alone.

Uryuu's eyes snapped open, feeling sweat on his skin even before he felt the chill of it. The tightened muscles sprung him upward onto his feet, where he wavered and flailed, desperately trying to cling to the side of the tub for balance. He could hear them now; the shadows, closing in on him, slinking up to him...

Trying his best not to cry out, he lunged for the door, legs that were half asleep working against him in his sudden rush. It was only when he got to the door, slamming against it as he fumbled for the knob that he felt the rush of the pins and needles in his legs, making him whimper. Still, he forced his body onward, twisting the door knob this way and that several times before he finally got it to open, and he pitched himself out of the bathroom, onto the floor, dragging the door shut with him as he went.

Breathing heavily, he crawled backwards on the floor, away from the door, convinced the shadows would soon follow after him somehow, but no matter how hard he stared at the cracks under and above the door, nothing came after him. He swallowed, recognizing a throbbing pain in the back of his throat and how his tongue continued to stick to the roof of his mouth, but it was nothing he could worry about right now. Scrambling to his feet, he found the feeling in his legs made them wobble and give out on him, sending him tumbling straight back into the floor.

He hit his jaw on the floor when he went down, and for a moment, he closed his eyes again, trying his best not to allow the pain to take him. He wasn't sure why, but it was reaction at this point. Somewhere in his mind he knew that he should be ending the pain, not enduring it, but something kept him quiet, and that same something finally let the tears spill over the edges of his eyes. He was too weak to do anything right... he couldn't protect himself, much less end anything for himself. He was useless.

"Uryuu?"

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

Uryuu's head snapped up from where he lay sprawled out on the floor. Tears were spilling freely from hysteric eyes and his hair was a tangled mess spread out around his face, much unlike its usual tamed state. He looked... manic. For a single second, Ryuuken closed his eyes, but something told him not to look away. That he had to look at his son to help him. That he couldn't just ignore or forget anymore.

It was that something that drove him to set down the medicine and glass of water on Uryuu's end table next to the alarm clock, and walk over to help him up. At first, Uryuu resisted, but after a few minutes he just went entirely limp, like he had given up fighting. The thought mildly frightened Ryuuken, but he knew there were people he could call, books he could read, things he could do. He would get his son back, and this time... he would cherish him.

He helped Uryuu into bed, and handed him the medicine, urging him to take it. One of the pills was for the fever, which should get rid of it as long as it was coupled with sleep; the other pill was a sleeping aid. After the pills were taken, Ryuuken sat down with the boy, and despite the slight awkwardness of the silence between the two of them, he watched as Uryuu slowly started to relax before he slipped into unconsciousness around an hour later.

Yawning, Ryuuken gave his forehead a quick rub before standing up and reaching underneath the bed for the covers he'd found there before. Gently dragging one over Uryuu, he gave a sigh as he moved for the door, switching off the light and closing the door as far as it would go without the latch. He would check on him in a few hours, but right now, he had calls to make and books to read.

Sometimes, it paid to be a doctor with contacts.

Sometimes, it didn't pay enough.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

He could still feel the weight of the amulet, crushing into his soul, cracking everything around him and sending him spiraling downward. He could remember his Hollow shouting out to him, yelling for him to take it off, but he couldn't remember doing so. He couldn't even remember when everything went black, only that the weight carried over. He hurt: physically, mentally, and emotionally. His entire world was crumbling around him, and everything was his fault; all because of him. If he'd had better control of himself, of his Hollow... maybe no one would have ever gotten hurt.

Maybe those girls wouldn't have been raped, if his Hollow wasn't lying to him. Why would he though? What would he have to lie about, especially considering he didn't bother to lie about Uryuu... no, he gloated about him. He enjoyed hurting Uryuu, raping him, trying to... trying to...

He couldn't think. His thoughts were just as painful as whatever was holding him down, and the darkness was suffocating. He couldn't breathe, but his thoughts wouldn't leave him alone. He kept seeing Uryuu in class, swinging his book bag at him; seeing him at the ice cream parlor, evasive and nervous; seeing him screaming at the mirrors, pounding them until they broke all over him...

He saw Uryuu lying in the hospital, running from him, lying in the road about to be hit by a car, looking up at him with terrified eyes and begging him to just... kill him already. Even if it wasn't his Hollow that created those memories, he had still managed to do more harm to Uryuu than he had helped him, and that stung just as much as knowing what part of him did. What if he couldn't help Uryuu? Ever?

... What would happen if he didn't try to? Would Uryuu make a recovery without him? Or would his Hollow manage to seek him back out because Ichigo made the decision to break off all contact? He didn't know; he didn't know anything. All he knew was pain and pressure and weight and darkness and...

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Ichigo gasped as his entire body shot up into a sitting position, a small cover slipping past his shoulders to pool at his waist. He was lying on a couch and nothing but blurry darkness surrounded him, but as he wiped at his eyes, things began to clear up. It still took him a few moments to realize he was sitting at home in the living room, and when he did, his hand instantly clenched for his chest, trying to claw off the amulet. Finding it missing was both a relief and a trouble; it was supposed to help him suppress the Hollow, not kill them both!

He needed... he needed to talk to Urahara again. Maybe... this was a fluke? A weird side effect that wasn't known? Or maybe... there was just nothing that could be done, and Kisuke had known that.

... Was he really that much of a monster...?


	27. Insanity at its Best

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

For the first time in forever, he felt... calm. Like he was finally somewhere that Ichigo couldn't reach him; like he was somewhere safe. The thought was comforting, more so than it probably should have been, but he couldn't help himself. He felt warm and comfortable, and in that single moment, he would have given what was left of his soul to stay that way.

He didn't get a chance to make the trade.

Slowly, he became more aware of things around him. A soft cotton feeling against his chin and hands, and the way the ground curved to his body's shape, holding him up gently; the way it felt like his head was resting on some kind of soft down... It was relaxing and yet, it was puzzling. How long had it been since he'd felt like this? Slowly, his eyes blinked open, but the sight that met him wasn't right. Was he still dreaming?

It was dark; too dark, and through what tiny shapes he could make out without his glasses on, he thought his door was... open. But he'd locked it; he always locked it. And now it was open and that meant that Ichigo was...

Orange filled the darkness around him, and instantly Uryuu struggled to move backward on the bed only to find that his limbs got caught up in the covers, making it difficult to even inch backward. His breath hitched as Ichigo stalked closer to him, the shadows he controlled slinking over the bed toward him as he fought to get away. With a soundless yelp, Uryuu found himself falling backward suddenly, tangling up in the covers as he slipped over the side of the bed, landing harshly on his back on the floor.

The blanket smothered him, wrapping around him as he was forced to listen to Ichigo's steady footsteps toward him; trapped him while he was forced to watch and feel the shadows seeping through his defenses, crawling underneath his skin and shredding him from the inside. He struggled harder, his entire body shaking from the force of his fear, and he could feel the bile rising in his throat once more as orange once more came into sight, filling the room. He couldn't move, and couldn't think.

So he screamed. Through his scream, he could hear Ichigo laughing at him, and it was in that moment he could hear everyone: Rukia, Orihime, even Chad; all laughing at him. Calling him weak and unworthy. Vile, fragmented, broken, insane... He wasn't sure when the tears had slipped past his lashes, but the blinding blurs around the room told them they had. All he could hear was their laughter, their punishing words, and at some point, his entire body just seemed to cease its movement as well as his scream. He couldn't take it... he couldn't do this.

When hands came around his body, the most he could voice was a choked sob, but even that felt weak. The covers were ripped off his body, and he couldn't even find it in himself to try and protect his body from the assault to come. He just... laid there. Powerless to stop him.

Powerless.

"... Uryuu. I can train you... to return your powers."

For once it was Ryuuken's voice that sounded... caring. Concerned, even. It was a memory he was convinced was too good to be true, and yet... if it were real...

"... Uryuu."

He could still hear the voice, and somehow it drowned out the laughter around him, slowly making the pain of the shadows crawling inside him bearable again. He could feel the tears slipping off his nose even as suddenly his face was pressed into cotton, and despite the sudden flare of panic that rose within him, the voice became louder; more insistent.

More present.

"Uryuu!"

His eyes snapped open, sucking in a gasp of air around Ryuuken's shirt even as he felt his entire body slowly relax. The light was on again, and the shadows were melting out of him, frightened by Ryuuken's presence. The blanket had been thrown off him, and the only thing around him was his father's arms, and for a long moment Uryuu felt like he was teetering on the edge of breaking down completely and wanting to crush his father in an embrace. He did neither. Instead, he just sat there, dumbfounded, unable to register what had happened again. He hated it. He hated his entire life.

Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing except he was too weak to handle anything.

"Uryuu, are you alright?"

Ryuuken's voice mocked him; why aren't you strong enough to deal with this yourself, Uryuu? Why do you always have to have someone come and save you, Uryuu?

The words were out of his mouth before he could think about what he was saying.

"I want to train. I want... I want to be stronger."

He might have winced at the words spoken, but even to himself, his voice sounded distant; numb. He wasn't sure how long he could keep this up, pretending to keep on living like before, but the way he saw things, this was his last chance. He would either regain his powers and manage to put up a better fight... or die trying. There would be no middle ground.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

He couldn't find the amulet anywhere, and it was freaking him out a little bit. He'd already lost too many hours to his Hollow already, to lose something else just seemed... like the world itself was going out of its way to punish him for something he didn't know he did. Running a hand through his hair, Ichigo stood, abandoning the frantic search of the living room for the amulet, fighting back the hysteria that the charm had done absolutely nothing. He was still back at square one, and driving himself crazy in the dead of night over everything that happened.

With a frustrated sigh, he dropped his hand as he turned back toward the living room, his eyes roaming over the mess he'd made in his search, before turning toward the walls, mentally pinpointing his father's room and each of his sister's rooms. He'd raped Uryuu. He'd hurt two other women. ... what could have happened to his family in that time? Would his Hollow have turned to Yuzu for his sadistic fun? Or would it have been Karin that he tried to hurt?

Balling his hands into fists tight enough to cause his knuckles to turn white, Ichigo turned away sharply, reaching for the door handle and tugging it open sharply, he let the sudden sounds of the night stretch over him, calming his thoughts for a few moments. He took a few deep breaths; reminders that he could be strong enough for everyone; and stepped out, gently closing the door behind him. The darkness of the night closed around him, and with a quiet shiver, Ichigo wrapped his arms around his torso as he stepped away from his house, as much to shield himself from his thoughts as to keep out the sharp wind.

What could he do from here? What was he even supposed to do? Any contact with Uryuu would send him into a state of panic, one that perhaps not even Ichigo could save him from, try as he might... and no contact with Uryuu might cause his Hollow to go out of control again. That was, if he was to take the white bastard at his word, which Ichigo could hardly do to begin with. He was sadistic, twisted, and yet... his words rang true. His fingers dug into his arms as he replayed the words his Hollow had taunted him with.

"I'm the reason you're no longer a fucking virgin."

The idea behind those words still made his blood run cold, but he couldn't for the life of himself remember the event. Was it with Uryuu? Was it with the girls? Shaking his head, Ichigo forced the idea from his mind; at least for the moment. He really wasn't sure he even wanted to remember, whether he could or not. Taking a few more deep breaths, Ichigo let his pace quicken, his legs taking him to his destination as if he were on auto-pilot; a path walked enough times it allowed him this time for wayward thoughts, no matter how painful. So he walked, his thoughts churning in his mind and blotting out all else as he neared Urahara's shop, but the thing that brought him out of those thoughts... was voices.

Familiar voices. Ichigo stopped in his tracks, just outside of the shop, his curiosity briefly drowning out his previous emotions. The lights were on, and there were two shadows behind the curtains, one skinny with a hat - Urahara, obviously - and one slightly taller and of a much larger build. The voice was low and rumbling, and for a moment, Ichigo stood there, wracking his brain to try and figure out who the voice belonged to.

Their words hit him long before the realization did.

"- understand your concern, but something like that can't -"

"He has to be stopped. He's already killed one that I know of, and as much as I've tried to, I can't protect them both."

"... You realize what that means, right?"

"I know."

"Do you? Instead of saving them both, you might be destroying them instead. Both of them."

"I can't just stand around and do nothing anymore. I can't watch this happen again."

"... If that's really how you feel, Chad..."

Ichigo backed away from the window as quietly as he could. He knew the conversation was continuing, and he knew that something bad was about to happen. So Chad had... he'd actually... he thought of him as a threat. Chad... of all people, even he recognized a threat when he saw it, and... Ichigo was a threat. The idea that everyone was turning against him only seemed to reinforce the fact he had become a monster, and the idea nearly drove him to tears. It really was all his fault, and there wasn't anything he could do except... run.

But what would that do?

Ichigo found a shiver running down his spine at the words that echoed in his mind, even as he backed into Urahara's fence, his body pressing further into the wood as if he could disappear in that manner. There was only one voice he knew that had that particular... echo.

If they're going to kill you, there's no where you can run that you can hide from them.

Ichigo swallowed, trying not to let the trembling he felt in his muscles show physically even as he turned, trying to remember which way he'd entered the shop grounds from, but with his Hollows words ringing out in the back of his head, it was getting extremely hard to concentrate.

Just give in. Do what -

NO!

Ichigo brought both hands to his head and took hold of his hair, yanking on it to try and drown out the voice with the pain. He couldn't listen. He couldn't give in; he was the only thing standing between his own sanity and... well. His Hollow. He couldn't allow it to take over. He couldn't allow his Hollow's thoughts to override his own. He couldn't allow -

The truth to shade your actions?

He took off in a dead run into the night. This time, he didn't know where he was headed, or what his goals were. He just knew the laughter inside his head was drowning out everything else he could possibly think about right now.

He needed to fight this - he just didn't know how, and now... he was on his own.


	28. Healing (Or Getting There)

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

He wasn't sure when he dozed off, all he remembered was waking up with his body in pain. It was a dull ache, one that came from sleeping in an awkward position on the floor for several hours, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. Yawning, his first thought was of where he was, but surprisingly, the strange environment didn't cause him fear; only confusion. It was almost as if he felt... safe.

Warmth flooded his cheeks as he shook his head, trying to get his thoughts in order. Glancing around, his first impression was a study of sorts; there were books lining the shelves everywhere, with a singular desk in the middle of the room, coated with books, both open and closed. The chair itself was empty and the singular door to the room was shut, all lights blazing their warmth toward him. It only took a few moments for him to realize it was his father's library he was laying in.

Sitting up slowly and rubbing tiredly at his eyes behind the glasses he had evidently neglected to remove, he realized that somehow he had fallen asleep in the corner, but why he had done so escaped him. He yawned, blinking rapidly to clear his vision, putting the reasons why out of his mind for now. Instead, his thoughts turned to the miracle that was his undisturbed sleep he had just awoken from. How long had it been since he had woken up without visions of... him lingering from a nightmare? Too long, he thought with a frown. He was due this, that much was certain, but... again, the question plagued him.

Why?

Picking himself up off the floor, Uryuu dusted himself off, listening intently for any sounds from the house and finding none, even as he began checking around the library, glancing at a few of the open books. Passages about psychosis and mental disorders lept out at him, and for a moment, Uryuu stood frozen. His father had never cared to deal with the mental problems of his patients; this much he knew. That man would rather shrug off any disease of the mind as a problem that wasn't his than go out of his way to help someone who needed more than antibiotics or surgery. It just wasn't... him. So why...?

The thought that crossed his mind made his legs go weak, and Uryuu found himself gripping at the chair, sitting down heavily as his eyes widened slightly. What if it was him? What if he was the reason Ryuuken was suddenly going out of his way to -

Impossible. A father wasn't a father unless... Gritting his teeth, Uryuu's hands came to clench at his hair as his breathing quickened. Nothing made sense anymore. It felt like he was losing touch with reality, and suddenly this... it confirmed and denied everything around him. He wasn't sick. He wasn't crazy. Why did any of this have to happen to him? He was best in his class, an over achiever, an -

Class. The thought stuck out to him, making him wonder frantically what day it was. He hadn't been going to class. He needed to go to class. Breathing heavily, Uryuu shot out of the chair, stumbling slightly and cracking his toe against the corner of the desk, causing a couple books to fall from the desk as he cursed loudly. Grinding his teeth together to try and block out the pain, he hurried around the desk toward the door and swung it wide, carving a straight path for the stairs and his book bag. When a figure stepped in front of him, blocking his view to the stairs, his first instinctual reaction was to shrink back, his heart leaping into his throat and making any sound impossible, before he recognized the sight before him.

White hair. Ryuuken. His father, who was holding a glass of water and a granola bar, wearing a frown on his face.

"Uryuu? What's wrong?"

Swallowing, he avoided eye contact as he tried to push past the man, knowing whatever he said in the moment would be considered weakness, but Ryuuken wouldn't let him past. Instead, he found the granola bar shoved into his hands, surprising him enough to stop his motions long enough for his father to actually catch his gaze.

"Uryuu, what are you doing?"

Frustratedly, he ground out his response,

"I need to go to school."

He tried to push past Ryuuken once more, only to have a hand come down on his shoulder, stopping him before he could reach anything.

"It's Saturday; there is no school today, Uryuu."

It took everything he had not to whimper at Ryuuken's statement. It took more than everything he had to not collapse in on himself. How much time had he lost to that monster? How many days, weeks... months? Just how long had it even been? Realizing he still had the granola bar in his hands, he glanced down at it, recognizing a slight shake of the bar that signaled he himself was trembling. Trying to shut out the sight, he closed his eyes tightly, startled again when the hand on his shoulder pulled him forward, into Ryuuken.

By the time his eyes snapped open he was already in an embrace, and that embrace brought his mind back to last night, and the reason why he woke up in Ryuuken's library. It was an embrace like this one that Ryuuken had folded him into last night, after he'd expressed a want to train. They had discussed some of the details, with Uryuu trying desperately to hide the reason behind the want, before his father had stood, saying he was returning back downstairs, and that Uryuu needed sleep. He could almost feel the panic setting in as acutely as it had last night.

"W-wait, don't go!" the words were out of Uryuu's mouth before he could temper them, and instantly he regretted it.

Ryuuken turned slightly to watch Uryuu, something odd shining in the depths of his eyes, something Uryuu had never really seen before; something that startled him almost as much as the words that Ryuuken spoke next.

"... Why don't you come down with me then? If you're not tired, that is."

The idea made Uryuu speechless. Never before had he been invited into Ryuuken's private affairs, especially when it was something that kept the man up all night. He was hard pressed to move, to do anything but stare at Ryuuken, really, until the man held out a hand for him. 

Somehow the gesture seemed to strike a chord in him, and though the memory of walking downstairs beside his father was vague, he did remember curling up in the corner, and the intense feeling of being safe with his back to the walls, the lights completely bathing the room in their golden hue, and with his father sitting at the desk in front of him, ready to fight off any evil that came after him.

That feeling carried over to this moment, stilling his trembling body, though it left Uryuu breathless and clutching at his father's shirt. He was sure that Ryuuken would throw him off once he realized, but instead the arms just seemed to pull him closer, causing tears to prickle at the edges of his eyes. How could something so wrong feel so good...? He wasn't supposed to be weak, and yet that was exactly what he was being; the same thing his father had berated him for all his life... but they were hugging.

Uryuu felt his knees give out underneath him, but the arms around him wouldn't let him fall. Instead, he felt a gentle coaxing, and moments later, he lifted his eyes to realize he was being sat softly onto the sofa in the living room, the granola bar crushed into bits in the palm of his hand. He stared at it for a long while, not certain to be angry he had crushed it, or sad that it was in as many pieces as he felt he was. He never heard the footsteps, but when another granola bar entered his vision, he glanced up to see his father offering him an non-crushed one, as well as the glass of water.

Why... why was he being so nice now? And why... why did it make him feel slightly better? He felt like he didn't understand the world anymore, so he just let himself numbly accept both giving Ryuuken back the crushed bar. He didn't know how long he sat there; he wasn't sure if they spoke, or when he'd eaten all of the bar. He barely remembered his father getting up to answer the door, or to announce that 'his female soul reaper friend' was there. He felt like his body was moving of its own accord, not allowing him to feel the confusion that seemed to surround him lately, and honestly... he liked it.

It was like that time with Ichigo... not having to think about what was going on, or having to worry about what would happen next. Not having to feel pain or anger or confusion or... anything. In his world, it was just him. No one could hurt him. 

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Rukia's POV)

She had called half an hour ago, just like Ryuuken had told her to. It wasn't something that she liked having to do, but with Uryuu as he was, she couldn't just leave him in the hands of that horrible doctor who decided he was a dad a few weeks ago, but STILL wasn't acting like it. Grinding her teeth as she walked, she made her way to the Ishida household, and stood on the stoop for a moment before raising her hand and knocking softly.

It took a few moments, but Ryuuken was the one to answer the door, staring at her with a somber look before backing away and granting her entrance. When she was sure his back was turned to her, she shot him a nasty glare before making her way into the living room, where he'd told her Uryuu would be. Though, she had expected a nervous wreck like last night, not... a vegetable. Her brows raised and then furrowed as she hurried to his side, dropping to her knees in front of him, looking him in the eye.

His own eyes were lowered, just staring off into space, with a granola wrapper and an empty glass sat on the floor beside his feet. He looked... almost dead. Like he had back in the hospital right after he'd woken from his coma.

"... What happened to him?" she whispered fiercely; if anything had happened to Uryuu in her absence, so help her she would -

"He had a nightmare last night."

The answer stopped her thoughts in their tracks, making her brows furrow a little more. She had expected some kind of evasive answer, or at least a run-around, and yet -

"So I let him sleep in my study. He probably didn't get much sleep, and with everything going on, it's taking its toll."

"Oh."

Her eyes returned back to Uryuu, only to find his gaze hadn't drifted anywhere. He really seemed out of it, and the look on his face cut straight into Rukia's heart. Gently, she reached up to brush a bit of Uryuu's hair out of his face, behind his ear like he normally used to. Before all of this had happened. That one, normal gesture...

Rukia blinked and stood before her tears could get the best of her, and with a deep breath, she turned around to face Ryuuken once more.

"I don't... know how to bring him out of this state." She had meant her confession to sound more authoritative, but it came out sounding insecure and pitiful, making her cringe inwardly.

Thankfully, either Ryuuken didn't notice, or didn't deem it comment worthy.

"It's just something that will pass with time. According to a multitude of psychological professors, this 'state' is just a coping mechanism. It won't last, and when he comes out of it, we'll be able to reason with him again."

He paused, giving Rukia time to glance back at Uryuu, who still hadn't moved really. With an inward sigh, she wondered exactly how long it would take for him to come back to them, but as soon as she thought to ask, Uryuu's father was already speaking again.

"Now, while you're here, I want to discuss... that boy."

A sudden chill went down her spine at the tone Ryuuken took with his last two words. She knew exactly who he spoke of, but... there was a problem with her answering.

She hadn't seen Ichigo all night.


	29. War

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

He saw the girl's shoulders stiffen, and waited far more patiently than he thought he would be able to as she turned around to face him. There was trepidition in her eyes, and an obvious fear for the subject, but to her credit, she spoke slowly.

"He... never came home last night. I haven't been able to feel his spiritual pressure since Chad took him home."

There was obvious hesitation in her statement, and he could tell there was something she wasn't saying, but instead of pressing the issue, Ryuuken sighed and turned toward the kitchen, saying over his shoulder,

"Wait here. I'll brew some tea."

It felt wrong. The feeling wouldn't go away, even as he entered the kitchen; Shinigami should not be welcomed in a Quincy home, and yet... here they were. The thought made Ryuuken grind his teeth together as he set about the host's duty to provide drinks to guests, shuddering inwardly at the thought. Still. He couldn't allow his own vendetta to get in the way, this time; that much had been shown to him already. If he was to take care of Uryuu properly and make him better, he had to allow him to have the friends he had already made. So what if he could use that relationship to gather more information about that monster?

Grabbing a kettle and filling it with water, he sat it on the stove and waited for it to heat as he leaned against the counter, losing himself to his thoughts. He knew his first actions would be to get information from this girl, and then to try and bring Uryuu from his state if he was not out of it by the time they were done. From there... if the Shinigami really didn't know anything of the boy's whereabouts, he would have to take the matter to Isshin. He really hadn't wanted to reveal his son's weakness to that boy's father, but... he had to have countermeasures in place.

This was not going to happen again.

Leaning against the counter for a moment, Ryuuken let his mind wander to the training he had promised Uryuu. He himself was still somewhat apprehensive about actually going through with it, and yet... what else could he do for Uryuu? Giving his son the power of the Purebloods would not only restore some faith in himself, but boost his confidence in actually being able to fight off anything or anyone that might try and hurt him again. Of course, on the other hand, it would take Ryuuken completely out of the picture, and that... that was a hard pill to swallow. He still wanted revenge on that boy for his transgressions against his son, however everything that he had read went against that very line of thinking.

His role was to be support, not avenger. It didn't sit too well with him, but if it helped to heal Uryuu, then it was what he would have to do. Closing his eyes for a moment, Ryuuken leaned his head back and let his thoughts wander through the actual training to come. He would have to be careful not to hurt Uryuu while still pushing him to his very limits both physically and mentally. Not an easy thing to do, especially with his son in such a fragile state of mind, but it had to be done. Afterward, a single arrow with all his Reishi had to hit exactly 19 millimeters to the right of his heart... and that would complete the transfer.

Uryuu would regain his Quincy self, and Ryuuken...

Startled from his thoughts, Ryuuken grimaced at the whistling kettle as he turned off the stove and proceeded to finish making tea for himself, the Shinigami girl, and a spare cup for Uryuu, in case he came to early. Taking a deep breath to return his focus to the matter at hand, he took all three cups back to the living room, where the girl was kneeling in front of Uryuu, talking quietly to him, trying and failing to get a response. When he offered her the cup, she took it with a quiet thank you, leaving him to lower himself onto the zabuton with his own cup of tea.

Content to study her for a few moments, he noticed that she seemed nervous, perhaps at the pending discussion, and refused to look at him for more than a passing glance in the silence that stretched between them. Avoidance.

"How long."

It was a question, yes, but his flat tone of voice seemed to snap her attention back to him completely as she turned a startled gaze on him before lowering her eyes back to the cup. Once more, she hesitated, and Ryuuken found it hard not to begin tapping his fingers, waiting impatiently for her answer when it came.

"I... I don't know specifically. I would guess... somewhere around a month or two, but unfortunately, it could have started before that. That's just when I started to notice changes."

"Were you involved?"

"Of course not!" Her eyes flew back to Ryuuken's own, a fierce light rising to his challenge. "I would never hurt Uryuu!"

"Intentionally."

His words seemed to strike at her, which was what he had hoped for. He had his doubts that the female would openly harm Uryuu, despite her affiliations, and yet, she was deeply tied to that monster as well. Turning a blind eye was just as much of an offense as what had been done to his son, and she knew it as well. He watched as her eyes lowered back to her cup, trembling slightly in her hands, and from there, he could very well piece together most of the events.

She had seen the signs, and brushed them off without thought. Then she had tried to step up, but allowed herself to be persuaded away. Most of all, she blamed herself. Good; he could use that.

"Now that it's disappeared again, what are you lot doing to control the situation?"

He watched as her grip tightened on the cup even as the trembling became somewhat worse, before she decidedly sat the cup down, lowering her hands to below the table. She took a breath, subtly, trying to hide that she was trying to calm herself down, but she wasn't able to fool him. Shinigami or not, he had the one thing she lacked; experience.

"I've... still yet to hear back from the Soul Society, however..."

"Not good enough."

"We're trying!"

The girl slammed her hands down on the table, which might have startled Ryuuken if this hadn't been the reaction he was pushing her toward. That it took that little to cause her to lose her temper surprised him, but not the action itself.

"Ichigo's a good kid, okay?! He works his ass off to fight off the Hollows, he's noble and kind and generous-"

"Except when he's torturing Uryuu."

"That wasn't him!"

"Oh right, I forgot, he has a seven hour gap of memory in which he proceeded to torture, rape, abuse, and-"

"STOP IT!"

"Yes, that was my plan exactly. Now are your lot going to help, or is it going to be the Quincy's that deal with the problem the Shinigami have let run rampant?"

"I..."

Finally, the shouting ceased, and for a long moment, they shared a long stare in which Ryuuken was able to size her up. She was on the losing end of the battle, no matter how she looked at it, and it was only now that she was starting to realize it, he found. He had her exactly where he wanted her, and it was only a matter of time until she forced the Soul Society to take action where he could no longer do so. His place was here with Uryuu, but that would never keep him from taking care of the situation in one form or another.

He parted his lips, ready to pull the final brick in her wall, when he heard a noise from behind her, on the couch. Both of their eyes turned to glance at Uryuu, who was watching them with wide and terrified eyes, his entire body shaking as he watched them unblinkingly. However, just as Ryuuken got up, ready to sit next to his son to comfort him what he could, he stopped. Uryuu... he had never thought...

Perhaps the boy was more broken than he'd originally thought, and somehow... the idea somewhat terrified him as he stood there, watching Uryuu's slowly widening grin and hearing the soft, shattered chuckling that echoed around them like the cackle of one gone mad.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

They were talking. He knew it was their voices, but he could barely make out the words. Somehow he felt like he didn't want to know what they were saying, and yet, a part of him burned with the want to know. It felt like a struggle, forcing himself to focus on their faces or their words, but the more he did so, the easier it became. Mumbling noises and blurred colors eventually formed into actual words and real faces, making Uryuu feel like he had risen above water in slow motion. It was odd, but it wasn't... unpleasant. Just strange.

"How long."

Ryuuken's voice. It seemed to cut through whatever paralysis had taken hold of him, and yet it also relaxed his muscles into the soft cushions of the couch he sat upon. Ryuuken was safe. Somehow he never thought he would be able to say that about the man he could never truly call 'father', and yet...

"I... I don't know specifically. I would guess... somewhere around a month or two, but unfortunately, it could have started before that. That's just when I started to notice changes."

That was Rukia's voice. So she had come over, like Ryuuken had said. He wondered vaguely if she had been worried about him, a second before the words she had spoken registered. Changes...? In what?

"Were you involved?"

What... what were they talking about?

"Of course not! I would never hurt Uryuu!"

"Intentionally."

There was a long silence, and in that time Uryuu finally got his eyes to move from their singular position, passing between Rukia and Ryuuken. From behind, it looked like her shoulders might have been shaking, but he couldn't tell if that was his eyes playing tricks on him or not, and Ryuuken... well. He looked like the Ryuuken he knew before any of this had happened. Calm, stoic... distant, cold. As he spoke again, his voice reflected how he looked; hard and unwavering.

"Now that it's disappeared again, what are you lot doing to control the situation?"

Something disappeared?

"I've... still yet to hear back from the Soul Society, however..."

"Not good enough."

"We're trying!"

Rukia moved suddenly, and a loud bang filled his ears, startling him and making him jump slightly, his entire body going rigid with the thought of danger being so close. It took him a few seconds to recover, to realize that there was no one besides Rukia and his father around him, but in those seconds, Rukia's voice had raised yet another octave, and continued quicker than normal.

"Ichigo's a good kid, okay?! He works his ass off to fight off the Hollows, he's noble and kind and generous-"

The name hit him hard, and he felt like his heart skipped a beat in his chest, bringing a small amount of pain, but even as the words hit him, with sudden, crystal clarity, he heard the next barrage of words wash over him like a tidal wave.

"Except when he's torturing Uryuu."

"That wasn't him!"

"Oh right, I forgot, he has a seven hour gap of memory in which he proceeded to torture, rape, abuse, and-"

"STOP IT!"

"Yes, that was my plan exactly. Now are your lot going to help, or is it going to be the Quincy's that deal with the problem the Shinigami have let run rampant?"

"I..."

He was shaking violently by this point, knowing full well that they were talking about what was to happen with him and Ichigo. Was he to expect that they could actually stop Ichigo? After everything that had happened, was he really supposed to believe that it was finally over? Despite everything, he felt that tiny bubble of hope begin to rise in his chest, and as much as he fought it, it warmed him. At least, until he remembered fully what his father had said.

The Quincy's...

Quincy's.

Plural.

Ryuuken was counting him among the Quincy's. At first, that little bubble of hope became a sudden swelling of pride that his father had actually accepted him. Maybe he wasn't so worthless now. Maybe, with the prospect of regaining his powers, Ryuuken was more focused on what he would be able to do instead of what he couldn't do. He could actually have a relationship with his father now! He could actually be wanted! And while those thoughts filled him to the brim with a sudden and ecstatic joy, a darker voice whispered in his ear.

You're missing the point here.

His father actually loved him now!

The Quincy's will deal with the problem; namely, Ichigo.

Ichigo...? With his powers returned to him, he might very well be able to fend him off if-

Or you could kill him. That would deal with the problem.

Kill... Ichigo? He...

Shouldn't be able to hurt you, or anyone else, EVER again.

... Never again?

Out of the way.

No more pain?

And no one would miss him.

No one would mind...

You'd be doing the world a favor.

A service.

And your father would be proud of you again.

Father... yes. Father would be proud. He...

We...

Hate Shinigami.


	30. Distance

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

"Get out."

Inwardly, he grinned, hearing how calm and collected his voice sounded even as he glared at Rukia, who was sitting in their living room, drinking whatever she'd forced Ryuuken to get her. It was sickening.

This was a Quincy home. No Shinigami allowed.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Uryuu wavered at the thought, knowing that Rukia had nothing to do with this incident before Ryuuken's words from before returned to the front of his mind. He had said that Rukia hadn't hurt him 'intentionally', which implied that she still had something to do with his entire ordeal. She had known. She had probably known all along, at that. The idea hurt, but more than anything, it caused anger to well up within him. She had pretended to be his friend while still protecting Ichigo. She had pretended to care, just like everybody else.

Shinigami were horrible creatures.

"Uryuu...?"

Just the sound of her voice made him feel ill, and he didn't want to have to deal with looking at a traitor's face when he could be using his time to train. With somewhat of a snarl, he leaped from the couch, watching with a small amount of giddiness as Rukia's eyes widened and she shifted backward.

"I said get out, and never come back!"

He watched as Rukia glanced at Ryuuken, and had to fight off a grin when he swore he noticed a ghosting of a smirk flash across his father's face. He had never seen an expression like it, but he knew instantly that his father was proud of him for kicking the Shinigami out. After all, the only reason he had allowed her in was because she had been Uryuu's 'friend'. At least, up until now. But now...? Well, now she was just another one of those traitors, like all before her. Like Ichigo.

Eventually she lowered her head in the shame of being called out for what she was, and without another word, made her way toward the door. He waited, holding his breath in silence until he heard the door open and close, and with her exit came a rush of relief that sent him backward, back into the couch. His eyes closed for a few seconds, but when they reopened, Ryuuken was standing over him, watching him carefully.

Oh. Right. Exhaustion can be considered a form of weakness. Taking a deep breath, Uryuu sat up straight again, and gave Ryuuken a small smile.

"Now that the Shinigami's gone, I'd like to train now."

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

By the end of the day, Uryuu was in a horrible mood. He'd done good by kicking the Shinigami out of the house, right? So why... why was his father avoiding training him? He had proved he was strong enough to handle it, and that he wanted to, right? If so, then why was he being forced to sit in Ryuuken's library, pretending to read a book he wasn't even the slightest bit interested in? It made no sense!

When he had first asked, Ryuuken had gotten this weird look on his face before telling him they would after Uryuu got some real food in him. So like a good son, he'd accepted the deal, made breakfast for both him and his father, and sat down and ate together like a family. But then the dishes needed to be done before anything happened, so he dutifully washed and put them away. And then Ryuuken suggested he study since so much school had been missed, and still, like a perfect son, he diligently set about what homework had accrued in two and a half weeks, and gotten through it all in three hours. Then it was lunch time. Cook, eat, wash dishes, put away.

By then he was already becoming agitated, but there shouldn't have been anything else for him to do, so the mood had passed quickly. At least, until Ryuuken had handed him two large, leather bound books and asked him to read them. Cover to cover. Problem was, he didn't care what was on the covers, much less what was written within; he wanted Ryuuken to stop avoiding him and train him already! Frustratedly, he slammed the book closed, knowing anything he had been reading had already been forgotten, so there was no point in even continuing, especially when he could be doing something much more productive.

You're not strong enough.

Uryuu's hands gripped at his hair as he sat in the chair, trying to stave of a headache. The words rang true, even though he didn't want to believe them, and his father had shown him nothing else. But how could he not be strong enough? He had kicked the Shinigami out; he had survived long after he had wanted to die at Ichigo's hands... he had even dutifully returned to a regular life at his father's command. What more did he want?!

He wants you to stand up to him.

The words caught him off guard, and he turned a startled gaze on the closed door of the library. He'd never remembered Ryuuken taking such an active role in his life before, telling him what to do at every point in the day. Was he really waiting on Uryuu to stand up for himself and put his foot down about the training? The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like it was actually the truth. Strength came from being able to stand up for yourself against others; physically and mentally. Maybe he had proven his physical strength to his father already... maybe it was just the mental strength his father was waiting for.

Yes, that was it. Uryuu shot out of the chair fast enough to give him a head rush, but the sensation didn't keep him from running around the desk toward the door, and throwing it wide in his wake. It took him only a few moments to find his father seated on the living room couch, with a book open in his hands. As Uryuu came storming into the room, he noticed his father glance up, over the book, and fix him with an arched eyebrow.

A challenge.

He would win the challenge.

"I'm done with all these trivial things. Train me. Now."

He was pleased with how strong his voice sounded, and he was certain his father was as well when he sat the book down on his lap and fixed Uryuu with this searching stare. His words next, however, deflated that pride.

"It's getting late in the day, though. Perhaps we should wait until tomorrow."

He's testing you.

Right, it was just a test; one he could win. He crossed his arms, trying to make his posture look as intimidating as Ryuuken could, and answered in kind,

"No. I'll train all night if I have to. We're doing this now."

Several moments of silence fell between them, but Uryuu didn't allow himself to give in; rather, they stared at each other for a long time before Ryuuken finally sighed, and closed the book in his lap. Trying to keep the hope from his eyes, Uryuu watched with a breathtaking giddiness as Ryuuken stood and dusted himself off. Had he really won...?

"Grab whatever you need, then. There's a training ground underneath my hospital."

Resisting the urge to jump for joy, Uryuu nodded his head and rushed toward the stairs, unaware of his father's searching gaze on his back.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

With every step came a new thought, each one just as or more disturbing than the last. He wasn't sure where he was anymore; probably no where near Karakura Town, but that wouldn't stop the Soul Society from finding him and killing him. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to stop them from finding and killing him, either. It was just all so confusing.

Heaving a heavy sigh, he finally lifted his gaze from the sidewalk, glancing around at his unfamiliar surroundings, but for all he cared, he could have wandered into a desert. He hadn't eaten, hadn't drank anything, and it was starting to take its toll on his body. Vaguely, he wondered what would kill him first: the Soul Society, Uryuu's father, or himself. Right now... the odds weren't really tipping in anyone's favor. Sighing again, he veered off the sidewalk to his right, where a small park stood in abandon, most of the equipment old and rusted out, a few of the swings broken and the slide falling apart.

It looked like he felt; broken. Sitting down and leaning against the shattered slide, he felt a sort of kinship; of belonging here. It had served its purpose, and so had he, but now... now they were just something to be taken down and forgotten.

He fell asleep with those thoughts in mind.


	31. The Countdown: Part 1

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

He sat on the couch, a medical book held between his fingers while he stared blankly into the script, seeing only his inner thoughts. He had meant it: when he said he would train Uryuu, and yet... this morning only seemed to set off warning bell after warning bell. He honestly wasn't sure what was going on in that head of his, but whatever it was, it gave Ryuuken goosebumps. So to actually have time to figure out what was going on, he attempted to stall for time. Breakfast had gone too fast, and Uryuu wouldn't leave him alone for long enough, so a suggestion of homework seemed to do the trick, and Uryuu was in his room for a few hours studying.

Using that free time, Ryuuken gave one of the psychologists at his hospital a call and against his nature, tried to delicately skirt around the details while still asking for advice. Surprisingly enough, the doctor agreed to meet them that evening even though it was his only day off in the week.

"We all know you can be heartless at times," Keto* told him. "But I know what it's like to worry about your child. Besides, job or not, you saved my daughter from losing her legs, so this is just my way of showing my gratitude."

Those words stayed with him long after the conversation had ended; long after he had decided how the events of the day were to play out. To drop everything for someone whom he barely knew, all because he had performed surgery that wasn't even life threatening... the idea baffled him, and yet, he understood it at the same time. That was, after all, what his own father had tried to teach him about the Quincy Pride. The same Quincy Pride he had forsaken because there was no profit in it. The same Quincy Pride that Uryuu held onto like an almost severed lifeline.

His thoughts were broken suddenly by a loud thumping noise from his library, and instantly he wondered if he had pushed Uryuu too far. Yes, it was obvious he was stalling, but Keto hadn't given Ryuuken the word he was on his way yet. Sighing, he glanced up, over his book as Uryuu marched into view, and arched an eyebrow despite his growing anxiety. Over the phone, Keto had warned him that someone in a psychotic episode would be more prone to over-the-top anger, and that until it was either confirmed or denied what Uryuu was going through, it would be best to keep him happy for now.

"I'm done with all these trivial things. Train me. Now."

Obviously, that wasn't going to be easy. Still, even with the overload of information Ryuuken had gotten today about how to act around the mentally unwell, he tried to prolong it, unsure now more than ever if giving Uryuu back a stake in the Quincies was really the best option. So with as gentle a voice as he could muster, he lowered his book before saying quietly,

"It's getting late in the day, though. Perhaps we should wait until tomorrow."

"No."

He should have figured.

"I'll train all night if I have to. We're doing this now."

Sighing inwardly, Ryuuken thought heavily on how this would change their plans. It was still early evening, and with Uryuu's state, there wasn't too much he could do in training except for run. Hopefully that would speed up the process, at least, and when he woke up, he could take him straight to Keto. Pursing his lips, Ryuuken knew this wasn't the best way to go about it, but he couldn't take any more chances. He just had to make sure he was there every step of the way.

He closed the book where it lay on his lap, he watched Uryuu's expression turn from defiance to an inflated joy that he'd never shown Ryuuken before as he said slowly,

"Grab whatever you need, then. There's a training ground underneath my hospital."

When Uryuu turned from Ryuuken, he took off in a dead run toward the stairs, bounding up them like he was five again, when Soken had promised to read him a bedtime story. The thought was bitter sweet, and left a nasty taste in his mouth. How could something so traumatic cause the boy to act like nothing had ever happened? His actions, his words, his outbursts... they were all confusing and contradicting. It almost made Ryuuken wish he'd taken a better stance on psychology much earlier in life. Maybe then... maybe then he would have caught this situation before everything became... distorted.

He just hoped he still had time to reach the boy.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

It was hard to keep the grin off his face, but he had to show discipline. He kept his gaze squarely focused away from Ryuuken as he watched the houses fly past on the way to the hospital. This was the first time since everything happened that he'd donned his battle costume, and it felt soft and wonderful on his skin. It gave him a sense of hope, even as he clutched the small, blue and white duffel back on his lap; hope that things really could go back to normal. Hope that when everything was all said and done, he would return to being a Quincy, battling Hollows, and all with his father actually supporting him this time around...

Just the thought of it all made it even harder to keep the grin at bay, but he still had to make sure he proved to Ryuuken he was worthy of this. He was just glad Ryuuken so dismissively told him to get ready; he clutched the bag a little tighter to his chest, his thoughts wandering to the Ginto vials he'd packed from his closet. They were there for any time of need, though when he originally stored them there, he could never have imagined that he would be using them against his father. Well, it might have been a possibility, but not in this situation, he amended.

Turning into the hospital parking lot put a halt to that train of thought, and instead, brought him back to fighting off a grin. This was it...! Finally, after all this time, he would be just as powerful as before and able to find and kill Ichigo for what he did. Then... and only then, would Ryuuken truly love him as a son. So it was with a deep breath that tried to calm himself down as the car was parked and Ryuuken began to get out.

Stalling, Uryuu waited until Ryuuken was halfway out of the car to ask if he could have a moment to 'collect' himself. His father watched him carefully before shrugging, and stepping fully out of the car. It was with that he felt a sudden sense of victory; if his father didn't know he brought Ginto vials, then his attacks could actually surprise him. It was a one time thing, of course, but he had to at least show him he wasn't entirely useless anymore.

He had to show Ryuuken that he was a son worth loving.

Carefully, he squirreled all seven vials away in his battle costume before stepping out of the car himself.

He was worth loving.

Right?

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

"I can train you to restore your powers," he said.

"It won't take too long," he said.

Diving out of the way of another barrage of arrows, Uryuu rolled behind another one of the large silver structures in the room beneath the hospital, slamming his back against it as he tried to relieve pressure on his lungs to take deeper breaths.

This wasn't good. If things kept up like this... A shifting in movement above him made his body react instinctively even before he was rested, and he dove to his right, narrowly missing being blown apart by a powerful arrow. As he rose onto his shaking legs, he found just how difficult it was to move anymore, and yet he pushed himself further, narrowly avoiding another rain of arrows coming after him. His chest was heaving with everything he had as he ran, trying to find the strength to turn around and attack, but his mind wouldn't stop swirling.

Ryuuken had said that this stupid game would return his powers, but he felt like he was no closer to being able to form his bow than he had been the first night Ichigo attacked him! It was like he was just stalling again! Even with his body shaking, he forced himself to a halt, turning around to confront Ryuuken like before as an arrow sliced past his cheek, the sting of pain registering as the arrow impacted the wall behind him, dust and fragmented wall blowing back at him. His entire body froze as he registered the look in Ryuuken's eyes; it was no longer kind or gentle. This was Ryuuken. A Quincy. A killer.

"Run..."

He watched Ryuuken draw back an arrow, and even as his legs trembled in their effort to move, his entire body seized up as he watched he arrow be loosed as Ryuuken's last words washed over him,

"Or die."

With a yelp, he threw his body to the left, feeling the scorching pain as the arrow sliced open his right shoulder, tearing his cloak and undershirt to all hell. Without time to think of how many hours he'd put into that cloak, there was a sudden noise above him, and just like that, his entire body went cold and the room, dark.

Swish.

With blood thrumming in his ears, Uryuu launched himself into a forward roll, the only evidence he'd avoided an attack was the rumbling of the ground and the wind behind him.

He's back.

It can't be. It just can't... Stumbling and struggling to get to his feet, Uryuu whipped around, hoping beyond levels to only see his father baring down on him, but the sight that met his eyes nearly drew a scream from his throat. It was his father's bow that was aimed at him, yes, but it was Ichigo's body the bow was wielded by. Choking back a sob, he backed up slowly, with each step hearing Ichigo's laughter echoing out around him. His hands were trembling but his eyes were stuck on Ichigo, even as another arrow fired. Still in the process of backing up, Uryuu accidentally yelped when his foot gave way underneath him and he fell backwards, off one of the higher pillars. The arrow passed over his head seconds later, but the sudden stomach flipping feeling of falling to his death seemed to release what hold Ichigo had over his body, and he quickly fumbled for one of the vials.

Muttering the incantation, he activated Wolke**, landing harshly on the Reiryoku and hurting his shoulder, but with no bones broken he could say that went well. At least, well enough to let Ichigo catch up with him; within seconds he could all but feel Ichigo's spiritual pressure behind him, and with a frightened yelp he dove out of the way again, reaching for the vials. There was hardly any time for moving, let alone thinking, and yet his mind spun with shadows dancing off the walls, waiting on Ichigo's call.

How could this be happening? Leave it to Ichigo to make his appearance right when Uryuu was at his limit... his limbs were shaking and he couldn't even rise to his feet without stumbling several times, hearing the mocking, cackling laughter echoing behind him. When he finally turned back around to face him, it took all the will power he could muster up to even stand there, facing the orange haired menace, knowing what could happen.

You're weak.

Uryuu swallowed, watching Ichigo's lips part and move, but whatever mocking words he had for him were left unheard.

You're wrong...! I'm not weak!

You said you'd kill him, but you're too scared.

No, you're wrong... It's not like that! I can't -

Do you want Ryuuken to watch you get raped again?

The thought froze Uryuu's body for only a split second; in that split second, he literally felt a part of him break. Just the thought...

He saw the arrow being loosed and it felt like his entire body reacted despite the strain, pain, and trembling, sending him charging forward toward the arrow, his entire body turning sideways just enough for the arrow to rip open his shirt and nothing more. He almost felt satisfaction in Ichigo's widening gaze and the halt to the cackling laughter, but it took everything he had to focus on what was going on. His entire vision filled with Reishi arrows as Ichigo fired several at once, and without thinking, he recited the incantation for Gritz***, watching as the Reishi seeped from the vial and swooped over him, encasing him in a barrier. He knew it was normally used to stop enemy movement, but he ducked behind the barrier and watched as arrow after arrow tore through the Reishi, ripping it slowly open.

Tightening his grip on the remaining vials, as soon as the barrage had ended, he sprang out with as much speed as he could muster, charging at Ichigo with all the will he could muster, reciting the Heizen**** as he went. Ichigo must have understood the words, because once again his eyes widened and he dodged as best as he could when Uryuu threw the Ginto vials, firing off one last arrow as he did.

Uryuu's entire vision exploded into an array of colors, and within seconds he was standing above a kneeling Ryuuken, the ground beneath him cratered and smoking. Had he... gotten rid of Ichigo? Had he done it? Had he really killed him?

That was when the pain hit. A blinding, white hot pain that began at his heart and scorched through his entire body. Chancing a glance downward, he noticed the fading light of an arrow protruding from his chest even as he felt his entire body give out underneath him.

... What happened...? Did he... lose?

Fire gave way to darkness long before Uryuu's head hit the ground.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

Where... was he? It was like coming out of a deep sleep that even your body doesn't agree to, and he could feel himself wanting to just turn over and go back to sleep. Sluggishly, he remembered falling asleep in the abandoned playground, so he must not be very comfortable. That was why he woke up.

But if that was really the case, why did something feel... wrong? Struggling to open his eyes, Ichigo felt a rising panic when he realized he couldn't roll over: more so, he couldn't move. It felt like he was entombed by darkness, and that very darkness was threatening to consume all he was. Had the Soul Society gotten to him while he slept? Maybe... maybe they had taken it easy on him; taken pity. Maybe they had just locked him up somewhere where he couldn't hurt anyone again.

While the thought was slightly more uplifting than being dead, he could still feel his anxiety growing with every second that passed.

He felt wrong.

A/N: *Keto - No, this is not a name of anyone actually in Bleach, this is an OC character for the purpose of MAYBE making Uryuu better. ~**Wolke /***Gritz /****Heizen - Ginto Spells. wiki/Gint%C5%8D

Also as an added note, so the next chapter doesn't surprise anyone; I've always enjoyed the darker sides of explanations, and so I've used Willster328's idea on Uryuu's Power/Ryuuken's Sacrifice for these past few chapters. Please enjoy! . ?2613-A-look-on-Uryu-s-powers-and-why-he-s-quot-different-quot


	32. The Countdown: Part 2

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Renji's POV)

Ikkaku's cackling was starting to piss him off, even as he ducked out of the way of Ikkaku's Hozukimaru, barely missing the quiet unhinging of the staff as it split apart to wrap around him. Unable to move fast enough, the edge of his blade sliced through his shoulder even as he rolled to the side, trying to bring himself to his feet with more speed than he could muster. Ending up stumbling, he didn't even bother to shake the hair away that had long since fallen from its pony tail into his face, and struggled to maintain balance as well as his grip on his sword. 

He was bleeding, he knew that much; his body was worn down and he was almost at his limit for the day, and still he continued, kicking off the ground and sending himself into a dead run toward his tutor. Ready to pull out the finishing stop and unleash Zabimaru, both combatants froze in place long before the clash of metal rang out.

"Stop. Renji, we have an assignment."

The voice startled Renji more than it did the bloodthirsty mentor in front of him, he was sure. Turning his head even as he allowed his battle stance to falter, he watched as Byakuya strode toward the two of them, and noticed that something in his captain's usually quiet, stoic expression seemed unnervingly off. For something to bother the man who wasn't bothered by anything... that was enough to put Renji on edge long before the reason why came to light, so it was with all his attention that he listened when Byakuya spoke next.

"Make yourself presentable, and do so quickly. We have an assignment."

"What kind of assignment?"

Completely forgetting Ikkaku was standing directly ahead of him, he turned his entire body toward his captain, watching the darker emotion flit across the raven's face even as he continued on, past the two of them. With only his back facing Renji and his growing trepidation, the words that hit him next did nothing to quell his worry; only fuel it.

"A Hollow assignment in the human world. Now get ready."

Glancing at Ikkaku, who had sealed his Zanpakto back and sheathed it already, the two shared a worried look before Ikkaku gave a silent nod, a gentle encouragement that their training session was over for the day, as well as a sign of support. He knew there was something wrong too, but neither one could put their finger on what had happened to bring Byakuya into such a darkened state. 

The only sure thing was it had to be something awful, and with a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach, Renji rushed off toward the healing division with a nagging feeling that something might have happened to Ichigo. He just hoped he was wrong, and that things were well, even though honestly, he knew he was wrong.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

Waking up felt like realizing he was on fire; it was sudden, painful, and startling all at once, and he shot up off the ground coughing and sputtering, each breath an agonizingly wonderful feeling all at once. His entire body ached and throbbed just as hard as his heart was pounding against what felt like bruised ribs. Something was different. He could feel it just as much as he could feel his blood pounding in his ears, and with a weighted, desperate hope, he let himself dare to wonder if somehow, the training had accomplished what it was supposed to.

Could he... DID he... have his powers back?

Before he could wonder further, a shuffle of feet to his side snapped his head toward the noise, only for his sudden panic to die down at the sight of Ryuuken leaning down to offer him a bottle of water, which he gladly accepted. Realizing only then just how parched he felt, he twisted the cap off and managed to down all but a quarter of the bottle in a single breath, gasping and coughing afterward. It wasn't until after his fit calmed slightly that he heard his father gently begin,

"Do you feel well enough to stand?"

The answer was no, but that was a weak answer, and if he really and truly did have his powers back now, he couldn't afford to let his father down. Not when he was so close to finally earning the love he'd been striving for his entire life... So with a decisive gesture, he set the unfinished water down on the marble floor beneath him, recognizing the training ground around him finally, even as he began to lift himself awkwardly onto his feet. 

His balance was shot and his legs were trembling as he forced himself to stand, uncaring of the intense pain that shot through his foot or his shoulder. It was just pain. It would fade, and he would be okay, because his father had given him the means to be okay. He just had to prove he was worthy of it, and that's exactly what he planned on doing. Despite his body's protests, he managed to finally make it into a fully upright position, and turned with an awkward smile toward his father, only for worry to begin to well up within him.

Ryuuken was watching him strangely again, as if he'd done something wrong. Had he taken too much time to get up? Was the pain showing in his expression? Did he not fight hard enough in the battle? What had he done? What had he not done? The questions plaguing him returned that nagging fear that any wrong move and his father would disown him again, and after everything he'd done, how hard he'd worked for it... it would destroy him. He couldn't let that happen.

He couldn't.

However, instead of telling him exactly what he had done to make him angry, Ryuuken started off on a conversation Uryuu never thought he would be having with anyone; much less Ryuuken himself.

"I have a friend here who's waiting to see you, Uryuu. He's a therapist, and even though things have been going good lately, I want you to talk to him for a little. Just to make sure everything stays this way."

"I... don't understand."

The words were out of his mouth before he could bite his tongue, and nervously, he began to chew on the inside of his lip, barely noticing when the taste of copper filled his mouth. That was a weak statement. He shouldn't have said it, but his father continued on like he hadn't heard it.

"It's a routine thing for cases like yours that the hospital does. I understand you're probably exhausted, but it won't take long. Can you do this for me, Uryuu?"

Uryuu felt torn; the first statement had cut him to the quick. 'Cases like his'... rape victims, he meant. His father knew, and there was no hiding it, and unable to stop it he felt his cheeks heat with shame and embarrassment. Wishing he could sink into the floor and just disappear forever, he barely caught the last statement, but when he did, his entire body stiffened. His father wanted him to do something for him; something that seemed simple enough, at that. It was another way to earn his love, and another way to prove himself strong and worthy, and yet... it was a therapist. 

Therapists would delve into issues he just wanted to forget about, and he was unsure if he would be able to make it through even just a small talk without breaking down. 

But Ryuuken Wanted Him To.

But he couldn't.

But it was for his Father.

Squaring his shoulders to block out the slight trembling of his body, he gave Ryuuken a decisive nod, backing it up with a quiet but unwavering,

"Okay."

He knew if he said anymore, he ran the risk of his voice cracking from the panic beginning to settle in his throat, but the very slight upward turn of Ryuuken's lips gave Uryuu the knowledge he had made the right choice. He would have to make it through, and eventually when he spoke to the therapist, he might even have control of himself enough not to make a fool of himself.

He just didn't expect to speak to the man tonight.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ 

Sitting in a therapist's office was unnerving, especially when the man was finishing taking his notes, and more focused on what he was writing than the fidgeting, nervous wreak sitting in front of him. The silence was the worst part, and every few seconds Uryuu's eyes drifted from the quiet clock on the wall, to the door Ryuuken had just disappeared out of. The three of them had sat down together, and the therapist, Keto, had seemed to focus more on questioning Ryuuken than Uryuu.

Questions like: has anything happened at home recently, or how many hours has Ryuuken been working lately? ... Stupid questions that meant nothing. It gave Uryuu the hope that maybe he could get through this. But then his father had been asked to leave, and it left Uryuu sitting impatiently for his turn, hoping beyond all hope that his questions were as cut and dry and easy to answer so he could leave and forget this entire situation ever came up.

He wasn't so lucky.

When the shifting of pen on paper finally quieted, Uryuu's shoulders stiffened as his gaze swung back to Keto, only to find a pair of eyes resting on him, sizing him up. He tried his best not to fidget even as the man spoke slowly and gently, a small smile appearing on his face.

"Thank you for being patient. I just needed to write down a few observations to keep them fresh in my memory. I hope you didn't mind?"

The first question. Okay. He could do this. Taking a deep breath to steel himself for whatever was to come, he lied,

"Not at all," and was extremely pleased that his voice didn't waver at all.

Keto nodded, and lifted his paper and pen from the desk, sliding his chair back and standing. The action confused Uryuu for a moment, before he watched the man round the desk to pull up the other arm chair beside Uryuu, crossing both his legs in the chair and setting his items in his lap before returning his gaze to Uryuu, now only a few feet away from him. The closeness was making him anxious, but he tried his best to hide it as Keto began speaking once again.

"So in your own opinion, Uryuu, what brings you here to talk with me?"

Fighting back a whimper, he felt the dread pooling in his stomach once again as he realized the questions weren't going to be simple, and this wasn't going to be as easy as he'd dared to hope. The question was one he really didn't know how to answer, since it had been his father's request that he'd come here, and his father's request he'd followed. Maybe that was the answer he was looking for?

"I came because Ryuuken wanted me to."

There. The simpler the answer, the better, and the quicker he could get out of here. Satisfied that Keto had accepted his answer by the nod and the quiet scribble of the pen on paper again, it took a few seconds for the man's head to raise again, their eyes meeting as once more, he spoke.

"And why do you think Ryuuken wanted to you see me?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly, more confused by the question than distraught over it. "He said it was routine. Isn't it?"

"Well, yes, for the most part. Normally it's done a lot sooner than this, but yours is a special case, so we'll just play this by ear and see how it goes, okay?"

There was that smile again; it didn't feel fake, and it didn't feel threatening, and slowly Uryuu found himself relaxing into the comfy chair as they traded questions back and forth. It didn't feel like he was speaking to a therapist; it almost felt like he was speaking to an old friend he hadn't seen in a long while, and it began to put his nerves at ease. Maybe things really were going to be okay, and for the first time since the idea was brought to him, he had the feeling that this was a good thing; speaking to Keto.

Unaware of anything else in the world, he talked for hours.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

He couldn't fight the darkness, and yet that fact didn't stop him. It took all his will to remain awake, and when that will was spent, he was shoved back into a restless slumber until he awoke to darkness again. No part of his body would move on his command, and yet recently, he'd been getting the distinct feeling that his body was moving anyway. Moving out of his control, and that thought began to piece together the final bits of the puzzle that he hoped wouldn't be the case.

His Hollow.

But he wasn't in his mind space, for all he could tell. There were no buildings, no clouds; just darkness every way he looked and strained. A crushing, debilitating darkness that was trying its best to swallow him whole.

He couldn't let it, however, because if his Hollow was really in control of his body right now, then he had to fight harder than he'd already been fighting.

For Uryuu.

For everyone.

And so he struggled.


	33. The Countdown: Part 3

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

Exiting Keto's make-shift office for the night, Ryuuken managed to make it as far as the opposite wall before collapsing his shoulder against the tile. Knowing the halls were quiet and abandoned this time of night, he let his left hand rise to his chest to clutch at the fabric constricting around his already aching skin. It was difficult to breathe, and every forced breath felt like molten liquid in his lungs; that same heat that felt like it was dissolving his nerves from the inside out.

His muscles felt tight and weak, ready to give way despite his conviction to remain standing or moving. Definitely moving. He had to make sure he was out of range of sight of the room, lest Uryuu suspect anything more happened in his training than him receiving his powers back. Lowering his hand from his chest, he scowled as he forced his limbs to move on his command, away from the door.

He made it halfway down the hall before he collapsed on the floor.

He understood now, what Soken had warned him of. He understood, and the realization hit him that he had never truly listened to the old man's words when he should have clung to them dearly. He should have trusted his father the way Uryuu had hung on his words and followed them like gospel. He understood now the emptiness, the feeling of being void of everything that was losing the birthright gifted to him; he understood the searing agony of having the Quincy powers severed from his blood.

That many before him, Uryuu included, had experienced this feeling and survived gave him no solace as he struggled to lean his back against the wall, his legs spread before him. Closing his eyes, he allowed his thoughts to overtake him as he allowed the last wall to crumble, his face distorting in pain. It had taken everything out of him to keep up his facade, and now he was left gasping for breath, unable to move on the floor of his own hospital. Uryuu would have no idea the sacrifice Ryuuken made this night, and if he had anything to say about the situation, Uryuu never would.

Still, he couldn't help the nagging dread pooling in the pit of his stomach that something very wrong was building tonight; something that would negate every effort he had put into tonight to rebuild his son's sanity. The air around him just had that sinister feel, and he couldn't tell if it was because there was something truly wrong, or if it was his empty body crying out for the loss of what it had always known.

He knew he had almost hesitated for too long during that final moment. That Uryuu had used Heizen against him had surprised him almost enough to miss the opening his son had given him, and the sheer panic that flooded his veins as he pulled all his reishi into that one shot had almost distracted him enough to miss. His entire body had seemed to fight his own will in that final moment as he shot the arrow, and convictions aside, he had been unable to remain standing after the arrow had left his bow.

The acute pain came immediately as the arrow was released, and he felt every inch of his body as it began to burn with the loss, as if a spectral hand had reached inside him and tore apart everything he was or would ever be. He was on his knees before he had even registered the explosion next to him that was the deadly attack he had barely managed to avoid, and within moments as the debris settled, he watched the fading light of the Quincy arrow being absorbed into Uryuu's body as the boy fell backward. 

He could no longer feel the soft heat of his bow in his hand, nor the comfort of the Quincy bloodline thrumming through his veins. The only feeling he felt then was the same feeling carried over into the now; an empty pain, coupled with the knowing that he could have made the wrong choice. Uryuu was obviously not in his right mind, and despite his efforts, the boy always seemed to take one step forward followed by several steps backward. He was sick, and having his powers returned could only end up harming him further instead of helping the issue.

He had only to hope that his choice was the right one, even as misty eyes opened to watch nothing in particular. Unbidden, a memory he used to hear frequently rang out in the back of his mind, drawing his attention inward once more.

"Ryuu... Uryuu is -"

"I know."

Oh, how his arrogance had gotten the better of him, he thought wistfully. If only he had thought it through more, if only he had listened more closely to Soken's words. If only...

"Then you know there may come a time when the situation calls for a power he does not possess, and yet he will suffer through it anyway, potentially destroying him."

"Then it will be his own fault, and no trouble of mine. The Quincies will die with your generation."

"Oh, Ryuuken. I hope one day you will look past your anger at the Shinigami, for what happened with Masaki was no one's fault, least of all your own..."

"Tread carefully, old man."

"All I'm saying is there may come a day when you will have to decide Uryuu's future for him."

"There are no second chances in life. He will learn, or he will not. It is no business of mine."

He wished he had taken the conversation more seriously; given it more thought, at the very least. Through it all, he had rejected Soken's advice, and in the end, had rejected his own son because of his own hatred for the world. In that sense, that was the only thing his father had been wrong about; he had brought this all on himself. If he had been a better father to Uryuu, they wouldn't be in the situation they were in this moment. If he had been a better son, Soken might not have left them when he did, and their home wouldn't feel so... broken. If he had been wiser, stronger... if he had just been better, then maybe none of this would have happened.

But there are no second chances in life. He had the chance to learn, and he did not, and now Uryuu is paying the price for his folly.

Now he could only hope there was still time left to make things right.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

Breaking free of what darkness had surrounded him for who knows how long was like breaking the surface of icy water; it left him shaking, numb, and gasping for air as he landed harshly on his hands and knees in the middle of a cratered building. His forehead dripped with sweat as his eyes struggled to adjust to the sudden brightness around him, and hesitantly, he lifted his head to glance around. Shocked by what he found, it looked like something had destroyed his inner world. 

The buildings were all cracked and cratered, with what looked like long, wide fissures separating once whole buildings, creating an almost post apocalyptic scenery which was only enhanced by the strange an ominous spider-web cracks in the sky. The clouds were distorted, and sometimes disappeared completely in the black cracks and pieces missing, giving the entire area a foreboding feeling. Like something had happened, and whatever that something was, it frightened him.

The shock wasn't enough for him to forget what he had struggled so hard to get here for, and with a sudden roar of rage, he focused everything he had; not on just calling for his Hollow, but on forcing his Hollow out of hiding and making it face him. Instead of the Hollow coming to meet him, however, it felt like he was starting to get tired, his muscles tensing and releasing perfectly in time with his usual running motion. In front of his eyes, he watched the shattered inner world slowly fade into a view of Karakura town with buildings and vehicles whizzing by at an almost blinding speed.

It was only then that he heard the insane cackling fill his mind.

'So ya finally figured yer way out, did'ja, King?'

'What are you doing?!'

Unable to help his frantic cry, Ichigo struggled, suddenly feeling like a prisoner to his own body, unable to stop himself from moving forward in a full out run. Not being able to control his own muscles sent his heart racing faster than the physical exertion was pushing it to go, but amid his panic Ichigo began to focus on where exactly he was headed, and the thought sent his entire mind into a frenzy.

"NO!"

Surprised that his lips had actually formed the word, and that his vocal chords had responded to his plea, and it only made him struggle harder to put a stop to the legs that wouldn't listen to him. He had to turn around, had to leave, he couldn't be here...!

'Fight all ya want, King, ya had yer chance an' ya wasted it. Now I'm takin' matters int'a my own hands, whether ya like it 'er not.'

Ichigo wasn't sure what he feared the most in that moment: that he couldn't contain the hollow any longer, or the direction in which they were headed.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

It felt like several hours had flown by already, but a glance toward the clock on the wall showed Uryuu that he had only been talking with Keto for about an hour at best. It felt amazing, how many subjects they had covered already, from Uryuu's missed school days to what his favorite comfort food was, and as exhausted as he felt, he wasn't sure he was ready for it to end. For the first time in a long while, he felt secure enough to be able to actually talk about normal things with a normal person, and this was only one of the many times he had to blink back tears of happiness so they wouldn't spill.

Listening to the scratch of pen on paper had become a soothing sound compared to his anxiety about it before, and as he waited on Keto's next question, he caught himself thinking he really wouldn't mind coming back to talk to him a few more times. That thought was ground to a halt by the words that floated into his ears as he tried to process it, and his answer.

"How do you feel when a problem comes up unexpectedly?"

How was he supposed to answer such a question? As he sat there, mulling over what answer would be expected of a Quincy, he was startled to hear Keto amend,

"Remember, no feeling is right or wrong, good or bad. Every person experiences problems differently, with different emotions. So when a problem does arise for you, how does it typically make you feel inside?"

Still unsure how to answer the question, but startled away from his earlier line of thinking, Uryuu's lips began forming words before he even realized what he was saying.

"I... don't know how to explain it...?"

"Do issues around you make you feel angry? Perhaps worried, or frightened?"

"I'm not scared."

Uryuu cringed when Keto nodded, and suddenly the scratch of pen on paper regressed from being soothing to ominous once more as the man lowered his head to watch what he wrote. He had answered too quickly, too harshly, and if he wasn't careful, his report was going to tell everyone he was insane. Trying as hard as he could to quiet his quickening breath, he watched as Keto returned his gaze to Uryuu, and continued like nothing had happened,

"How often do you experience problems that make you feel threatened?"

'Right now,' was his first thought, but he wasn't sure at this point whether to lie or tell the honest truth. If he was honest, he might very well be labeled insane, and ruin what little ground he'd managed to build with his father. If he lied... there almost seemed no downside to lying until he opened his mouth to try and force it out. His chest throbbed with the worry of being alone in his struggle, and the want to trust the man whom he'd been able to talk with so freely just minutes ago.

Even as he struggled with his answer, Keto sat across from him, waiting patiently as he tried to find the words to tell him, and finally, with a sudden chill that ran up his spine, Uryuu conceded carefully,

"Often enough." It was true, but he hoped desperately that it was evasive enough to not arise too much suspicion. 

"Then have there been times where this problem hasn't happened, or when you've noticed that the problem went away on it's own?"

He could feel panic starting to set in, constricting his chest as he listened to Keto's probing. How could he know...? How could he talk like he knew exactly what the 'problem' was? Even he hadn't understood what Keto was referring to until now, but how could he not be talking about Ichigo? How could he not know how he saw him every waking moment; how Ichigo would chase him to the ends of the earth until he was dead? But... he asked something odd, too. When the problem hadn't happened, or went away... when Ichigo went away or didn't show up.

Despite his panic, Uryuu's brows furrowed slightly, and in confusion and curiosity, he indulged himself by taking a tentative look into his memory, searching for an answer. Had there been times when Ichigo disappeared...? He thought as hard as possible, startled when the memory of cowering in the bathroom returned to him. When Ichigo had broken down his door and sent the shadows after him, only for him to be confronted by his father instead. That was one of the times Keto was asking about, wasn't it...? Then... the answer was -

"Yes."

He knew he didn't sound too sure of himself, and even though he didn't explain his answer, Keto scribbled down a short something and followed up without reacting one way or another,

"And what were the circumstances of those times? Did something important happen to push the problem away, or did someone else make the problem easier to deal with?"

His thoughts again went back to Ryuuken, and unbidden, returned to Rukia, despite his instinctual recoil at the name. Usually when Ichigo appeared to torment him he was alone, and when he was around people or someone else showed up, it would chase Ichigo away. So while still trying to be vague about his responces, he answered slowly,

"Being around people make the... 'problem'... easier. Yes."

With another nod, Keto noted something else down even as he asked next,

"Does being alone make it harder to deal with, then?"

Fighting to keep his breathing even, he found his answer easier to say even though it was more difficult to think about.

"Yes."

This time, silence stretched on between them as the scratching of the pen continued for a few moments, giving Uryuu time to reflect. He was being honest, even though every warning bell in the back of his mind was telling him this was a bad idea. He didn't want to be crazy or insane or weak, which was all these feelings were. Still, even when Keto's gaze finally returned to his own, he couldn't see any judgment or pity in his eyes; only an understanding encouragement that seemed to barely keep Uryuu afloat in his turmoil.

"How has this problem effected your self-worth?"

What? What kind of a question was that? How would he even begin to answer that question? Self-worth... he wasn't really worth anything, really, how could have any self-worth to begin with? Unable to really answer the question, he guessed he took too much time to think when Keto scratched out another observation before startling him by changing the question.

"What wrongs have been done to you that you haven't forgiven, if you'd rather answer that question instead?"

Again, how should he answer that question? What wrongs had been done to him... that he couldn't forgive...? At first his mind was blank, unable to process even this question, and yet as time slowly ticked away, he began to relive certain memories he would have rather forgotten.

His original hatred for the Shinigami: having to cower in fear while watching the only man who'd ever truly loved him for for who he was be ripped apart by hollows right in front of him. He had to watch as his own grandfather was gruesomely picked apart while the Shinigami stood by and did nothing. To feel that loss, that horror as a child, knowing that when no one else could or would help, that he had stood by teary-eyed and frozen to the ground... The crushing weight of that pain bore down on him heavily. 

Then came the thought of Rukia: she had known all along what had been happening to him; the night terrors and sleepless nights, the hallucinations and the anxiety every day... She had known what Ichigo did to him, and yet she stood by and turned her cheek to the silent cries he'd given. She had acted like his friend, and allowed him to suffer at the hands of a monster without lifting a finger to help him or shield him when he needed it most. It cut into his heart, carving out what little had remained from his already damaged life.

Then there was Ichigo: his tormentor; his... rapist. The man who had plagued his every thought for the past who knew how long it had been now...? The shadows that lurked around every corner, waiting for their chance to strike at him at his most vulnerable... The strong fingers that itched to tighten around his throat or strike him until he bled... That other-worldly voice that haunted his worst nightmares every single night... He wasn't in his right mind anymore, and it was all... all of it... all his fault. And he would pay dearly for it.

But amid all his other swirling thoughts, another person came to mind, furrowing his brows deeply: Ryuuken. The man who had left him all but for dead. Who had disowned him a few times, who had discouraged him, berated him, threatened him, chose what classes he would take, what extra courses he would do, what friends he could have, what feelings he could have... The one who had controlled his entire life by being no where in it. The man he had always looked up to but had never given a damn about him until he was about to go off the deep edge.

The sudden, unbidden rage that crept up on him had him shaking minutely in his seat, his hands slowly balling into fists, and he couldn't stop it. Why was it only now that Ryuuken cared about his well being? Why only now did he have to act like love was an emotion he'd had all along? He was supposed to have been a father to Uryuu, but all he had ever been was... was... an extremely bossy roommate...! He never would have given a shit before if Uryuu had lost his powers or not! So why now, when Uryuu by all rights should have gone insane already, did Ryuuken finally decide he cared?!

"Let it go."

Startled to the point of jumping in his seat, Uryuu's attention flew to where Keto sat, watching him carefully, pen abandoned along with the filled paper in his lap. Unknowing of what exactly to say to that, his train of thought vanished in wake of Keto's continued words.

"Let it all go. All that baggage is weighting you down and lowering your self-worth. It's easy to see that on most things, you blame yourself. Maybe you think you caused those problems to happen, or maybe you feel like if you just could have done more, that things would have gone differently. It's perfectly normal to feel like this. You just have to learn to let it go."

Unable to fathom what Keto was getting at, he sat there in the chair, dumbstruck by the flow of words that washed over his ears.

"That kind of baggage creates stress, and stress fuels anxiety. Whenever that anxiety peaks, I'll bet you a problem starts happening." Keto paused, seemingly trying to get across a meaningful look to Uryuu, but it was lost somewhere in his jumbled thoughts. "When did you first start having hallucinations?"

Too startled and in shock to register exactly what he meant, or the fact he should be trying to cover something up, he numbly answered,

"I... don't know. Since it happened, I think."

"They're not real, Uryuu. I take it you see the man who hurt you?"

"I... yes."

"And have you ever noticed how he always appears when you are having high levels of anxiety or stress?"

"Well... I guess..."

"Or how about how he mystically tends to disappear suddenly when someone else shows up? Someone real?"

"I..."

"What you're seeing isn't real, Uryuu."

He felt like his heart was about to give out on him, it was beating so hard against his chest. He felt out of breath, like someone had winded him, but most of all his entire body felt weak and light headed. He truly was crazy; he was being told by a therapist that he was seeing things that weren't really there, and that was a one way ticket out of here. He might as well just be dead now.

"It's okay though."

How could it be okay?

"You're not the only one to use this kind of coping method."

That ground his thoughts to a halt quickly, and with renewed curiosity amongst his dread and guilt, he listened carefully,

"Many victims of abuse begin to see their abuser everywhere they go, even if they're not really there. Because many abusers pick times and places where they can be alone with their victims, they then begin to associate being alone with being attacked, and those increased anxiety and stress levels creates a paradox in their mind where they begin to relive the horrible treatment they suffered over and over again. It's why most like you prefer not to be alone in these times. The only way to get over this is to let the problem go, Uryuu. It's done, and it's over. It wasn't your fault."

Uryuu blinked, unaware the world had become distorted around him, only feeling the tear halfway down his cheek as it began to tickle the short hairs on his upper lip. Done... yet another person telling him his ordeal was over, but how could he trust it...? How was he to know what was real and what wasn't anymore? How was he to force a smile and forget about the evil that faced him in every darkened room?

"My suggestion for you, Uryuu, is that every time this 'problem' begins, don't give into it. It will sound difficult to do, and probably feel impossible as well, but tell the one who hurt you that he's not real. Because he's not real, and he can't actually hurt you any more than he already has. You're safe, Uryuu. And you're in good hands with your father."


	34. The Countdown: Part 4

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

" - he's not real, and he can't actually hurt you any more than he already has. You're safe, Uryuu. And you're in good hands with your father."

He wasn't sure if he wanted to cry, scream, or run out of the room like hell itself was on his heels, but he just sat there in that chair, staring at Keto as he finally picked back up the pen and paper, scratched a short note down, and lifted himself out of his own chair. Uryuu did nothing but watch Keto silently as he battled his violent barrage of thoughts, each one building up his hope and tearing down his walls, clawing at his heart and messing with his head. Was it over? Was that all there was? Did he succeed in looking like a normal person?

Or did he fail?

Was he to be labeled insane? Was he to be carted off to a mad house and drugged up until he wasn't himself any longer? Was he going to be locked away for Ichigo's ease of access? Would death be the only escape he couldn't have?

"Thank you," Keto's voice made Uryuu jump, snapping him back into the moment as his frantic gaze sought out Keto's own, "For your time, and the effort it must have taken to talk to me."

... it had taken a lot of effort, hadn't it? He hadn't realized before, but knowing the session was over almost made every nerve in his body relax in spite of his earlier thoughts.

"I want to tell you now, Uryuu, that you're perfectly normal. Maybe not as mentally stable as you could be,"

Oh god.

"But that's to be expected of someone who's gone though what you've had to deal with."

What?

Keto flipped his notepad over and ripped out a page before speaking again, and as he was speaking, Uryuu watched the man come to stand in front of him, handing him that piece of paper that he didn't even bother to look at, so entranced was he by the elder's words.

"You're having doubts about yourself, your life, and the people around you, and that's perfectly normal. You've shown a lot of signs of hypertension, and stressful situations seem to be what kicks this off, along with the paranoia that follows. My best suggestion is to relax. Your father wants to help you, and he's doing his best to find the right way. He may make poor decisions at times,"

Wait, wasn't this guy his father's colleague?

"However, please be patient with him. Just as I ask you to be patient with yourself. Take every day one step at a time, and remember to breathe. When something happens, remember that only you are in control of yourself, and it's obvious you have a lot of self control. You kept composure through our entire talk, which is more than I can say about others who've been in your situation."

Others... who've been raped by Ichigo? Suddenly, Uryuu found Keto hard to believe, even though he wanted desperately to accept the words spoken to him.

"On the sheet of paper I gave you are a few helpful tips to controlling your anxiety when problems arise. Take a look over them, and try a few. They might not work right away, but give yourself time; most of all, Uryuu?"

Uryuu's gaze snapped back up to Keto's, unaware he'd glanced away in the first place, only to see a caring and steady gaze locked upon him. The man paused, and through all the emotions and thoughts swirling within him, he heard the words with clarity and they felt like they knocked the breath from his lungs.

"Stop being so hard on yourself. Everybody makes mistakes, and you're no exception. Neither is Ryuuken."

He barely registered when Keto gathered his things, or when he said goodbye. He vaguely remembered something about Keto needing to speak with his father, and that he was asked to stay here until Ryuuken came to get him. He did, however, remember the door closing gently, but with a finality that brought Uryuu fully under the control of his whirling thoughts. What exactly did he mean by those final statements? That everybody makes mistakes...? Had he made mistakes?

Instantly his entire life was brought into question, and instantly those questions were answered. He'd made the mistake of trusting Rukia. He'd made the mistake of trusting Ichigo; of trusting the Shinigami. He'd made the mistake of getting locked in the library. He'd made the mistake of keeping his window open all the time. He'd made the mistake of walking home too late at night on a not-so-well-lit road. Those were his mistakes... right?

Yet... he'd also made the mistake of not being strong enough. He'd made the mistake of distancing himself from his father. But why had he done so? The answer seemed so hard to recall, and against his sudden feeling of hopelessness at his lack of memory from then, he forced himself to glance down at the sheet of paper Keto had handed him.

'Breathe.'

That was the first thing written on the paper, and the strangled laugh that slipped past his lips only made Uryuu's eyes mist up. Was the man stupid? Maybe he really didn't have anything to worry about after all.

Still, he found himself closing his eyes, trying to focus on the hitched and uneven breaths he was taking, automatically falling back into the breathing exercise Soken had taught him for training. As stupid as it sounded, anything was worth a try at this point. So sitting alone in the middle of Keto's office, he counted silently to himself; eight counts in, four counts out.

Eight counts in, four counts out.

When he finally reopened his eyes a few moments later, his vision was no longer blurred by watery edges, and he had to admit, he did feel slightly calmer than he had before. Deciding he should give the man more credit than he was, he returned his gaze to the paper, reading the next line.

'Focus on something else,'

Well, he was focusing on the list, wasn't he?

'but don't be afraid to face your fears.'

He almost did it again; he almost let that strangled, hopeless laugh escape, but he clamped his lips shut before it did, flinching at the muffled whine he produced instead. Lost in his thoughts, unaware of how to even begin with this step, Uryuu felt the hairs on the back of his neck begin to rise. Frustratedly, he clamped a hand over them, scratching at his neck for a second before his gaze lifted from the paper. It was in that moment he realized something felt... off. Wrong. Like there was something very important he was forgetting.

It was only when the shadows in the room began to twist and shift that he realized he was alone in the room. He heard the sharp crinkle of paper as his hands grew tighter around it, and the sound startled him enough to remember the first line.

'Breathe.'

Despite what it said, he could feel his breath catching in his throat as he struggled to count, his eyes fearfully locked upon the twisting shadows. He felt... weighted. Rooted to the spot by some unknown, outside force that was calling out to him; taunting him for not remembering something important.

" - he's not real, and he can't actually hurt you any more than he already has. You're safe, Uryuu."

He's not real. Uryuu felt himself latching onto that very phrase even as the paper slipped from his grasp, his hands grabbing at his hair as he shut his eyes, curling up in the chair. If he couldn't see the shadow Ichigos, then they wouldn't hurt him, right? Because they weren't real.

Breathe. Eight counts in, four counts out. Breathe.

Slowly, Uryuu felt his breathing finally begin to even out into a somewhat normal pattern, and with a triumphant feeling, he realized he hadn't felt the slimy texture of the shadow hands on his body this entire time. Even though the hairs on the back of his neck were still irritatingly upright, he cracked one of his eyes open to find the shadows had pulled back into their original forms, and were no longer moving. He had done it...!

Then he heard the click of the door. At first, his heart jumped into his throat at the soft but ominous sound, only for it to plummet back into his stomach before he forced himself to take a few more breaths. Keto had said Ryuuken would be in soon; it was his father. Who else could it be?

It was only then the full force of the memory he'd forgotten, the important thing he'd neglected to remember, hit him hard enough to make breathing impossible.

The spiritual pressure was anything but his father's.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

It had taken a while, but as his nerves finally began to calm and the burning, empty feeling started to subside to just a void in his body, he reached into his pocket, taking out his pack of cigarettes and lighter. Hospital or not, it was a form of release, and the slight shaking of his hands gave him all the indication he needed that he still needed control. So he placed the cigarette between his lips and lit it, dragging the smoke deep into his lungs and holding it there for a second before slowly releasing his breath, watching the thin trail of smoke leave him; and with it, went the remainder of his pent up pain, worry, and emotion.

Bringing his left leg up to prop his arm on, with every drag he took he felt his muscles uncoiling and relaxing, and he was finally able to begin to set his thoughts at ease. Right or wrong, the decision had been made, as had the choice; now all that was left was to watch things play out and hope for the best. Everything was now in Uryuu's hands. Of course, he would still do the things he could, such as attempt to take better care of him, regardless of his mental state, yet a nagging thought began to cross his mind.

As he watched another trail of smoke pass his lips, he began to wonder if once Uryuu regained his sanity... if he would be unneeded again. If Uryuu would revert back to how he was and begin to avoid him; to hate him again. The thought made his chest clench tighter, and with a determined breath, he pulled another drag from his cigarette, chasing away the thought with smoke. It was out of his hands.

He would do what he could, and it would be up to Uryuu whether that was enough to make up for the past.

He heard the door open a ways down the hall, and glanced over to see Keto exiting the room alone, gently closing the door behind him. In his hands he held a note pad and a set of car keys, and though Keto gave him an odd stare for seeing him sitting on the floor, Ryuuken paid it no heed as he pulled himself off the floor, squaring his shoulders against the last vestiges of aching muscles and joints. Taking another drag off his cigarette, he heard Keto ask,

"Could you walk me out to my car?"

So things had gone badly then. There was a diagnosis finally, and he didn't want Uryuu to hear it. He hadn't known what he had hoped for from this session, if anything at all, but he still felt his heart drop. He made sure not to show his apprehension in his facial features, and instead began walking along side Keto toward the parking lot exit, waiting on the man to voice his opinions first. With every step he had to battle his own will to ask what had happened, and with every step that took him further away from Uryuu he could feel that anxiety growing to a peak that was finally released when they exited the hospital itself.

Just as Ryuuken flicked the dead butt out onto the asphalt, Keto began,

"I don't know what happened between you and your son, but the rape wasn't the start of his breakdown. It was only the final straw."

Ryuuken was almost glad he had gotten rid of the cigarette when he did, because he might have burnt himself upon hearing Keto's words. In spite of the blunt way he put it, the meaning behind those words caught him and made him slowly turn to face the man, his eyes narrowing slightly as his left hand slipped into his pocket.

"... Excuse me?"

His words were calm and even, but his tone had changed into a darker warning that Keto didn't seem to heed.

"I'm not going to tell you how you should or should not have raised your son, but there are things from the past that aren't even associated with the rape that are weighing on him. No son uses his father's first name in passing unless he's made a habit of it; and no son makes a habit of it without good reason to. Now there could be other stressors in his life; family, school, friends... I didn't dig too deep since this was only his first time talking to me, but there's something more going on here than I think either of us realize.

"The fact of the matter is, Uryuu is suffering from an extreme case of PTSD. Most likely he's having vivid hallucinations, and when those hallucinations hit, they're caused by extreme outside stress. He's constantly in a state of hypertension, and he's over analyzing everything. In my professional opinion, he needs time, yes, but he needs something to focus on. He needs goals. Try giving him a project to work on; or better yet, a project you can both work on together. No matter what's happened in the past, it's obvious he's looking to you for strength, and so far from what I can see, he's found it.

"So nurture him and indulge him, but please; don't baby him. Skirting around issues is only going to make the problems he's having worse, now that I've seen a little of what's going on in his mind. He needs to face this head on, before he has a breakdown he can't rebound from."

Suddenly, Ryuuken found himself speechless, using all of his brain power to process Keto's words. He didn't want to believe it, but he could see in retrospect what he meant. Uryuu had borne witness to Soken's ugly death, and while he had locked himself away in his room for a few days, he had continued on like nothing happened. He had dealt with Ryuuken's uncaring attitude without flinching, and had distanced himself without a second thought. He had lived as a Quincy when all others were dead and gone.

Just how much more had been bottled up inside the boy that he had never known about? Just how much more had he contributed to his mental deterioration than he would ever know?

"I've given Uryuu a list of things to remember when he starts to have his panic attacks," Keto began again, dragging Ryuuken's attention back to him, "and I would suggest you read over them too, and help him to remember. He needs you right now. If you want him to get better, you're going to have to work with him as much as you can, even when it feels like you can't."

Keto looked as though he were about to rest a hand on Ryuuken's shoulder in a comforting gesture, but thought better of it at the last minute and simply turned to head toward his car, saying quietly over his shoulder,

"Either way, I have a daughter to get home to, and you have a son who needs you right now. Go on. And I'll see you at work tomorrow if you decide to come in. If not, we'll take care of the place for you."

Scathing retorts were his forte, and right now he wished he had one that would roll off the tongue that seemed hell bent on sticking to the roof of his mouth; but none came. Instead, he watched Keto walk to his car, get in, and drive away before he finally sighed. Maybe... the man was right. As much as he hated to admit it, he had probably contributed a large part to Uryuu's current condition, and that was something he would have to learn to deal with as well.

He was about to turn around and head back in through the sliding doors when something on the horizon caught his gaze. With narrowed eyes, he scanned the shadows, finding a sight that made his blood run cold, and boil at the same time. How had he not notic- ... oh right.

Damn Shinigami.


	35. The Countdown: Part 5

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

By the time the hospital came into sight, he had exhausted his will and felt like he was no closer to regaining himself than Uryuu was. About to give up complete hope and wait for death to come for him, his Hollow surprised him when his legs ground to a halt, too close to the hospital for Ichigo's comfort. He could feel the smirk on his face, reminding Ichigo of just how awkward it was to actually be seeing and feeling like he was still in control of himself, yet unable to actually do anything but watch and listen and feel. That was when he spoke.

'So King, what do ya think we should do to the Quincy boy now?'

The remark was followed by a snicker, and just that was enough to rile Ichigo's blood back into a boil, and with a burst of effort, he tried to raise his fist to punch himself.

He succeeded.

Ichigo felt his neck snap with the force of the sudden, unhindered movement, and knew without a doubt just how much it surprised the both of them; heard his Hollow's low growl and felt it when his Hollow gripped the hand that punched him with his other hand, holding both flush against the front of his body. He could feel the pain spreading through his cheek, and knew if he'd aimed any higher, he might have dislocated his jaw, if not broken it: if he'd really been aiming at all, that is.

'The hell was that for?!'

'LET ME OUT!'

His intention was to scream this at the top of his lungs, but his lips wouldn't move, so he was reduced to screaming at his Hollow as loud as he could from within his mind, which gave him a headache. Why did this have to be so confusing?

'Yer gonna die, anyway, King.'

The words gave him pause, and despite his better judgment, he gave his Hollow time to continue.

'You can't feel it? Those freaks from the Soul Society... the little Quincy's daddy dearest... even yer friends; they're all turnin' against ya and they can't wait ta just get rid of ya. This is yer last chance to even say g'bye to the guy. Yer really gonna just lay down like a dog after everythin'?'

Ichigo felt his heart skip a beat. He knew Chad had gone to Urahara about him. Which meant Urahara would have told the Soul Society. Uryuu's dad was pissed enough to want him dead... which meant his Hollow had to be telling him the truth. Was this really his last chance to see Uryuu...?

'If ya don't get yer ass in gear, that last chance ain't gonna be there fer long.'

'Give me back control.' Surprised at how steady his voice sounded, he pleaded under the guise of making a deal, 'Give me back my body and I'll go see Uryuu. And I'll tell him everything.'

Somewhat frightened at hearing the quiet purr his Hollow made, he was barely able to make out the words as he suddenly dropped to his knees, his entire body shaking as he tried to catch himself with his hands before his nose met concrete. Breathing heavily, Ichigo tested his body first by glancing around, then by leaning onto his legs and clenching his hands into fists before he finally stood and took off at a dead run toward the hospital. He didn't even know if Uryuu was there, but this was where his Hollow had brought him. He could find him. He could make amends.

He would tell Uryuu just how sorry he was for everything that had happened... and finally tell him that he loved him.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Ichigo was flying down the halls of the hospital, for once following his Hollow's suggestion without hesitation, the constant thought of time running out weighing against him. He allowed his Hollow to search for the reiatsu and tell him how to follow it, so he could focus on simply getting there as fast as possible. The one time they seemed to be in unison, and Ichigo couldn't find it in himself to care. He had to see Uryuu one last time.

One... last... The thought was almost too much to bare, and he blinked the starting of tears back before they could cloud his vision. He didn't have time to waste on emotion.

'Left.'

His muscles jolted without a seconds hesitation, his entire body peeling left without wondering if there was a wall or a door in his way, but he was met with no resistance as he took off down another hall. It didn't take long before he heard his Hollow's voice again, saying Uryuu was just behind the door on his right. When he made a hard stop, he was somewhat relieved his shoes didn't squeal on the tile floors, and silently counted his blessings that he hadn't passed anyone working yet. Unsure of whether or not to chalk that up to his Hollow as well, he put the thought aside as his hand instantly came to the door handle, but froze there.

What if he only caused Uryuu more problems by saying goodbye? What if his Hollow was lying to him again, and just wanted an easier way to get to Uryuu? Did he just provide that...?

'They're coming.'

He didn't know who 'they' were, but his mind suddenly raced with images of being taken back to the Soul Society and executed the way Rukia had almost been, and the thought was more than enough to put his body into action where as his mind was still floundering. He opened the door with a quiet but audible 'click', and stepped into the room.

The room was small, but open, with only a few shelves on the wall with books and nick-nacks, a desk at the very back, and two comfortable looking armchairs almost facing each other in front of the desk; and sitting in the right most armchair was a stiff shouldered Uryuu, who very slowly turned around to glance at him with wide, terrified eyes.

For a moment, Ichigo didn't know what to do. This was a bad idea. This was a horrible idea, but seeing Uryuu just sitting there, curling in on himself slowly as his body began a very fine trembling that he almost couldn't even see... Ichigo had taken a few steps forward without even realizing, startled by the sudden reaction Uryuu gave him. Uryuu's hands flew to cover his head, his eyes scrunching shut even as he yelled at him,

"YOU'RE NOT REAL! JUST GO AWAY!"

Everything he was going to say, everything he'd semi-planned out melted from his brain with those words, and he felt it acutely like someone had stabbed through his heart with a knife. Through the pain, he wasn't sure when he'd closed the distance between himself and Uryuu's chair, or when he'd dropped to his knees in front of him. All he knew was looking up at Uryuu's blurry outline, he'd never felt so guilty in his entire life.

And then he said it.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Byakuya's POV)

The human world was exactly as he didn't want to remember it; quiet and peaceful when his mind would give him none. He was sorely regretting the decision to bring his lieutenant, for every few steps was a question he either didn't want to answer, or didn't plan to answer, and it was starting to gravely annoy him.

'At least the 11th's 3rd seat knows when to observe for his answers, instead of ask for them,' he thought in frustration, glancing over at the bald man who still had yet to say a word to him.

It had only been moments earlier when they arrived in the human world, but already Byakuya could feel something amiss; something that credited not only his sister's earlier claims, but the claims of a certain Kisuke Urahara. In fact, the very people who had been so eager to defend Ichigo before were all but throwing him to the wolves this time around, and he had vaguely wondered why that was; at least, until now. Now... he could feel it. The crushing weight unlike any other that was a powerful Hollow melded with the intense spiritual pressure of a strong Shinigami.

It was a feeling he had never forgotten since the day of Rukia's scheduled execution, yet it was one he had hoped to never feel again. His memory flashed through still images of his battle, when the Hollow mask had formed and he had almost been blown apart by the spiritual pressure he exuded alone. This boy continued to place balance of the worlds in danger, and Rukia was right; he had to be stopped.

"What... is that?" came Renji's sudden and startled reply, dragging Byakuya from his thoughts.

It was about time he noticed, as they had been walking for a while, with Byakuya heading the way, toward the spiritual pressure. He glanced over at his partner, tossing aside the fleeting thought that he shouldn't have brought him, and watched the answer to his own question don in his expression. He had been there that day; he had felt it, and finally, Byakuya watched as recognition dulled his features before finally fading into a disquieted shock. He was expecting a challenge of his authority, or another volley of questions directed at his intellect, but what he didn't expect was Renji to grab onto the sleeve of his captain's garb, halting his steps by the sheer force of the tug backward.

Turning his head to give Renji a death glare, he was about to tell him off for touching his uniform when Renji's unsettling tone found its way to his ears.

"How could you not tell me about this...?"

Constantly aware they had an audience, Byakuya tugged his sleeve out of Renji's grasp and gave the man his back, walking several steps forward before finally answering over his shoulder,

"You found out for yourself why we're here, did you not, Abarai?"

Even as he spoke the words, he felt it acutely when the spiritual pressure he'd been following... dropped off the map. Completely up and vanished, leaving no trail for him to follow except the general direction he'd already been heading. He could tell Renji and Ikkaku felt it too, but for whatever reason, Renji kept himself quiet. He honestly wasn't complaining, it was just odd to not have to deal with a torrent of obvious questions any longer.

So they followed the presence to where it disappeared, and Byakuya took note that they stood a little ways before a rather large and wide building with a familiar cross upon it.

It only took him a few seconds to recognize it as the Quincy cross.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Rukia's POV)

Sitting on the roof of the Kurosaki home, her gaze and her thoughts were turned toward the clouds that obscured the stars above. She'd done something to anger Uryuu, his father be damned; even in his state, Uryuu wouldn't have allowed himself to take on the emotions of another person, or be so easily persuaded to tell her to leave with such vehemency. No, she had done something wrong, and she felt like she knew exactly what it was.

Rather, what it was that she hadn't done. She hadn't helped him; not in the slightest. Even after all of her guilt and her attempts to right the wrong done to him, in the end, she was the one at fault here. She should have picked out the signs earlier, understood what was going on sooner, and taken him from the situation or solved the problem before things had gotten out of hand. She should have known, should have looked harder, should have...

It wasn't fair. Shivering slightly in the autumn wind, she curled her legs up to the rest of her body, wrapping her arms around her knees as she rested her chin there. It was her fault all of this happened. The signs were there, and she stood by and did nothing; when she finally did act, of course it all would have seemed like a farce, since she still didn't stop anything. She had let Uryuu sink deeper into depression and she had let Ichigo run free to continue his tormenting... It was all her fault...

She felt his presence the moment he arrived, her body stiffening against the bitter wind, and the implications made her blood run colder than her skin felt. The Soul Society had finally acted, and among everybody they could have sent to do the job, they sent her brother.

Her brother, of all people...

But the direction in which he seemed to be headed confused her; and made her heart pound heavily in her chest at the same time. He was headed in the direction of the Quincy hospital, and it took her a few seconds to figure out why. Once she felt it, it was hard to believe she'd missed the spiritual pressure, even as lost in her thoughts as she was. Once she felt it, she was moving before she'd even had the thought of moving.

Once she felt it, the crushing weight disappeared, leaving her blood as cold as the icy wind around her: leaving her with the knowledge she had to get to the hospital.

Now.

Her legs were flying faster than they ever had before, and not even the impact of jumping off the second story roof jarred them enough for her to stumble. She hit the ground in a dead run, tearing through the streets as she followed her brother's presence to the area where Ichigo's Hollow had managed to mask his pressure, paying no heed to the buildings flying by. It was because she was unaware of her surroundings that she rounded a corner and ran head-first into a person, causing both of them to go flying forward, into asphalt. She rolled on impact, trying to lessen the bruises and scraps she knew she would end up with but couldn't feel in her adrenaline rush, and with a quick and sputtered, "Sorry," she made her way onto her feet again, taking off.

She didn't expect a hand to grab her arm and pull her back, and it was with a startled and somewhat frightened gaze that she turned her head, almost expecting to see a Hollow's mask on Ichigo's face baring down on her. The sight that did meet her was less frightening, but no less astonishing.

"So you felt it too, then?"

"Urahara?!" her exclamation came a little louder than she'd expected it to, and with his free hand, Urahara lifted a finger to his lips to quiet her before letting go of her arm.

He began walking at a normal (If not slightly brisk,) pace, and struggling not to run, Rukia fell into pace beside him, knowing he was headed in the same direction as she was. Thoughts swirled in her mind, fueled by fear and anxiety for Uryuu and Ichigo alike, but just as soon as she was able to grasp onto the words to voice her fear, she noticed Urahara lower the brim of his hat to shade his eyes, seconds before he interrupted her unspoken thoughts,

"I guess this means the countdown is over. Tonight... we find out if either one will survive."

In spite of her panic, Rukia felt her hands begin to tremble at his words.

How had everything come to this...?


	36. Hitting the Fan

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

"It's about time the Shinigami decided to deal with the mess they created."

His eyes were narrowed on the three who approached his hospital, and more so out of habit than anything, he found his hand reaching into his pocket once more for the pack of cigarettes and the lighter. A reaction to stress, probably, but all these outsiders would see was his anger; and there was plenty to see.

The man standing before him was obviously a captain, based off his attire, and shared an equally cold glare with Ryuuken as he came to a stop in front of him, finally realizing that Ryuuken was blocking the way through the doors. The other two stopped just behind him, and Ryuuken took a long drag from his cigarette before he finally released the breath, and with it, any other train of thought. The captain in front of him did not speak, which turned Ryuuken's thoughts inward, and he really didn't like where that lead him.

He hadn't been able to sense the Shinigami's approach. They had come to his hospital. They were here to deal with the monster. But he hadn't been able to sense their approach. Which means if that boy was here... he wouldn't have sensed him either.

He could almost feel the color drain from his face, despite his attempt to hold onto the anger he felt, and with a quick motion he stepped away from the doors, giving the three room to enter. As soon as he was out of the way, and without a single sideways glance toward him, the captain pushed through the doors, followed a little more slowly by the red-head and the bald one. Ryuuken held up the back, following the Shinigami in spite of himself, hoping beyond all hope in the few minutes he'd left Uryuu alone, that boy hadn't somehow gotten to him.

It was too much to hope for.

With narrowed eyes, Ryuuken's hands clenched into fists, smashing the cigarette and singeing the tip of his fingers with the cherry before it was promptly dropped and smashed with his shoe. If he still had his bow, the boy would be dead; he knew this much. But because he did not; because his powers were going to better use within his son's body, he had to force himself to rely on the damn Shinigami who were just standing there, watching the boy walking toward them like some kind of lifeless corpse with a bloody nose.

"Ichigo...?"

The red-head stepped forward as he spoke, but the captain pushed him back with an arm, keeping him from going any closer to the silent boy who continued to walk straight for them.

He had expected the boy to lunge. To Hollow-fy, or whatever it was that made him such a monster... he had expected something of that nature.

But there was no way he could have expected what actually happened in the next few minutes.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV) {Earlier}

"Uryuu... I love you."

Even he had to wince at how the words sounded, still unsure if Uryuu was ever going to be in a state to realize what was said, let alone either accept or deny it. Of course; after everything he'd let happen to Uryuu, it was hard to ever think Uryuu would accept him. Such a thought knotted his brows in a frown, and he had to stop himself from looking up at Uryuu to see how he took the words. A few minutes of silence passed, and very carefully, Ichigo glanced up toward Uryuu, to see the male staring at him with this wide, wild eyed gaze.

Like he was a monster.

He could feel his heart breaking into millions of shards in that moment, and despite his own will, he felt his eyes mist up to the point where he couldn't see anything but Uryuu's blurry outline, unmoving, poised to jump if Ichigo moved for him again. Because he w _as_ a monster. He was the cause of everything bad that had ever happened to Uryuu, and it didn't matter that he was sorry. It didn't matter how he felt, or what he wanted to do about it; he was just a burden that had been on Uryuu's shoulders for far too long. Carefully, he lowered his head back onto the chair, a breath away from Uryuu's leg, and let the words come out. He didn't care if he died after this. He was better off dead anyway.

But he wanted Uryuu to know.

"I'm sorry. Uryuu, I'm so, so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never wanted... I never wanted _this_. I wish I would have realized sooner what was happening. Done something about it sooner. Known _what_ to do about it all... I just wanted to help, but every time I tried, I made things worse. I'll accept whatever punishment you and the others have for me. I deserve it. I just... I had to see you one last time. I had to- ..."

His breath hitched, and with quite some difficulty, he swallowed past the lump in his throat that was stopping him from speaking. It was the movement above him that made him glance up again, only to see Uryuu's hands smothered by his hair, his eyes scrunched shut behind the frames of his glasses, the lines of his lips pulled taut as if he were in pain. Feeling that pain echoed in his heart, Ichigo tried for his attention with a whisper,

"... Uryuu...?"

And all hell broke loose.

Ichigo felt the pain seconds after he heard the crack of Uryuu's feet slamming squarely into his face, his neck whipping backward even as he felt his body fly backward a few feet onto the hard tile floor. He felt and tasted the coppery liquid pooling in his throat and the tears leaking from his eyes at the pain, but what came next was just a reminder that he deserved all this... and more.

"I _HATE_ YOU!"

The words drove the air from his lungs just as forcefully as Uryuu himself did seconds later, as the boy flung himself atop Ichigo, winding him, the sound of the falling chair he'd leaped from thundering out around them.

"I AM _NOT_ YOUR _PLAYTHING_!"

Hands wrapped tightly around Ichigo's neck and squeezed, making his entire body twitch beneath Uryuu as it was denied air. His mind sped onward with his heart, racing to see which would give out first as thoughts spiraled around him. He had told Uryuu he would accept whatever punishment he was due, for it was deserved, but he had never thought...

"AND I WILL _NEVER_ -"

Darkness was already beginning to fill the edges of his vision, and his entire body wanted to throw Uryuu off him and take in a life saving gulp of air. Somehow, he managed to fight the urge, unable to help the tears steadily streaming down the sides of his face, and glanced up one last time at Uryuu's face, only to see the sudden manic light in his eyes disappear, replaced by horror.

"... Never..."

In that instant, the pressure on his throat and lungs lifted and he doubled in on himself, coughing and sputtering, his hands raising to his neck only to wince at what would be bruises later. When he turned to glance at Uryuu, to see what had happened, why he had let him live, he watched the male crawling backwards along the floor until his back hit the overturned chair, where he then curled in on himself, eyes wide and locked on him.

Monster, the gaze said.

I won't stoop to your level, the gaze said.

I can't kill you, even though you almost killed me... the gaze said.

Monster.

Unable to fight back the tears that continued to flow down swollen cheeks, Ichigo picked himself up off the floor, apologies and pleas stuck in the back of his throat, unspoken. It didn't matter what he said. It didn't matter what he did. He would always be the cause of the problem, and he would never be able to fix it. He could feel a physical hole in his chest where his heart should be, a hole that threatened to consume him and made it difficult to move, let alone breathe. His gaze turned toward Uryuu, taking in the frightened, panicked state he had forced on the guy, and suddenly everything he had wanted to say died on the tip of his tongue.

He had to leave.

Acting on auto-pilot, he turned away from Uryuu, trying to force himself to see where he was going through watery outlines of his surroundings, and managed somehow to find the handle of the door on his first try when he got to it. Everything inside his heart kept telling him to take one last look behind him, to pause and wait, or to try another apology, but just the knowledge of what he'd caused kept him silent. Without saying anything more, he forced himself to open the door and walk out, closing the door gently and softly behind him.

This was it. He already felt devoid of life, so it wouldn't be much of a stretch at this point to just curl up and die to atone for his crimes. His legs shuddered beneath him, but he chose a direction and forced himself to wander forth. He would eventually find his death, sooner or later. He was prepared for it. Until that sooner or later came, he found himself stumbling forward, his gaze unfocused and unaware of his surroundings, instead watching memories play out as if he were reliving them.

He remembered the arrogant Quincy that had irritated him to no end when he'd first met him. Proud, confident, and strong. Able to deal with the world without batting an eye, without complaint...

Trying as hard as possible not to think of how he had ruined it all, he almost missed his name being called, and when he finally glanced up, he noticed he was walking toward familiar figures that somehow seemed foreign and unnatural. It took him several seconds to finally recognize Byakuya, who was motioning toward him for some reason. When he next blinked, his vision clearing slightly, he noticed it was Renji and Ikkaku who were approaching him even as his legs continued to move, so it was only seconds later when he felt his arms taken hold of on either side.

Finally, his legs ceased their movement, and instantly tried to buckle, and he found himself held up completely by the men on either side of him.

"Ichigo...! What in hell's name happened...?" he heard Renji whisper furiously into his ear as he tried to hold him up, but Ichigo couldn't find the strength to answer.

So he would be taken back to the Soul Society and executed, if he wasn't just executed here. This was to be his end. Perhaps a bit too glamorous for a monster, but a fitting end, he guessed. He glanced up at Byakuya, who was now only a few yards away from him, only to recognize something was wrong. The stoic man's eyes were slightly widened, setting off warning bells despite Ichigo's current train of thought. Despite himself, Ichigo's head turned, trying to catch a glimpse behind him, unable to fathom where the spark of hope had come from, only for his heart to skip a beat.

A deadly streak of blue and white Reishi soared barely an inch past his nose, ripping through the air and downward, slamming into the floor behind Byakuya and the white haired man that was Uryuu's father, cratering the tile and blasting chunks of white everywhere. The walls shuddered, as if they had felt the hate from the attack and were quivering in fear, and in the moment that he felt the grips on his arms loosen, his knees fully gave way and he crumpled to the ground.

Did Uryuu miss... on purpose...?

He never even thought to think how or why his powers had returned. He never even thought to be happy that Uryuu had his Quincy powers back.

He never got to finish his thoughts before the entire world went black.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

"Uryuu... I love you."

The words were so softly spoken, he had to wonder if he truly heard them right, and it took a few seconds for the meaning to actually sink in. Still, he didn't understand. He couldn't understand. Nothing was making sense to him anymore...! Keto had told him that this was just an illusion; a setback in his mental health that was keeping him from being sane, and that all he needed to do was tell the illusion of his tormentor that he wasn't real, and breathe, and relax, and... and...

With a frightened gaze, Uryuu watched Ichigo's head slowly lift until their gazes locked, and Uryuu felt it impossible to turn away. Like everything that was left of his sanity was riding on this one moment, and if he tore his gaze away, Ichigo would murder him and that would be his end. Just the thought made his heart race and his stomach flip, but even despite those feelings, the words just spoken continued echoing through his brain.

Uryuu... I love you.

Suddenly he was back in the hospital, trying his hardest to keep his body from trembling or his heart from pounding against his chest, feeling Ichigo take his hand and press a sweaty, heated forehead against the back of his hand.

_"I... Uryuu, I want... I want you to know. I... lov-...-ve the fact you're going to recover."_

The words rattled him, but slowly began to make more sense. The reason he had hesitated... and had covered up the hesitation with a quickly strung excuse... he had been about to confess his love that day and hadn't had the nerve to. Pieces he should have seen before began coming together, starting to paint a picture in Uryuu's mind that still seemed just out of reach. Like something was missing; something long forgotten... what was it...?

Movement startled him from his thoughts, and when he looked down again, he watched Ichigo slowly replace his head next to his leg. He knew he should move, that he was in danger, but something beyond his grasp kept him rooted to the spot long enough to hear when Ichigo took a deep breath, and began to speak.

"I'm sorry. Uryuu, I'm so, so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never wanted... I never wanted _this_."

This...? As in, Uryuu being in therapy...? Or Uryuu having his powers back...? The sudden thought made his entire body freeze; of course Ichigo wouldn't want Uryuu to have his powers back. Because that meant he could fight back. He could fight him off...!

"I wish I would have realized sooner what was happening. Done something about it sooner. Known _what_ to do about it all..."

Caught somewhere between wanting to laugh and wanting to sob, Uryuu stared incrediously down at Ichigo, giving him what almost sounded like a pleading apology even as he admitted Uryuu getting his powers back hadn't been part of his plan. He felt his fingers curl into the soft velvet sides of the chair as he fought with his body to move, but only succeeding in producing a fine trembling as he listened.

"I just wanted to help, but every time I tried, I made things worse. I'll accept whatever punishment you and the others have for me. I deserve it. I just... I had to see you one last time. I had to- ..."

He couldn't handle this. When Ichigo paused, the entire room fell silent with him, and in the mayhem and chaos of what was left of Uryuu's mind, the silence would have killed him long before Ichigo could. His hands instantly flew to his head, whatever spell Ichigo had snared him in gone at last, and with a shuddering breath, he heard the whispered word that drove him over the edge.

"... Uryuu...?"

And he snapped.

Both of his feet shot out from their curled position, connecting forcefully against Ichigo's skull with a glorious cracking sound. Ichigo's startled and pain filled grunt that floated around his ears gave him a swelling sense of victory even as Ichigo was forced away from him, and only fueled the heated words that came next.

"I _HATE_ YOU! I AM _NOT_ YOUR _PLAYTHING_! AND I WILL _NEVER_ \- ... Never..."

Uryuu felt his breath catch in his throat as he stared into frightened brown eyes, and the sense of missing something overwhelmed him again, making him lose his train of thought. It was only then he realized he had somehow jumped from the chair he'd been sitting in, crossed the distance he'd created between Ichigo and him, and had his hands around Ichigo's throat. Instantly the pressure he'd put on his hands to make his knuckles turn white lifted, and he lunged backward as if Ichigo had burnt him. In all actuality, it felt like he truly had.

With careful, frightened movements, Uryuu inched backward, away from Ichigo until his back hit the overturned chair he must have leaped from, and his entire body jolted with the urge to curl in on itself when Ichigo slowly rose off the floor to stand before him. His body remembered the beatings... the torture... the torment, and knew it couldn't handle another. So he watched in horror as Ichigo turned those strange, tear filled, chocolate colored irises on him - what wasn't he remembering...? - before turning away.

His head swimming with frantic, chaotic thoughts, he watched Ichigo walk to the door, open it, and disappear through it without another word. Then the door was shut and the room was deathly quiet once more, leaving Uryuu gasping for breath. His lungs felt constricted, cutting off his oxygen, and his skin felt overheated, causing him to break out in a sweat. He could feel the shadows of the room slithering around him, waiting for the right moment to pounce. Ichigo was gone, but he was still here, and he would always be here, and _what the hell was he forgetting?!_

His hands pulled at his hair, trying to force himself to remember whatever it was he had forgotten when his eyes shot open, his heart leaping into his throat.

_Kill the Shinigami._

Uncaring of the way the shadows slithered closer toward him, Uryuu shot off the floor onto wobbling legs, gasping as his arms flailed in the air, trying to right his balance. His entire body felt weighted down, but he couldn't let it stop him. No, he had to stop Ichigo before anyone else could suffer the same fate he had given Uryuu; and before he could ever hurt him again. Ichigo would die tonight.

He took off for the door, throwing it as wide as his eyes, oblivious of how his glasses had shifted to a lopsided position on his face. He could see enough to see the outline of orange hair as he ran out of the room, several yards down the hall. He never even thought to register the figures standing next to Ichigo, with as focused as he was on the words in his mind.

Kill the Shinigami.

_Kill Ichigo._

Kill him.

He felt the vibrant thrum of energy surging through his arms as he lifted his bow, surprising in the sudden weight and uncontrolled flood of Reishi that sparked from his fingertips as he brought the arrow back. It felt like his body was moving of its own accord, and despite the sensation that something was wrong, he couldn't stop himself. He could only watch as the bow that manifested itself took on a spiderweb design where his arrow was knocked, and could only feel the surge of energy that gave his arrow more weight than it should have.

With his own bow, his aim would have been true and sliced clean through Ichigo's head, but as soon as his grip loosed the arrow, he knew his shot would miss. With a sudden horror slicing through his veins, he watched as the arrow shot through the air, barely missing Ichigo's face as his head turned back to try and meet his gaze. The arrow took a sudden downward shift behind those it had passed, slamming into the tile of the hospital floor and blasting chunks of tile and concrete everywhere, the sound deafening him for a few seconds. His heart racing, he felt the sudden throbbing pain in his arms that usually came from over exerting himself in training, like he had over extended himself, and out of habit forced himself to drop his bow, which disappeared in thin particles around him.

It was all he could do to force himself to keep breathing when it felt like his lungs were on fire, and so he stood rooted in the spot as laughter began echoing around the halls. That same, blood-curdling laughter that sent every nerve of his body into shock. It was hard to see through the dust and debris still trying to settle in the small hallway, and desperately he tried to move his hand to right his glasses, but no part of his body would answer his command.

"GET HIM!"

He knew his father's voice when he heard it, but he almost didn't recognize it for the fear that colored his words, and felt his heart jump into his throat when voices rose to a yelling pitch, echoing around the halls as booms and crashes threatened to envelop the entire hallway in a cloud of dust. Every now and again he would catch a glint of steel whipping through the debris or what seemed like tiny cherry blossom petals slicing through the clouds of dirt, but the other-worldly laughter never ceased; it only grew in volume and hysteria, sending painful shivers down his spine.

It wasn't until the clouds suddenly billowed outward, toward Uryuu that his breath and his heart caught in his throat. By that time, he had glimpsed the white and red Hollow mask framed at the top by orange. By that time, he had seen the black-upon-yellow eyes focused on him.

By that time, it was too late.

Mentally screaming at his body to move, he managed only a twitch of his feet before Ichigo slammed into his stomach, shoulder first, and he felt himself flung upward as the air left his lungs in an excruciating rush. Gasping for breath, he felt his glasses soar off his face, skidding on the tile as the floor rushed past his blurry gaze. He could hear shouts in the distance behind them, and his stomach flipped when Ichigo suddenly leaped into the air to avoid what he could only assume was Renji's extended Zabimaru.

Still fighting for his breath, Uryuu attempted to muster up what little strength was left after how shooting a single arrow had drained him, but instead only managed to collapse against Ichigo's shoulder, his head flopping up and down with the fast momentum, despite the agony in his protesting neck. Why... why was his bow different from before? Why couldn't he shoot properly...? ... why couldn't he fight?

In spite of the blurs around him, his gaze caught the flash of something silver to his right, and forced his tired gaze to focus on what was dangling from his wrist. He knew what he should see, as soon as he figured out it was attached to him, but he didn't see his own Quincy Cross. No, what he found instead of his own, four-point cross, was his father's five-point cross. The one his father had shown him right before the training.

More pieces of the puzzle. He was sure there was a picture here, but he was tired, and in pain, and all the bouncing around was slowly making his vision fade from view, to where he was floating back and forth in darkness.

All he knew was he was still missing something... forgetting something.

... What was it...?


	37. The Night It All Went Up In Smoke: Part 1

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ikkaku's POV)

"GET HIM!"

The dust that rose up from Uryuu's arrow billowed around them, making it hard to see, but he knew where Hollow Ichigo's laughter was coming from. Aiming for his general direction, he drew and thrust Hozukimaru at the disembodied sound. He found no purchase, but as he retracted his Zanpakto he felt someone grip hold of one of the three parts and yank, catching him off guard and sending him off balance, even as the debris swirled violently with Renji's own attack, barely missing where he was standing and blasting into the ground beside him. More chunks and particles of tile flew up around them, and for a second, he forgot about who might be on the other end of his Zanpakto as he yelled,

"Hey, watch it!"

No sooner had the words come out of his mouth than he was forced back by a sudden blow to his abdomen, his breath being forcefully expelled from his lungs as the grip on Hozukimaru was released, and he stumbled backward, cursing. Regaining his grip on his weapon, he caught a flash of that eerie white and red mask seconds before he felt the gust of wind of several thousand cherry blossom petals slicing through the air around him, cutting into his own flesh as they passed. Yet even with the onslaught of attacks, the Hollow's chilling laughter only grew in volume around them, ignoring the shouts of battle around him, rising goosebumps on Ikkaku's flesh.

He caught the glint of steel seconds before it hit him, and managed to raise the blade of Hozukimaru just in time for metal to clash, sparks flying around them even as another blast beside him send more chunks of ground flying into the air around them. Putting all his weight into his counter, he vaguely recognized the shape of the sword before he growled out in frustration,

"Renji, focus!"

Immediately the sword retracted, but he found it hard to blame the red-head; with all this dust flying around them, it was hard to tell who was where, and what was who. He felt another growl slip past his throat as he felt movement to his other side, and lunged forward, Hozukimaru poised to strike. He had just sent his blade downward, only to have a sudden blast of debris strike the side of his face as it cut into the wall of the hallway. This was getting them nowhere! He was almost ready to just step out of the dust and wait for the Hollow to do the same when he heard a pained gasp from behind him, where he had last known Uryuu to be standing.

Almost exactly at the same time he realized this, he heard Byakuya yell an order that neither he nor Renji needed to hear to obey. Already he was running toward where Uryuu had been, finally breaking free of the billowing dust they had kicked up to see Uryuu draped over the Hollow's shoulder, and quickly disappearing down the hallway. Frustration built within him as he realized just how much quicker the Hollow was than himself, and he was about to yell out to Renji to reach him before he escaped before he watched the red-head beside him try exactly that.

He watched as Zabimaru extended, slicing through the air as quickly as the Hollow could move, and had almost reached him when the Hollow lept into the air, just in time to avoid an attack that would have taken his legs clean off. He heard Renji's uttered curse as the Hollow swirved down a different hallway, and with as much haste as they could, Ikkaku and Renji followed. Turning down that same hallway, Ikkaku chanced a glance from the hall they had come from, only to see Byakuya and the white-haired Quincy disappearing down a different hall in the opposite direction.

He couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. This was a full-fledged battle now, and the Hollow was their prey. They would divide to conquer, and the human who knew the hospital like the back of his hand would know the short cuts to do it, too. All they had to do was keep on the Hollow and lead him straight into Byakuya's trap; simple enough.

If Renji wasn't a hot-headed dumbass, that is.

Keeping on the Hollow's tail was easier said than done, and by the first few turns they had almost lost him. That was when Renji activated his Bonkai, using the giant sword-turned-bone-snake to smash through walls and rooms, managing to keep the Hollow in their sights when he disappeared completely. After several failed attempts to actually reach the Hollow, Renji finally gave a cry of victory when some of the debris from yet another hallway wall blew up directly in front of the Hollow, blasting him off course and into another wall. Ikkaku could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins as they closed the distance between them and the Hollow, and heard the hissing just a second too late.

The entire section of walls and rooms to their left exploded out of the rubble of Zabimaru's wake of destruction, catching him and Renji in its wrath, blowing them away from their target. Ikkaku slammed against the opposite wall hard enough to fracture his skull, and instantly felt the heat of fire pressing against him. Opening his eyes without remembering he had squeezed them shut, he realized there was an excruciating ringing piercing through his ears and making the world spin around him.

Cursing inwardly, he took in the sudden destruction around him, flames licking at the walls around them, catching on all the debris Renji had left around them. It was only as the ringing slowly faded and brought back his hearing that he realized Renji was lying motionless next to where he had landed. The crackling of flames and the rising pressence of blackened smoke was filling the hallways as Ikkaku began to realize that in the sudden explosion, they had completely lost track of the Hollow. Bringing his hands to his head, he winced heavily as he touched the spot that was impacted, and as he brought his right hand away, he found it covered in blood.

Grimacing, he reached for Hozukimaru and the blood-clotting ointment contained within, only barely catching the flash of white and red and managing to raise his weapon in time to block the sudden gleam of metal that came down upon him as Ichigo's Zanpakto sliced through the quickly heating air. Ikkaku could feel the wooden handle of his own Zanpakto starting to fracture under the weight and sharpness of the thin sword, and in an attempt to shrug the Hollow off, he pushed back with all the strength he could muster, despite the lingering dizziness plaguing him from the explosion.

Gasping in a breath filled with smoke, Ikkaku fought the urge to cough as he watched the Hollow quickly recover from the thrust and return for another attack.

"RENJI!" he yelled, straining his body to keep up with the speed the Hollow had, barely blocking a slice to his side.

Sending the blade of Hozukimaru down toward the Hollow's head, he heard the clash of metal on metal as the billowing smoke filling the room started to cloud his vision again, once more giving the Hollow the advantage of cover. His eyes flickered over toward where Renji had been laying, only to find he could no longer see him through the smoke and flames that were rapidly growing around them. Shifting his stance ever so slightly, he felt his lips curl upward into a sneer as he repositioned his grip on his Zanpakto. Fine... the Hollow wanted to play hide and seek...?

Let's play.

Mustering up what was left of his energy, he activated his own Bonkai, the twin sleuces forming into his hands. With a not so gentle slice through the air with one of them, he moved some of the smoke out of his line of sight, if only for a few seconds.

"Come get some, Hollow. Now that Renji's out of the fight, I won't have any more distractions."

Fighting off the urge to cough again, he snarled as he closed his eyes, knuckles turning white on each of the handles of his blades. The smoke was too thick now to worry about trying to see through it, and if he was going to somehow manage to keep up with the Hollow's speed, he would have to rely on being able to hear him coming instead of seeing him. So with a calming breath, he strained his ears, barely able to hear the gentle swishing of air behind him; metal clashed as he swung his right weapon up to meet the Hollow's downward slash. Turning toward the sound, he swung with the left, hoping to catch the Hollow off guard, but found himself only slashing through air.

Before he could reset his stance, he felt a brush of metal on his shoulder, feeling the pain only after he felt his own blood splatter against his neck. Gasping in a quick breath of smoke, a fit of coughing wracked through his body, his legs becoming unstable and forcing him to back up against a wall. He could feel the intense sting of sweat in each one of his wounds, made worse by the rising heat surrounding him. Forcing himself to keep his eyes closed, he realized if he didn't concentrate, this would be the match that killed him. With his back against the wall, he knew his opponent couldn't get behind him, so he focused his hearing forward and to his sides, listening intently for anything.

Seconds passed as he waited, until the hairs on his neck rose and he swung both his weapons in the direction of the next sound he heard. He missed his target, but felt the air move in front of him, and with a heave, he used the chain attached to the sleuces to manipulate the right blade in the direction the Hollow had gone. Finally he struck something, and heard a pained grunt seconds before something impacted the wall a little ways away, spraying more rubble into the fire pit of a hallway.

Turning to face the sound of impact, Ikkaku sneered again, setting his stance back to his defensive position. He might not be able to see the Hollow, but he could counter-attack him just fine. As long as he waited until the Hollow made the first move, he could -

He felt the pressure in the air change before he heard anything this time, and knew the attack was coming from above. With a mix of a cough and a battle cry, he raised both his blades; one to block the attack, and one to make his own attack, only he heard his voice come out strangled: bubbly. He felt warm liquid bubbling up in his throat, and thought he was about to throw up before he sputtered out another fit of coughs, chunks of red spraying from his lips. He hadn't even felt an impact, but he felt the cold metal now; imbedded deep in his stomach and almost touching his spine...

For a second he stood there, his body shocked into paralysis at the sudden, blossoming pain in his body, with nothing but the crackling of flames and the loud cackle of the Hollow echoing around him.

This wasn't going to end well.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Rukia's POV)

The hospital had just come into sight, and Rukia had to stop herself from breaking out into a run at the sight of it, especially since she and Urahara had just felt the Hollow's pressence pop up again. She felt it in the constrictions of her chest that something was extremely wrong, and things were only about to get worse if they didn't get in there this instant. Glancing back at Urahara, she was about to voice such an opinion when a loud explosion rocked the ground beneath their feet, and the lower left wing of the hospital's windows shattered, plumes of blackened smoke rising from their depths.

Rukia gasped, her leg muscles bunching to break out in a run when she was stopped by a hand held out in front of her, as if Urahara had already known her train of thought.

"Rukia, I need you to stay out here in case anyone comes out. You never know, Uryuu may find his way out of the hospital. He did the last time, or so I take it."

She turned her head, eyes widened in astonishment at his joking demenor, only to find him quickly shrugging out of his overcoat and handing it and his hat to her.

"Wait! But...!"

The items were all but shoved into her possession before he himself took off like she had wanted to, disappearing through the sliding glass doors of the hospital. Her breath caught in her throat as she stood there, shifting her feet uncomfortably as her eyes returned to the billowing smoke rising from the windows that had shattered. Uryuu was in there. So was Ichigo, and Renji, and her brother, and... and...

Urahara's cloak and striped hat were dropped uncerimoniously on the ground before she had even thought about going against his orders, but as she barreled through the sliding doors herself, she knew in her heart she wouldn't have been able to stay outside and not be able to do anything.

She had to find Uryuu.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

Somewhere within him, he knew he should be putting up more of a fight than he was. He knew that something was terribly, irrevokably wrong and that he needed to fight it. To stand up and actually do...

 _Do what?_ That other side argued, _What could there possibly be to do that you haven't already failed at before?_

He tried in vain to calm his heartbeat, as erratic as it was, but his inner voice plagued him still.

_You're worthless._

You're wrong!

_You couldn't kill Ichigo if he was standing point blank in front of your borrowed bow._

As if to prove a point, the darkness that had cocooned him swirled and distorted into black, billowing smoke; at the same time a sharp crackling sound found its way through whatever had deafened him to the outside world. His entire body throbbed with a dull, burning ache that made his muscles protest every move he made, quiet groans of pain slipping unbidden past his lips.

Something was wrong. Coughing, he could feel that same burning filling his lungs with every breath, and struggling to turn over, he began to realize he was bathed in the glow of flickering fire all around him. Sucking in a heated breath and instantly regretting it, Uryuu shot up coughing again, his eyes flying wildly around him, taking in the rubble around him. Black, red and white surrounded him in a fog of bewilderment and horror as he tried to recognize his surroundings, only to find a blurry, flickering "STAIRS" sign hanging from a chunk of demolished wall by only a few wires.

This... this was still his father's hospital. Once he realized that, it was easier to make out through the billowing smoke all the chunks of tile wall and floor that were either demolished or engulfed in flames. A shiver went down his spine as he did his best to remember what in the world had happened, but the only thoughts going through his head were disjointed and distorted. Flashes of his room, school, the hospital when it wasn't burning, and a few other odd images that refused to make sense in his mind.

He couldn't remember how he got here, and it was scaring him worse than the ever present heat that caused the droplets of sweat rolling down his forehead. He had to get out of here. Somehow, someway, he had to... what? What was he supposed to be doing again? Struggling to his feet, he winced heavily at the pain that shot through his entire body, biting down on his lip to keep from uttering a cry only to taste the coppery tang of blood on his tongue. His chest felt tight and constricted, and as soon as he made it to his feet he was coughing again, the force of each cough threatening to send him back to the ground.

His eyes were watering, tears mingling with sweat as he pressed the crook of his elbow to his mouth and nose, and the edges of the fire that roared around him was blurred and fuzzy, blending into the smoke that attacked him. He had to get out of the smoke and away from the fire. It was with that thought in mind he stumbled forward, toward where the sign had used to point, trying to keep away from the flames that seemed intent on trying to swallow him whole. His legs felt weak, and trembled with every step he took as he began making his way through the rubble and fire, but thankfully they managed to hold him up despite the coughs wracking though his body.

By the time he made it to the door that lead to the stairs, he felt like he was choking, unable to control the coughs that ravaged his raw throat. He reached forward to grasp the door handle, but it was that moment that his legs decided to give out on him finally, pitching him forward against the door. His head hit first, slamming against the metal door seconds before his right shoulder was smashed between the metal and his own falling body. His head and shoulder exploded with searing heat and agony, but even the gasp of pain that tried to escape ended up in another coughing fit that he swore was starting to tear his throat up.

He slid down to his knees even as he forced himself back, away from the heated door. For a moment, he just stared at the door, listening to the sounds of crackling and rumbling around him, all thought process gone from his mind. He felt... empty. Like there was something missing. He could barely see through his watery eyes, and the smoke that was filling his vision and lungs mercilessly was only a promise of what the fire would eventually do to him if he didn't make it out of here. Still, it was hard to remember anything, especially what he was even doing here...

Again he was struck by the sudden, almost violent feeling there was something vital he was forgetting, but even as the thought shook him, his ears picked up a sound that the fire behind him failed to drown out.

Metal on metal. The clash of swords, the groans and grunts of effort and pain: the sounds of battle. Instantly everything came back to him, hitting him more painfully than the heated door had. His heart clenched with more pain than he felt in his throat as he remembered that Ichigo had tried to kidnap him again, but somehow he had been left alone. With a sudden burst of energy fueled by fear, he lunged to his feet again, fighting off another bout of coughing as he pulled what was left of his sleeves over his hands and groped for the door handle.

When he finally found it, he gripped and pulled, grinding his teeth together as he fought through the pain that seared into his hands. Rewarded, he managed to open the door wide enough for him to slip through, thankful the fire hadn't reached this far yet. He had no clue where he was going, or where he was even able to go from here, but the stairs upward loomed before him, and without much thought, his legs were moving again.

He couldn't stay here. He couldn't let Ichigo find him. His head was pounding in pain, and on the fourth step his left leg buckled and he almost toppled into the stairs, only barely saving himself at the last second. Blinking rapidly to clear the lingering smoke from his eyes, it was only then he realized his glasses were long gone, dropped after he'd shot his arrow at Ichigo. Tears that weren't quite smoke induced began to form at the edges of his vision even as he slowly picked himself up off the stairs, coughing all the while.

He had to keep going.

_Why? What's the point?_

Trying not to let a whimper color his coughing fit, Uryuu continued to slowly climb the stairs, hugging the railing like it was his very own lifeline. He couldn't let himself stop climbing. The more distance he put between himself and Ichigo, the better it would be.

_For who? You're just giving him something to chase after. As long as he's still alive, he'll keep coming after you until you're finally dead._

Again, his legs buckled underneath him, and for a second, he collapsed in on himself in a coughing fit, his lungs constricting like they were destroying themselves from the inside out. He couldn't give in. He wouldn't let himself. There had to be something... some way to fight this... something that he...

Something that he couldn't remember.

_Does it matter at this point? Just let him kill you already; or do him the favor yourself._

Startled out of his thoughts, Uryuu's eyes widened even as he realized if he actually made it to the top of the hospital roof, the drop would be enough to kill him. It would mean no more running. No more fear, no more pain... it would all be over. Numbly, he managed to stand again, and began climbing the stairs once more.

Nothing would matter if he was dead. Not like it really mattered when he was alive. Still... he wished he knew the answers to the questions he hadn't been able to figure out.

What was he not remembering...?

Or _did_ it matter at all...?


	38. The Night It All Went Up In Smoke: Part 2

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Renji's POV)

He felt the burning in his throat long before he shot onto his hands and knees, coughing and sputtering amidst the flames and smoke. Groping around blindly for the hilt of his Zanpakto, he cursed how his eyes were watering heavily already, blurring the edges of everything around him. His Bonkai had released when he'd had his momentary lapse of consciousness, and honestly it was probably a good thing. The place was wrecked already, and the fire was rapidly consuming everything. Heat pressed against his flesh like a snake, slicking his skin with sweat and constricting his airways.

Finally, he grasped the hilt of his sword, using a strength found from desperation to lift himself to his feet, using the sword to steady himself. As he stood up, he realized it might have been his worst mistake; the air was so much thicker just a few feet off the ground, and what little air he had been getting before was drowned out with smoke. A coughing fit threatened to throw him back to the ground, but he wouldn't allow himself to go down a second time. The Hollow had to be stopped; one way or another. He just hated that it had to come down to this.

Turning in place and trying to get a feel for his surroundings, he could hear a strangled gurgling sound off to his left, and instantly he knew something was wrong. He had left Ikkaku to deal with the Hollow on his own, and in spite of his hopes, he could still hear the blood chilling laughter echoing through the crackling of the flames. Knowing he wasn't in for an easy fight, he gripped Zabimaru tighter before moving carefully through the debris toward the sound, trying to keep himself steady on his feet.

As he neared the sounds, his ears picked up what sounded like footsteps quickly approaching, and desperately tried to fight off another bout of coughing to listen closely, in case the Hollow had defeated Ikkaku while he'd been out. The cough eventually won however, his sore throat protesting the violent, rattling noise even as he caught the sound of steel on steel clashing in front of him. With the smoke billowing out around him, it was almost impossible to make out what was happening, but he forced himself to raise his sword anyway.

When his watery eyes finally picked up shadows among the blackened smoke, he lunged, hoping to feel Zabimaru bite into flesh, but his downward swing cut through nothing at all. Both shadows moved; one away from him, and one toward him. Adrenaline coursing through his veins, he forced his body to move in response, blocking an attack that never came. Instead, he was caught off guard by Urahara's blurred outline, and a hand that came down on his shoulder.

"Take Ikkaku and get out of the smoke. I'm heading after the Hollow."

"But...!" the protest fell eagerly from his lips.

He was here to make sure Ichigo's Hollow didn't run rampant, and right now, that meant fighting him; even to the death. Before he could follow his protest with anything, Urahara was already off and moving, and seconds later the only sounds that surrounded him was a labored breathing to his left, the crackling of fire, and his own vicious cursing.

This sucked.

Giving a hard sigh that devolved into another coughing fit, he moved over to where he could hear Ikkaku's strangled breaths, barely able to find the man until he was standing over top him. It was only then he realized everything he had missed; blood was all over the man, and most of it was his. He looked worse than he sounded, and standing above him, the rattling gasps and gurgling coughs were sending chills down his spine. With careful but quick motions, he struggled to help Ikkaku onto his shoulder, supporting almost all of his weight with a grunt of effort.

A quick scan of the floor around them showed the bald man's halberd lying abandoned next to where Ikkaku had fallen, and with a quick scoop he grabbed the weapon and began almost dragging Ikkaku down the hallway, back the way they'd came. His head was still pounding from the initial knock back of the explosion, and he was sure he felt the tickling of blood dripping down his neck, but he ignored it for now. He would have to leave the Hollow to Urahara; right now, his main goal had to be his and Ikkaku's well being, or he would lose a companion and sparring partner tonight.

His legs almost buckled under both their weight when Ikkaku started coughing again, blood bubbling from his mouth and spilling onto the floor, and it took all of Renji's strength to keep them both upright and moving.

With a grim set of his lips, Renji forced himself to admit he might lose him anyway.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV)

"They've stopped."

No shit.

Fury was boiling in Ryuuken's veins, and the words spoken by the black-haired captain weren't helping to contain it. Part of his hospital had just _**EXPLODED**_ , and hopefully that damn monster was caught in the blast. Not that something that simple could kill it, but it might have slowed it down so the other Shinigami could. A snarl was playing on his lips as the captain before him slowed his own pace, forcing Ryuuken to halt in his tracks or bump into the man.

They didn't have time for this...!

He was just about to open his mouth when the captain turned toward him, his eyes seeking out something behind him. In that moment, Ryuuken felt the strangest combination of hope and dread flooding through his veins; hope that Uryuu was unscathed and had found them, and dread that one of those Shinigami had brought back Uryuu's body, unrecognizable from the blast. He turned numbly around, trying to steel himself to the second option, only to see the female Shinigami that Uryuu had been so attached to before running up to them, out of breath and hair askew.

He never had a chance to speak past the lump in his throat before she passed him, running up to the captain and none-too-gently gripping onto his robes and giving them a frail shake.

"Where's Uryuu?!" she cried.

The captain gave her a look of disdain before disentangling her fists from his robes, waiting until she was standing impatiently in front of him before he finally answered.

"That doesn't matter right now."

"To hell it doesn't!"

Unable to help himself, Ryuuken had been the one to interject in the conversation, taking a step forward so he was beside the woman, staring the captain down with a menacing glare. He hated siding with a Shinigami, but right now, he couldn't afford to waste any time, which was exactly what they were doing right here. Still, the captain seemed like he was either beyond caring, or he wasn't taking the situation as seriously as he should have been when he responded easily with,

"Our main priority is to locate and eliminate Kurosaki's Hollow. Take out the Hollow, and you won't have to worry about it attacking anyone."

Amidst all his fury, Ryuuken found it difficult not to admit the captain had a point, and in spite of himself he turned toward Rukia, grounding out the words,

"Where is Uryuu right now?" hoping that he was at least a safe distance away from it.

The look she gave him, however, gave him the answer he didn't want to hear even as she spoke quietly,

"I don't know. I can't feel anything except the Hollow's presence right now. It's too strong; it overshadows everything else. I can't even pinpoint the Hollow's location."

Clenching his fists at his sides, he forced himself to look back at the captain, ready to volley another argument that they should at least be moving when he noticed the man turn sharply to face the hallway in front of them. He heard Rukia gasp quietly beside him seconds before another explosion rocked the floor and walls around them, not too far away from their position.

"Rukia."

"Right."

Sending a tense glance between the two, he watched as swords were pulled from their hips seconds before a billowing cloud of smoke erupted from a few hallways in front of them. A single figure shot through the smoke, straight at them even as the captain's sword dissolved into a flurry of tiny, pink petals. The petals had just begun to surround the hallway when a blackened concentration of pure power shot from the Hollow's sword, heading toward them as it blasted through the hallway, leaving destruction in its wake.

It was in that moment that Ryuuken finally regretted the loss of his Quincy powers, knowing he could have stepped out of the way, had he the power to do so. Instead, it looked like he would die here, unable to help his son in any way further. Unbidden, his eyes misted over; he had never given credence to that whole 'life flashes before your eyes when staring death in the face', and yet it did. More so thoughts of the life he could have had with Uryuu than memories of their fighting and unnecessary arguments, but it wouldn't matter after this.

He felt something hard slam into his side, and in seconds he was on the ground, his shoulder popping painfully as he hit the hard tile at the same time everything started collapsing. The booming sound of the explosion rang in his ears, deafening him for a minute or so, but as the shaking began to fade, he realized he was listening to the fading of the other-worldly Hollow laugh as it disappeared. He could hear footsteps leaving his location, and when he slowly glanced up, it was to see Rukia's grip on her sword fail, the metal clattering to the ground seconds before she followed, hitting her knees.

The entire hallway was blown to pieces, as was a lot of her robes, and there was blood splatters around the ground she had been standing on. A very small stream of blood slipped past her lips even as her eyes began to close in front of him, and he was moving before he could even think about what he was doing.

She was a Shinigami, yes. She had still saved him from what would have been a deadly blow, however. He might not have the power to save his son right here and now, but he did have the power to do whatever he could to save her life in turn. His arms closed over her body as he gingerly picked her up, watching as he head flopped against the back of his arm and grimacing. He would have to do this fast, and -

He flinched as another explosion rippled through the hallways, this time from where he knew the stairwell to be. In fact, seconds after that, the ground floor stairwell door blew off, and smoke and debris came flying out of it. Grimacing, he had to remind himself there was nothing he could do.

He would have to trust against his better judgment, that Uryuu was in good hands.

So why did that only make him feel worse?

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

Feeling lightheaded, Uryuu used the rest of his strength to pry open the rooftop door, still out of breath and choking back coughs from the climb up the stairs. Stumbling out onto the rooftop, he felt the cold wind instantly, and brought his arms up to cross them over his chest. The door closed quietly behind him, and if it hadn't been for the harsh wind, things would have seemed eerily too still for his liking. Even without his glasses there should have been some light in the sky from the moon and stars, but he could see nothing but black and grey above him.

Forcing his legs to move him forward, he walked without aim, each step bringing back old and new thoughts. This was to be it. The end of everything; of the pain, the fear, the apprehensive waiting and the building dread... one step off the roof and he wouldn't have to worry anymore. Wouldn't have to feel, wouldn't have to be. It would be over.

Finally, truly... over.

Was he strong enough to do it...?

_It's just one step._

Something inside Uryuu cringed at his inner voice's words. He knew... he knew without a doubt he was missing something. Missing a puzzle piece that would show him a picture he'd forgotten long ago... But for the life of him, he couldn't remember what it was. He slowed to a stand still, a few paces away from the edge of the roof, trying to think back as hard as he could, but whatever he had forgotten eluded him still. His head began to throb with the oncoming headache that was building slowly, and with a frustrated sigh, he threw his head back, looking up at the blurry sky.

He flinched when a drop of water hit him square on the nose, and in turn he felt a tiny tear sneak its way past his lashes and down his cheek.

_Stop fighting it._

He didn't want to.

_He's going to kill you anyway._

He knew that.

_And you can't stop him._

Uryuu flinched again, this time because of the words running through his head, though another drop of rain splashed onto his forehead. He felt like in the stillness before him, the world was weeping for him. He could hear the gentle pitter patter of the rain starting up around him, splashing against the leaves of the trees and the concrete of the roads and buildings. Drop by drop, he stood there as the sky began to open up above him, coating him in a thin blanket of water.

Closing his eyes, he struggled with his body, forcing himself to take a step forward, toward the edge. That was when he heard the first explosion below him, startling him out of his thoughts.

_He's coming for you._

He whipped around in place, staring fearfully at the door he'd come through originally, now just a rectangular blur in the distance. The drizzle was starting to get heavier, turning into an actual rain even as his breath hitched in his throat, another coughing fit from the smoke he'd left behind threatening to send him to his knees. He felt his hair matting to his face and neck, felt his clothes becoming heavier with water, making it more difficult to move. He had to move, though. He had to... had to...

_End it before Ichigo gets here._

Fighting back a whimper, he closed his eyes tightly, his entire body trembling slightly.

_If you don't, Ichigo will kill you anyway. But it won't be pretty. He'll take you, and break you, and rape you, over and over and over again until you're begging for the death you could have had now._

This couldn't be happening. Both his hands flew to his head, tangling in his wet hair as the rain became louder around him, each drop larger and heavier than the last, weighing him down when he should have been moving. He didn't want to. He didn't want to die...

Another explosion rocked the ground beneath him, sounding far closer than the other had, and it was all he could do to keep his breathing semi-even as silence fell over him, nothing but the rain and a distant clap of thunder to color his thoughts.

Seconds passed in that same silence, and for a moment, Uryuu hoped beyond hope that his mind had once more been playing tricks on him. That he had imagined it; imagined everything, and that here in a few seconds he would wake up in his bed, and everything would be fine again.

The sound of his inner voice laughing at his foolishness was nothing compared to the laughter that echoed out around him as the stairwell door opened, freezing his blood in his veins.

_Last chance...!_

But something was wrong. Despite the words in his head, he was struck violently with the sensation of missing something. Red and white and orange filled his vision as Ichigo crept closer, laughing all the while, and even as he took a few fearful steps backward, he knew there was something wrong. Something forgotten.

Something missing.

On his last step back, his left foot slipped off the edge of the building, and with a gasp he tried to right himself, glancing behind him to see a six story drop onto hard asphalt, covered in puddles from the rain around them.

_Jump!_

Turning back to face Ichigo, his breathing quick and shallow, he fought with the fear of everything around him seconds before Ichigo's voice rang out around him.

"Found ya, little Quincy boy. Now then. Shall we _play_?"

_JUMP!_

Ichigo was almost on top of him; a few seconds more and there wouldn't be any time to jump, but he couldn't force his legs to move. His entire body was trembling, he couldn't see much of anything, and _what the hell had he forgotten?!_

He was almost ready to scream; a mix of terror and frustration, of anger and desperation flooding through his body when he heard a similar sound coming from Ichigo himself. Startled, Uryuu watched through his blurry vision as Ichigo hunched in on himself, his hands flying to his head as he grunted and yelled, taking a few steps backward and throwing his head from side to side.

Then it hit him.

The realization hit Uryuu with the power of pure lightning: it was a Hollow mask that Ichigo was wearing.


	39. Trial by Fire

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

He had forgotten... but how had he forgotten? Ichigo... Ichigo had never been his tormentor...! It had been Ichigo's Hollow... the Hollow that had raped him. The Hollow that had almost killed him. The Hollow that terrorized him and followed him through his dreams and waking nightmares. It was all the Hollow!

His body was moving before he could stop himself, forming the bow and arrow despite the instant agony in his arms and body, but the images before him were too blurry to aim true. Gasping for air, trying to think despite the rapid fall of thoughts and memories around him, he strained his eyes to see through the blanket of rain, only to see a flash of red and white again, seconds before orange filled his field of vision. He felt the collar of his shirt grabbed hold of, and with a violent yank, he was thrown away from the edge of the building, his bow disappearing into the air as he was slammed down on the roof, skidding backward toward the middle.

His body twitched and twisted, trying to regain his footing and composure, but the Hollow was on top of him before he could manage it. He felt the scream bubbling up in the back of his throat even as pressure was applied to his Adam's apple, making breathing difficult. His entire body contorted, pushing and shoving at the unmovable force above him to no avail, and even as his nails bit into the flesh of the hands around his throat, he was struck by the thought that he would die here. Even though that same thought was what led him up to the roof... even though that same thought had plagued him since he had woken up in the hospital... he didn't want to die.

Neither did his body.

With a strangled gasp for air, he tried his best to ignore the pounding in his head as his hands came away from the fists around his neck, balling into a bunch of white knuckles as he thrashed out, putting all his strength behind every hit. Between being blinded by the rain and not having his glasses, he had to rely on hearing the frustrated and menacing grunts above him to know he was even doing any damage. It seemed like it took forever before the grip around his neck loosened, just as the edges of his blurred vision was beginning to fade from view, and with a gasping breath, he was finally able to suck in much needed air.

His head was spinning and he felt dizzy and lightheaded, but he knew he couldn't relent; with a violent shove, he pushed at the body above him, managing to dislodge the Hollow enough he could get his legs underneath the body for a stronger push: and push he did. He pushed hard enough to grind his back into the concrete where he lay, his entire lower half rising off the roof as he kicked out, rolling the Hollow off him. His own hiss of pain was drowned out by the dark growl from where the Hollow had landed, and frantically Uryuu tried to clamber to his feet, slipping occasionally before he finally stood.

Breathing heavily, he swung his gaze wildly about, looking for any indication of where the Hollow was seconds before he was tackled from the side, and slammed back into the concrete. He gasped in pain as his head hit first, only to feel a sudden hand in his hair yank his head back up. The hollow mask filled his vision, framed with that bright, overpowering orange, and for a second Uryuu's breath caught in his throat even as he heard the voice he had feared for so long now, grounding out heated words,

"Okay. Ya wanna play rough? Let's play."

His scream had almost made it past his tongue this time before he watched the world spin, the hand in his hair all but slamming his head down in front of them both, onto the concrete. Stars exploded in his vision as a white hot agony filled his left temple. He barely heard the dazed groan slip past his lips even as his body twitched, his strength failing him in that moment. Darkness tinged with red swirled violently in his vision, and he could barely feel even the ever persistent rain on his flesh. It took him precious seconds to find the will to move, and when he did he found both his arms trapped beneath his body with a weight placed on the middle of his spine, making it nearly impossible to get his arms back out.

It wasn't until the feeling of hands around his waist, trying to undo the clasp of his battle costume's pants that he realized the Hollow was sitting on him. It took several more seconds for his foggy mind to register why there were hands clawing at his pants, and when he finally did, his entire body was moving as much as he could, trying to throw the Hollow off. He kicked up and out, trying to catch anything, but no matter which way he twisted or kicked, the Hollow never budged. It was one of the first times he was glad he had made his battle costume so tight fitting; with the rain wetting the fabric, it clung to his flesh like a second skin, and the Hollow was having a hard time peeling the material off his hips.

He was about to rape him. Again. He was about to be nothing more than a fuck toy. A worthless abomination who submitted to a Hollow. Uryuu's breathing became quickly erratic, the pounding in his skull rivaled by the pounding of his heart, and while he struggled, he did the only thing he could think of.

"ICHIGO!"

His voice wavered with fear, and the Hollow must have caught it, because that blood chilling laughter began to echo around him again, but he wouldn't let it ruin his resolve. Sucking in another breath, he cried out,

"I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME, DAMMIT! FIGHT BACK!"

It was a long shot: a hope, a prayer, and a shot in the dark. If he didn't do something, he would be raped and killed, and the entirety of his body was protesting that outcome. He was about to try again, hoping beyond hope to get through to the real Ichigo when he heard the cackling cut off midway, the hands around his waist stilling. His breath hitched, knowing something must have happened, and with a renewed vigor, he thrashed to the side, finally managing to dislodge the Hollow. Gasping for air and struggling to get onto his feet, he backed up several steps, turning to see a heap of Shinigami robes curled on the roof, the Hollow mask hidden.

Unsure whether Ichigo had gained his control back or not, Uryuu forced himself to form his bow again, wincing at the blinding pain that shot through his arm. Still, in spite of the pain, the bow felt lighter this time around, and he slowly came to the realization that in his panicked state, the reason the new bow was being so difficult to handle was he was putting too much Reishi into actually forming it. Swallowing, using the moment of calm to gather himself, he tried to limit the flow, finding as he did so, the pain in his arm lessened. Maybe... maybe now he could fight...!

Hesitantly pulling an arrow back, he aimed it best as he could toward the heap that still hadn't moved, and through the pitter patter of rain around them, he called out,

"Ichigo...?"

Startled when a loud, careening shriek echoed around him, he jumped back even as the heap jolted up and toward him with a glint of silver. If he had never heard what a demon sounded like before, he was sure he knew the sound now. He loosed his arrow, his aim faltering, but still managing to pierce into the Hollow's shoulder as he leaped for Uryuu. Desperately, Uryuu knocked back another arrow while still backing up, but his motions weren't fast enough. From somewhere, the Hollow had pulled Ichigo's Zanpakto; the sword that now bit into Uryuu's right shoulder, causing him to gasp in pain. Struggling for breath, Uryuu jumped back again, his arrow still knocked as he tried to ignore the burning agony in his shoulder, and loosed the arrow, point blank into the Hollow's face.

He had the satisfaction of watching the Hollow mask shatter into pieces at Ichigo's feet seconds before his body jolted with the feeling that something was wrong.

He hadn't hit the ground yet.

With a startled gasp, his bow faded as he thrashed out, barely managing to grasp the side of the building, his body slamming against the wall as he felt that searing agony in his shoulder tear through his body again. With his lower half dangling six stories above the hard asphalt, his heart jumped into his throat as he clung to the edge of the roof with numb fingers and an injured shoulder, trying to get some kind of a foothold to push himself up, but he could find none. Worse than that, he could feel what little grip he had slipping on the slick concrete. He didn't really have time enough to be afraid of the fall before his fingers completely slipped off the edge of the roof.

He swallowed, trying to resign himself to death when his entire body jolted again, his left arm almost being pulled out of socket by the hand around his wrist, the grip tight enough to bruise him. For a split second, every fear he'd ever had came rocketing back; that the Hollow would only allow him to the brink of death and back, without ever actually killing him. Pain and agony and shame was to be his life from now on, and there was nothing he could do to change that fate. Tears misting up his eyes, Uryuu chanced a glance upward to see his attacker, but no where in his vision did he find the red and white of the Hollow mask.

Instead, all he saw was that same orange that had driven him to madness, but this time with the memory they were two separate entities. This... this was Ichigo. This was the man that battled Hollows daily: who put his life on the line to save innocent people, and who was saving him now.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

He had never experienced a fight like this, a struggle both inside his mind and outside at the same time, but he couldn't take the time to wonder about what was happening, much less even think about what to do. He was locking swords with his Hollow, desperately fighting him off even as he was watching the world play out like a movie behind his eyes, the rain falling in sheets around him and Uryuu on the roof of the hospital. He couldn't get distracted, but every time he lunged forward to strike at his Hollow, something would happen.

The first time was when he watched his Hollow grab hold of Uryuu, and he felt his own muscles bunch up in his arms, poised to throw Uryuu off the roof. With a startled cry, it took everything Ichigo had to turn his body, just in time for the Hollow to throw Uryuu; with a short lived surge of satisfaction, Ichigo watched as Uryuu went flying back toward the middle of the roof even as he felt the sharp bite of metal in his side. Frantically returning his gaze to the Hollow before him, he felt his legs bunch as he slid into the attack rather than away from it, furiously driving himself forward and catching the Hollow off guard. The pain in his side was just a nuisance as he felt his own sword drive home into his Hollow's abdomen, seconds before he leaped away, out of range.

Sweat covering his brow, Ichigo stood there huffing, trying to catch his breath the moment he felt his physical body drop. Startled, his mind returned to Uryuu, and all he could see was his own hands circling around Uryuu's throat as the male thrashed and tried to beat the Hollow off him.

"NO!"

The cry was ripped from his throat as he lunged for the Hollow again, hacking and slashing through air while his counter part's cackle filled the cracked and broken inner world around them. He couldn't move his hands, couldn't un-wrap them from Uryuu's throat, and with every slash he used all his strength trying to manipulate the shared body to release its grip. It wasn't until he caught the Hollow with a back swing meant to slice him in half, but only managed to slice open his front robes and a portion of flesh, that he felt his physical body finally give way to Uryuu's thrashing. He watched with a brief moment of relief as his body rolled off the male's, and before the Hollow could do anything more, he closed what little distance remained between him and his Hollow, finally abandoning his sword as a distraction; throwing it directly at his face.

It gave him that moment of surprise that he needed as he slammed his fist into the Hollow's face, a satisfying crunch preceding the Hollow's thud onto the cracked and cratered building beneath. He could hear groans and growls of pain before him, but he couldn't allow himself to care. He did his best to move his physical body, but it moved against his will, leaping up and lunging at Uryuu, knocking him back to the ground. He felt his physical lips part, and it was like he himself was speaking the words in spite of every effort he gave not to. The words themselves were like ice water being poured down his back.

_"Okay. Ya wanna play rough? Let's play."_

With a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, he watched helplessly in spite of his best efforts as the Hollow's hand, _his hand_ , fisted into Uryuu's hair and slammed his head against the hard concrete. The dazed look Uryuu wore shredded what was left of Ichigo's shattered heart almost as much as the blood welling up at the top of his forehead, coloring his raven hair with a frighteningly chilling sheen of red that even the rain couldn't get rid of fast enough, even as the Hollow then jumped on top of the boy, holding him down.

Ichigo screamed, the sound of desperation and pure fury making it an almost unrecognizable sound even to his own ears, and he lunged again at his Hollow with the intent to kill. He didn't know how, he wasn't even sure it was possible; but he hoped beyond hope that it was. He couldn't watch this. He couldn't. He could feel his own hands fumbling with Uryuu's wet trousers, trying to unfasten them and drag them down his legs, and just that feeling alone made him sick. It wasn't supposed to be like this!

He landed on top of his Hollow only for the world to spin before his eyes, and within seconds the Hollow was on top of him instead, his Zanpakto clattering to the ground next to them, forgotten as well. The first punch landed square on his nose, cracking it painfully, before his body could respond. The sharp yelp of agony crossed his lips unbidden as he tried to fend off the Hollow, but with every punch that landed on his face, the cackling around him increased as his will began to die.

He could still feel the groping attempts of his hands trying to loosen Uryuu's trousers, and he tried not to focus on the fact he could see Uryuu fighting beneath the Hollow to no avail. Nothing he was doing mattered...! Nothing _either_ of them could do would matter...! This entire fight was useless, and the Hollow inside him was just going to run rampant and-

_"ICHIGO!"_

He started violently at Uryuu's fearful cry, seconds before another of the Hollow's fists slipped past what little guard he had left, catching him on his left eye and making stars explode in his vision. He could hear his Hollow's cackling increase in pitch, both in front of him and in his physical ears, even as the Hollow leaned close to Ichigo's ear to whisper smugly,

"Ya hear that? He calls _me_ _**Ichigo**_!"

The name was more of a hiss than any other kind of vocalization, but before Ichigo could do or say anything in return, he heard Uryuu's cry once more, echoing over and over in his own mind.

_"I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME, DAMMIT! FIGHT BACK!"_

_Fight back!_

With a sudden surge of strength, Ichigo's entire body jolted, heaving the Hollow off him and throwing him clear across the building. His breathing was as unsteady as his legs, but he managed to somehow find his way to his feet with Uryuu's words fueling his actions. Uryuu... he knew. Against all odds, Uryuu still knew that Ichigo was trying to save him. And if he did save him... maybe Uryuu would hate him a little less for everything he'd let happen. All the wrongs... all the beatings... all the rapes. Maybe. It was enough hope to keep him going and give him strength where his own had begun to fail him.

Picking up his Zanpakto in one fluid motion, he gave a bellowing roar and lunged one final time at the Hollow, his sword poised to strike right through the heart, his action quick enough the Hollow barely had any time to defend it. In the end, he still struck home, just slightly to the left of his target, but the feeling of his sword running all the way through his Hollow's chest was enough satisfaction.

Seconds ticked by in what seemed like a sudden pause in time, so the sudden and ear-piercing crack that echoed around his ears made him jump violently. His gaze shot up to the sky, where the cracking sound had originated, only to see the spider-web design falling apart, the entire inner world crumbling around them. Suddenly he couldn't hear or feel or see anything of the outside world, and even his inner world was being thrust into darkness, with only the loud, careening shriek of his Hollow to fill the void. It sounded full of pure, unbridled fury, and shook him to the bone. If he had ever been truly frightened of his Hollow, that time was now.

Had he somehow lost control? He flailed in the void around him, trying to find some kind of purchase on anything at all, but he felt like he was falling into a deep, dark hole with no way out. It couldn't end like this... it couldn't...!

So when his vision finally snapped back into play, he stood there dumbfounded at the fading blue and white Reishi in his vision, barely making out Uryuu's bloody face a few feet away from him. His reflexes kicked in long before his mind connected the dots, and with a grunt he felt the wind knocked out of him as he hit the edge of the building, stretching his arm as far as it would go to grab onto Uryuu, who had jumped backward off the building. Managing to catch Uryuu's hand, he tightened his grip as much as he could, struggling with himself to keep from falling off the roof along with him, his mind finally racing to catch up with his body.

He could hear footsteps quickly approaching, but he was too entranced by the look on Uryuu's face to care. Amidst the blood and the swelling and the bruises... in spite of the lack of glasses and the rain mingling with tears... the look Uryuu was giving him right now was a complete turn around from the look he had given him earlier that night. Where there had been fear, there was awe; where there had been pain and anger, there was relief and forgiveness.

He had battled the monster, he had won, and Uryuu understood that.

Even if he died for his past crimes, he would die a human.

Not a monster.

"Hold on, Uryuu!"

His voice was weak and choked back as he tried to hold off the tears threatening their way past his lashes, as he used what was left of his strength to heave Uryuu back up onto the roof. It startled him when a second pair of hands came into his vision, but when he realized they were helping to pull Uryuu up, it didn't matter who the hands belonged to.

It only mattered when Uryuu was finally safe; Urahara stood before him, and in that moment the weight of the night's events came crashing down on him.

He was to die tonight.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Uryuu's POV)

"Hold on, Uryuu!"

The voice, no longer chilling and distorted, called out to him like he was far away, but he was almost beyond hearing. He finally had all the puzzle pieces; he finally was able to see the picture. He had forgotten that Ichigo was the good guy; when he had apologized the first time Uryuu had been hospitalized, he had meant it. The same with earlier today... which had to mean that he had meant...

Vaguely, Uryuu was aware he was being pulled back up onto the roof, and suddenly there was a second pair of hands on his body, startling him out of his thoughts. His eyes flew toward the figure that stood beside him, but the blur of colors through the rain told him nothing. Even through the swimming of his head, feeling light and heavy at the same time, it took hearing the voice to recognize that it was Urahara.

"Ichigo...? Are you feeling well...?"

The voice was apprehensive, if not a bit hesitant, and for a second, Uryuu wondered why. Then the realization hit him; he couldn't feel the Hollow's presence any longer. Not even a faint signature that Ichigo always carried around with him; that strange, nagging pressure that set off warning bells when it became more than just a pin prick in his radar. No... it was gone, and Urahara had been the first to notice. How Urahara had gotten here, Uryuu had absolutely no idea, but he had been the first to notice.

"I... I guess. So... what's going to happen to me now?"

Uryuu's gaze flew to Ichigo, frustrated that he could only see outlines and blurry colors, and not the look on Ichigo's face right now. Never in his life had he heard Ichigo sound so depressed, so... so... devoid of life. It shook him, but not as much as the next set of words coming out of Urahara's mouth.


	40. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHOOO! We're DONE! That's IT folks, that's all she wrote! Literally! Hahaha, it feels good to finally put this baby to rest, and I hope you all enjoyed the ride as much as I did. However, don't feel like you can relax just because Fragility has come to a stop. In all actuality, I've got a little project that this story has inspired me to work on. I loved the idea that came together and came to life under my fingertips, and so I want to create a Visual Novel based loosely around Fragility's plotline. I know, Copyright Infringement. There will be nothing to do with Bleach in this new story; and I'll have to re-write many of the plot lines I had used in Fragility previously. However, please take a look at this Gofundme link - https://www.gofundme.com/8d6rjgfg- even if nothing else, share it to a few friends who might be interested in helping me achieve this dream! I'd greatly appreciate it! Until then, this is LexisRage, signing off!

_"You're going to die."_

Those had been the words uttered from Urahara's lips, and for a moment, Uryuu paused in his studies, tapping the eraser of his mechanical pencil to his lower lip. Those words had froze him; they'd frozen Ichigo as well, and at the time, it even felt like they'd frozen the rain around them. Like it had refused to fall... refused to accept the answer Urahara had given them. To this day, that memory, among others, followed him everywhere he went, including into his dreams, and with a sigh and a stretch he dropped the pencil next to his notebook. His arms lifting above his head, his back arched in the office chair and a yawn passed through his lips before he closed the calculus book, knowing his mind wouldn't be focused enough to continue.

It was something he had learned to live with: when the memories came back, there was nothing for it but to focus on something menial. For Uryuu, that meant cleaning.

_"NO!"_

Uryuu stood out of his chair even as his mind flashed back to the scream that had ripped itself from his own throat at Urahara's words. He could still feel the panic settling in his gut, just not as intensely as it had been that night. Ichigo hadn't deserved to be punished for something he himself hadn't done; even in the state Uryuu had been in, he knew that clearly. Closing his eyes for a moment, he let his mind re-paint the picture of Ichigo's terrified but hopeful gaze, as well as Urahara's analyzing stare. He was sure he must have looked a mess, wild eyed and huffing from trying to remain standing through the pain in his head and shoulder, but he must have gotten through.

Opening his eyes, Uryuu glanced around his room and moved to the only thing out of place; a wayward corner of the duvet on his bed. Straightening that out, another glance around the room showed him the usual meticulous lifestyle he lived. Everything was put away in its proper place, the office chair almost underneath his study desk, the laundry basket full of dirty but folded clothes and tucked away into the corner of his closet where all his clean clothes hung paired and sorted by color. His sewing machine and his current projects lay neatly in the opposite corner of the closet, and what shoes he had made a sparce line between the two.

The walls were a gentle shade of blue, and the ceiling a complimentary white, even though the color of the wood floors threw off the color scheme. It had irritated Uryuu when they'd moved in, but he had almost gotten used to it after a few years.

Almost.

_"You know as well as I do, Uryuu, that the Soul Society is involved now. There's nothing I can do for it."_

Uryuu cringed at the words, his heart trying to dive into his stomach even as his stomach protested in a violent churn. Taking a slightly shaking breath, Uryuu forced himself to put one foot in front of the other, moving slowly to the door to his room.

Eight counts in, four counts out.

Grasping the brass handle, he swallowed down the bile that threatened its way up his throat and opened the door. Behind his eyes, he was still being forced to watch the memory, his mind unrelenting as the words slipped past his defenses,

_"They came to take care of the mess that Ichigo's Hollow left, and since his Hollow is part of him... that means taking care of Ichigo in the process."_

It felt like he was being pulled into that memory again, tears prickling at the sides of his eyes, and with a lot of effort, Uryuu gripped onto the handle a little harder, and began Keto's steps for the second time that day.

Five things he could see: the hardwood of the hallway floor stretching out past the kitchen and into the living room. He could see a corner of the blue and white embroidered pillows that sat on the couch in the living room. The walls, which no longer followed Uryuu's favored color scheme, instead a plain white that still somewhat complimented the furniture that had been moved in. The coat rack that stood proud beside the front door with his wind breaker resting upon it. And a speck on his glasses.

With a frown, Uryuu took another deep breath, already starting to feel better than he had seconds ago, and reached up to his face, taking his glasses and gently swiping the hem of his shirt over the lenses. While doing so, he stepped forward, leaving the door to his bedroom open as he headed toward the kitchen.

Four things he could hear: the quiet creak of the floor boards beneath his bare feet as he moved. The thumping of his heart, returning to a semi-regular rhythm. The annoying, constant drip from the kitchen faucet that they still hadn't called maintenance about. And the almost inaudible squeak of the hinges on his glasses as he returned the now clean lenses to where they belonged.

_"If that's the case, I'm ready for anything. Even death."_

Uryuu's gait faltered, and he thrust out a hand to grab onto the kitchen counter, barely catching himself before his knees gave out on him. The memory wasn't going to let him go. He could still hear the defeat in Ichigo's voice as clearly as when the words were spoken all those years ago. He could hear himself arguing with Urahara, his voice raising an octave or two as he fought to stay conscious through the pain. He could hear the door to the roof slam open and a very irritated and bloodied Byakuya striding quickly over to them.

What's more, he could hear the subtle intake of breath from Ichigo despite the look of resignation on his face.

Struggling to take a breath, Uryuu tried to bring him as far out of the memory as he could, going onto the next step:

Three things he could feel: the cool marble counter top beneath his fingertips, unyielding even to the fingernails that were trying to gouge their way through. The hardwood floors beneath his bare feet, and the slight dip in the wood where the sink had busted out while they'd been away, and the maintenance man didn't get to it before the water warped some of the wood. He also felt the soft, cool breeze of a late autumn evening gently caressing his overheating flesh as it came in through a barely open window.

For a moment, he stood there, reveling in what it felt like to know there was a window open in the apartment and not be freaking out about it, and the thought of just how far he'd come in four years made him smile shakily to himself.

_"Well..."_

Urahara had offered up, just as Byakuya had unsheathed his Zanpakto, obviously intending to end everything then and there, and while Ichigo had just stood there, awaiting death, Uryuu had jumped in between him and Byakuya, his own instincts taking over. _For no reason_ , he added to himself. He'd had no reason at all to protect Ichigo after everything that had happened, but... the defeated look on his face still to this day haunted his every thought. He had missed everything, the look seemed to tell him. He had forgotten that Ichigo would never willingly hurt him, or anyone else.

He had let himself forget.

_"Actually, Captain Kuchiki... our little Quincy here might have already solved the problem for us."_

With another breath in and a steadier exhale, Uryuu forced himself to push down the feelings of anxiety, gripping onto the counter top for support. Focusing back on Keto's remaining steps, he continued.

Two things he could smell. The scent of sandalwood incense that had been burning in the living room not too long ago, and the smell of a certain musk that was embedded into every corner of the apartment by now. A smell so familiar, it was almost comforting; taking a moment to indulge himself, Uryuu took another small whiff of the air, relaxing against the counter top. When the next portion of the memory hit him, he was prepared for it this time.

_"Take a good, hard look at Ichigo. Do you sense anything? Anything... peculiar? Out of the ordinary? Or rather, anything_ _**ordinary** _ _?"_

Ordinary. The word still sliced through Uryuu's heart like butter, nagging at his nerves and clawing at his chest. He had known in that moment something was wrong, despite Urahara's obvious love for beating around the subject at hand, even when it was a life or death situation. He could still easily remember the look of confusion on Ichigo's face, and the frustration bringing Byakuya's brows into a furrow.

_"I watched him shoot the Hollow. Quincies have the power to destroy Hollows, and I'm not sensing Ichigo's Hollow anymore; are you?"_

Uryuu opened his eyes without realizing he had closed them again, staring at a single dirty cup sitting alone in the basin of the sink. On any other day, his meticulous nature would dictate that he took the time to wash it, rinse it, dry it, and put it away before he moved on, but he pushed himself off the counter top without another thought toward it. Turning away, he took a few steps toward the living room before halting in his steps, a shiver running down his spine as he felt the breeze from the window caress his neck like fingers.

Swallowing, telling himself it wasn't a regression, but that it was getting to be nighttime and the window didn't need to be open any longer, he turned sharply and had the window closed before Urahara's next words were able to find him.

_"Then perhaps, our work here is already done. If you want to, monitor the boy. If the Hollow reappears, even slightly, then by all means, feel free to return and finish the job you started tonight. But for now..."_

It seemed like Urahara had been right that day; the Hollow was gone. The knowledge made him feel somewhat better, somewhat safer, but it was still hard to kick certain habits. Especially when said Shinigami kept randomly visiting the apartment every month or so, asking about the incident in question. He stared at the now closed window for a few seconds before turning again and heading back, toward the living room. He stopped just inside the small living space, blankly staring around as he remembered the final step of Keto's 'grounding'. A sequence of recalling things around himself to bring himself out of the vivid memories and back into the present; a place where he was safe now. Taking a final, deep breath, he finished out the exercise,

One thing he could taste. It took him a minute of trying to figure out if saliva was even a taste before he settled on the fact that it was, indeed a taste. Just a taste that he was so used to, so familiar and inconsequential, that it wasn't normally thought of as a taste. The same thought that finally managed to bring him out of the anxiety and panic attacks every single time; and this was no different. So when Urahara's final words of the ever persistent memory rang out in his mind, it was with almost no effect. Just... words from the past.

_"For now, let's leave well enough alone."_

Uryuu sighed heavily, reaching up to readjust his glasses as a wave of relief passed over him. The memory was over; he had won again, and while it was just a small victory, it was a victory nonetheless. He really had to write to Keto at some point again, and tell him just how well his advice was doing for him. Absentmindedly, he picked up a candy wrapper lying beside the couch and placed it in the trash even as his eyes glanced at the pictures hung neatly on the walls.

On the south wall, just above the tv, hung two pictures; one of Soken, the last picture he had left of his grandfather, and the other picture was of his father. It felt somewhat strange, even after everything that had happened, but he couldn't help but feel happy that things had turned around. It had been obvious, of course, that Ryuuken would have rather Ichigo be killed after endangering the lives of the patients in the hospital; not to mention most of all, his own life. It had taken a time of tragedy to shake up Ryuuken and his views, but... Uryuu had to admit, it was kind of... nice. To have a father he could depend on, talk to, or anything of the like. Knowing the man was only a phone call away, and that he could actually enjoy a conversation with him now... it was something he doubted he would ever get used to, no matter how nice it felt.

It had been hard, Uryuu admitted to himself; hard to trust the man who had once shunned everything he was, and for a time, Uryuu hadn't forgiven him. For a long time, actually, he'd harbored a grudge that he'd buried with niceties and formalities. As time went on, however, it felt less like he was faking being happy around Ryuuken, and more like he was faking still having that grudge. Unsure of when he truly did forgive his father, he still felt lighter knowing that regardless of the past, family could still be family. ... Give or take a few decades.

On the east wall hung only one picture of himself, Chad, Ichigo, and Orihime on graduation day. It would have been nice to have Rukia in the picture too, he admonished to himself as he sat himself down gently on the sofa, but after that day, she had gone with Byakuya and the other Soul Reapers back to the Soul Society to wrap up loose ends created that night. Her final farewell was a teary one, in which she had made Uryuu promise to take care of himself, and to not forget her. She'd said she would be back, though in those four years after, he had only seen her once. Of course, he still had to wonder if it was just his imagination, seeing her in the overwhelming crowd on graduation day.

A sad smile lifted Uryuu's lips as he stared at the faces grinning back at him from the picture. He wished in a way he had Chad's success in life; just before graduation, Chad started a band with a few other wanna-be rock stars and managed to hit it big just outside Karakura Town. Even though Chad still gives him and the others free tickets whenever his band hits close to town, trying to push past the throng of screaming teenaged girls is almost not worth the effort. Almost. Of course, it's always nice to see Chad up there on stage, pouring his heart into the music he -

With a gasp, Uryuu jumped off the couch as his front pocket vibrated. With his heart still slightly pounding against his chest, he had to laugh at himself; alone in the house and of course he would still find something to jump at. Taking a deep breath, Uryuu pulled his phone out of his pocket, barely even registering the text itself. Rather, his eyes drifted and lingered on the name, just like they always had since the two of them moved into the apartment. He knew without a doubt the same three words would stare back at him if he were to glance at the text: _on my way._ It was then he could feel his heart in his chest; maybe it was a little bit faster, but it pounded against his chest as if with each throb, it wanted to break through his ribs.

It was almost as if the room darkened along with his thoughts, and the sensations shoved him back into the couch he'd leaped from as he wet his suddenly dry lips. It would be okay. This happened every time. Breathe. Focus on something else.

Right; Orihime. He'd wanted to give her a call earlier today, and instead lost himself in his studies. With a glance at the time, he could feel his heart beginning to still as a small frown worked its way onto his face. Was it really that late already? If he had called a few hours earlier, he might have caught her on her way home from the flower shop she was running nowadays, but this late? He would be lucky if they had ten minutes to talk before she turned in for the night. With a small sigh, he resolved to call tomorrow, before he encased himself in a wall of books and forgot again.

Finally relaxing, Uryuu laid his head on the back of the couch, his earlier intentions of cleaning long discarded as he stared at the ceiling, unconsciously counting each and every dip and groove in the old plaster. He hated that he still couldn't help the panic attacks; how suddenly they would come on, or how long they would last. The only thing he could take solace in was that he was getting much better at working through them himself. It no longer took an outside force to snap him out of his anxiety, which was monumental as far as Keto had been concerned. For Uryuu, it still felt like he could be doing so much better in the time that had passed, but he couldn't argue with the sense of relief he felt with just the few baby steps he'd taken.

Perfect example; now that his head was clear again and he'd had that initial freak-out moment, he could sit back and let his mind wander to all the times he'd received that very text. He could remember the first few times after the agreement was worked out, like when he found himself pacing back and forth in front of the locked door, pausing with every turn to stand on his toes and peer out the peep-hole only to see an empty hallway. It had been frustrating, nerve wrecking, and he was pretty sure he bit off his fingernails every night for a solid two weeks before he started getting used to the routine.

Or that one night the text had slipped his mind, and the door opened without any warning one night. How long had he been shaking in a corner? Two...? No, if he was honest, it was probably closer to three hours, considering he'd come halfway out of the attack only to slip right back into it seconds later. That was a bad night, but thankfully, ever since that night Uryuu always received a text before he came home.

With his mind on the subject already, Uryuu smiled faintly as his pocket vibrated again, and without even reaching for his phone, he stood off the couch, gathering up his will for a slight shock to his system. It was always like this, and no matter how excited he was for the end result of his panic, that initial sight always sparked a primal fear within him. Gingerly, he padded the few steps toward the door, knowing exactly what the text would have said, had he read it.

_I'm home._

Standing in front of the door, hand outstretched toward the knob, he didn't bother to look through the peep-hole. Still, despite his will, he hesitated there for a few seconds. No knock came at the door; no call of 'Hello?' or 'Anybody home?', no sound of footsteps leaving or even sign anyone was there at all, yet Uryuu knew what awaited him as his hand finally stopped shaking long enough to turn the handle and swing the door open carefully. Just like always, that shock of orange blurred out everything else in his vision, and he held onto the door knob for dear life in that single moment.

Swallowing, he forced himself to take in the details around him; one of the few things that could calm him down from that spiraling panic. Like the fact he was just standing there, arms at his sides, holding onto absolutely nothing deadly. Or the fact he had a human face, and worried, chocolate eyes that were focused on him, ready to act if something happened. Taking a wavering, but steadying breath, Uryuu backed up a couple steps, letting go of the door as he went, and gave Ichigo a nod, to which he released a breath like he'd been holding onto it as hard as Uryuu had held the door handle.

In that second, Ichigo had stepped inside the house, closed the door with his foot while reaching for Uryuu and gathering him up for a hug. Uryuu found his face squished against Ichigo's chest to where the frames of his glasses dug into his cheekbone, but this too was all too familiar. Despite his body's instant want to stiffen, he forced himself to relax into the gesture, knowing all too well that after four years of the same exact routine, there was nothing to fear. Now that the sudden shock of orange had faded from his vision, he found a smile gracing his lips again.

It had taken a lot of talking - a lot of screaming and hyperventilating, on Uryuu's part - in the beginning; a lot of patience and deals and promises, but now, after four years, Uryuu truly felt like he was back to living a semi-normal life. He could sleep with the lights off, with the covers on, with a window open (Just ever so slightly cracked), he no longer jumped at his own shadow, or had to use pain to defeat the shadows when they tried to drag him back into their world... And sometimes... just sometimes... he could fall asleep in the arms of the one who promised to never let him go.

He was thankful for his roommate.

Out of everything he had now, he was truly thankful for his Ichigo.


End file.
